Two Girls Too Much
by Dynnzel
Summary: Ever had a day where you were saved by gigantice robot aliens? Me either. Ever had a day where you felt like picking on some gigantic robot aliens for NOT saving you? I think we can help with that. 2007 Movieverse orientated. WARNING: Crack fic
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Crack fic/rp collab!**

**Lots of sexual innuendo and fangirlness.**

**Not intended to be accurate in any way.**

**This fic is intended to help Light of Heaven get into the mind of her OC character Dea in her fic ****Song of the Fallen**** and I'm using my OC's Diana and Stalker from my fic ****The Allspark's Avatars**** to help. And for me to get in things I wasn't able to fit in my fic earlier about my characters.**

**And for our own amusement.**

**Roll played and then edited to a story format.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Small rundown on OC's**

**Diana: Age 17, Filipino American, weakness: shiny things, Partner: Stalker **

**Dea: Age: 16, Spanish American, weakness: (you'll see), Partner: (eventually, Light of Heaven hasn't gotten that far yet)**

**Stalker: Age: about a thousand years (-shrugs- I dunno really), Autobot, alternate form: stereo box, function: assassin, weakness: N/A, Partner: Diana**

**Sparkle: Age: (let's not go there), Cybertronian, no faction, Alt: Cybertronian Jet, function: (it's in my fic), weakness: can't pass up a chance to get Ratchet drunk, Partner: (she has thirteen I'm not about to name them all)**

**Sparky: drone (no spark), function: services Sparkle as a reconnaissance bot, kind of a snake like dragonish body**

**Zan: drone, function: computer maintenance, looks like a monkey sort of, weakness: fruit**

**Chapter 1**

Diana skipped along the market rows listening to her music via a strange looking device that looked like a cross between an earbud and a wireless cellphone. Her backpack is empty except for a large green and black boom box which can be seen because the zipper is partially undone. She skidded to a stop when a silvery glint caught her eye and she back tracked quickly to see what it was.

Dea blinked at the sudden movement from where she stood leaning against the table, she looked over at the girl inspecting the shiny chains her pants, "Can I help you?" Dea pulled at a strand of her red hair, and shifted her weight on her other foot.

Looking up at the speaker Diana grinned, "Hi! Umm no I'm just running around lookin'."

_'More like blowing all your money on useless trinkets-ouch!_' Diana had pretended to take off her back pack but had in fact dropped it hard enough to affect the 'Bot snuggled in her bag. He was able to communicate without transforming via her earpiece because it was actually his extension to her.

"Oh..." Dea blinked, the girl glancing down at the backpack as it was dropped to the ground, "What exactly you lookin' for?"

"That's exactly it... I don't know." Diana stepped closer to the peddler's wares and picked up the shiny necklace that she liked. If it wasn't so noisy one could hear the growl from her bag on the ground.

Tittering lightly, Dea turned as well to the knick knacks that lined the table, "The most dangerous kind of shopper there is." She fiddled with something in her pocket, then motioned to the boom box with a pocketed fist, "That play iPods?"

_'Oh no you don't! Diana I'm tired of play-!_'

"Yeah sure it does. Quite (she smacked the boom box Transformer as he snarls in her ear) nicely. It's kinda abused though, but it plays good." she smiled and handed her partner called Stalker off to Dea.

Dea let out a pent up sigh of relief, "Good. Halfway through my trip, the guy I was bummin' a ride from broke my headphones," She set the boom box on the table, and whipped off her small backpack, taking out a cable that she plugged into her iPod and the stereo. "So what should we listen to? The Used or Rise Against?"

_'Neither!' _

"How 'bout both?"

_Primus what did I do to piss off this human?!?!_ Stalker thought in despair.

"You were bummin' a ride? Where are ya from?" Diana asked.

Dea giggled, settling on Paramore instead, and began to bob her head as Misery Business began humming from the speakers, "Really really far away, let's say that..."

"Oh." Diana acknowledged, "Looks like we're in the same boat almost." just to be mean she turned up the volume to the point she knew would vibrate her partner and tickle his joints. Oh he was going to be so mad at her.

"Yeah, just about." The music began its work, soothing her aching head and making the headache she had previously held on to for the last two days melt away, "Off to anywhere in particular?"

"Nope, do you wanna hang for the day?" she took notice that the box was starting to vibrate visibly and slammed her hands on either side of it, "No!" she said firmly. Looking up she grinned innocently at Dea, "Sorry! This thing needs to be treated in a particular way to work." she turned the volume down a bit.

_'I'm so getting a more mobile alternate form when we get back.'_ Stalker growled in her ear.

"Sure!" She inclined her head to the IPod in her hand, "I know exactly how you feel... Damn things can be so humanely stubborn at times!"

_You have nooo idea female._

Diana took Dea out for lunch and they hung around the mall. Suddenly a bright yellow Camaro with an exceedingly cute blonde driver pulled up next to them while they walked. The window rolled down to make it look real. "Diana they need you back at...home." the young man said.

_Salvation!_

"So soon Bee?"

Dea blinked, looking over at the car, unconsciously letting out a low whistle, and not for the driver either, "Damn! What's that-- a '07?" The girl couldn't help herself and wandered over, leaning onto the window to get a look inside, "STEREO OF THE HEAVENS!" She cried, her hand flying to her heart, "That's an '07..."

The engine revved, sounding like a cat purring, the young man grinned, "You like what you see huh?" Standing behind the red head, Diana just rolled her eyes and grinned.

Dea grinned back, "Do I ever! If I could get my hands on one of these I--" She stopped herself with her hand on her heart again, "Goodness gracious!" Her green eyes looked down at the blue, "Revv it again!!" He did so and if it hadn't been for the hand that held onto the window, Dea would have fallen to the ground.

Dea: Sixteen years old.

Weakness: B-E-A-utiful cars.

Diana was doing her best to hold back her laughter at her new friend's ridiculous behavior! But then again she swooned over beautiful cars once in awhile... just not to this extreme. Bumblebee was thoroughly enjoying the attention. "I like this friend of yours Diana." Bee grinned before acknowledging the newcomer again, "What might be your designation?"

_'Ahhhh!'_ Stalker yelled in Diana's ear so she pulled off her headset.

She shrugged, turning around so that she could give Diana the biggest 'Oh MY FREAKING GOD' grin she had in her, before saying nonchalantly, "Friends call me Dea. I got a longer name, but we've only just met, and that's confidential information."

"Really? Ok, you can call me as Diana does which is Bee. You girls care to go for a joy ride before I have to take Dia home?" really they needed Stalker's abilities for something but they weren't going to get him without Diana.

Diana squealed in delight, "Yes! Shotgun! Oh no wait we have a guest... Dea gets shotgun!"

_Oh Primus get me away from the estrogen!_

Bee clapped his hands in delight (really it was the rev of the engine that properly expressed his joy).

Dea squealed, running around like lighting and sliding in next to Bee, feeling the leather seats underneath her shorts eliciting a shiver of delight, "Dear god this is almost THE best car ever."

"Almost? What's the best car?" Bee frowned.

_Uh oh..._ Diana thought

The girl sighed, sagging in the seat as the words spilled forth, "Pontiac Solstice! Silver exterior, black leather inside, deep throaty purring engine, a little bit of wear and tear and some experience under that hood!" Her hand waved much needed air to her blushing face, "THAT would have to be the most beautiful car I've ever seen..."

The engine roared to life as they sped away from the curb at break neck speed, "Well let's see if I can change your mind!" Bee's hologram grinned in wicked humor. Stalker sagged deeper into the backpack he was in. Two girls screeching... that's all he needed right now.

Screams of joy erupted from Dea's throat as she was flung into the door, Bee flying around the corner onto a street that lead to a dirt path for mountain bikes, "YES!!" She whooped, and her window rolled down allowing her to stick her head out the window and holler as the scenery sped past them.

In her excitement she never noticed the seatbelt wrapping around her since she hadn't bothered to buckle in herself. Bumblebee wanted to impress but not without precaution. The Camaro flew over a hill catching serious air and landed into a 360 without missing a beat. The hologram was doing a good job of pretending to manipulate the wheel and gears. Diana screamed in delight with Dea as they took another jump.

Stalker just shut off his sonic processors.

_Hmph. Younglings_' he thought.

Dea glanced at Bee, her eyes dancing with delight, "Dude! Do some cookies!!" He nodded, and she was rewarded with a wonderful tingling sensation in her stomach, "WOO!!!! Yeah!!!"

Suddenly in the blur of controlled chaos a Pontiac Solstice flew past the Camaro, its windows tinted so you couldn't see if there was a driver. The engines roared at each other as they spun around each other, front bumper to bumper as they slid circles on the dry earth. " Your wish just came true!" Diana laughed. The two cars pulled out of their slide and drove neck and neck across the terrain.

Bumblebee laughed, "I called my friend to have some fun with us, he's been rearin' for some action."

Dea blinked, the feeling in her stomach growing as the sun glinted of the silver paint, "No freaking way..." She squealed, turning around in her seat to gape at Diana, "NO FREAKING WAY! You two... are amazing!" She sat facing forward in the seat, her eyes never leaving the car for fear of it being all just a wonderfully cruel dream, "Amazing...absolutely..."

Diana smiled, sitting forward, "You looked kind of down, I couldn't just leave a friend frownin'. It's not in my nature." she looked at Bee, "Hit it!" she cried with glee. The Camaro and Pontiac parted ways only to rejoin in deadly stunts that made Dea flinch at the closeness but when she thought they would crash the cars would split apart again in perfect harmony. Bumblebee enjoyed this dance so much he almost forgot to make sure his hologram made the right movements.

Dea bounced in her seat, hands banging lightly on the dashboard as the Pontiac slowed so that it was next to the Camaro. It revved it's engine, making Dea revert to no more than a fangirl as she flushed and squealed again for the god knows how many times.

All too soon the Camaro slowed to a halt along with the Pontiac. Bee looked utterly disappointed as he looked back at Dia, "Umm, I think we need to get back." more than likely the scout had gotten a call from either Ironhide or Optimus just now. Diana pouted loudly. Even the Pontiac's purr was filled with disappointment. Diana kicked her bag and was satisfied in hearing a scream of rage from the earpiece hanging off her neck.

Dea sighed, "Well damn!" She paused, the glanced between the tinted windows of the Pontiac to Bee, "Can we at least go back the way we came?" Her grin was unmistakable to Diana and Bee, even though they had just met her.

Bee switched the gears again, "Wouldn't dream of taking another route." the Pontiac revved up again as the two spun dust devils and raced back, all the while doing every stunt they could to entertain their guest.

The music was turned on, and they flew down the road, kicking up dirt as the screams of the two girls scared off any animal within the vicinity. Sure, Dea was a little bummed to be losing an awesome new friend with an awesome new friend with a cute car with a friend with an even better car, but who was she to complain, right?

Without warning an explosion nearly rocked the Camaro on its side. "What the hell?!" Diana turned in her seat to see the helicopter Decepticon pursuing them, "Oh no he didn'!"

"Oh yes he did! Hang on!" the Camaro whipped around and headed further out into the boondocks, the Pontiac in hot pursuit. Since he was behind the seat, Stalker poked his head out of the bag. Diana put her earpiece in to hear his message of _'I thought he was dead!'_

She shrugged and whispered, "You guys have weird ways of coming back to life."

Dea curled into herself in the seat, muttering something incomprehensible to the people in the back, but Bee cast a worried glance in her direction, his engine whirring in a worried tone as well, which didn't go unnoticed by the other car.

Suddenly the Pontiac reduced his speed, allowing the Camaro to get into the trees. The Camaro spun around and Bee jerked his chin at Diana, "Stay here." he ordered. Diana grabbed her bag and shoved Dea out of her seat unceremoniously onto the forest floor. The Camaro's windows tinted and it was off back where the sounds of more missiles were going off. The helicopter was circling something it seemed.

Dea, free of the seat and the seat belt, began to rock back and forth where she had dropped, her eyes squeezed shut and arms drawing her legs as close as they would go, "I got away from there!" Her voice cracked and she convulsed, "I left that place so why are they here?"

"Who what when where what the hell?! Disengage your work engines girl it'll be fine!" Diana knelt next to her new friend holding her shoulders, "Bee and Jazz'll take care of that Deceptofreak." she flinched when she was shocked by her 'Bots extension. She muttered something along the lines of 'my bad'.

Dea lifted her head slightly, her eyes wide with fear, "That thing! It was there! So I came here... It shouldn't be here..." She shook her head violently, "It shouldn't even be there!" Dea drew down her brow in thought, racing off to a world Diana didn't know, "So why in the world?"

A huge explosion caused the girls to nearly jump out of their tennis shoes. Flames could be seen at the edge of their hiding place. Mechanical screeches and grunts could be heard and shots fired. Diana pulled Dea to her feet and grabbed her bag, "Let's go." taking her by the wrist the black haired girl lead her deeper into the woods, "It'll be ok." she reassured, "But first... where did you meet that creep?" she asked tentatively.

She followed blindly, still in that far off world in her head, "The city. Found me in the city..." She tripped over her feet, but stayed up due to Diana's hand, "Wanted something..." Her face scrunched up in thought, "I found something and it wanted it... But I lost the something..."

"Oook." Diana was leading so she didn't notice that her cybertronian wrist accessory was exposed from her sleeve being pulled up. It glinted small symbols of alien origin in its green sphere, "I think we're ok... the canopy is thick here." she slowed to a stop.

She blinked, the shining metal catching her eye, the strange symbols keeping it there, "That!" Diana looked at her and she pointed at the wrist, "It had those things on it!!"

Diana looked down then quickly pulled her sleeve over it, "Had what on what?"

_'Idiot'_ Stalker said.

The explosions could still be heard close by but the attacker wasn't making any progress

Her hands started making seemingly random gestures, "This... THING! That I found..." Dea slowly emerged from the shell shock of seeing the war helicopter again, and began to really think about the thing she had found that day, "It was small... no bigger then my hand, and it had the same symbols that are on your bracelet!" She frowned, "Except not. They were a little different... More curvy. I guess that monster hellion wanted it from me for some reason, so I chucked it. Left the city a few weeks later because it kept following me."

"..." Diana knelt to her level again, "What did this thingamajig look like exactly?"

"Um... Gee, now that's the hard part." She made measurements with her hands, showing the dimensions, "It was either gray, or brown... Jagged edges like it broke off of something bigger..."

Without warning Stalker popped out of Diana's bag unable to contain himself anymore, "Where did you drop this piece?!" he demanded.

"Ah shit!" Diana grabbed Stalker by the slim neck and vainly tried to hide her partner while at the same time yelling, "You idiot she's traumatized enough already!!!"

Dea merely stared with saucer plate eyes at the little machine for a good few seconds before her brain registered she was being addressed, "AH! Um..." Her brow furrowed, "I was in Mission City... And...near... the donut shop! The one on the corner near that old looking skyscraper that got destroyed from the inside out..."

It was their turn to stare. It was a funny sight considering Diana still had both hands around the 'Bot's said neck. "Holy crap she was present during the attack!" Diana looked at Stalker, "We've got to get back to the city!"

"I've already alerted the others, but we're stuck until those two finish with Blackout." Stalker pried her fingers off of him.

Dea looked between the two, "Blackout?! They have names?" She cocked a brow, then shrugged, "Know what? Never mind. Go with the flow. No worries. Be happy. Go to the happy place with the beautiful cars..." She closed her eyes and hummed a bit, swaying to the humming before her eyes shot open and she grinned, "We're good!"

"Cool! This is Stalker by the way, my partner and oh so willing music player and assassin at your service."

"Hmph."

Several trees cracked and crashed to the forest floor, the blades of a helicopter's bulk could be heard. Diana said while staring at the oncoming threat, "That ugly Decepticon is called Blackout..."

"Stay away from them scum!" Bumblebee rushed from behind in bipedal mode along with Jazz who fired upon the giant Decepticon, "And those two hotties are Bumblebee and Jazz. The Pontiac's Jazz FYI. You can drool over him later though." she grabbed Dea's wrist again, "Right now we gotta run!" Stalker stayed behind to aid his comrades.

Dea ran along side Diana, grinning maniacally, "Can I drool while we run? I'm a killer multi-tasker!"

"Haha! I like you Dea, we're going to get along just fine!" A huge roar behind them and heavy footsteps caused them to see that the Decepticon wasn't slowing despite its attackers. "What the hell did you do to piss this guy off?!" Diana yelled.

"I have no clue!!" Dea yelled as she sped up, going far past her limit. She could no longer feel her feet hit the ground, her legs numb from the extra work, "Think it'll take an apology?"

"An apology to him is you being smeared against a wall!" Diana huffed. Suddenly they came upon a side road and a hummer screeched to a stop. It flashed its lights and opened both its doors. "Go go! Get in!" before Dea could think Diana had shoved her into the search and rescue vehicle and off they sped.

"Are you alright?" asked a rich disembodied voice.

"Oh we're fine and dandy Ratchet. We went on a date and then were chased by a blood thirsty deceptogeek and were lovin' it! No we're not ok!! I lost my bag and that had my wallet in it!" she very fakely sobbed.

Dea blinked, "So..." She tested the waters gently, "Ratchet?" He made an acknowledging sound, so she continued, ". . . Anybody have any complaints to Alternative?" She waved the iPod gingerly, a smile on her face.

At first Ratchet said nothing. Diana knew this silence. The alien was perplexed at the odd behavior a fellow human was exhibiting after being chased and almost killed. "Um, I have no problem with it." said the hummer. A section of his dashboard opened revealing a jak slot. Diana snorted and giggled.

"YAY!" Dea squealed, plugging in the iPod and turning the music on to Into the Ocean, "Not as loud as I usually go, but meh. Still a very nice song!" She poked the dashboard, "What say you talking automobile robot thingermajiggy?"

"I'm an Autobot, miss. And my designation is Ratchet." the hummer said politely. He could feel Diana trembling with laughter in his seat.

"Yes, you said the second part," Dea confirmed, "But you know, talking automobile robot thingermajiggy has a much nicer ring to it!" She let herself grin before responding, "And miss is for teachers and door to door salesmen. Name's Dea. Thanks for keeping me in the present tense."

"Alright, how about I'll stop calling you miss if you stop calling me 'automobile robot thingermajiggy'?"! She didn't know how much more she could handle, so Diana just busted out laughing. Suddenly her extension crackled to life, "Blackout has retreated for now. We'll meet you in Mission."

"Ok, see you there." she replied.

"That's TALKING automobile robot thingermajiggy and sure thing Ratchet." Dea settled back into her seat, shifting uncomfortably away from the window as they drew closer to where she just had been escaping from.

"If you are uncomfortable with this, I can take you girls back to base. The others will take care of the search." Ratchet offered, taking note of Dea's body chemical change. Diana looked at her friend.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Um... Yeah! After shock of having a huge robot try and kill me... again... an imaginary happy pill only lasts so long." She shook her head in the general direction of the voice, "I'm fine though! No worries."

They rode the rest of the way in silence and met up with the rest of the Autobots just outside of Mission City. The 'Bots started conversing in their own language. The door opened and Stalker hopped onto Diana's lap and faced her, "Ya know how much it hurts to be thrown at a tree?"

"I'd rather not know."

"Good. You owe me a high grade." the attachment huffed as he settled himself between them.

"Jeez... demand demand that's all you ever do."

"Abuse is all you do." Stalker retorted.

Dea giggled, maneuvering her pack to her lap and taking out a stick of fruity smelling gum, taking it out of the wrapper and popping it into her mouth to give her something to do, "So what now? Wait until the higher ups," she pointed at the tall robots for affect on her joke, "give us our destiny?"

"Yeah, actually." Diana replied.

Suddenly with a rev announcing its presence, Jazz pulled up next to Dea's side of where she sat in Ratchet.

Dea's face flushed, and she faced away from the window, giving Diana the 'OH MY FREAKING GOD' face again and trying oh-so-inconspicuously to point at Jazz over her shoulder. Ratchet, however, wouldn't make that easy, "Hmm... Jazz. It seems you make the new female's face flush." That statement, joined with a purr of Jazz's engine caused Dea to blushed a brilliant shade of red, lowering herself further into the seat. "He always do that?"

Diana's eyes widened, "Oh trust me he can get worse! One time he told one of my friend's that his girlfriend was 'in heat' while she was around even! And that if he wanted to conceive he'd better 'breed' now!" a touch of pink hit her cheeks as well, indicating some personal experience as well. "Mikaela's reaction wasn't as bad as Stalker's."

"Huh?" they both said in unison "Remember Diana when I asked you to help me test one of my medical machines and the side effect gave you an orgasm?" Diana's face went beat red, "You said we wouldn't discuss that in public!!!"

Stalker's eyes darkened, "You... did what to her... Ratchet?" The medical vehicle seemed to be bouncing on its shocks with silent laughter.

"You do this to us on purpose!" Diana kicked the dashboard as hard as she could! Stalker folded his arms, already plotting revenge. Stalker didn't appreciate being in the middle of these sort of conversations (albeit literally as well)

Dea looked between her new friend, the dashboard and the miniature Autobot, before her silent mirth became full out laughter, causing the Pontiac to shift his attention back to the emergency vehicle. "She's okay in there, right? I actually like this female." Jazz's engiene rumbled as Dea's laughter became strained as she lost the ability to breath; her stomach clutched in hysterical pain.

"Oh she's fine lieutenant, except I hadn't intended to make her laugh so hard. Laughter is good for relieving stress to humans. I think my jokes were a little beyond her maturity." the hummer snickered.

"DUDE!" Dea shrieked, "You, my dear Ratchet, have NOTHING on me." She shook her head, glad to have oxygen back in her lungs, though her sides and stomach still hurt, "Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I am the QUEEN of perversion." She paused to think, "Though you may be a tad right about the maturity thing, I sort of tend to fail that test."

Dea rolled her shoulders, stiff from sitting in the seat, "So where to magoo?" She cast a slight glance at the silver Solstice, before quickly looking over at Stalker, then at the Dashboard.

Ratchet exchanged a few words in his own language before popping his door open on Dea's side, "Lieutenant Jazz would like to speak with you." The Pontiac's passenger door opened in response. Diana grinned, "Go on, your armored prince awaits."

She fought down a small blush, smacking Diana on her way out, "Hush up you!" Grabbing her bag, she hit the ground, then slid into the open and waiting passenger door of the Pontiac, "I'm a bit grimy." She grinned sheepishly. "S'okay. I've had less appealing things ride in me," Dea snorted under her breath at the innuendo, "But you're one of the prettier ones. Grime and all."

"Awesome." She slid into the seat, and the door shut.

"So I hear that I'm the best sorta car in the world... am I right?" Jazz asked her as soon as his door was closed.

Dea sucked in a quick breath, letting it out with a small squeak and a, "Yeah!"

"Now I'm not complainin' at the attention or nothin'... but why?" he asked.

Dea sighed, "I was in my hometown, Mission City, with my mom... We were shopping, then randomly there was all this gunfire, and people running and screaming..." She paused and pulled her feet under her, "My mom didn't make it, but I did because of... well what I think was actually you."

There was a clicking sound revealing that he was intrigued, "Me?"

She shifted slightly, facing more towards where the smooth rumbling voice was coming from, "Yeah! I was about to be hit by the tank guy, but this beautiful Solstice zoomed past me. I closed my eyes and basically shut down, thinking I was going to die. But I didn't." She blinked at the memory, "When I opened my eyes, a robot was there, picking up some of the smaller cars and chucking them at him."

"Oh... then yeah that was me. I was annoyed at Devastator. He and I went way back." the car shuddered then started to move along with the others as they spread out to their assigned search grids. It had been a long time since Mission. They highly doubted the fragment was there but they could hope. "I'm supposed to be dead though." Jazz said after awhile.

Dea blinked, questions going rapid fire in her head, "Really now?" She rubbed at her arm, "But you're still alive, so that's good." The girl smiled and put on her seatbelt, "That means I get to repay my debt."

"You don't owe me nothin' girl. It's the way war goes and I require no reward other than this planet's safety, ensured peace... and a bit of good music to get down to." the Solstice snickered.

She smiled and laughed along, but still shook her head, "That may be, but if there's one thing my dad taught me, it's that if someone saves your life - meaning to or not - you owe them Mt. Everest in gold." Dea rolled her eyes, "Not exactly meaning money though, but that's what he says."

The Autobot was glad she mentioned not being literal in the quote because he was about to say that he didn't need any of what human's considered precious metals. Bumblebee pulled up beside them, spoke with Jazz a moment in their own tongue before speeding off a side street. "Keep an eye out, Diana's on foot with Stalker. If you can remember Dea... where exactly did you drop the fragment?"

Her side pinched, and she moved to free her from the pain, "Where'd I drop it..." Her brow furrowed, "I had been about halfway. Er, halfway between the donut shop and my apartment..."

The slowly drove up the street in question. Several of the damaged buildings had either been repaired or torn down completely and been built over with new establishments. "Oh man... they stripped this place clean I don't think we're gonna find it after a few years." Jazz moaned more to himself than to her. Suddenly there was a flicker of light in the driver's seat and a humanoid and rather handsome hologram appeared just in time for a group of teens to round the corner.

Dea squeaked, quickly covering her mouth and scolding herself, _Of all the things that don't send you into freaked out La La land, you get scared by the hologram..._

"Sorry." Jazz apologized as he manipulated his facade to 'drive', "I was more focused on finding the fragment."

"S'okay..." She looked around and could still see the rubble filled street with dread settling into her stomach. Even though she was sitting in the passenger seat of her dream car and savior, who sounded sexy and had a sexy hologram to boot, she couldn't put that animal in danger instinct to rest whenever she was here.

"Ya alright?" Jazz asked. He pulled next to a curb where a sewer drain was. She heard a few clicks and whirs as something shifted in the giant robot but she couldn't see it.

"Yeah, sure." She remembered the thing with Ratchet just a bit earlier, and realized that lying wasn't something she was going to get away with when she was with these guys, "Just a bit mentally preoccupied is all." She'd be damned if she didn't try anyway.

"If you ever feel the need to leave immediately let me know. A memory is a memory until it haunts us." the hologram flickered out of existence as the Pontiac focused more on whatever it was he was doing.

"Got it." She took out her iPod, which had been sitting in her back pocket, and sifted through the songs, trying to find a song that would help her calm down. Clicking on the name, Dea's head began to play the music as the silent player ticked the seconds off.

The minutes crept by very slowly in silence. Then suddenly Diana made an appearance. She glanced around to make sure no one was looking before unzipping her new backpack and dropping Stalker onto the street in midtransformation. She waved briefly at Dea to acknowledge her before kneeling out of sight to help with whatever was going on beneath Jazz.

The red head blinked, cocking her head to the side, "What is she doing underneath you?" She laughed a little at her own small innuendo, before shaking her head and rolling down the window, her head popping out to survey the area.

"I can't reach the bottom of this sewer. So Stalker is having to go down for me. I think the piece is in there I sensed something... I'm not sure though." Jazz replied. Dea poked her head out in time to see a few rods disappear underneath the Pontiac. Obviously extensions from... where ever. Diana was peeking into the sidewalk drain trying to see her friend. "See anything?" she called.

"Other than garbage, rodents and human feces? Not yet." the attachment grumbled.

Dea shuddered with laughter, "Feces..." Jazz made a disapproving noise, "What?! I have a low maturity level at times, all humans do! Say duty in a crowded room and watch for gigglers!" She huffed and sat back into the seat.

Not having heard the other girl's exchange Diana pointed into the darkness where occasionally four pairs of glowing optics could be seen, "You are taking a bath before bed or you ain't sleepin' with me!"

Jazz thought, _'Oh great... here comes the giggles'_

Crawling into the driver's seat, she rolled down the other window, "Duty!" She said loudly, sitting back in the seat with her hand covering her own smile at the word, "Duuty..."

Diana looked up with a completely befuddled look on her face. "I think I'll take that bath now if you please!" came Stalker's voice from the dark. "I ain't bathin' you either! Blood I'll do... human waste no." Diana yelled back. "Why is Dea yelling 'duty'?" there was a crash and a few rat squeaks of terror and Cybertronian curses that followed.

Jazz sighed, not wanting to understand.

Maneuvering herself into a comfortable position so she could take her jacket off, "I need clean clothes..." She folded the hoodie, placing it in her backpack and pulling the bag onto her shoulders. She opened the door, careful not to bump Diana, "I shall return!!" She mock cried dramatically, with heroic pose and everything, before disappearing into the Starbucks across the street.

"Dea! You might not want to wander! The Decepticons have a little guy like Stalker with them! He's blue and silver just so you know." Diana informed the red head. "You owe me another high grade." Stalker grumbled.

"Blame Jazz!"

"I'm not apart of your arguments." the Pontiac said flatly.

Dea locked the bathroom stall, leaning against the door, and sighed. Dear god what was she doing?! Talking and flirting even with freaking talking robot cars...Her mind was leaving her, that's what it was. And that whole thing with Mission City a few years ago had been her hallucinating from the drugs, yes! Perfect! So how did she explain it this time? She wasn't living with her father anymore, so the drugs couldn't be it... Dea growled and ruffled her hair in frustration, "Don't worry about it! Go with the flow." She nodded with no conviction, setting her bag down on the floor and sifted through for clean clothes. She paused halfway through her search, groaning in displeasure, "You've got to be kidding me..."

Dea brushed her hair back, then up, pulling it into a tight ponytail, then glanced down in disgust at her wardrobe. Of all the things left for her to wear, it had to be these... She shrugged, slinging the bag back over her shoulder and started out of the shop, tugging at the articles of clothing all the while. Now, Jazz hadn't know Dea for a while, but something told him that her wearing a too short tank top and short shorts wasn't a daily occurrence - whether the give away was her grumbling about horrible luck, or the fact that she kept tugging them down, he didn't know.

"GOT IT!!!" there were several splashes, crashes and clicks as the black Autobot climbed back up the chute and leapt into the sunlight filthy but happy. He spit the fragment of the Allspark into his hands.

"Dude! Score!" Diana smiled. Jazz whistled in happiness, informing the rest of the group. "Hey Dea," Jazz asked, using his hologram to express concern, "You seem to have a lack of a proper wardrobe." he commented.

Her face flushed, and she glared at the hologram, "Thank you freaking Captain Obvious! Let's give him a round of applause everybody..." She hadn't meant it to sound so mean, but what could she say? She was okay with the tank top, but short shorts made her cranky.

"Wanna go shopping? Optimus is nice enough to give me an allowance per month. I don't ask where he gets the money though." Diana offered. Stalker ducked underneath the car to hide as a group of people started heading in their direction.

"Like you," a tug, "have no," another tug, "idea..."

"Good, you two girls do that while I find somewhere to get clean and get this piece back to Optimus." Stalker dashed away on all fours and disappeared. "Ya you do that!" Diana called after him. Jazz opened up his doors to allow them entry.

Dea slid into the passenger side, jumping as the leather made contact with her legs, "The nearest non-preppy store and step on it!" She whined.

"Define... 'preppy'." Jazz said as he pulled away from the curb.

Dea sighed, "Nothing pink... That's about all I can think of." She went to pull the seatbelt on, and found it already wrapped around her, "Thanks." The girl drummed her fingers on her skin, "How about you just go to the mall."

After Dea's supply of clothes had been restocked, with nothing pink, no pre-ripped jeans, or Old Navy flip flops in the bunch, they had returned to Jazz, who had been informed that they were to return to the base ASAP. Dea sat quietly for most of the ride, partly because she didn't know what to say, and partly because her music was on full blast via Jazz. The scenery zipped past like on those Zoom Zoom car commercials, and the red head kept fidgeting with her shorts until they were out of the city limits.

"You shoulda changed while we were at the store if you're uncomfortable." Diana practically had to yell over the music.

She blinked and turned to look at Diana, "No, I'm fine, I just don't like being in town. That's all." Jazz lowered the music as she talked, "Bad memories, drama, trauma, blah blah..." She laughed and faced forward in the seat. "So we're going to meet the big guy, right?" Dea pulled at one of the strings on the shorts again, "At the super secret base!"

"I wouldn't call it super but it accommodates our needs." Jazz said as he pulled onto a side street, "What would make it super is if we could wander outside in our bipedal forms without the threat of humans seeing us.

"Tell me about it... you know how annoying it is to have Stalker sneak up on you with his damn cloak!" Diana huffed.

The red head simply blinked, smiling lightly at the idea of the smallish bot wearing a Dracula coat and a poorly acting Diana as the hypnotized village beauty, "Heh... That'd be awkward..."

"What would be awkward?" Diana looked at her new friend.

Dea coughed, grinning at the other girl, "Oh you know... Vampires... Village beauties... Trying to restore a dying breed..."

Diana's brow shot up and color tinted her cheeks as an embarrassed smile tried to escape her pursed lips, "I...(slight giggle) fail to see what vampires, village beauties and restoring a dying race has to do with Stalker sneaking up on me while invisible..." she was trying not to laugh.

"Ohh??? You don't?" Dea couldn't smother her grin, "Want me to fill in some blanks?" She cleared her throat, "Vampires wear capes... and can be invisible."

Diana pressed her hands against her mouth as her face burned, "Stalker doesn't have any urge to... eh... I don't even want to or know how to word it."

"And you ain't no village beauty-ouch!" Jazz complained as he received a solid kick to his dashboard. He laughed and apologized for his joke.

Dea giggled, her sides hurting from suppressing the laughter for so long, "OH! But the thought!!"

"Shut yer face Dea!" the dark haired girl smacked the other's shoulder. She couldn't believe she was getting riled up by Dea's comments. They passed through two huge double doors. They entered the main chamber of the dam to find that Stalker had hitched a ride with Optimus Prime who stood before them holding the small piece in his hand. The small bot trotted up to Diana as she stepped out of Jazz all squeaky clean now.

Dea stepped out of the Solstice, rubbing her shoulder in mock pain, "Owwie!" She pouted, but the smile tugging at the corners of her lips ruined the effect. Her hands dropped to her sides and she glanced around the room, before looking up at the huge bot standing before her, "Blue truck with red flames?"

"My name is Optimus Prime, and it has come to my attention that the Decepticon Blackout is pursuing you. You may remain under our protection just as Diana is. Also, I thank you for helping us find this fragment."

Dea waved off the thanks, "Ehh... I didn't do nothing." She appraised the bot, blinking a few times, "Now what do we do?"

"I have business to attend to, you may stay here in our base for as long as you wish." and with that the big bot walked briskly away. Diana looked confused, "He's never in a hurry... huh... oh well."

Jazz transformed, "Are you going to stay Dea?"

She pushed down a squeal at the utter cuteness of his bot form, and instead nodded, "Ain't got no other place to go to, so I better warm and dry with humongo robots then cold and dirty with a perverted hobo."

Jazz looked at Stalker and said in their language _"Why does her sexual drive always go up when she talks to me?"_

Stalker shrugged _"Probably for the same reason Diana's does when she goes all... as the term goes... 'fangirly' on me.' 'huh... interesting."_

Diana looked annoyed, "!Oye!No hablo Cybertronian tu knuckleheads! Stop talkin' about us in front of us!"

"OLE!" Dea sang, and began salsa dancing around the room, grabbing Diana and forcing her to dance as she rambled on in Spanish. "!El bano es el fuego!!Tengo un gato en mis pantelones!!"

The Autobots nearly fall on their afts at this seemingly random outburst. Stalker shook his head and ran away, "Nooooo! I can't stand two females!!!" he disappeared. Jazz just stared. Diana laughed and picked up the salsa routine.

She giggled and spun herself, pulling to a stop right before her face was impaled into Jazz's leg, "!Oi!Tengo hambre?Donde esta la comida chico?" She began poking the metal leg with her finger before remembering that she had short shorts on. She looked at Diana, "Chica... I have an order of wedgies..." She snorted at the inside joke with her mother.

"Huh?" she laughed.

Dea giggled, deciding to explain, "One time, my mom was ordering at KFC and ordered an order of wedgies instead of wedges. The drive-through guy couldn't stop laughing after that!" She grinned and spun herself again, "It was the most absolute funniest thing my mom has ever done." She paused, "Did..."

Kneeling next to them, Jazz cocked his head, "A wedgie huh?"

Dea snorted, doubling over herself in glee, "Yup! It's the curse of the short shorts." Seating herself on the ground, her legs stretched out, she said simply, "Dad says no one could pull them off but Daisy Duke, but Mom wore them anyway."

Jazz looked between the two females, "Diana, why don't you show Dea to a room so she can change, rest, or whatever it is she wishes to do?" Dea looked at the silver bot and smiled her thanks - the shorts WERE pure evil - and stood up. "Think later you can get someone to laser them or something?" Dea laughed.

"I think we'd hurt Ironhide's pride if we asked him to shoot a pair of almost nonexistent shorts." Diana ushered Dea to the area that was filled with empty rooms. The first one was hers and filled with odds and ends, not much though. Diana was a careful buyer despite her obvious obsessions with shiny things. She opened the door to the room opposite and was immediately tackled by a squeaking Zan who clung to her face, wrapping his tail around her neck.

"Ahhh!! Zan get off me you oaf!" Diana pried the drone off.

_'awww' _the drone thrummed.

Dea grinned and stepped around the dark haired girl batting at the drone, "Thanks." She sat down on the bed, eagerly prying off the shorts, not even caring if the door was closed or not. She donned a pair of baggy blue jeans, and a black zip up to cover her tank top, "I feel much better..."

"Good, the Autobots get really upset when we're upset." Diana allowed Zan a place on her shoulder before joining Dea where she sat, "Any time I'm not as perky as usual (le example when I just want to chill) they get really worried. Sometimes it gets on my nerves. But it's cool, they're still learning about the quirkiness of human beings." Zan began trying to braid a lock of her hair like Stalker usually did. But his little brain was specialized in machine maintenance and repair. Not learning.

Dea sighed, "Well now they'll be getting a double dose of learning I guess." She paused to watch the little drone with fascination, "How'd you meet the Autobots?"

Diana pulled his tiny hands away before he gave her a dreadlock and placed him on her lap where he pushed his face against her stomach, fascinated by sounds of her intestines, "Stalker crash landed with his partner when they made planet fall, his partner died and I happened to be in the neighborhood and he decided to... haha! stalk me home. Stalked me for quite awhile before I agreed to help him."

"Actually he was sad foremost, he'd just lost his dearest friend. He didn't want to be alone and I happened to be the first he saw." Diana smiled at an inner memory.

"Hm... I was shopping, giant robots attacked, Mom died, Dad went wife beater on me, ran away from home, ran into you, met Bee, met Jazz," She paused to let her stomach settle at the name, "got attacked again, found that thing that Blackout wanted, came here." She blinked a few times, "And that's all she wrote."

"I got government agents stalking me now... always have since I was little. It creeps me out." Diana smirked, "I've had to fight them off so many times it's not funny."

"Nice. Get a couple of shot guns and POW POW! Problem solved." Dea rolled her shoulders and fell back onto the bed, "So what's the deal with Jazz? He's supposed to be dead?"

"You can thank my friend Sparkle for that... and I guess me because she said she wouldn't have brought him back from the Matrix if I hadn't mentioned I wanted to meet him. She's a wonder." Diana smiled, "I call her Glittercheeks by the way... because she just can't stop... shining!"

Dea bowed from her spot on the bed, "Then I owe Miss Glittercheeks big time." She pulled her legs onto the bed, rolling over onto her side, "Are we just supposed to stay here or something? What's the whole point of.." She gestured around the room, meaning the whole base, "this!"

"I think this because they couldn't rent an island in the Bahamas." Diana exaggerated her shrug, "I don't know, they said it's not permanent, but for now it's home for now. Where they can be themselves."

"Huh..." She gripped her stomach as it grumbled loudly in protest of being ignored, "Gah!" Dea sat up, rubbing her abdomen with displeasure, "I think I want a tour... of the kitchen!"

When they arrived at the cafeteria, Zan leaped off of Diana's shoulder and hurried over to the fridge. He waited for it to be opened before climbing into the fruit drawer. There were sounds of rummaging and clicks then SQUEAK!!! and Zan leaped out, clinging to Diana's arm shaking with fright. "What is it?" the drone pointed at a misplaced onion in the drawer, beeping.

Diana sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Does he not like veggies??" Dea asked, perplexed as she reached in and found an apple, which she bit happily into.

"I don't know, he plays poker with the oranges, he's always swappin' insults with the lemon (who's also always trying to escape) and he thinks the grapes haunt the halls at night." Diana explained as she grabbed the onion. Zan crawled lower to her hip, keeping his distance appropriately where she moved it.

"The lemon must have secretly hired the onion to make sure he swims with the fishes..." Dea giggled and grabbed the grapes as well, popping a few into her mouth with a free finger.

"Probably." Diana laughed. Zan relaxed when the onion was put away then proceeded to grab an orange and skip off to find a deck of cards, "I hope he throws the fruit away. All the fruit he takes ends up missing. He won't tell anyone where he put 'em."

"Oh lovely... I'm going to have a banana in my dresser by the end of the week, I'm sure of it." The two sat down, food in tow, and began eating, Dea eating more grapes then apple, "What should we do after this?"

"Well... Bumblebee and Jazz got pretty dirty while doing that gig out there for us..." Diana said slowly.

"Ooo, are they showering or something??!" Dea asked a bit too quickly.

"No, they usually have to prepare a report before any other activity is done... I think Bee is clean but Jazz on the other hand..." she winked, "I know where the suds and buckets are."

Dea was already half way up, "What are we waiting for? Let's go clean house!!" She skipped out of the cafeteria, "OH JAAZZYY?!?!"

In front of a console in the main chamber, the mech flinched at the tone, fingers frozen just above the keyboard. Beside him Bumblebee's faceplates tightened in a grin.

"I dun' like the sound of that..." Jazz stealthily ran in the opposite direction of the high pitched voice. However the girls were prepared, Stalker stayed in pursuit, cloaked of course, and relayed the Pontiac's position via his extension to Diana.

Dea paused in a cross section, Diana listening to Stalker, "How in the world can something that big hide so well?" They started down the hallway to their left, then took a right. Pain erupted in Dea's side, and she stumbled over her feet, but remained upright and continued to run. "Diana!" The girl turned, "I've got an idea. Let's go someplace where he'll get there fast."

Pausing to think a moment Diana suddenly had a brain child! She revealed a short cut straight to Jazz's personal quarters. "Quick! Hide under his stasis platform! Aka bed!" she pointed at the plain and simple metal table that was low to the floor.

Dea paused to stare, "Why hide?" She stood her ground and grinned, "Hit me with your best shot."

"Because it won't work if we're in plain sight! I got something to entertain you extra special order I did from Ratchet a minute ago." Stalker appeared out of thin air and handed something to Diana before vanishing again to keep an eye out for Jazz, "That is, if you want to use it." she held up the object which reminded the red head of a grenade, "This stuff basically forces the victim to revert to their alt form, in this case I asked for something a little extra... I guess you could say it gives an Autobot... ticklish piping." she grinned.

Dea grinned back, finally complying and sliding herself under the bed, thankfully for the change of pants, "Well hurry, there's an army of dust bunnies under here and they're ready to attack!"

Stalker shook his head as he exited the room _'Can't believe I'm helping them... I think I'm hanging around Diana too much... I need male type company.'_ he thought. _'Jazz en route, fifteen seconds.'_ Diana slid underneath and handed the item to Dea, "You do the honors, basically just throw it at him when you get the chance. It'll do the rest."

She nodded, taking the item and holding it gingerly in front of her, "Time for the final act!"

The door hissed open and they could see Jazz's feet as he stepped in. "Sheesh... human females scare me sometimes..." the 'Bot muttered to himself. He'd just have to finish the report later till the girls stopped sounding so... mischievous. Diana was struggling not to giggle.

Jazz shook his head, making his way over to his stasis platform. Dea's eyes widened, and she nudged Diana with her elbow, "Now?" she mouthed.

"Wait." she mouthed back. She made a sign with her hands to wait until Jazz was right in front of them before pointing at Dea and nodding vigorously.

She rolled onto her back, and with her free hand, pulled herself from under the bed, the other hand tossing the item and hitting a startled Jazz, who had looked down at the girl's strange cry of "FIAH!!!", right on the chest. "We have contact!" Dea jumped up ninja style and started cabbage-patching.

The spherical item exploded with the loud crack and with sparkling nanytes that clung to his armor then quickly made their way into his sensitive lines. "What the-?!" Jazz shuddered then shifted to his alt form, "Holy frag that felt weird! What the hell you girls doin'?!" he demanded.

Dea dipped her head in thanks as she took a bucket of soapy water from Stalker, handing the other one to Diana. Taking the sponge out from the water, she rung it out onto the floor, "You've been a very dirty boy," she cooed, a wicked grin encompassing her face. She made herself look innocent as she added coyly, "It's time for your bath mister!"

"A bath?!" Jazz didn't like the peculiar feeling that made his innards have a tingly sensation shoot through them, "Uh... girls I can give myself a scrub just fine." he tried to back up but skidded to a stop when Stalker clamped on one of those security grids tow truckers use (A/N: can't remember what it's name is) "Stalker I'm gonna make sure you're a toaster!"

"Sorry I like my alt." the small bot snickered to Jazz's back wheel.

"Scrub-a-dub dub!" The girls came forward looking innocent enough, but to Jazz, it was like a vision from the human Hell in his quarters.

"Ladies, this really isn't necessary..." Jazz pleaded his case again, "I am a fully grown bot, I don't need assistance in washing myself!" Dea, however, let herself grin yet again, "Oh, don't worry... You'll love it once we start!" She raised the sponge up high, tossing it like a basketball onto Jazz's windshield, "Dibs!"

Diana made a face that wasn't necessarily negative, "Daww so I get his cute aft?" she grinned wickedly and a little perversely. The Pontiac shuddered when the water started to drip down into his engine. He tried shutting off all open areas. The soft touch felt... peculiar.

Stalker huffed, "Oh so Jazz has the cute aft and I don't?"

"You get special attention already almost 24-7. It's Jazz's turn." Diana laughed.

Dea whined, "Awww... But I wanted to tap that!" The girls paused, staring at each other as the innuendo sunk in. The laughter filled the room as the red head folded up her pants into capris, and slid the jacket to the floor, "Ready?" She grabbed the sponge and started washing the windshield without waiting for an answer.

"Oh after we clean the outside we can clean the inside."

Jazz's voice was strained as he tried to maintain composer, "I'm not lettin' you in! You can't make me either!" Diana reached under his rear bumper and pinched the first thing her fingers touched and was rewarded with a yelp of surprise, not of pain however, "You forget that we have Stalker on our side. He can make you open your hood."

"Slag... Stalker you come anywhere near me and I'll-!"

"You'll what? No offense Lieutenant but I only take orders from Commander Prime." the attachment snickered.

Dea leaned over onto the hood, stretching to get into the corner, "Oh yeah! Let's all get inside Jazz." The bot made a swallowing sound, causing Dea to smile sweetly, "I get first dibs though!"

Jazz growled, "You two are horrible."

Stalker hopped onto the stasis platform and sat on his hunches, watching the Pontiac shudder with contained and unwanted laughter, "This is why I'm glad I'm not a Transformer with a form that can be climbed into. Having a four wheeled alt form just gives humans like these an excuse for sexual jokes."

Dea flicked a soap sud at Stalker, "Lighten up! I was having a perfectly normal life as a run away before coming here, and if I want to have a little fun, so you'll sit tight and hush up or I'm going to whine to Ratchet about how you bruised me and see what he thinks about that!" She huffed and gently slide onto the hood, being careful not to bubble it as she continued with her washing of his windshield.

The slow motion was absolute TORTURE for Jazz as he strained to not bust out laughing. It was inevitable though, eventually his circuitries wouldn't be able to handle it. Diana crawling underneath and poking around his underbelly wasn't helping in the least. He remained silent, knowing all too well that one beep and he would lose it.

The suds had made Jazz's hood slippery, unbeknownst to Dea, and before she knew it, the poor girl was sliding down him onto her butt, "GRAVY!" The room fell silent. Dea blinked and stood, rubbing her sore bottom.

Finally, Jazz managed to get out calmly, "Gravy?"

"Oooo and mashed potatoes!" Everyone shrugged and continued what they were doing.

"Cool!! All done with the outside... now to get in." Diana pulled out the items required for cleaning an engine before gesturing towards Jazz but looking at her partner, "Would you be so kind?"

"Of course!" Jazz locked his doors but was surprised when Stalker didn't try to get into his cab. Instead he popped off his own head and crawled into Jazz skittering along like a crab on his spines.

_'Ok this is downright creepy...'_ "Get out Stalker! You're fraggin invadin' mah privacy!" the Pontiac shuddered violently.

"Ah chill Jazz it's not like I'm goin' for your spark chamber... although considering the heavy dose Ratchet put in that bomb you're in for a treat." it was strange hearing the lil bot's voice from inside Jazz.

There were several clicks, tinks and whirs before a loud click and the hood popped open and Stalker skittered out and connected back with his body. _'Primus strike me down now!'_ Jazz thought. Stalker stationed himself back where he'd been seated

Dea giggled, and was content to lean in and let out an appreciative low whistle, "You is a GXP ain't you boy."

Jazz shouldn't feel naked in front of a human exposed as he was but he did. And it was downright uncomfortable.

Diana tilted her head, "Huh?"

Dea grinned, "If there's one car I know, it's a Solstice. Specially a GXP. They've got turbocharged engines cranking 260 hps!" She giggled like a fangirl, and leaned away from the engine, "You can do the honors. Stalker, I'm going to need inside the cab. Vacuuming and the lot." Jazz then noticed the smallish vacuum that had been brought in with the buckets and let out a small groan, "I don't have a choice in the matter, do I?"

"Nope!" The girl smiled when she heard the lock click, signaling he had given in… either that or he just didn't want the miniature Autobot crawling back inside of him, she grabbed the vacuum, opened the door and turned it on.

Immediately Jazz regretted giving up so soon. The vacuum vibrated at a point that drove him insane because of his enhanced sensitivity, _"Why the frag are you helpin' them Stalker?!" he _tried to snarl.

"_You think I'm doing this on my own accord?! Diana has blackmail on me!"_

Diana pulled up her sleeves and took a warm wet rag and began scrubbing his engine clean. The Pontiac trembled at her touch, it wasn't just ticklish now. _Oh please don't go down any further! Gah!!! _Jazz whined. Between the vacuuming and his engine being cleaned he was trembling all over in helpless pleasure.

Dea stuck her head from out the cab, "Diana, you think there's dirt or something under the hood?" The girl blinked, then pulled a bottle of citrus spray and sprayed the inside of Jazz, snickering as she added under her breath, "Now you smell fruity."

"Let me see..." Diana wiggled her hand through the piping and wires and whatever else was in a car engine. Except the engine thrummed with warmness... steadily growing warmer actually. Jazz squealed something they couldn't understand. Had the girls not been preoccupied they would've seen Stalker clamping his digits over his face trying to keep himself composed and hiding his embarrassment. Diana pulled her dusty hand out.

"Yeah, I don't know if I can reach it with the sponge though." she grabbed it and stuck her hand back into the engine causing Jazz to flinch, "Oh sorry, did I hurt you?"

"...no."

"You're bent on not laughin' ain't ya?" Diana continued to work her way around his innards.

"It's prolly easier to stick a tube in him then a hand," Dea agreed, not noticing an innuendo for the first time in her life. She kicked the vacuum back a bit, dragging it with her as she maneuvered around the door to stand by Diana at the hood.

"_Stalker get them away from my spark chamber! This...isn't funny anymore...!!!"_

Stalker briskly paced the length of the platform on all fours watching the scene before him, trying to decide whether his dignity was more important than Jazz's. For him, Diana was a little too close for comfort. But then again she had the edge on him. Slag...

Dea poked and prodded the more larger spaces with the hose, giggling to herself at the suction sound. She placed one hand on her hip, the other holding the hose straight up. She sighed and rolled her shoulders, arching her back until she heard it pop, "Goodness gracious!" She moved both hands in front of her, popping her knuckles.

She blinked a few times, then waved her arm - the arm that had be holding the hose, "What in the--" Dea switched her gaze to the hose, which was stuck onto the roof of Jazz's hood, "OH JESUS!"

Diana threw her head back and laughed in utter amusement. She reached in to clean another surface she deemed dirty. This particular part was the warmest out of all the engine. It was vibrating against her touch. Jazz had to turn off his vocals to keep from moaning in pleasure. However Stalker knew what was happening from the amount of energy that was building up in the Pontiac.

He huffed, sticking his spines up in hostility _"Don't you dare Jazz..."_

"_Easier… said than… done!"_

Dea, however, was still trying to unstick the hose from his hood, which wasn't complying no matter how she whined, "OoooH! Please! Come on already!!!" She took a breath and pulled, the tube coming off and causing Dea to fall with it, "Frick!" She stood up quickly, and looked around as if that hadn't just happened. Placing the hose back into a spot near Diana's hand, she picked up some of the dust bunnies that had made colonies in his engine area.

Diana frowned, leaning further in to get more power into her arm, "There's one that just won't come off!"

Dea frowned as well, leaning in to see, "That does look stubborn. Try getting at it from a different angle!" The dark haired girl nodded, moving from her up and down motion to circular motion, pushing hard with her arm. Jazz twitched and the girls blinked as they were temporarily blinded as a wave of bright blue warm energy washed over them. Jazz made a strange sound of relief.

Dea looked at her friend, and started laughing, "Oh em gee!! Your hair!!" Diana drew her brow in confusion, looking over at Dea. "Oh em gee _your_ hair!!!" The girls ran out of the room, giggling insanely as they mocked each other's new doo.

Stalker could feel his one of his optics twitching, "Jazz..."

"That was so not my fault."

"You just had the equivalent of an orgasm with _my_ human!!" the attachment snarled.

"Not my fault...hey ummm, pal? Do you mind unhitching me while they're still gone? I need to escape this... rather pleasant torture."

"I have a right mind to leave you there."

Jazz sighed, "Yeah, but let's use our brains here... Who was the one that gave them that inhibitor orb anyway?" Jazz waited for the smaller Bot to answer.

"Ratchet."

Jazz's newly cleaned engine revved, "Exactly. I say, with the two of us combined, we should see about exacting some duly needed revenge."

"Point taken." Stalker agreed completely. He hopped off the platform and unhooked the security device and hopped onto the Pontiac's hood.

"Shall we, my good sir?"

"Yes, Lieutenant." Stalker replied.

Dea whooped, spritzing her hair with water again, "Has that happened before?!" She ran her brush through her hair, clipping the bangs on her right out of her face with a clip.

"No, maybe we should ask Ratchet about it just in case it has a negative effect... except I don't feel bad... I feel tingly." she giggled.

The red head shook herself out, "Me too. We should do the hokey pokey or something..." She laughed and set the brush down, following Diana out as she lead the way, "Off to the doctor huh?"

"Yup."

Ratchet sat in a chair in the med bay, tinkering with something when the girls came in

"YO! Ratchet!" Dea waved, plopping herself down onto the floor next to him, "We's got a question for you."

Ratchet quickly put away whatever it was he was working on and turned to acknowledge the girls, "What may I do for you?"

"So yeah, we used that bomb thingy you gave us but while we were cleaning his engine something happened..." Diana started.

Dea made a motion with her hands, "POOF!"

"... could you be a little more specific other than... 'poof'?"

Diana snickered.

"Like... POOF!" She made the motion of poofy hair again.

" Um... anything else that happened?" Ratchet asked. Diana spoke up, "Oh, we were trying to get a stain off this really really really warming up spot in his engine, he was all shakin' and stuff then there was this flare of blue light that struck us... it felt funny actually. And the poof was our hair fritzing out on us because of the energy."

"Yeah that." Dea grinned up at the medic, "I feel like doing the hokey pokey!"

"... you don't want to know." Ratchet turned his back on the girls and pretended to busy himself.

The girls blinked, and Dea shrugged, standing up and sticking her butt towards Ratchet and shaking it as she sung along, "Put your popo in, put your popo out, put your popo in and shake it all about!" A voice from the doorway stopped her, "I don't even want to know..."

"JAZZY!"

Stalker clamped down onto his mirror, "Run awayyyyy!" the Pontiac reversed at full speed out of the room. Revenge could wait another hour. Diana pretended to not notice the rather awkward hokey pokey Dea had just displayed.

Dea gaped at the now empty doorway, "Really shouldn't call him 'Jazzy' if I want him to come near me huh?"

"Nope, as he said, he's a big bot." Diana laughed. She looked up at Ratchet, "Come on Doc! Give us the sitch! What did we do to deserve such a shock?" she lightly kicked his leg.

Dea turned her attention back to the Bot, "Yeah! It was like I got a turbocharged shock to my system! MY NERVOUS SYSTEM COULD FAIL ON ME!!!"

"You'll be fine, I suggest not doing that again though. It's an invasion of privacy."

"Privacy?" Dea looked over at Diana, "Does not compute..."

"I'm not lending you another one of those inhibitors unless I deem Jazz is worthy of revenge from me." Ratchet left it at that. He hadn't anticipated the girls getting into the Pontiac's engine. They must've had extra help.

Diana shrugged, "Oh well let's go see where they went."

Dea nodded, and started for the door, feeling slightly guilty for whatever it is she had done to her savior, "Yeah, sounds like a good plan."

Stalker watched them go and signaled Jazz via encoded signal that the coast was clear, "So what was the plan?" he asked as he found Jazz's hiding spot and uncloaking.

Jazz thought for a moment, scratching at his face plates, "Get him drunk and hang him by his toes?"

"My friend, how the slag are you going to hold down a mech twice as big as you while I force feed him high grade?" Stalker thought a moment, "Wait... I think I heard from Sparky and Zan that Sparkle managed to get Ratchet drunk once..."

Jazz grinned and nodded, "Get Ironhide in there; makes it less suspicious..."

"A drunken weapons specialist... that's scary." Stalker shrugged, "Are you gonna grab Sparkle? I hope she's in for a social gathering."

Jazz nodded, "She likes me well enough, and she also likes the idea of a drunken Ratchet. It should be easy enough."

"Ok, you grab Sparkle and I'll grab Ironhide." Stalker cloaked and ran off to find the big mech.

Jazz sprinted down the hallway, his scanners on the lookout for Sparkle's energy levels in case she didn't answer, _"Hey Sparkle, you up for a little fun?"_

_"...what sort of fun?"_ Sparkle's energy signature was masked. She could be anywhere in the base.

"_The 'getting Ratchet drunk' kind of fun..."_

"_I'm in!"_ the red mech's mischievous laughter could be heard on the other side. Her signature became available to track.

"_Stalker is getting Ironhide in too, and we'll meet back at the medical bay as soon as he reports."_ The mech slid to a halt, his optic twitching as he heard the two females around the corner.

"Honestly, how am I supposed to know what an invasion of privacy is to a freaking alien I've never met before! Of ALL the chances he had to set any ground lines, he never did." The red head huffed, "How is a girl to know?"

"You know... I think I might know why Ratchet didn't want to tell us... he thought we'd be uncomfortable if we knew. I'm just theorizing though... what we were touching was his spark chamber and being that he was overly sensitive... maybe we... aroused him a little?" she started to get color in her cheeks.

Dea pulled their walk to a halt, "Woooo woo wooo... You mean to say we did the nasty with my savior and basic car love?!" The other girl nodded, and Dea grinned, "_NICE!_ Only known him about a day and already I hit a home run!!"

Diana gasped dramatically, "Holy crap and it was with me too!" she busted out laughing.

Jazz could feel his face plates heating, and trying to be as quiet as possible for a metal robot, snuck away back towards the medical office.

Sparkle was the first to arrive at the medical office. She was skipping and humming a little earth tune. Her happiness immediately caught Ratchet's attention and suspicions.

Ratchet looked up as a frightened Jazz bolted into the room, shutting the door behind him as fast as he could, "Shhhh..." He glanced around at the sort of worried faces - Sparkle, Ironhide, Ratchet and Stalker - "They're talking about getting a 'home run' . . ."

Ratchet smothered a laugh, "I can only begin to imagine what they mean by that..." He cleared his throat, "But I would like to why everyone has decided to congregate in my office? No one seems to be damaged."

At that, Sparkle's face light up in a grin, "How about a game of Truth, Dare or Shoot?"

"Oh not again..."

Sparkle leaned closely to Ratchet smiling widely, "Aww come on you enjoyed it last time! Plus it's more fun the more people you have." she was already radiating energy that would enhance the high grades even more if she was the one that handed them out.

Jazz made a whining noise, "Yeeeaaaahhhh!!! We haven't had a good ol' High Grade party in the longest time!!" He started for the table, nudging Ironhide, "Ain't that right buddy?" Ironhide raised a brow, but agreed anyway, "Thas right!" Jazz moved on to Sparkle, "And I haven't gotten the chance to sit down with Sparkle here in a long while!" He was about to address Stalker when Ratchet cut in.

"Fine! Fine, alright, let me go get some..." He shook his head, wondering absently to himself about when he had started giving in to Jazz's begging.

Sparkle was insistent on being the bartender as well as a competitor. She handed out a drink to each.

Jazz started it off, "Ironhide?" The black mech gave it no thought, "Dare."

"I dare you to sleep without your cannons tonight."

"On second thought shot." He gulped down the High Grade, grinning over at Ratchet who was shaking his head disapprovingly.

The enhanced high grade already took effect. Sparkle was next, "Ratchet."

_Slag._

"Truth."

"Oh you're no fun..." she laughed.

Sparkle thought a moment, a finger tapping her chin, "Okay, which female is harder to stand; Diana or the new one?"

Ratchet blinked, "Well, I have more information on Diana, so Dea would be the more confusing one, but they're equally aggravating so far." Jazz and Stalker only grumbled their agreement.

Ratchet drank his fill and like the last time he felt that early buzz he never felt with other occasions other than with Sparkle, "Jazz." he selected.

Jazz squinted, "Truth."

Stalker coughed, "Pansy!" another cough.

"What is the real reason you're holding this little gathering?" Ironhide arched one metal brow in curiosity. Sparkle tilted her head. Stalker hid his face behind his cube/cup.

The silver mech blinked, "Honestly? To keep myself someplace the girls won't think of..." He looked at Ratchet, hoping he would take the lie as he chugged the Grade.

"Stalker."

"Oh boy. Dare." Jazz grinned, "I dare you to do the cat dance!" Stalker exchanged a confused look with the medic.

"It's a popular video clip. A cat appears to be dancing while he sings a song." The bright yellow bot sent the attachment the video, and the group grinned as the smallest bots optics dimmed.

"You're joking right?"

For a long moment Stalker considered the factors. He took his shot instead. Sudenly eyes flared with light and his body trembled as the excess energy shook his systems.

'Uh oh...' Sparkle thought.

"Oh no.." Ironhide mumbled, meanwhile Jazz was already ducking under the table. "HIT THE DECK!"

Dea blinked, "Is it just me, or do you feel like we're being left out of a very funny looking scene?" She was sitting in the cafeteria watching Zan glare at a lemon, "He knows he's gunna lose, right?"

"He never stops trying. I commend him for that." Diana said as she munched on some marshmallows, "And yeah I think-." she was interrupted when something glowing streaked by the door screaming, "...we're being left out of something..." she looked confused.

Sparkle handed Ratchet another high grade, "He'll run it off. Who's turn was it?" she asked.

Jazz was shaking with laughter, his hand in his head, "That'd be the speed demons, but I guess I'll go again." He looked up, weighing his options, "Ratchet."

The medic shrugged, swishing the container like the guys in the 'old fashioned' human movies, "Truth," he said finally, followed by Jazz's whining again("Oh come ON!").

Sparkle sent a coded message to Jazz _"You have a duel purpose here don't you?"_ she smirked behind Ratchet's back.

Jazz responded, _"Get him as slaggin' drunk as possible and torture him while he's unable to fight back." _Jazz was cocky, but not THAT cocky. He knew he'd have to cheat his way to victory with the medic, and he wasn't afraid to do it either, "Alright, Why is it you ain't pickin' dare?"

Ratchet downed the shot before he even answered, "Hiding from the girls my aft." Jazz's optic twitched, while he could hear Sparkle chuckling over the private line.

"_Ooohh... well... you're not going to get him drunk this way... mind if I join you in this... little bit of fun?"_ Sparkle's look of innocence was replaced with a serious look when Ratchet turned around to see what she was doing. Ironhide sipped his high grade, enjoying the buzz.

"_Well now that my lightweight partner in crime is now a glowing blur running around the base, I could use all the help I can get."_ Jazz took a sip of High Grade himself, trying to blink away the buzz he was feeling so he could be alert for Ratchet's embarrassment and remember it the next morning.

"_Ok."_ Sparkle took Ratchet's shoulders in her hands and made him face her. She held up another full cube of high grade, "Since you don't seem to be that social today Doctor... care to just visit over our drinks?"

Ratchet blinked, "I don't see why not."

"Yeah! Go be love birds someplace else. Leave the real men to do some daring!" Jazz called at the two and chugged a High Grade, grinning as Ironhide let out a disapproving rumble and chugged one himself. They started a competition of who could take in the most without passing out.

Sparkle noticed that they were grabbing all the one's she'd touched and set out for them. _This is going to be interesting._ She thought as she tipped the cube Ratchet was drinking from higher so that he'd drink it all (unintentionally of course, the enhanced stuff really got him drunk fast). She liked being a walking, talking energy enhancer when it came to drinking games.

Ratchet swayed heavily when he finished the high grade and glared at the younger bot, "Jazz that isn't a very respectable thing to say."

Dea looked up again, "Okay SERIOUSLY getting a 'we should be staring at this and laughing' vibe..." The girl itched at her arm, and glanced over at Diana, "Want to investigate?"

"Ok!" they were almost ran over by the glowing running thing on their way out as it made another round on the base, "Watch where you're going!" she yelled angrily.

"Welll ahh can't help it! You two aare juszt so perfect togethhher!" Jazz and Ironhide were getting very tipsy from seeing who could chug the most the fastest. Sparkle shifted uncomfortably, "I wouldn't say love birds..." she handed Ratchet another cube, keeping them coming at a steady flow so that he wouldn't stop.

Jazz grinned and tried to wink, his arm slipping off the table and causing his head to impale said flat surface, "Ow!" He flew back up and blinked rapidly, pointing a shaking finger at the weapons specialist who just made contact with the floor, "Watch it juu...!"

Ironhide muttered something extremely rude in Cybertronian. Ratchet pointed an unsteady finger at the two, "Youu two better knnock it offs! Orr I'ma gonna flush yer systemzz." he took in another high grade. Sparkle was having the most amusing time watching their stupidity. One of the perks of not getting drunk as easily as these lightweights.

"Du juu knuuu how many timez y-you've said dat to meh?" Jazz shook the finger in the air, making him join Ironhide on the floor, "NEVER ONCE! have juu flushed my sys-system..." Jazz made some giggling noise and said something quickly to the black mech, who barked a laugh.

"Thenn how 'bou I dooo eet now ehh?!" Ratchet shoved aside Sparkle and unsteadily stomped over to where Jazz and Ironhide were rolling around laughing. He reached out and snagged the Pontiac by the arm, straddled him and proceded to force open his chassis to get to his systems below.

Sparkle was pressing her hands against her mouth trying to suppress her laughter.

"NUU!!!!!!" Jazz whined, rocking side to side to throw his captor off him, "I dun't wanna geet fluzzed!!!" The two paused to contemplate the last word, Ratchet falling off of him as he repeated it, "FLUZZED!" He made a snorting noise and rolled on the ground in a similar fashion to Jazz, who was now trying to make his way back to the table for more High Grade.

"Holy frick."

All the Bots paused, four sets of head turning to the door to gawk at the girls, who had just arrived. Dea's mouth was hanging open unceremoniously, and Diana stood a bit ahead of her, her head in her hands at she tried to stop herself from laughing at the sight.

Sparkle broke the silence as she fell onto the floor laughing, she looked at the human girls, "Men eh?" she continued to laugh her circuits sore.

The red head continued to stare, ignoring her body's need for balance and falling onto her arse, "Holy chocolate covered banana on a stick..." She army crawled her way to Jazz, who stumbled away a bit before falling backwards as she had, "You are _WASTED_!"

"Ahm not wasthed!" Jazz huffed defiantly but couldn't help but snigger and laugh.

"I'ma gonna keeps mah promise Jazzzz!!" Ratchet rolled over and grabbed the lieutenant's leg and dragged the bipedal Pontiac toward him. Ironhide crawled away, snagging another high grade.

Dea rolled on the floor, Jazz's flailing free leg barely skimming her head, "THEY'RE ALL WASTED!!!"

Sparkle tried to speak, but snorted and clutched her sides, nodding quickly as she laughed,

"Duuuuude!!! I _TOLD_ you we were missing somethin--Ooooo...Crickey." Ratchet was again straddling Jazz's hips, his hands batting away Jazz's as he tried to get under his chest plate's at his wires

"Ima get jooo!!!" Ratchet cried and swatted Jazz's hand away before it bitch slapped, "And you're little human too!!!" He made a gesture to Dea, who was breathless with laughter as she rambled on with her 'Holy enter random thing here ' sayings.

"Thaz right doc! teach HIM to have an oragazmm with mah hume!" Stalker stumbled in having gone through his overload sequence safely.

Diana cocked her head, "Orgasm?"

"Nyyuuuu!!!" Ratchet managed to pin Jazz's arms with his legs and was now working to open up his chest plate (which was hard considering he was drunk but he was determined).

Dea sat up and clapped her hands in glee, "We DID hit a home run!!!"

Jazz whined, and shifted his weight in a manner that caused the young teen to raise a brow and flush, "Oh me oh my!"

Stalker stumbled, leaning on Diana for support, "YESH! HEEEEE" the attachment paused to point a wobbly finger at the detained, but still struggling, Jazz, "had an oragazmm with MAAAAHH!!!! HUUUMMEE!!!" He crawled onto Diana and latched on, hissing at the males in the room, "Miiiiiiiineeeeee..."

Dea blinked, then turned her attention back to the drunken show that Ratchet and Jazz was putting on, "Okay, Stalker's a bit crazy... Ratchet makes me think of a horn dog, Ironhide is just a drunk, and Jazz is like a two year old..."

"Isn't it just wonderful entertainment these cute guys bring?" Sparkle smiled.

"Gah! Get this leech off me!" Diana tried to detach Stalker but he would have none of it. Ironhide passed out having reached beyond his limit at this point.

Ratchet was finally managing to pry open Jazz's chest plate ever so slowly while the silver mech struggled in vain, "Nyyuuu! Forgiiive mmee ol pal!"

"Olld pal mah foots Jazz!" Ratchet growled.

"Wait," Dea leapt up, doing a slow run for Jazz, "NEEEIIIINN!!!!!!" She slow mo jumped, landing a foot away from the medic who was staring at her curiously.

"Yesssss????" Ratchet blinked and swayed, "Can I help youu mi--op! Dea?"

The red head stood and brushed the dirt off her, "Yeah! You can, like... NOT do whatever you were going to do to my cute little savior and like GET OFF HIM?!?" The medic blinked again, obviously confused, "Straddle all you want, there's enough robot boy love to last me a good while, but..." She looked up at him with her best try at a puppy dog pout, "IIII want to torture Jazzy!"

Meanwhile, the silver mech started screaming - coherent at the idea of the evil teen getting her hands on him, "FLUSH MY SLAGGIN SYSTEMS JUST GET HER AWAAAY!!!"

"Maahh!! Get off me you possessive freak!" Diana tried pulling Stalker off but the black bot was stubborn. "Nyyuu! Yo minnnee!" he snickered.

"Oh dear..." Diana didn't like that look he gave her.

"Thiz izn boy luv Dea! I'ma gonna clean out hizzz systemzz... then yo cann torture hiimm." Ratchet turned back to a horrified Jazz. Sparkle finally managed to compose herself, "Uh Ratchet? Wouldn't it be safer if you did that sober?"

"Noo! I wanna do it thiz way!!" Ratchet growled.

"DIANA!!!" Dea cried, running back to her friend and latching onto her as well despite a growl from Stalker, "Ratchet won't let me torture Jazzy on my own!!!" Ratchet turned around and made a rude gesture at her, "NEEENER!!!"

Jazz paused in his thrashing, "Neener?"

All of a sudden Zan and Sparky clung to Diana from nowhere and squeaked happily at this fun game of 'cling'!

"GAHH!!! I'm being mobbed!!" Diana fell over since she couldn't handle the weight of all of them, "Op! Somebody help! Everyone's possessing over me!!" she dramatically sobbed.

Ratchet glared back at Jazz, "Ish what ahm gonna say to ya right now!" Ratchet pulled out a medical device from a subspace pocket and jammed it into the sensitive wiring underneath Jazz's chest plate causing excruciating pain to overload his systems.

Dea lifted her head, "You've got a squishy belly..." She was rewarded with a smack to her head, and the girl leapt up, bouncing back over and tackling Ratchet's leg to the best of her ability, "SERIOUSLY!!!! Duuuuude...ette..." she snorted and fell off, "I feel like _I'M_ frickin' drunk!!"

All of a sudden the door opened and Optimus Prime stepped in, hands on his hips, his calm eyes perusing the chaos before him.

All eyes were on the commander who was doing a very good job at keeping his face from betraying his emotions bubbling in his spark chamber. Stalker hissed but gently, still clinging tightly to Diana who was in the middle of pushing his face away but was looking at Optimus. The drones beeped innocence. Sparkle stood up and started cleaning up the mess. Ratchet ignored Prime and continued to slowly and painfully clean out Jazz's systems.

Dea scrambled up, nudging the sole of the oblivious Ratchet's foot as he poked and prodded things making the silver bot shudder and shriek. The teen turned around at a particular squeal, "Oh yeah, that's _so_ not robo boy love."

". . . Sup Big Dawg?" Dea asked from where she clung to Ratchet's ankle.

Optimus cleared his throat, "Why don't you tell me."

Dea and Diana(to the best of the latter's capability) raised their hands innocently. "WE KNOW NOTHING!"

Jazz squeaked and managed to free his arm enough to point at Ratchet, "Commander! Hel--EP! Mee!!!!"

"Ahhh ya sparkling!" Ratchet slammed the other's chassis shut and rolled off of him (opposite the side Dea was on) and lay there, head buzzing with drunkenness.

"Optimus! Get this possessive thing off me!" Diana cried out, but every time she managed to pry a hand off he'd grab on with one of his extra ones.

"Butchyo mine." he whined.

Dea chuckled nervously, "Were they supposed to invite you or something?" The girl started making her way over to Jazz's head, where she bent down and started poking his cheek while addressing Ratchet, "I haven't a clue what you did but Lordy lordy you've GOT to teach me..."

"Well now that we've seemed to have had our fun," Sparkle said as she stepped next to Optimus, "Who gets the honor of dragging them to their quarters--."

"Holy shiznat!" The bots didn't even begin to question Dea's choice of words, "It just hit me that I'll be staying here..." She blinked, and Jazz made a mockery of sitting up.

"You ain't goin' no where near my quarters again." Dea shrugged and gave a half assed nod, as if she wasn't really listening. Optimus bypassed her, picking Jazz up and tossing him over his shoulder. He moved over to Ratchet, picking him up and situating him under his other arm. "Let's just try to settle down for sleep."

"Ack! Somebody help MEEE!!" Diana whined. Zan wasn't much of a bother since he was so small, but Sparky was almost as big as herself and Stalker was just... well being drunken Stalker.

Sparkle snickered and called her drone over to her. Sparky made a disappointed squeak before unraveling itself and gliding off.

"Fudgsicles and hornet's nests! Stalker you need to let go! You're sleeping in your own room tonight!" Diana complained as she tried to walk.

"NUUuuuu!!!" Stalker released himself, but kept one of his hand latched onto her sleeve, "Youu wouldn't duu dat to meeehhh!!!" Jazz and Ratchet were now passed out, and as the assembly of humans and Autobots shuffled out of the medical office, Dea looked over at Diana, "Hey..." the door shut behind her, and the light turned off, "They just gunna leave Ironhide there or something?"

"Sparkle's still there, I think I saw her dragging him out the other hall. His quarters are near the firing range." Dia explained. She tried to shake Stalker off her arm having had enough of clinginess for one night, "Dude if you don't stop trying to puppy up to me... I might leave ya on the front step of the base." she threatened then whispered to Dea over her shoulder, "I'm afraid he might try something weird while I sleep if he's drunk."

She looked at Stalker, not bothering to hide her perverted grin, "Yeah, one can only imagine what he wants to do to you. I mean," she waggled her brows suggestively, "You're hiiiiisssss!!!!!"

Diana tried to hide her flushed face, "Dea! Don't do thaaat!" she whined.

The girl just giggled, blinking as Optimus went left, and Diana herded her to the right, "Good golly miss molly, don't blush like that then! You give me frickin' free reign!"

Stalker tripped and almost fell on his face but caught Diana's sleeve in time, "Pweeezze Dia? Dun leave me out in da cold!" the little bot begged.

Diana sighed and rolled her eyes, "Oh ALL RIGHT! Stop whining already. Sheesh." she looked at Dea, "Do you need anything else before bed?"

"Oh, naw, I'm good." She exited to her room, waving a small goodnight to the drunken Stalker and Diana, "See ya tomorrow." The door shut, and she leaned on it with a smile. "Good golly miss molly indeed..." and with that she began preparing for bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you Anonymous Echo, Ashalyn, SerenBunny, Stesuna the Dragon, Legion Fardreamer, and Popoki Mo'olelo for the adds!**

**Sorry about taking so long for the second chapter, me and Light of Heaven have been swamped with school projects.**

**So enough talk! Here be your laughs!**

**Chapter 2:**

There was a beeping sound in her room. A very annoying beeping sound. She flailed at the air - the place where her alarm clock should have been was empty - and hissed in pain when her hand connected with the floor.

"That's one way of waking up," a voice murmured lowly from a corner in her room. Dea grumbled and pulled the blanket over her head.

"Waking up... Yeah... That's what I'm doing." The girl yawned, stretching and blinking as she connected with metal instead of her wall. Now that she thought about it, _who_ was in her room? And what freaking male in this place could fit into her room? She poked the metal lightly, "This ain't my room is it?"

Ratchet chuckled, but not loudly as his CPU still felt like it was on the fritz, "You're on my floor."

Dea stared at the medic bot who was looking at her with one arm hanging off the edge of his stasis platform, "You wandered in here last night..." he explained.

"Oh... I...See..." she rubbed at the sleep in her eyes, "Care to try and explain something Doc?"

Ratchet tried to ignore the growing headache he was getting, "Explain what Dea?"

"Oh, you know... Like _why_ I happened to wander into _your _room?" The girl blinked and looked around, "And why does it look like this place hasn't seen a vacuum in weeks?"

"I usually fall into stasis while I work in my office. I actually don't see my room as it is that much." Ratchet rolled over so that his back was to her, seeming not too interested in answering the first part of her question.

"Yes, that's wonderful for the body - metal or otherwise," The sarcasm was lazy, the girl still groggy. She sat up and grabbed her pillow, placing it in her lap and fiddling with the corner. She fake coughed, "Workaholic," a few more forced coughs.

"You try keeping together a bunch of bots that destroy each other more easily than the Decepticons do. I have to be a workaholic to keep up." Ratchet muttered back.

She smiled and leaned her head onto the pillow into her lap, an uncomfortable position to most, but it helped her to stretch out, "I suppose so, but I think you should go drinkin' more often. That was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen." She rolled her shoulders and stood up, grinning lightly. "Now since you didn't answer my question of why I was in your room, I'm answer it for you." She cleared her throat and took a few steps closer to the door, "Here's for picking on my Jazzy when that's my job."

"Dea, don't you even--" But Ratchet never had the chance to finish as the teen let out an ear piercing scream before running out the door and towards her own quarters.

All those with hangovers shut off their overly sensitive audio sensors to block the girl's wailing out, turned over and hid their faces underneath their arms. Optimus had been walking the halls however and Dea almost ran into his foot, "Are you alright?" he asked.

She giggled instantaneously, "Dude did you hear me?! Ratchet is going to get me back I just know it!" the girl stood and pulled at her night shirt, "You have to help me hide after he gets his bearings!"

"I'll help to hide you from our doctor's wrath, he's a good drinking partner but not a good morning bot." Optimus picked her up and walked away from the Autobot's quarters briskly.

"Yay-sies!" The girl cried, sitting Indian-style in his palm, "Can you take me to Jazz? I want to tell him good morning. Oh! And I have to make sure Diana didn't get raped by a possessive Stalker..."

"... ok." Optimus decided it would be best not to explain the ways of how that wasn't possible. They reached Jazz's room first. Jazz was still asleep, sprawled out on his sleeping platform.

She jumped from his hand, landing with a dull thud on the floor. Turning to Optimus, she saluted, "Stand watch solider." She giggled, "Dude I just gave an order to an alien commander!" She turned to Jazz's 'bed' sneaking over to it and crawling up (with a bit of difficulty) onto the platform.

Dea sat on her knees and peered at the Bot, "Sleeping Beauty?" He mumbled something in Cybertronian, and she smiled, nudging him lightly, "Heey!" When he still didn't respond, she kissed her palm and with as much force as she could muster, smacked it down on his forehead, bouncing up and down while shouting, "WAKE UP JAZZY I WANNA PLAY!"

"AHHH!!!" the Pontiac flipped as he heard the nickname and backed up against the wall almost knocking Dea off the platform in his scramble. His panic was quickly gone when his headache came rushing in. He clutched his head and snarled, "You little-!" he stopped himself.

She smiled, a genuine sweet smile, "Just wanted to say good morning, but you were having nothing of it!" She could hear Optimus chuckle and say something to the mech in their language. Jazz glared at the door, where Optimus stood. "Oh, who asked you?"

He turned back to Dea, "And you didn' have to be so obnoxiously loud!" Jazz turned his back to her and slammed down, the shockwave causing her to jump a little, "Go away I'm still in a fritz."

She made a noise in the back of her throat, and Jazz found himself turning to face her, "What? You said good morning, now get lost." Again with the noise. He sighed, "Ok seriously, what?"

"You suck at drinking," Dea stated, skipping happily back to Optimus, "Mornin' Jazzy!" The Bot twitched at the name.

Optimus then took her to the human's section of living quarters, but the big bot couldn't fit into the hallway so he stayed at the entrance, "Please make sure Diana is alright." there was both laughter and concern in his voice. He didn't know Stalker that well so he wasn't sure how the 'Bot would react.

Dea nodded, and started for Diana's room, barging in without even knocking, "RISE AND SHINE, IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY!"

The sight the greeted Dea was one of comical torture. Stalker was hanging by one foot where he'd been tied against the rafters. His eyes lit up, he blinked a few times and groaned. In a pile of blankets in the corner a hand fumbled around for the clock and pulled it under. It wasn't even nine yet. "You woke me up before nine!!!" She whined and snuggled deeper into her blankets. Stalker looked really confused as to why he was hanging from the ceiling.

Dea placed a hand on her hip, "Do I even want to know why?"

Optimus lowered himself to look inside as well, and shrugged, slowly bringing himself back up. "I'm not sure _I_ want to know..."

"You don't." came Diana's muffled voice from where she was buried in pillows and blankets.

"Ooww my achin' CPU..." Stalker clenched his head.

"Hm. Well, tis time to rise and shine and create more living hell!" She paused, "Or perversion..." she paused again, "Or even just being normal, but chica it's time to get your butt up!"

"Nnnooo!" Diana moaned.

"What happened? Why am I detained in such a way?" Stalker tried to lift himself up to reach his bonds but his head was too heavy.

Dea sat on the floor, "On second thought, go ahead and sleep. I want to watch Stalker as he tries to get himself down."

A thumbs up appeared from the folds before the hand disappeared. Stalker made a second attempt of pulling himself up but fell back again and made a sound close to a whine, "Diana help me!"

"No!"

"Diana!"

"Frag off."

Stalker sighed.

A giggle was heard from outside, and Dea looked over her shoulder to see Optimus peering through the door again, "Did you just do what I think you just did?"

The commander cleared his throat, "And that would be?"

"Giggle?"

"No..."

"I sense hesitation."

Diana flung her blanket back with the evil bed hair and bleary eyes, "No way! Optimus Prime, THE Optimus Prime giggled?!" Stalker swayed back and forth and forced himself up despite his heavy pain and managed to slice through the rope. In the event of slicing he forgot that he wasn't holding onto anything and fell on his head after he cut himself loose. beep...

Dea jumped up, "YES! I heard it, and I may be half awake and still slightly high from the image of drunken Jazz in my mind, but that does not constitute the rights of my ears to hear what was just transcribed."

Stalker sighed from his spot on the floor, "And you started out so well..."

"Oh he's gonna love you more! Dude we just got him a free systems clean up from a drunk doctor! He's not gonna be happy even _if_ he gets over his hangover... and why was Optimus giggling? I'm curious now!" Diana pushed her messy hair into a more presentable messy state.

She snorted, "I think it was Stalker trying - and failing - to get himself down."

"I got myself down!" Stalker defended.

"And fell on your face." Added Prime.

Diana did a double take back, "Holy Primus! Optimus is teasing his soldier! That's unheard of!" she gave a weird face, "Since when have I started gasping around about Primus?" she shook her head, "I've been hanging around aliens too long."

"That's prolly my fault," giggled the red head, "le gasping is a family trait."

Stalker tried to drag himself across the floor but decided his body was too heavy and ditched it. The head skittered over to Diana's bed and buried itself underneath the blankets, "You girls are noisy!" came Stalker's muffled voice. He tried to settle back in stasis again.

Dea whined, looking from the pile of blankets to Optimus, back to the blankets, "Come Oooonnnn!!!!" She made random gestures with her hands as she spoke, "It's a new day! The birds are singing, the sun is shining, my tummy is grumbling!"

Diana rubbed the sleep from her eyes, "I'm up I'm up!" she pelted the other girl with her pillow before dragging herself over to her dresser, "Stalker! Can you please make some chocolate chip waffles?"

"No."

"Oh come on! You only have a hangover!" Diana quipped before pulling off her pajamas behind her screen and dressed into new clothes.

Dea giggled, "I have a hangover from being in the general vicinity of your drunken Bots!" Every paused to give her a look that said clearly 'yeah right.' "Okay, well maybe not, but still! I was up all night in fits of giggles thinking about Jazz and Ratchet!" Optimus snickered while trying desperately to straighten his face as he also tried to suppress the thought.

"You know..." Diana peeked out from behind her screen, "That's good blackmail on those two... and speaking of blackmail. Stalker if you don't get outta my bed and into the kitchen I'll tell Optimus what you did and you'll surely get thrown into the brig."

"Going going." Stalker practically sung as he skittered back to his body and runs out, ducking past Prime on his way.

Diana grinned evilly, "I love being the sober one."

Dea blinked and pushed the door shut with an ankle, "I'm sober! . . . Partially." She cleared her throat, "Now... About this blackmail thing. What do you think we can get out of them?"

"That's a good question." Diana finished tucking in her shirt while stepping out into view, "We could get a lot of things. Like... get them to get a million bucks or something electronically. They are the kings of hacking even if it's not their specialty. But let's get creative here..." she leaned against her table to think.

Dea drummed her fingers on her thighs, "Subject them to torture for even more blackmail worthy of something better than what we can get with this blackmail?"

She snapped her fingers and pointed, "_That _is a great idea! They're gonna be under our little thumbs by the time we're through with them!" she laughed, "Damn I can do so much with a partner in crime."

Dea shrugged, suppressing her grin, "Well you know... I try." Snapping to attention, the girl frowned, "But what can we make them do that's worse than be--...Oooohhhh."

"Yeesss?" Diana inquired, poking her friend.

"My cousin knows this guy. One of those TOTALLY masculine fruits. He details cars for a living..." She grinned, pausing to see if Diana was catching on.

"Paint them pink? I already had Stalker decorated for Halloween once like that."

She shook her head, "Even better than pink. Custom paint jobs making them sparkly, shiny, bedazzled. Anything remotely gay-esqe, he can do it." She rubbed the back of her head, "Best part is, he does anything for me for free!"

"Sounds awesome! Except how do we get the second lieutenant and a doctor to stand still long enough to get a re-make over?" Diana asked.

Dea sighed, "I haven't a clue... We could see about 'borrowing' something from Ratchet. Or getting Glittercheeks to assist us. I mean, if she likes a drunk Ratchet, just image how much she'll love a periwinkle Ratchet with 'The Doctor is in' in hot pink somewhere."

Diana felt as if she would have abs of steel by week's end. She just could not stop laughing at the image. "Well... ok we can have Glittercheeks help... but there's still the issue of making sure they stay still for the whole thing."

Dea looked at her friend expectantly, "You have even more blackmail on Stalker. If we can get him to help us wash - and inadvertently basically have smecs with - Jazz, I'm sure he'll be more than /willing/ to help us."

"Ok, so have smecs with Jazz and he passes out from sheer embarrassment/pleasure so he's conked out for a good long time... what about Ratchet? I don't think getting him drunk will do the trick." Diana arched her back stretching her tight muscles, "Unless we have Stalker just cut a line that'll knock him out or something."

The girl popped her neck in thought, then moved down to her fingers, "That's a possibility... But we'll probably something more fool-proof."

"Like... example? I can't manipulate my knowledge of these guys if I don't have a line art of a plan."

Dea sighed, raking her brain for ideas, "I don't know much about them... I can think of what would work on humans, but Cybertronians are a little out of my league." She rubbed at her neck, which was a little sore from sleeping on the floor, "We could always... Well no... He's not stupid."

"Always what?" Diana prodded, "I've taken Cybertronian 101! Let me in on the scoop in that tapioca brain of yours and maybe I'll have something."

"Tapioca?" Dea shook her head, "Not going there. Anyway, whenever my mom needed me to sit still she'd give me something, like a problem that was WAY past my skill level, or something else to keep my mind on. What if we gave Ratchet an Autobot conundrum to think about?"

"Ehhh... I don't know, these guys are REALLY good at multitasking with their brains. So he would pick up that his paint job is being redone really quickly no matter the topic. Grrrr." Diana huffed, rubbing her face, "Dang, trying to subdue a doctor is hard..."

Dea nodded, "Tell me about it..."

"Hmmm..." gurgle 0o "Well I think better on a full stomach. Stalker aught to be done with breakfast by now! Let us be off!" Diana dramatically marched out of her room toward the kitchen.

Dea marched not as dramatically behind, being a bit of a grump when she was hungry, "Yeah same here." Losing herself to her thoughts, the girl blankly turned when Diana did, and stopped just short of her face colliding with Diana's back, "HELLO!"

"Gah!" she did a double take back, "What?!"

Dea blinked, "Nothing!" She took a few steps back and waved stupidly, "Just saying hello. HELLO!!"

'hi!' Zan dropped onto Dea's head, hanging in front of her face staring into her eyes.

She squealed, grabbing him off her head and spinning in a circle, "MAH BUDDEH!" she cuddled him for a moment, then placed him back on her head.

'weee!' Zan chirped, clinging to her head. His optics revealed images of little hearts. As promised, Stalker had a good meal ready for them when they came back. He had reverted to his stereo alt form on the table, seeming to be trying to go back to stasis.

Dea nudged the attachment, "Lazy." She sat down with a huff, getting a squeal from Zan. The girl giggled and grabbed at some of the pancakes with a fork, eating them as they were with no syrup.

There was a mutter of his own language but he didn't say anything else. "Sooo doctor doctor... how do we get the doctor... maybe Sparkle knows a way ne?" Diana suggested, shoveling her waffles in her mouth.

Dea shrugged, putting a side of one of the whole pancakes and chewing absently on it, "Maybe. We'd have to ask her."

"Vuala!" Diana whipped out her wrist accessory Dea had seen in the forest and twisted its ring, "Diana to Sparkle!"

"Yes?"

"Do you know of any way to get a certain doctor in his alt form and... well I guess you could say keep him there?"

"I might, why?"

"We'd like to give the good doctor a make over." Diana stated simply.

Sparkle didn't understand what a make over was but she ran with it, "If you can catch him in stasis, I can bring about his systems to where he can't get out of his dream state. He might know what's going on around him but in all technicality he's still asleep."

"YES!" She seat danced, causing Zan to bounce with her.

"On second thought... what's this for you two?" the mech asked. "Daww it's just all good and fun Sparkle! You'll looove it when we're done with him!" Diana giggled.

Dea tilted her head, munching once again on her pancake, "Yeah! Just some good old harmless 'nobody will get hurt(physically)' fun." She made a rolling motion with her free hand, "You know, run of the mill kind of stuff."

"Oook." Sparkle didn't seem convinced, "Let me know when you need me." the sphere on the watch stopped glowing.

Dea popped the rest of her food into her mouth and stood, placing Zan on the table, "So when should we do this?"

"When they don't have their hangovers... which should be soon since they're good at recovery for the most part." Diana polished off her plate and rinsed it in the sink, "In the mean time we can prepare the prankness!"

Dea followed suit, and leaned against the sink, "So, the questions now are where and how bad..." Zan jumped onto Diana's arm and waved an orange with a free hand, "The cards? Last I saw them... In Dia's room, right?"

"I don't know, he stores them everywhere. One time Ratchet found a deck in his own subspace pocket." Diana snickered.

"Wow, that must have been entertaining." Dea smiled, and hopped herself up onto the counter. The two girls began their planning, only to be interrupted by a suspicious and woozy Ironhide.

"What're you two plotting?" Ironhide grumbled as he sipped a cube of mild energon.

"Why ever would you think that two perfectly angelic girls like ourselves would be planning anything?" Dea said in mock distaste.

Ironhide raised a nonbelieving brow, "On my mother's grave."

Suddenly Zan climbed up the side of the ebony mech's leg. He peeped, ripped open a glowing hole in space time at the surprised mech's hip and stuck half himself inside. When he reemerged he was dragging a deck of cards with him. "Wha-?!"

"So there they went." Diana laughed, "Ironhide don't be stealin'."

"ya!" Zan shook his little fist and glared. Diana leaned over to Dea and whispered, "Ironhide has a spat with Jazz about a few things... maybe he can help us." she suggested.

She made an interested noise, "Okay screw my mom's grave. Hide, have we got a story for you..."

Ironhide took a sip on energon. "I'm listening."

The girls took a quick moment to explain the situation and offered (besides utterly awesome entertainment) immunity from their dirt seeking and making for a few years.

Ironhide rubbed his chin in thought before giving a hearty laugh, "I'm in!" Dea and Diana high fived, and Zan looked between the three before shrugging and going back to staring at the orange, who was SOOOO bluffing.

At around late afternoon the victims in question were out and about doing their business. Diana, and Sparkle were going to take care of Ratchet while Dea, Ironhide and Stalker were headed for Jazz's location.

"Why did I get stuck with the crazier one?" Stalker whined/whispered to the hallway, following behind Dea, who was singing her own theme song like Krunk.

"Tip toe tip toe HIDE!" She flew behind Ironhide's leg, who began walking briskly past an Autbot she didnt' know. Unlatching herself, she began again, "Sneak sneak sneak..."

Ironhide groaned and looked back at the attachment, "You and me both."

Jazz still had a headache but it wasn't as bad as this morning. He stretched high then rolled his shoulders bouncing on the tips of his feet getting all the stiffness that had accumulated out, "Huh I wonder what's on the agenda for today... let's see." he checked a datapad, "Hmm top of the list: avoid the femme humans at all costs." he nodded, "Sounds good to me, oh k I got a report to finish." He exited his room to go to the command center.

Dea had stationed herself on the nearest corner to Jazz's door. Ironhide waited on the other side with Stalker. When she heard the door open, and Jazz's music humming lowly, she signaled to the mechs, who started down the hallway. "Jazz! There you are!" Ironhide caught him by the arm and spun him around, "I need to see you in one of the storages real quick, seems we're missing something."

"Missing what?" Jazz didn't notice Stalker cloaking and then climbing onto the mech and latching onto him.

Ironhide shrugged, looking over at Jazz so he could make sure that Dea had made it into Jazz's room alright. She was calling her friend from there, "Dunno. Optimus just gave the order. Checkin' for broken crates or somethin I guess."

"A'ight, I'll do that after I'm done with this report." Jazz concluded and was off. Stalker's job was to stay with him and perhaps render him inert if the others couldn't get a hold of an inhibitor grenade.

Ironhide nodded, and opened a link to Dea's communicator which they'd swiped from a storage unit, "Phase one complete, the music is flowing."

Dea pressed the talk button hidden beneath her collar, "I read ya. Beginning phase two." She took out her cell phone and searched through her numbers, finally coming on the one she needed. It rang a few times, then was answered with a overly chipper hello.

"Soooo... you want me to do what?" Diana asked again from where she sat on Sparkle's shoulder.

"I can't do this with his attention on me." Sparkle started to explain again. "I know but isn't asking to be apart of his medical machine testing pushing my safety?"

Dea grinned over the line, "Okay, so I'll meet you outside and take you to the cars then." The male on the other line agreed, then they said their good byes. Dea opened the link again, "Phase two done. Scatter until both parties are ready for phase three."

"Heya Ratch! How you feeling?" Diana asked chipperly as she skipped on into the med bay.

Ratchet looked over at the girl, "I've seen better days." he replied warily to Diana.

"Hey that's the result of getting drunk with your friends and love ones, it's rather cute actually." Diana did her best not to look at Sparkle who was sneaking up on the doctor from behind while Diana was speaking.

"I suppose so..." Ratchet agreed, turning to give Diana his full attention, "Is there something that you need? Where is Dea?"

"I think she's chasing Jazz in a fangirl craze." which was not far from the truth. Sparkle lifted her hand toward Ratchet's neck area.

"I see. Nothing too far out of the ordinary today is it?" the medic laughed at his own joke. It was a miracle he didn't notice Sparkle with how close she was.

Red energy jolted from her hand to the doctor. He gave a squeal of surprise as he reverted to his alt form with a thunk! "Cool! Can I drive him?" she stopped herself, "Wow... I think I've been infected with immatureness by Dea." she giggled.

Sparkle rolled her optics, "How else are we going to get him there?"

----

Dea sneezed, getting a glare out of Jazz, "What?! I SNEEZED! We humans do that." She scoffed, "Yes. Sneezes are ooohhhh soooo sinister."

Jazz huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "I'm not even sure how you found me so easily."

Dea's eyes discreetly glanced at Stalker as she replied. "Jazz-dar."

"Yeah right." he looked at his back trying to find the tracker that they'd attached to him. He would never be able to though because Stalker had camoflauged himself to the Pontiac's color. "A'ight whatya want kid?" he asked.

She shrugged, "Nothing. We can't hang out like normal. . . well person and robot?" She sniffed, pretending to be offended, "All right, I see how it is."

Jazz rolled his eyes, moving in front of the door, "Now don't go pulling that on me."

She grinned up at him. "Can't blame a girl for trying!"

The bipedal Pontiac sighed and picked her up, putting her on his shoulder, "Whatever, you can come with me to check the storage units. Somethin's missing I guess."

When they entered the unit Stalker suddenly detached himself, "Now!" he said as he dropped to the floor. Dea jumped off onto Ironhide's waiting hand, with the ebony mech tossed an inhibitor grenade which forced Jazz into his alt mode. "Slag not again!!" he burned rubber but wasn't fast enough to avoid getting a rider in which case Stalker hacked his driving mechanisms forcing him to stop.

Ironhide set the girl down, and she walked forward, grinning evilly as she was joined by a tall hispanic male, "Jazz, meet Jaren, Jaren, meet your next art project."

Diana drove Ratchet into the storage container. She could feel the wheel vibrating underneath her fingers and could only guess the doctor was cursing her in every language he knew in very long rants, "Oye Jaren! This is another art project!" she grinned.

The Mexican's grin widened, "I get to beautify these two already beautiful cars?" He sighed with a pleased roll of his eyes, "You two are angels."

"I could beg to differ," Jazz and Ratchet said in unison over private com links to the others in the room. Dea ran a hand along Jazz's hood effectively shutting him up.

OOO

Optimus blinked at the voice, "Yes Dea?"

Said girl, who was standing outside the storage unit to get away from being curse at by Jazz over her communicator, had called Optimus, phase four, "Diana and I found some open crates in a storage unit, you know what they're for?"

The Commander frowned, "None of the crates should be opened. I'll come to your location and check it out."

"Roger wilco eddy."

Instantly Optimus sensed something was amiss when he approached the units with Diana and Dea standing in front of it giggling quietly to each other. Stalker, Ironhide and Jaren had vacated the immediate vicinity to avoid any blame but were watching via spycam.

Dea lead the way, grinning at the sight of the very angry hot pink Ratchet and the disgruntled lime green Jazz. On Ratchet's side doors were swirls on light purple and blue, leading to the large red heart that was on his hood. Jazz's paint job wasn't any more manlier, as it now consisted of bright pink, orange and yellow patterns through the bright green paint. Optimus let out a low whistle, and Dea mocked the two by slipping a pair of sunglasses on, "You two are bright enough to blind someone!" she cried with glee.

'I get the feeling we just crossed a line.' Diana thought as the enraged transformers shook in shame before their commander. Optimus was trying very hard not to let his laughter escape through his words, "Well at least they aren't rude like the twins and scatter images of you two like this all over the Internet." he tried to alleviate them with no success.

Dea felt a wave of guilt. She cleared her throat and tried to giggle lightly, "Okay! Well.. Prank succeeded. Let's clean these two up before someone else sees, ja?"

"It was fun while it lasted." Diana agreed.

She gave Jazz's hood a quick kiss, before waving the camera in front of her for Diana to see, "I feel bad, but meh. It'll be worth it later on."

"Blackmail is blackmail." Diana whipped out her own camera and snapped a shot while Optimus wasn't looking.

'This cause for some serious reaction my old friend.' Ratchet said through their private line.

Jazz growled lowly, glaring daggers into Dea's back, "You know, I hafta agree."

'Never ever has Diana dared something_ this_ extreme. What do you think is an appropriate punishment? Suggestions?' Ratchet asked as the girls restored them to their original colors.

'This wasn't Diana... This has Dea written all over it,' Jazz replied as Dea scrubbed at his trunk, trying desperately to remove 'GAY PRIDE' from his bumper while fighting back laughter.

'Still, both need it.' Ratchet tried to think of all the possible non lethal ways they both could get back at them.

'Return the favor?' the Pontiac supplied, taking note that Dea was now beside herself in fits of giggles.

'How are we supposed to return the favor?' Ratchet asked as Diana tripped and fell over a hose then got back up as if nothing happened.

'We could always paint _their_ faces.' Jazz replied as Dea finally contained herself and began again on washing away the sentence.

"Dude!" Dea hissed, "I can't get 'gay' off him!!" She dipped her brush into the water and tried again as Diana approached.

"Here try this stuff." Diana handed her a different cleaning solution.

She took the solution and sprayed a large amount onto the word, then began scrubbing. She sighed with relief when it was off, and started on his car doors, "You have to admit guys, Jaren did a number on the two of you." The Pontiac grumbled, stringing together a sentence of some rude words directed at the two. "I love you too Jazz!" Dea said sarcastically.

The girls finished their cleaning job and were run out with Ratchet bumping them gently with his front vender on their way. "We must hide for now!" Diana laughed as they made their way back to their quarters.

Dea made a U-turn kissing her hand and slapping it down onto Jazz's window as he went past, "Love you!" she cried as she ran to catch up with Diana. Behind her, Jazz turned his wipers on, spraying his windshield with the cleaning solution, "IT BURNS!!!"

**OOO**

**I hopes that all made you peeps laugh because it was definitely making us laugh. **

**Thank you in advance for the reviews! They are teh love!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you DragonMasako, tropicangell, CamaroGirl16, Of-Light-and-Shadow, Trapped in Reality, k3n5h1n and jazzbot8907 for the adds!**

**Another OOC will be introduced in this chapter:**

**Zack: Age 18, Caucasian, weakness: N/A, Partner: Hotshot**

**Disclaimer****: Also, there is a part in here where Sparkle zaps Jazz in the aft with a painful Boost Ok, if you look on the site deviantart and type in 'transformers boost ok' you'll find a comic explaining exactly what a Boost Ok is… except for this Boost Ok Sparkle isn't doing any grabbing. It's quite hilarious and I highly recommend you go read it.**

**Dea/Jazz cuteness**

**Ratchet/Sparkle cuteness**

**Chapter 3:**

Optimus didn't think it queer at all that in the last day and a half, Jazz had been found again and again conversing in whispers with Ratchet. No, he didn't think so at all, seeing as it was the most reasonable response to getting such demeaning paint jobs by two underhanded demonically cute as a button human females.

Females who were walking together from the kitchen talking adamantly amongst themselves, "So I said to him, 'Yes, sneezes are ooohhhh soooo sinister!" Dea giggled lightly, tugging at a lock of her red hair, "He's such a little pansy sometimes."

"I think Jazz is picking up on my superstitions." Diana commented, "I mean, the other day I told him that sneezing was a way of getting rid of demons. Which, I was totally joking about. These transformers... err at least most of them take what I say WAY too seriously sometimes."

Dea's brows raised, and she let a grand smile come to her face, "That could come in handy!" The red head shoved her hands into the pocket of her hoodie as they walked, "You ever get the feeling though that you're being plotted against?" It was taking all of her might not to itch her left arm like crazy...

"Sometimes... but I don't know if I've pushed Stalker over the edge of his polite attitude toward me to get plotted against. Someday I think I'll go too far... until then I'm enjoying control." she laughed then stopped, "But seriously someday I'm gonna get a serious backfire." Diana looked back at Dea chewing on her thumbnail, "Why do you ask?"

She waved off the part about Stalker, it was highly doubtful, "He's still got a few more years ahead of him before he goes off the deep end." Shrugging, she quickened their pace to their quarters, "No reason, just a random thought it all."

O

"Well what if we--"

"No."

"Why not?!" Jazz just didn't understand how Ratchet could always tell what someone was about to say.

"It could hurt them."

Jazz growled, "They hurt me!" Ratchet quirked an eye ridge at the silver mech, "Okay, so maybe it was my pride they hurt, but it still stung..."

The medic rubbed his temples, giving a deep sigh to show his frustration, "Why is it so difficult to come up with revenge for two human girls?"

"Because they're human girls."

"Maybe so."

Jazz twitched in annoyance, trying to think, "Not only that they're the queens of prank... next to the twins but I-."

The lieutenant and doctor gave each other a look.

"Hey-." Jazz started.

"No."

"What?! Why not! They would be the perfect two to ask for help."

"Because the twins specialty is torturing other transformers, not humans." Ratchet explained, "They could do something worse."

The lieutenant whined very uncharacteristically, "Why not?!"

Ratchet glared, "I said no and that's final. I don't need the safety of our human charges weighing on my mind. I'm a doctor first and it's unethical for me to throw aside my profession for--"

Jazz cut his rant off prematurely, "Alright! Okay, I get it. No twins." The medic nodded, leaning back in his chair as he tried to think of what he - a transformer - could do to them - humans. Fragile, frail, squishy humans.

"Indian Torture?" Jazz tried. The yellow bot blinked.

"What?"

"I guess you restrain them, then poke them in the same spot continuously... It wouldn't do any damage to them physically, and if we poke them in the sides where the females tend to be ticklish, then it's even worse."

The medic grinned evilly, causing Jazz to shrink away, "It seems you do have a CPU after all."

O

"You know what Dea?" the dark haired girl leaned back on her bed attempting to braid her own long hair and failing, "I had a weird dream last night." Dea grinned, "Psh! No not that kinda dream." Diana rolled her eyes, "I had a dream of tickle torture... I wasn't quite sure who was the torture-er and who was the torture-ee though."

The red head rubbed at her arm, "I don't like the sound of your dream..." Shuddering lightly she continued, "If they knew how ticklish I was, Jazz would have a field day! He sort of beats us in size."

The dark haired teen shrugged nonchalantly.

Dea rolled her eyes and leaped forward, poking Diana in her side, "RAPE!"

Diana stared at the other, "Que?!"

"I poked you so you've been raped. Now if I do this (she poked Diana on the butt) you've been butt raped." Dea snickered, "So your virginity for the day has been stolen by (she pointed to herself with both hands) yours truly."

"Oh ya!!" Diana poked Dea really hard in the side, "Your virginity for the day has been stolen too!"

"Ack!"

The girls ran out of the room giggling and chasing each other with the poke.

Dea ran past Jazz -- or at least started to -- and yelped when she was flown into the air and gingerly caught by an evil looking Jazz, Ratchet not to far off with a squirming Diana, "I hate your dreams!!"

"My dreams?!? It was your itch and you know it!"

"MY itch?! You had the dream before I got my itch!!"

While the two bickered, they were being taken to Ratchet's med bay, and they continued to be oblivious until a large metallic click, the click of a door locking, brought them back to the situation at hand.

"Oh this can't be good."

"Au contraire my finely haired females." Jazz purred.

"This is perfectly good for you." Ratchet grinned.

Diana really didn't like that maniacal grin. She got her hand free and pointed at Dea, "It was her evil influence! I'm innocent!" she pleaded.

Dea got over the shell shock of her friend's betrayal quickly; survival of the fittest, it was human nature. Instead, she retained her Dea-ness and turned to give Jazz a funny look, "Finely haired females?? That must have taken you all day huh?"

Ratchet coughed past a fit of giggles as Jazz glared at the girl, "Let's see if you're so feisty after I'm done with you."

"Are you getting revenge for the paint job or for the other number we did on you?" Dea asked with a sly smile and a wink, causing Jazz to flush and drop her a little harshly onto the table, where her arms and legs where bound.

Diana, lying next to her in the same position snorted, "Now is not the time for flirting you two."

Ratchet laughed manically, "Yes, now is the time for torture."

"FLIRT AWAY!!!"

Ratchet was the first to move.

"MAH!! Wait Ratchet!!" Diana cried. She heaved a sigh of relief when he stopped reaching for her, "This is the first time I've pulled a prank on you! Does it really need a retaliation of... chains and... whatever else you're planning?" Diana asked quickly.

Jazz and Ratchet looked at each other.

"Yes." the doctor said.

"Shit."

Dea squirmed at the digits that were inching closer and closer to her sides, causing her to giggle at her foolishness. Jazz seemed perplexed as the giggles turned into snickers, then a snort, which turned into full out laughter.

The two mechs exchanged scared looks. Had they broken Dea?

In an effort to get out of there, she called the one person who would have the power to beat them up and get away with it. Taking a deep breath, Dea screamed, "GRAAMMAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

The two froze in confusion, not knowing who she was referring to with a human title until the door caved in on itself, an angry Elita One standing in the door way, "What are you two doing to them?"

Jazz was the first to react, "ANGRY FEMME RUN AWAY!!!"Being smaller and faster anyways, Jazz managed to dodge the female commander's hand, he rolled away and kept Elita on one side of the table since there was only one door to this office. Ratchet however wasn't so lucky and was slammed against the floor. Elita planted a sharp heel on his back and glared at Jazz on the other side of the room.

Diana blinked, "Since when did you start calling Elita and Optimus your Grandparents?"

Dea shrugged, a movement that hurt in their current positions, "It might have been when they were fighting like my grandparents on my father's side do."

Elita reached over and undid the chains, "Yes, she said something along the lines of 'spoons and forks being thrown and another hole in the roof of the bedroom.'" Dea snickered and sat up, "It was brilliant."

Ratchet grumbled something from the floor, and the two girls leaned over the edge to hear him better, "So cloose... sooooo clllooooossseeeee..." He sobbed slightly, continuing with his mantra, "Sooo clooosssseeee!"

"What's going on?" Sparkle asked from the door, having been attracted by the commotion.

Elita glanced at the other femme, "Sparkle, would you be so kind as to catch that cruel prankster in the corner while I deal with this one? They were trying to torture our poor dears." she picked up the girls and set them on the floor where they scampered to the door.

"Yeah Glittercheeks! They were being really mean to us!" Diana emphasized.

Jazz shrank back as Sparkle stomped over to him where he was trapped in the corner.

Dea managed to catch a cry of 'BOOST OKAY!' followed by a loud zap and high pitched girly scream before they were around the corner and gone, "Oh my god, we are _untoucha_--"

"Rape!"

"... GET BACK HERE YOU!"

Giggling, the two ran into the kitchen, where Zack was sitting with Zan, watching the drone exchange verbal blows with the lemon.

"You tell him!" Dea chirped as she pulled out some fruit juice, "I'll help you make lemonade with him later!" Diana laughed and sat down next to Zack, who look perplexed.

"You ladies okay? You're both flushed."

Dea shrugged and took a gulp of the liquid, "Lots of raping and running."

The male's eyes grew wide, and he shook his head slowly back to watch Zan yell at the lemon, "Not going to ask..."

"Yeah it's probably best not to." Diana grinned and poked her guyfriend who flinched away.

"Oh his virginity's lost." Dea snorted, almost choking since her drink was only half way down.

"You two are weird!" Zack complained, swatting Diana's hand away when she went for a second poke.

"Hey!" Dea frowned, "That is an understatement!"

"I concur."

She leaned onto her elbows, finishing of the drink with one final gulp, "So any idea of what we should do now?"

"Something normal or more blackmail?" Diana asked, trying to sneak a rape poke.

Dea shook her head, "No more blackmail for a while. We shouldn't try to push our luck so early." She tapped her chin in thought, "We could go to the mall?"

"Sounds good, I want to go get something shiney and pretty." Diana laughed.

"ooo shiney!" Zan held up an earring.

"Hey that's mine!" Diana made a grab for the jewelry but the drone hopped off the opposite side of the table, "Get back here you thief!!... or the orange gets it!" she picked up an orange from the fruit bowl and threatened to peel it.

Dea laughed and followed suit, running down the hallway after Diana with Zack's wrist in her grip, "We can go in Hotshot!" squealed the red head. Side spinning past a limping Jazz, she pulled Zack close to her and kissed him on the cheek, giving him a wink and a smile, "Thanks for the ride by the way!"

Zack blushed badly, "You're welcome?" and Jazz suddenly found himself fuming.

"Hey hey that's my guyfriend, only I can kiss him." Zack was attacked on the other cheek, "Ack!!"

Hotshot snickered in the corner, "Jee Zack, the femmes are all over you today."

"Shut up!" the young man yelled, grabbing the hostage orange from Diana's hand and smacking Hotshot on the forehead with it. Zan squeaked in fright, ditching the earring (which Diana promptly scooped up) and ran, making a dramatic slide across the floor and catching the orange.

The little drone wiped his brow, "shew."

Hotshot transformed as Dea scowled, "Aww! That's not fair, I don't have nobody to kissy with then!" She grinned at the silver bot seen in the corner of her vision as she slid into the back of Hotshot, "Bye Jazz."

Zack looked at the girl from the driver's seat, "That is just cruel."

She blinked innocently at the male, "Whatever are you talking about?"

Hotshot revved his engine displeasingly, "The lieutenant is not happy..." Dea's brows rose in honest surprise, and her mouth clamped shut as she contemplated what that could mean.

Ratchet came out rubbing his face, "Slag femmes can hit hard... hey, what's wrong with you Jazz?"

Jazz shook his head, rubbing his own face, "I have no idea..." he pinched the bridge of his nose in thought, "But I think I'm jealous."

The medic blinked, "Jealous?" He raised a brow, "This wouldn't have anything to do with our new addition would it?"

"No of course not! She's too annoying." Jazz replied a little too quickly.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Liar."

"Shut up."

"Oh so you do like our new addition?"

Jazz's optic twitched, and he scoffed forcefully, "Naaoooow..." He shook his head, "Nooooooo..." He nodded in conviction(sort of), "Course not!" His shoulders sagged, "Okay, she's a little funny... a _little_!"

Ratchet snickered at the sight of a perturbed lieutenant, and started in the opposite direction, throwing a lazy "If you say so..." over his shoulder.

Jazz muttered something very rude in their language. As soon as the doctor was out of sight however he transformed and rolled out, following the route normally taken back to the city. He made sure to stay out of Hotshot's scanner range though.

Dea leaned between the two to turn up the radio, head banging - much to Zack's amusement - to the music as they flew down the highway.

Diana shouted over the music, "You're going to kill my ears!"

"I'll do that when I scream!" cried Dea, breaking out into horrible air guitar, "WAOW!"

The two in the front laughed and shook their heads, but nodded along to the music. Zack slowed down and pulled off onto their exit, Hotshot revved the engine as the mall came into view quickly.

Diana's ears seemed slightly muted when they stepped out of Hotshot, "Ow..." she complained, before pulling out her pack that had Stalker inside in his alt form. None of them noticed the sneaking Pontiac picking a parking place not too far from them.

Dea poked Stalker with a giggle, "Say, want to play some music?" Diana and Stalker both shouted, "NO!" and the red head couldn't contain her laughter, and she grabbed onto Zack to keep standing, the male latching onto her in worry.

"Jesus Dea!" Zack cried, helping her to stand straight again, his fingers wrapped around her upper arm just in case.

"Daw! You're to kind." giggled Dea, her free hand on her stomach as Diana rolled her eyes at the two.

Angry heat radiate off of his spark chamber then stopped himself, why was he getting so riled up about Dea touching a human male? He could tell from his scans that there was no sexual tension. So why the jealousy? He flinched away when she touched him, so why be bothered?

The two girls squealed and ran in the direction of the movie posters hanging next to the opening for the theater. Jazz mentally frowned, humans in a dark, enclosed space lead to bad things... Especially when there was a male involved.

"We should see a scary movie!!" Diana cried, pointing at the latest thriller. Dea shook her head wildly.

"NOoooo!!!! How about not. Let's watch a comedy, so we can laugh. Not a thriller so you two can laugh at me." Zack snorted and outvoted her with his finger, pointing at the thriller, "COME ON!"

"Zack you get middle seat." Diana said as they headed inside.

"Why me?"

"So that when Dea freaks she can grab someone and snuggle with them."

Jazz fumed, revving his engine, growling. The rest of the conversation drowned out since they'd entered the theatre. He proceeded to hack the surveillance systems.

"Well then what about you?" Zack asked, not noticing Dea's angry face behind him directed at Diana.

She held up her backpack, "I got my own snuggly to snuggle with."

"'Snuggly'?!" Stalker snarled, "I am not a snuggly teddy bear!"

Dea scoffed, "Yeah right. Like I'll freak." Diana laughed in a 'yeah right' manner as they paid for their tickets, "But just in case, stay close to me Zack... Stay close."

The male frowned and looked at the girl hiding herself behind him, "We aren't even in the theater room yet." She smacked him and yelled for him to shut up in Spanish, along with a few other choice words.Jazz watched the exchange from the safety of the parking lot, but not liking this at all. Not. At. All.

As the movie started, Dea was already pulling her knees to her chin hugging them tightly. Diana continued to whisper random stuff to Zack, that being the only way beside Stalker in her lap to keep her nerves calm enough to stay sitting right in her chair. She was pretty weak when it came to thrillers as well but it was fun when you went with friends.

O

Sparkle sat in the mess hall stirring her digit in a cube of energon, the energies whirling around inside almost entrancing. She sighed and prodded the cube.

Arcee waved goodbye to Bee as she came into the cafeteria, and spotted Sparkle almost immediately - she spotted the high grade before that. She grabbed a cube and pulled up a seat next to the red femme, "What're you doin' here by your lonesome?"

Sparkle raised an eye ridge, "Who else would I be here with?"

The small magenta femme snickered, "Well Ratchet of course!"

Sparkle dropped her cube, she cleared her vocals and got up to grab a rag and clean up the mess, "I don't know what you're talking about." she replied.

Arcee pretended to be confused, "No? I was sure there was something going on there." The femme shrugged, "Perhaps I misheard him then."

"Misheard who saying what?" Sparkle asked in a warning tone.

The magenta bot smothered a smirk, "Something about an adorable red femme in the base..."

Sparkle huffed, but her anger was outshone by her warming cheekplates, "Yeah right." she muttered, finishing her cleaning job, "Ratchet's too busy to notice anyone but the human femmes and his patients."

"It's not their fault they're so cute and squishy." Arcee smirked, "If you want to see the doctor so badly, why don't you get a reason?"

Sparkle paused in her clean-up, her wheels turning but she played innocent, "What do you mean?"

"Doesn't your stomach hurt?"

The red femme stood, "Why yes, it actually does."

Arcee snapped her fingers and pointed, "There's a reason! Go see the doc now!"

Sparkle frowned, "No, this doesn't need his attention. It'll go away soon it always does. I'd be wasting his precious time."

The magenta femme stomped a fist on the table, "You're missing my point!"

"It's just an ache! I said it'll go away! There's no need to go to Ratchet." Sparkle stated flatly.

Arcee growled, "Seeing Ratchet is the point you brainless git!" Bringing out her gun, she stated, "We can do this the easy way, or we can give you an actual reason for being in the doctor's office."

Sparkle blinked, finally catching on, "Oh..." She cleared her throat, "P-put your gun away Arcee! There's no need to resort to that for such a trifle little thing." Sparkle backed away with her hands up.

"I'm bored, and I feel like playing matchmaker so are you going the easy way or the hard way?"

Sparkle ducked out of the mess hall when she managed to get close to the door, wanting to get as far away as she could from the crazy femme.

"So the hard way... hehehe." Arcee put her canon away and gave chase.

Arcee rounded a corner, almost running into the adjacent wall from her speed. She could still see flashes of red every once and while, but it seems that for the most part the femme had lost Sparkle's trail, "Dammit..."

Rubbing at her lower lip, she began formulating plans. She smirked, and ran in the opposite direction - her destination: Ratchet's office.

Ratchet looked up pulling the equivalent of a pen out from between his lip plates as he took a moment from his work, "Arcee, it's not often I see you in my office, how're you?" he asked.

"Oh I'm dandy..." She switched from her soft smile to a slight look of concern, "But... No never mind... It's not my place."

Ratchet blinked, then stood slowly, rounding the table to stand in front of the femme, "Is something wrong with the human females?"

Arcee stared, thinking cruelly to herself _Dammit Glittercheeks was right..._ "No, they're off somewhere keeping busy..." She lifted her hand to her chin and turned away, "Really, it's Sparkle's place to--OH!"

The medic frowned, bringing in the doctor side, "What's wrong with Sparkle, Arcee."

The femme took in the dangerous look, "Well... It's just that a very sensitive part of her seems to be broken, and she's a bit embarrassed about getting it fixed." Ratchet rolled his eyes.

"Please, I'm a professional Arcee. I've fixed just about _everything_ on both mech and femme."

Arcee fought down a blush and an eye twitch. Instead she motioned for him to get closer. When he did so, she whispered two words that caused the refined doctor to fall promptly onto his aft.

"Her WHAT?!"

Arcee pretended to look very uncomfortable, "Oh I _knew_ it wasn't my place to say!"

"No no! You did the right thing Arcee!" Ratchet stood up, "I'll go find Sparkle right away."

Arcee waited till the doctor was gone before doing a disco version of the victory dance.

Ratchet looked down either corridor, frowning when he saw no trace of the femme. He doubled back to the mess hall and was about to walk into it when he saw the red, and managed to pull himself out before Sparkle saw him.

"Okay," he mumbled to himself, "how do I do this tactfully..."

"Do what tactfully?"

Ratchet paused and looked to his right slowly. There - to his horror- stood Sparkle, her hand on her hip and looking a bit flustered.

"Uhhh..."

"Do you usually talk to yourself?"

The medic smirked, "It's a trait I've seemed to acquire from you."

Sparkle blushed, "ahem Well it's a bad habit don't fall into it."

"Well I came looking for you because someone said you were complaining of pain in your spark chamber, so I came. Pain in that area is a serious thing Sparkle! Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

Sparkle stared.

_Arcee you sly fragger! This isn't fair!_

She cleared her vocals, "No I'm totally fine, if Arcee told you that, it's a complete and utter lie."

Ratchet shook his head, "Why would anyone joke around about that sort of thing?"

Sparkle turned and started walking away to hide her heating face, "I'm fine, Doctor! Really I am!"

_Oh when I get my digits on you Arcee you're going to be praying for a Decepticon raid!_

_O_

Arcee looked up from her energon cube. Bee looked from her to the area of her sudden interest, "Uh... Something wrong Arcee."

"Having one of those Dea moments."

"Something's going to happen but you suck at charades or whatever?"

"Pretty much."

O

Dea flinched and buried her face into Zack's chest, screaming as quietly as she could so she wouldn't make his ears bleed, "Oh my god his head! He NEEDS that!!" Zack rolled his eyes and rubbed her back half heartedly - this _was_ the fourteenth time she'd freaked.

Diana leaned over the male, "Do you need Jazz to come protect you?"

In the midst of her fear, Dea didn't comprehend herself as she shouted, "YES I NEED JAZZ DAMMIT!" She twitched and returned her face to Zack's chest, and the two blinked in confusion before they realized how scared Dea actually was.

"Should we leave?" asked Zack. The dark hair girl shook her head.

"Dea, why don't you go wait with Hotshot. We'll come get you after it's over." The girl nodded and stood, taking extra care to keep her face away from the screen, a woman's scream causing her to trip over a step on her way up.

"Wow, do you need me to take you to get something? Food perhaps?" asked Hotshot when Dea came running out into the parking lot straight for the sports car. He could tell her heart was racing beyond healthy measures and the adrenaline in her systems was through the roof.

Jazz pushed himself up slightly on his tires, trying to get a better look at Dea who was now laying curled up in Hotshot's back seat.

Dea's frame shook, her voice as well, though will all her might she was trying to make it not, "It was horrible.. I--" her voice broke, and she shuddered, "I can't take that kind of stuff at all..."

Hotshot's engine revved to show his concern, "I'm sorry... Is there anything I can do for you?" Dea took a moment to think, then sat up and rubbed at the small tears leaking from her eyes.

"Can you call Jazz? I feel safest with him." Hotshot didn't even have to, the Pontiac roaring up next to the Dodge Challenger without any warning, "Jazz!!"

"Dea are you okay?"

The human threw open the door and jumped into the waiting interior of the Solstice, "No, now drive!" Jazz did as instructed, peeling out of the parking lot as fast as he could.

Hotshot took a moment to register what just happened, "Diana might kill me for this..."

After a moment of silence Dea's pants pocket buzzed, when she answered it it was Diana, apologizing for not having listened. The conversation was short and sweet, no hard feelings.

"Um... soo... where do you want to go? Got some particular type of place you'd like to unleash your nerves on?" Jazz asked after Dea'd hung up the phone.

The red head said nothing, but crawled into the back seats and sprawled out, "Just keep driving." She said after a bit, "I love the sound of your engine..." Smiling sweetly, the girl decided to take a chance and tell the mech a secret.

"When I was little, my uncle and older cousin on my dad's side -my mom didn't have any siblings - decided it'd be funny to put on Halloween masks and chase me and the younger kids around the house... It was all fun and games until I got trapped in the corner, and my cousin didn't know when enough was enough." She frowned at the memory, "We watched Chucky that night... "

Jazz grumbled something about evil family members as she continued, "After Chucky we watched the Exorcist...And we just kept watching scary movie after scary movie..." She shuddered, "I was only seven!"

The Pontiac remained silent while the girl rambled on and on about her experiences with scary movies after that. When she was finished she sat up, blinking a few times, "Is that weird at all?"

"It was a traumatic experience."

"I suppose so."

Another moment of silence.

"Hey, why not come in the front seat?"

"Huh?"

"Just, get in the front seat."

"Ok fine." Dea jumped seats and Jazz wrapped his safety belt around her waist, "Let's go for a little joy ride."

Dea flipped through the radio stations absently, not noticing how far away from town they were getting, "Of all the times to forget my iPod in some other car..."

"You do that often?"

The red head snorted a laugh, "More often then I would like."

He snorted, and the hologram finally flickered off, much to Dea's dislike - the slightly tanned Hispanic that had been sitting next to her was a nice view if she didn't say so herself, "Would you lose your head if it wasn't attached?"

"Occasionally."

The Pontiac pulled onto a side road and started to speed up, "We never got to finish our dance from earlier did we?" he didn't need an answer. Jazz started the ground vehicle acrobatics that made Dea suddenly forget her trauma and start to giggle. There it was, that's the Dea he liked to see.

O

"Sparkle, you really shouldn't be putting this off any longer than necessary! There's a mortality chance here!!" The red femme sped up, and Ratchet growled. He hated doing this - Okay, no he didn't, "Doctor's orders. My office NOW!" He barked and leaped at the femme, grabbing her around the waist and swinging her so she was sitting bridal style in his arms.

"RATCHET!" Sparkle yelped, trying to get out of his muscular arms, "This isn't funny, put me down!!"

Ratchet, being the work-a-holic he was, shouted for all to hear, "THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER!!!" as he entered the med bay.

She flinched when he yelled, "No! No! Seriously! Ratchet I'm fine! Arcee's lying!" she finally managed to wriggle half of herself loose and planted her feet on the floor, slowing their entrance.

"Sparkle! This is no time to be shy!"

"I'm not being shy!" Sparkle cried, her face heating up and giving her a darker tint of red. Being more than qualified for his job, Ratchet took his foot and tapped her ankle, in her moment of broken balance he dragged her over to the OR table. Sparkle couldn't help but now notice that there were straps for struggling patients. Probably put there from when the twins were misbehaving but at this moment it was her that was about to go into them. She made another attempt to escape the doctor by lowering her weight suddenly to the floor until she touched it, "Let go!! I'm ok Ratchet I promise!!"

Ratchet rolled his optics, placing his hands on her hips and hoisting her up onto the table and with a well placed hand, pushed her down, "You will comply or I will make you comply. Your choice."

Sparkle couldn't help but vent her emotions, "Either way I lose..." The medic tilted his head as he shrugged.

"Just about, now hold still."

Sparkle decided that the only way to escape this potentially very embarrassing fate was to get outside of the base. She waited until Ratchet turned his back before sitting up and sending a jolt of red energon through him, stunning him like before and made her escape, "Sorry Doctor!" Sparkle spluttered to him before she ran out for the main entrance.

Bee watched the red femme shoot past him, blinking as Arcee next to him cursed, "Little fragger complains about not getting to see him and then doesn't take her chances!!" She huffed and followed after, leaving a confused Bee to stumble upon the knocked out Ratchet.

Before Sparkle could take off she was suddenly snagged by an annoyed Arcee.

"Sparkle! I gave you a chance!" the magenta femme yelled.

"That was embarrassing Arcee! Ratchet would've been furious at both of us!" Sparkle tried to rid herself of her burden.

"You don't know that!" Arcee clung to the other, determined to keep the flyer grounded until Bee helped Ratchet recover.

"He was freaking out! Of course he would've been angry that you'd lied about such a thing!"

"Tch, if there's one thing I loooove knowing about Ratchet it's that he's a closet romantic!! He CLINGS to the Romeo and Juliet idea. CLIINGS!!" Arcee tugged back with Sparkle tried to free herself

"SPEAKING OF CLINGING!!!"

"No!" Arcee tugged again, managing to pull her back towards Ratchet's office, "You WILL get alone time even if I have to create a real emergency!!!"

Sparkle could see Ratchet rubbing his head where she'd zapped him, muttering something to Bee who was helping him up.

Then she did something unexpected for her quiet type.

She kicked Arcee very very hard on the shin.

"FRAGGER!! You asked for it!" Arcee pulled out her canon and shot Sparkle in the shoulder. She quickly ducked out of sight when the yellow bots looked up in surprise. She jumped back out yelling in (not obvious) fake concern, "Holy Primus Sparkle what'd you do?!?"

"You shot me!!" Sparkle snarled.

"You need to stop wandering outside or those nasty Decepticons will get you!" Arcee discretely twisted Sparkle's injured arm as she shoved her toward Ratchet again, encouraging through pain was very effective.

Ratchet frowned, instantly up and helping Sparkle into the OR room. Sparkle glared the best she could at Arcee; this was an appointment with the doctor she couldn't get out of so easily.

"I can heal myself you know."

"I'm better at it."

_Frag it._

O

"COOKIES!" Dea screamed, and Jazz happily obliged, spinning in tight circles. Dea was slammed against the door, but couldn't care less - whooping at the exhilarating feeling erupting from her stomach.

The Pontiac revved his engine and roared out of the cookie into a backwards spiral, before straightening out and starting for a small hill, flying over it as Dea was lifted slightly out of the seat despite the seat belt across her form.

Finding a nice strip of dry flatland Jazz zoomed across it then turned, doing two 360's before sliding to stop, "Anything else the young lady wishes to request?"

"Out?"

Jazz popped open his door releasing the girl as she let loose her lunch.

"You ok?"

"Yeah... just motion sickness... but it was worth it." she smiled, still leaning halfway out.

"That's good." there was a smile in his voice.

Dea got out, walking on slightly shaky legs with a one hand trailing along Jazz's exterior, not noticing the slight shiver she elicited from him. Leaning against his hood, she fell back slowly, feeling her back pop and the cool metal through her t-shirt, "This is nice."

"It is. No jokes, no pranks," Jazz's tone was playful, and he inched forward, causing Dea to squeal lightly and pull her feet up so she was sitting on the hood. She flipped over onto her stomach, and lay on her arms.

"That was some funny stuff though!" She grinned at him, "Priceless."

"If it's priceless, then it's useless and you don't have any reason for it!" Jazz tried, hoping she would destroy any evidence of the paint job.

However, she shook her head, "Just because it doesn't have a price, doesn't mean it's useless! It means it's too good to have a price on it!"

Jazz mulled this over, "Then... you're priceless Dea."

Dea blinked several times before blushing, "Oh. Um. Thank you."

"Did I say something wrong?" Jazz asked, worry lining his voice. He shuddered, "I-I'm sorry if I did."

Dea sat up, shaking her head almost violently, "Nononononono!! Don't get the wrong idea!" She grinned and rubbed the back of her head, "That was really sweet, just unexpected!"

Jazz still seemed worried, "You're not just saying that are you?"

Her expression softened, and she leaned back down onto the hood, running her fingers absently over the top, "No. You're priceless too."

"Hehe, thanks." he felt his spark warm, something he hadn't felt in a long time. The two mused in comforting silence for a few minutes.

Suddenly Jazz was snapped out of his daze when Dea slapped both her palms on his hood, "!!Necesito musica!!" she cried.

"?Musica?" he asked back after he downloaded the needed language.

Dea nodded happily, "!Si!" He flipped through the radio station, each getting a dissatisfied look out of Dea, "!Oh! Yo se." She settled herself into a comfortable position on the hood, sifting through her memory bank of lyrics until she came upon a good one.

Now I was sitting waiting wishing

That you believed in superstitions

Then maybe you'd see the signs

But Lord knows that this world is cruel

And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool

Learning loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?

Must I always be playing playing your fool?

I sing ya songs I dance a dance

I gave ya friends all a chance

Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you

And maybe you been through this before

But its my first time

So please ignore

The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you

I cant always be playing playing your fool

I keep playing your part

But its not my scene

Wont this plot not twist?

I've had enough mystery.

Keep building me up, then shooting me down

Well im already down

Just wait a minute

Just sitting waiting

Just wait a minute

Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position

Id put down all my ammunition

I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long

But Lord knows that I'm not you

And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel

Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?

Must I always be playing playing your fool?

No I cant always be waiting waiting on you

I cant always be playing playing your fool, foool

Jazz blinked, "That was incredible." Dea braced herself for a compliment, "You managed to remember all those words with the little tiny brain of yours?" She smacked his hood and jumped off, kicking his tire before running off in a random direction.

"CATCH ME IF YOU CAN YOU MOMENT RUINER!!!"

"You've got to be kidding me." Jazz transformed and covered the ground needed to catch up in two seconds, snatching Dea up in his digits carefully, "Are we playing tag?"

"AAHHH!! You ruined the chase too! You annoying son of a tin can---!!!" she went on with other things including in Spanish.

Dea squeaked when he rubbed a finger up and down her side, squirming to get away from the horribly pleasurable torture, "Oh that's not cool!!"

"Oh it's very cool!!"

The girl screamed a giggle, trying her best to keep quiet so he wouldn't be so damn smug about it, but with no luck. He continued his fun for a few more minutes, finally stopping after the human was finding it hard to breath, "Take that as part of my revenge."

"Part?"

"Don't be surprised if you wake up with green hair."

Dea gulped, "...Oye! There's still revenge to get on Diana!" she wasn't about to be the only one left untouched.

Jazz paused for a moment, "She'll look good in blue, don't you think?" The girl couldn't contain her laughter, and she leaned onto one of Jazz's fingers, slamming her fist down on it as she giggled. The silver bot chuckled, then set Dea on his shoulder, "Shall we walk?"

"Yeah!! Maybe we can't find a good spot to see the city below after the sun sets!!" Dea agreed, not realizing how much that idea sounded like a date.

"Sure, I've trailed these hills a lot with Bee I know a few places." they walked through some trees to higher ground, the silver giant and his lovely ruby cradled in his hand. The sun glinted off of his armor as it started to disappear beyond the city below them.

Dea leaned into the curve of his hand, sing one of her favorite Spanish songs lowly as they walked, the sun warming her skin in it's waning light, "No, no es amor, lo que tu sientes, se llama obsecion, una ilusion en tu pensamiento, que te hace hacer cosas, asi funciona el corazon."

He listened to her voice, her skin a ghostly golden color that rivaled the most beautiful thing he could thing of, _Priceless is an understatement..._ he told himself, keeping the compliment to himself for fear of upsetting the comfortable silence they slipped into.

_Ring ring!_

Jazz looked at Dea.

Dea's face went from bliss, to a frown then to a very creepy smile. She picked out her cell phone and when Jazz thought she was going to answer calmly instead came out, "MOMENT RUINER!!!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

The spies hiding a hill over watched Stalker flinch at the surprisingly loud volume that the female generated.

"Yes!" Diana punched the air in triumph.

Dea huffed and hung up the phone, dropping it unceremoniously onto the ground, "What is it with people huh? Ruining all my moments I set up..." She cast a glance at Jazz, who was looking rather perplexed, "Just keep walking. The sun is almost done setting."

"Right away," he said, glaring over his shoulder at the hill where the group was crouching below some brush. He started for the landing he had told her about, and they made it there just in time to see the last of the sun rays disappeared beneath the horizon.

Venturing out on a limb, Jazz settled down on the ground and placed Dea on his chest plate. Unconsciously, she settled herself as close to his spark as she could, the warmth the felt radiating off of it comforting her, "Dea?" She made a noise to show she was listening, "Tu es hermosa."

Her face flushed and she looked up, "?Que?"

Jazz chuckled, his spark warming at her face, "You heard me," he said as his head hit the grass again. Dea stared for a moment more, before rubbing a hand over his spark, "Tu es mi amor Jazz."

Then it was his turn to flush, "!?QUE!?"

She grinned and waved it off, "?Que!Yo no dije algo!"

Diana sat back and laughed, "Ok you mechs, moment ruining over let's head back."

Stalker snorted, "You're not going to ruin their next moment?"

"Nah that's too far, there's always a line of too far in the art of prankster-ism." Diana laughed as they made their way back to the back road they'd taken, Hotshot transformed back into vehicle mode.

"Prankster-ism isn't even a word in your language dictionary!" Stalker exclaimed.

"It is in mine kuya."

"I'm not your big brother either!"

"Do you two ever stop bickering?" Zack asked.

"No!"

Zack shrank back when they both glared.

"Now don't interrupt us!" Diana warned.

O

Sparkle lifted a sparking hand but that wrist was snagged as the doctor was ready this time, "Ah uh." he shook his head. When she started to struggle again he pushed her down and managed to strap her, "Slag, you're almost as much trouble as the twins! Except in one package!"

Sparkle strained against the bonds frantically while Ratchet prepared the instruments possibly needed to heal her 'broken spark'.

"Ratchet! Honest! All you need to do is fix my shoulder! That's it! Just my shoulder, you don't need to get at my spark it's fine!" she pleaded when she found the bonds as durable as Optimus' will to protect.

Ratchet made a move toward her chest plate, "I still better check to make sure..." Arcee fidgeted.

"Why don't you fix her shoulder first, and think about her spark in a different light..." the femme tried, and got another glare from Sparkle in return.

_Like not as a FRAGGIN' DOCTOR!!!_ Arcee screamed to herself.

The medic only took the length of Arcee's sentence to think about, and got the tools needed for fixing her shoulder, doing so in a quick manner, "Now what is this about your spark and thinking about it in a new light?"

Bee - who was being quiet throughout the whole exchange - piped up, "Maybe it's like the figurative meaning. Like the human's thing about broken hearts." Ratchet mulled this over with a quick check to the internet, then immediately flushed and glared at the magenta femme.

"Gottagobye!" Arcee snagged Bee's wrist and dragged him out with her, slamming the door shut behind them.

Sparkle went cold. She suddenly wanted them to come back.

Ratchet turned back to his work on her shoulder.

"Arcee shot me, Ratchet! I was barely even outside long enough to see the sky!" Sparkle said after an awkward silence.

"Ratchet?"

"Hm."

Sparkle fought a flinch at the disinterested tone in his voice, "Are you angry with me?"

He vented his systems in a sigh, setting aside a tool and picking up another one, fiddling with it before starting again, "Not you, just that insufferable Arcee..."

She nodded and turned away from him, "I see..."

"Broken is it?"

Sparkle squeaked and looked at the medic with wide eyes, "Aaaaahhhh..."

He chuckled lightly, "It's quite alright, I've known the feeling..."

Sparkle looked at him, "You do?" she coughed, hoping she hadn't sounded to eager.

"Indeed, sometimes I'm lonely. Even though I'm around my friends most of the time."

"Oh, that's... that's not good."

"No it's not." he continued the rest of his work in silence.

"Uh... Ratchet?" Sparkle inquired after a few moments.

"Humm?"

"Umm... is it really necessary to keep me lashed down to just work on my shoulder?"

Ratchet flushed, "Oh, right...I apologize." He undid the bonds, Sparkles rubbing at her wrists before Ratchet pushed her gently back down to make some finishing touches to her shoulder.

When he finally let her up again, he continued their conversation, "If there is ever a time you feel lonely, you can come seek me. The girls are not the only ones I will make time for."

Sparkle blushed and nodded, bolting out of the medic's presence with a hasty goodbye.

Ratchet sighed and replaced the tools, "I meant now, but sure... okay, leave."

Arcee dodged the sprinting femme by leaping onto Bumblebee, "Sheesh!" she stepped down looking at the disapearing femme, "Grr! Well atleast she was hot with blush-age. So she's playing hard to get... welll this keeps me out of my boredom slump." She smirked and laughed evilly, rubbing her hands together. Bumblebee sighed, smiling as he shook his head.

O

Trying to regain their lost moment, Dea laid back down, her hair splayed out around her. The stars began peeking out from around the clouds, the moon shining strong. Colliding with the paleness of her skin, the moon made her shine, a goddess among men.

"Hey Jazz?" He leaned up onto his elbows, taking care to not make her fall.

"What's up?"

She rolled over onto her stomach to face him, "Can we stay here tonight?" He glanced at her shivering form - her only attire being a t-shirt and tight capris - then to the sky, "If we have to I'll sleep inside you!" She said quickly before he could make and excuse.

Awkward pause.

"Not that kind of sleeping of course..." She mumbled through a blushing face.

"I wasn't thinking sexual, that ain't possible for us being completely different species and all."

Dea slowly raised her delicate brow.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Jazz coughed, then set her on the ground before transforming into his alt form, "It's warmer for you this way anyway."

"Uh huh." Dea climbed in as Jazz adjusted his internal temperature to a comfortable level for the human.

Dea stretched out in the back, as was her habit, "You know..." He made an interested noise, as she turned around so she was speaking into the back seat, away from the dashboard where the disembodied voice came from, "I me--... Thanks."

"For what?"

"For something."

"And that would be?"

"Something that you don't get to know yet."

Jazz grumbled lowly, "Do you even know?" Dea sat up slightly and glanced at the dashboard from over her shoulder, an unidentifiable look on her face, before she laid back down.

_I'm not quite sure yet..._

"Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers. Tower over me..."

Dea blinked at the foreign sound, so familiar, yet so strange... Her eyes blinked open, the world before her bleary from the crust already forming in her eyes, "Jazz?"

The music ceased, and the car gave a lurch of surprise, causing the tired girl to collide with the car seats in front of her, "Holy Primus!" The human scrunched her nose in confusion.

"Zat ur God er somethin'?" she slurred in her sleep, Jazz chuckled from the sheer cute-ness she was displaying, "What?!" She inquired, one eye drooping while the other lifted due to the raised brow.

Jazz didn't answer the second question, reverting back to the first to save him some embarrassment, "Yeah, of sorts..."

"Mmmm..." was her reply, her from already sinking back into the seats, "You make me feel safe Jazz..." She giggled, "Like my mother did." Snuggling further into the seat, Jazz realized it was story time again, "When I was little - and even when I wasn't - my momma would always hold me close to her whenever I was scared."

Jazz remained silent, not needing any scans to see how hard it was for her to stay awake, "Her heartbeat... S'where my head always fell. It was... I don't know, but I loved it. Made me feel..." She blinked, her mind searching for the right way to phrase it, "...Like you make me feel."

O

When the foursome came home Diana leaped out and stretched, yawning, "Damn, I'm hungry." she ran off with Stalker following her closely.

Suddenly she noticed Sparkle leaning against a corner.

"Hey Glitters!"

Sparkle jumped, "Shhh!!"

"What? I'm just saying hi!"

"No Diana you do-!"

"There you are!!"

Sparkle yelped and ran away as Arcee chased her out of her hiding spot.

Diana blinked, "...Oops?"

Arcee made to tackle Sparkle to the ground - the red femme looking over her shoulder in fear and leaped forward herself, managing to keep herself out of the other femme's reach. Both scrambled up quickly, "YOU CHANCE RUINER!!!"

"Arcee this is very unprofessional!!!" Sparkle tried desperately to find a reason to make the smaller femme stop. Suddenly, as Diana often said, a brain child was born. Skidding to a stop and pointed down a random hallway with a look of horror adorning her face, "PRIMUS BEE WHAT'RE YOU DOING!"

The magenta femme careened to a sudden halt, her form stiff before she spun on her heel and ran down the hallway Sparkle was looking down, the other femme sneaking off in the opposite direction.

Arcee wasn't the only actress in the base.

It took Arcee a few more bounding leaps before she stopped.

"Bee?"

Silence answered.

Click.

"Oh no she didn't!!" Arcee whipped around and ran in a random oposite direction hoping it would lead to the civilian, "She did _not_ just make me freak about my Bumblebee!"

The door to Sparkle's room burst open and its resident jumped inside and slammed it shut. She leaned against it and slid to the ground groaning. It wasn't that she_ didn't _want to spend time with Ratchet, just not like this! This was such a childish way!

Sparkle continued to sit where she was unmoving with her head resting on her knees. Honestly she'd liked the doctor from the beginning, but she just couldn't bring herself to open up. At the femme's side her digits curled into a fist in frustration at her own shyness. It was just one thing she couldn't overcome, atleast on such a personal scale with him. She slammed her fist against her door causing it to bend.

Sighing, she flexed the hand, suddenly aware - oh so aware - of her limits. Perhaps it was time she acquired some help.

The red femme paused and looked up quickly, an uneasy though passing through her mind. Help NOT in the form of a magenta femme sharpshooter with a secret Bumblebee complex.

"I'll deal with it in the morning..."

OOO 

**Ne? Whatchyou think?**

**Thank you in advance for the reviews! They are the love!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oops… deleted some of my emails so I can't name the people who added our fic to their favs/alerts! But I'm thanking you all still though!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 4:**

The next morning dawned a little cold and brisk outside of the base, Stalker awoke from stasis after Diana had already gone off to do what ever it was she was doing. He sighed and stretched, then trotted out of their room.

"No I told you Zan! That's not how you play Mau!" several frustrated squeaks followed.

Stalker smiled but kept on going past the kitchen, he found the mess hall with only a few lights on so he climbed onto one of the tables where there actually was some light with an energon cube in hand. He recalled the events of the past few days. Sheesh Diana had been naughty beyond her normal measure... and actually used his embarrassing moments for blackmail! Blackmail of all things! He just couldn't believe the change she'd gone through. Sure she'd been ornery before (like for example when he'd been talking to her about something serious she'd gotten distracted by a butterfly flying through the open window but that wasn't the point), but now it was just ridiculous! He vented his systems in an exasperated sigh. He sipped his energon.

Emerging from the darkness like a demon from her cave Dea appeared quiet and ghostlike, "I've got a proposition for you."

"GAH!" the cube went flying, "Dea! Don't scare me like that."

She blinked, her expression switching flawlessly to that of pure innocence, "Like what?" Stalker rolled his eyes, missing the change back to devious, "So are you interested or not?"

"What's in it for me?"

Picking at the dirt under her nails in an uninterested manner, Dea sighed, "Oh, just... Some revenge for the humiliation you've been put through." Nodding solemnly, the red head pushed on, "I think it's about time justice was served."

"You helped."

"Torture Jazz," she gave him a flat condescending look, "I've done nothing to you."

The attachment pondered this a moment, eye stocks twitching as his four eyes blinked, then he leaned onto his knees, "I'm listening."

Dea's evil grin quickly returned, her canines flashing in the light, "Perfect."

Diana picked up Zan and snuggled him, the little drone made a giggling noise and clung to her chest.

"You know something Zan?"

"Beep?"

"I had the most interesting dream last night... I had a dream I was ganged up on but they were all shadows so I couldn't tell if they were Autobots or Decepticons..." she coughed, "Either way I think today I'm gonna have to watch my back." she looked behind her then all around to make sure no one else was listening, "ahem Anyway, you said you wanted to teach me and the new orange Blackjack?"

He nodded vigorously "ya ya!" he chirped and whipped out the playing cards.

Fingers slid along metal, the positively lucid look splayed on Dea's features causing all those in the room to shudder and look away. Papers laid before her - on Jazz's leg no less - and every now and then she made a mark, but otherwise it seemed she was pleased with her plans.

"I'll get that little moment ruiner," the girl grinned wide, the Pontiac rumbling happily. Why wouldn't he? He had the evil prankster genius on his side this time. REVENGE WAS HIS!!! "I'll get her good..."

Sparkle leaned against the far wall. Stalker sat on the other. Ratchet stood as far away from Sparkle as possible in the confines of the room, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Are we ready yet?" asked the medic, who was shushed by a single raised finger.

"We will strike when the sun is ready for us to strike."

The four other conspirators looked away from the rambling girl, who was remembering the spawning of her perfect plan.

_Dea bolted upright, managing to just miss hitting her head on the roof of the Pontiac, "I'VE GOT HER NOW!!!" _

Jazz jolted awake, his alarm blaring at the sudden disturbance in the quiet area, "You've got Who?!?!"

Dea crawled on all fours into the front passenger seat, hitting the dashboard until the engine roared to life, "Her one weakness. How foolish was I to forget such an obviously stated thing! But that was it! It's so obvious no one takes notice of it, but I'm a smart one..." She cackled evilly as Jazz turned them around, starting for the base at top speeds as the red head explained her plan. 

It was just all so brilliant.

"This won't hurt her will it?" Sparkle asked.

"No." Stalker responded, "And even if it does harm her a little, Diana's tough, she can handle it." he smirked, "

"Besides! We're aiming for humiliation." Jazz mentioned.

Diana was starting to get that whole 'I'm being plotted upon' feeling. She left Zan to his card game and decided to take a walk outside until the feeling went away. As she walked toward the main entrance she realized what was bugging her. She hadn't seen Stalker all morning and even when he went off to do his own thing he'd always at least drop by and let her know what he was doing for the day. Speaking of which… where was Dea? Uh oh...

Diana sped up, intending to hide outside or find Optimus and use him as as shield of immunity.

Dea grinned, looking at the time. She'd been thinking of plotting against Diana for the last hour, so the dark haired girl would probably be feeling the vibes by now, "Delta team." Stalker perked up, "Head out to position A and wait for target."

Stalker nodded and slipped into the darkness, the only trace of him leaving was the opening and shutting of the door. The red head leaned against the Jazz's leg on her arms, her back stiff from being hunched over, "Now we wait... If Stalker fails, we all fail."

The feeling leaking from the girl reached the attachment, and he nodded to give himself a boost of energy to do what he must, "For my pride!" He said and began for Dia.

Walking down the last leg of her journey to Prime's area, Diana suddenly stopped in her tracks. She glanced behind her shoulder examining the surroundings in extreme detail. The feeling of being sneaked upon crawling up her spine.

"Stalker?" she called.

_Well of course he won't answer if he's planning to pounce on me... ok time for evasive maneuvers._

She took an alternate human sized route that she knew of, it would take longer but she felt safer in these hallways being that there were less hiding places, unless you were Stalker's size.

Stalker crouched low, playing his job's description over again in his head, "_She'll be paranoid, so make her even more so. When she starts speeding up, head straight for position A. Sparkle will take it from there._"

_So far so good._ He thought to himself, following silently behind. He smirked when Diana looked behind her, and he took that as a cue to speed ahead of her, dropping and raising his cloak to create a flicker of him. It worked perfectly as her head whipped in the direction he'd just been as he crossed to the other side and dropped back.

Diana stopped again, seeing the flicker.

She frowned, "Stalker! Stop playing hide and seek!" when silence answered again she put her fists on her hips and closed her eyes. If there was one thing she'd learned it was that his invisibility wasn't perfect. Despite his carefulness he still made a little bit of sound when he walked.

_Clack._

There he was, circling around to her right.

Was he herding her somewhere? This wasn't good... she hadn't seen any of her fellows all morning. And being that Dea had been angry at her it especially wasn't good. Ok choice time: keep going, take yet another different route or go back the way she came.

_Damn you choices!_

Diana decided to backtrack so that she could get to the immunity that was Prime as fast as she could.

Stalker smirked, _Bingo_. he told himself. He trotted down the hallway he was already in. As soon as he was out of Diana's hearing range he bolted for the commander's coordinates, his cloak dropping as he ran, "Delta Team to Big D. Target has been spooked and is en route to Oyaji."

"Good. Get there before her Stalker, and remember, _act casual._"

The attachment scoffed, "You sound as if I've never done this before."

Right at a cross corridor Diana saw Stalker leaning against the wall and stopped.

Well this certainly wasn't good.

"This ain't fair, you guys have me out numbered!" she whined, folding her arms.

Stalker raised an eye ridge, "Are you feeling okay Diana?" The human rolled her eyes and stomped forward - this wasn't in Dea's plans.

Or was it?

"I am FINE except for the sudden ganging up on me!!" Diana growled, huffing and crossing her arms.

The attachment frowned _Act casual_, "Who's ganging up on who?"

She twitched in frustration and pointed at him, "YOU! You and Dea and the others, I CAN TELL!!!"

"Dia, I really think you should go see Ratc--"

"HE'S IN ON IT TOO!!!" The teen cried and fled in the opposite direction in anger, "I'M NOT SAFE HERE!!!"

Stalker waited a few before opening up a link between himself and Dea, "Delta team, mission complete... I think."

"Is she freaking out about conspiracies?"

Stalker shuddered as he heard his partner scream about the whole world being out to get her, "You're a force to be reckoned with."

On the other end Dea's grin was starting to scare the remaining bots, Sparkle having been sent out when Stalker first checked in, "You have no idea."

The last thing she needed was to go see a doctor bent on revenge for her painting him with periwinkle swirls and pink hearts. Diana ran down the hall and came to another choice to go left or right. Since when had this base become such a maze?! Diana had had no problem before becoming paranoid!

She screeched to a stop.

"Wait a sec..." she rubbed her chin. If there was a few things her partner was good at it was freaking out his victims before he pounced on them. He may not be doing the pouncing but he definitely was doing the freaking. She huffed and looked around, now unsure of what to do. They were all playing their strengths at this moment...

Sparkle walked leisurely down the corridor. If things had indeed gone according to plan on Stalker's side, Diana would be seeking out the red femme soon, not thinking there could be any reason for Sparkle to want revenge.

She shook her fist at the wall in anger, "I'll get her for giving away my hiding spot!"

"Who?" Asked Sideswipe and Sunstreaker as they walked up to her.

She blushed and smiled, waving off her outburst, "Uh…One of my drones cheated when I was playing hide and seek with Zan." _Slag I need to break this habit…_

"Oh great, he knows about hide and seek." said the yellow twin, shaking his head as the two continued with their walk.

Sparkle cleared her throat and continued her own walk through the base. This was going to be the longest part, Dea had predicted, because of her tendency to be where the person _just_ looked for her, resulting in lots of frustration.

"Spaaaaarkle!! Stalker and Dea are picking on meee!" Diana complained as she flew down the hall and latched onto the glimmering femme's leg, "Do you know where Optimus is? I need an immunity idol!"

Sparkle felt her optic twitched, _That was fast..._ "Well are you sure they're picking on you?" Diana nodded, "How so?"

"Stalker was stalking me!!" The red femme blinked and looked down at the girl, "Different kind of stalking than usual."

Sighing, she rubbed her cheek, "I see... I suppose I could help you locate the Commander."

"I knew you'd help!!!" The dark haired girl cried, smiling at the femme widely when she picked her up and placed the human in her hand.

"Of course." She stated as they started out, Sparkle had already been tracking Optimus for a while, so she knew which ways not to go as Sparkle tried to lead her convincingly to the next stage.

Dea sat straight as a pin, "Alpha Team, roll out." She took her papers from his thigh and he stood, giving a slight salute to the small female, "Don't miss your chance, it'll come quickly." He nodded and left.

Alone with only Dea, the medic finally spoke up, "So what moment did she ruin?" His tone was strained and hoarse, a definite sign that if the moment was something more than a compliment, he'd have some butt to kick.

"Uuummm..." she squeaked - reverting back to normal Dea, "He gave me a cookie!" Ratchet's head fell as the tension fled from him at her answer, "Zan is such a cutey!" Ratchet's head fell further.

_All THIS for a cookie from ZAN?!? No way!_

"Man! How do such big powerful hunky robots hide so easily?!" Diana spouted after a few minutes of frustration. She noticed Sparkle giving her a strange look, "No not _that_ kind of hunky! Is he even on the base Sparkle??"

"Of course he is, but he's busy you know?"

"..."

_Uh oh... she's getting the vibes._

"Put me down."

"Why this way is much faster than us walking side by side."

"I said put me down!"

The femme panicked, sending the warning signal to Jazz as she put the human on the ground, who began running away from the bot. Thankfully not in the direction of Optimus, but running nonetheless...

"Dia! I don't see what your problem is!!"

Diana spun and walked backwards, "You're one of them!!"

Sparkle looked confused, "One of who?"

"Dea and Stalker! You're helping them!!"

Sparkle played the only card she had at the moment, "Dia, what reason do I have to plot against you?"

Diana shrugged and turned around, "Dunno BUT YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!!!"

"DIA--"

"Let her go." Dea's voice said, "It doesn't matter. We'll still have her yet..."

Jazz stopped at the signal, processing what this meant, then called Dea, "What do I do?"

"Track her and ambush her like planned, just not where we planned it." Her voice was a bit cold, "Don't forget to be gentle. I love her, but what she did is unforgivable."

The Pontiac sighed as the connection clicked off, "I had 'Gay pride' on my bumper and she's pissy about a moment... These humans I swear..."

Diana ran away from the femme hoping to if not reach Optimus then reach her room where she could hide for a few hours.

Suddenly she saw a shadow move in her peripheral vision and she slammed on the breaks just in time to avoid Jazz's hand, "Ho shit! No you don't!" turning on her heel she dove into a human sized hallway.

Jazz banged his fist on the ground to convey frustration that wasn't really there, "Dea she's headed your way."

"Perfect."

The human flicked a hand at Ratchet, "Hide until the signal." The medic nodded and left without a word. Dea leaned against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest. Waiting was the most annoying part.

When she spotted Dea leaning against the far wall she stopped, almost twisting her ankle in the process. She held back a few curses, in the mean time not entering the room, "Dea this ain't fair! Pulling a prank is one thing but when you're totally outnumbered and being pranked is _quite_ another!" she huffed, getting air back into her lungs.

The red head smiled, "My dear girl, this isn't a prank. This is full blown revenge."

"For ruining a moment?!"

Dea growled and threw her hands up, "Did you HEAR us?! THERE WAS FLIRTING DAMMIT!" The girl huffed and started pacing, seeming to forget that she hadn't turned off her link to the silver car, "It took me FOREVER to get up the courage to tell him he was my love!" She whined.

Diana felt her eye twitch, "You said what?"

The teen stopped, "Uuuuuhhhhhhhhh...NOTHING!" Dea took off down the hallway, "YOU'LL NEVER GET IT OUT OF ME!"

Diana smirked and pointed, "Haha! The dirt is mine! Or rather..." she noticed the comm sticking out of her friend's ear, "Jazz has the dirt! You left your communicator on." Dea blinked and checked her device, the little light was still on indicating an open channel.

"Hmph, serves you right." Diana turned on her heel to go back the way she came.

Dea was about to cry. She had just confirmed that she did in fact say to Jazz what she had been pretending all day that she didn't say. AND to top it off, HE'D HEARD IT!!!

Bolting in the direction of her friend, the red head shouted, "Some how this is your entire fault!"

"Holy shit!!" Diana yelped as the emotional girl tackled her to the ground from behind, "Fragger get off me!" the dark haired young lady utilized her knowledge of joints and managed to pin Dea against the floor, "Would you chill! Don't you _dare_ take your embarrassment out on me!"

Dea's angry expression melted, "This isn't taking my embarrassment out on you." A shadow loomed over the two, "This is distracting you so you won't notice that we're in a dead end with Ratchet, Jazz, Sparkle and Stalker and waiting and willing to get their just desserts.

Diana paused to look up, "...meep?" she rolled off of Dea and between Jazz's legs, her dexterity surprising the bipedal Pontiac.

"Grab her!" Stalker yelled.

"Thisisn'tfairtohaveallyourrevengedonetomeatonce!" Diana screamed as she ran at full speed toward the door.

"SPARKLE!" The femme jumped to attention and blocked the doorway, scooping the human up into her hands.

"Glittercheeks?!"

Sparkle glared down at Dia, "You gave away my hiding spot to Arcee."

"What?" Diana asked flatly. Dea filled in the blanks, "Sparkle was hiding from Arcee because Arcee was trying to hook Sparkle and Ratchet up because that little freak is one bored son of a femme."

Ratchet and Sparkle flushed and looked away from each other, and Dea blinked, "Oops. Did I say that out loud?"

Stalker frowned, "Why do you sound not concerned?"

"Guys, guys, please." Diana clasped her hands together smiling nervously, "I understand that eventually everything comes back in full circle to bite you in the ass but honestly... please can the amount of revenge in the room lessen because I'm getting so much evilness at me right now."

"You deserve it for ruining my moment!!" Dea yelled up at her.

"The moment you're so desperately trying to hide from like a few seconds ago?"

Dea blushed.

Jazz coughed.

The red head shook her head vigorously, "This isn't the point! The point is we're all gonna have revenge on you here and now." she grinned.

Diana decided that there was only one more trick up her sleeve at this point, "Awww come on Deaphlora, don't be so evil."

Dea's hand twitched and two of the three males started to slink towards the door, as the red head's voice was filled with unadulterated despise, "Who told you that?"

Diana blinked innocently, "What? Your name?"

"JAAAZZ!!"

"It wasn't me I swear!"

"You're the only one who -- Stalker!"

Stalker held up his hands in defense, "I heard nothing of the sort!"

"Well then who knew?!?!" Dea fumed.

"Wah!!"

They all turned to look at Sparkle who was looking surprised at her hand... where Diana was supposed to be.

"Holy Primus!" she whirled around in time to see Diana's shadow disappear into the hall, "She's good!"

"NOOO!!!" Dea ran after the other girl, "I haven't exacted my revenge!!!"

"None of us have!" Stalker matched her pace.

After a short search Dea pulled herself into a circle, growling in frustration, "I lost her..."

Jazz walked up, bending down so she could hop up onto his shoulder - thoughts of their embarrassment out of their mind at the loss of their pray, "Another day my dear Diana... Another day."

"Optiiimuuuuus!" Diana cried, speeding into another room right past Ironhide and a few other Autobots she didn't know by name and clamped onto the commander's foot, "Be my immunity idol!" she begged.

"What?? What happened? Why are you upset?" he asked.

Diana leaned back so that she could see at least part of his face, "Ratchet, Jazz, Dea, Stalker and Sparkle are picking on me all at once! That's _totally _unfair! The whole ganging up business I mean... hmph Stalker's sleeping outside tonight." she growled to herself.

"Umm..."

Dea skipped past the scene, a lollipop in her mouth with Jazz trailing at a safe distance behind, hiding behind an Autobot whenever she stopped to turn around. Sparkle and Ratchet crossed their path from another corridor in obvious awkward silence.

Ratchet cleared his vocals and continued on his way.

Sparkle clenched her hands into fists then planted them at her sides. She turned around to say that she wouldn't mind some company right now.

"Aa--"

"You know, I seem to be having trouble with a few algorithms I found. You wouldn't mind helping me would you?" Ratchet asked, scratching at the back of his head, "As the humans say, two heads are better than one."

Sparkle blinked, "Aaasure! Sure! Yes yes I'll help you as best I can." she tried not to get flushed when he smiled and continued on, she followed him. Neither noticed that particular sharpshooter stalking them.

Optimus looked down at the human, "Are you sure you weren't dreaming? You've been known to have very accurate dreams..."

"Dia!" Dea squeaked, running up to the girl, "I didn't see you! Have you seen Stalker? He made off with my blow up mallet and I'm afraid he's going to pop it!"

Diana flipped around to the other side of Prime's ankle putting up a finger, "Stay back!" she acknowledged Optimus, "I'm pretty damn sure I wasn't dreaming... actually I did have a dream about it and now it was just happening." she looked back at Dea, "Stalker doesn't like balloon-y things... well ok he likes to pop them but doesn't seek them out to pop."

Jazz peeked into the conference hall to see what Dea was up to.

The girl blinked at the finger and continued as if it wasn't there, "Well it probably wasn't helping that I kept hitting him with it." She giggled into her hand, "But his face was priceless when I attacked him!"

Optimus glanced at one, then back to the other, "Right, well I see no problem here."

"Wait you don't understa--"

"STALKER GIMME IT BACK!"

"DON'T HIT ME THEN!!"

The red head bolted from the room, giving chase to a fleeing ebony mech.

Dia blinked quite a few times before coming to a conclusion, "We're all slowly going insane," she said as she watched Jazz slink into the shadows after her friend.

"Insane insane! I mean I said it before but now it's truly happening! We're both going insane and we're bringing our alien friends down with us oh I do so hope you stay in relative character Prime." Diana ranted as she left him, "We're going to need some point of sanity on these life stories."

The mechs looked at each other.

"I told you we'd regret keeping humans with us." Ironhide snorted.

Optimus chuckled, "Actually... I think it's going just fine.

"HolyPrimuscrazyfemme!" Stalker didn't bother to cloak because now that he was holding something it would just show.

Stalker leaped onto some stairs and turned around holding his claws just above the blow up mallet's surface. He smiled when Dea skidded to a stop, one foot in the air, lolly pop sticking half way out.

"Can't I trust you not to hit me if I give it back?"

"If you'll help me get Jazz to stop tailing me like a little lost puppy."

"It's not my fault you told him he was your love."

"EAVESDROPPER!!!" Dea roared and charged, managing to catch the small bot off guard and tackle him, not minding the cuts her body received. Pulling the mallet from his hands, she banged him a few times with it before running off screaming and ranting about the poor level of privacy around the base.

Stalker sat up, "Whoa... She gets REALLY childish once she runs out of evil energy doesn't she?" Jazz stepped around the corner, his face turned to where they could both still see Dea stomping down the path.

"I'm rather scared of both sides of Dea."

"I'd have to agree with you."

The two mechs looked at each other, then turned and started down different paths - Stalker the way he'd been going, Jazz after Dea.

Hey, Stalker didn't _give_ it back, it was _taken_.

Dea stormed around the base squishing her mallet in her hands, occasionally glancing behind her only to find no one. But he was there, she could feel it.

Finally irritated by this coyness she randomly whipped around and at last managed to catch the lieutenant while he was out in the open.

"You!" she brandished her squeaky toy, "Quit following me!!"

"Following you? Who's following you?" Jazz asked, shifting onto his other foot and walking past her. She rolled her eyes and started back the way she came, ducking into a random hallway. She could hear Jazz turn around and she huffed, yanking open the first door she came to and ducked inside.

She turned around and leaned on the door, effectively shutting it behind her.

"Uhhhh... Hi."

Blinking, Dea looked up from the feet her eyes had opened to, finding that they had a matching torso, chest and head, "Hi..." It must've been _the_ most exotic thing she'd ever laid eyes on while on the base.

"Who and why?"

"Dea, and hiding from Jazz. You?"

"Cheetor, and this is my room."

The human girl blinked, "Yo veeeoooo..."

"Umm... Diana never told me... you guys came in organic shapes." Dea mused, unable to stop herself from looking the sleek transformer up and down taking in every detail of his well kept fur and glimmering armor revealed in certain places where the skin plates had shifted apart allowing his transformation. Then her innuendos came back and she looked away quickly blushing, keeping her green eyes on his yellow ones.

"Well I'm what they call a beast bot. So you're hiding from Lieutenant Jazz huh? Well... you can hide here if you want, I don't mind."

"Ah, coolio." she reached out and poked his arm, "Ooh... you come with softness too!"

"Yeah, I couldn't understand how you organics can stand to have this mass of protein and carotene all over you though... but I've gotten used to it over the years."

Dea shrugged, "I don't understand how you can walk around in giant metal bodies, so we're even." Cheetor tilted his head and shrugged all while nodding his head. The human giggled, "So my fine furry friend, how long you been here?"

Cheetor laughed at what she assumed to be an inside joke, "For a long time." She cocked her brow at the mech, "Long story, rather not to fond of talking about it."

"Oh I know that drill."

Cheetor offered her a place on one of those squishy bean bag type seats that were scattered about the room. Compared to other Transformers rooms which were pretty bare except for a sleeping berth and a desk with datapads, the beast bot's room was very colorful and warm and very inviting. It was decorated with various aged looking items that seemed to Dea that he'd collected over time. Ranging from brightly beaded necklaces to woven fabrics to high powered Cybertronian rifles and data tracks.

He sat cross legged in front of her, "So, why are you hiding from the lieutenant?" he asked casually.

"He's stealing Stalker's role of resident stalking expert of the ways of stalking," Dea explained and plopped down, her feet thanking her, "It's kind of scaring me..."

The cat-like humanoid nodded, "That doesn't sound like him at all."

Dea shrugged, "Well it doesn't help that the night prior I told him in Spanish that he was my love." She smacked the side of her head, "WHY am I telling you this? FILTER ON THE MOUTH DAMMIT!"

Cheetor threw back his head howling in laughter.

Dea flushed, "Stop laughing at me! Stop it!"

Quickly he tried to compose himself, "Kehee... sorry, you're just very peculiar."

"So what if I'm weird."

He waved off her defense, "Don't worry I didn't mean that in a bad way."

"Oh." Dea poked at a small hole her seat, "... do you have any suggestions of what I should do to make him stop?"

Smoothly the Maximal reverted to his beast mode which despite the normal whirring and clicking of shifting gears, an added oddity was that his skin seemed to merge at the joints where they'd originally been split, light layer of flesh contorting to achieve this unity, "You could try talking to him about it, he seems like he just wants to understand why you love him."

She watched him, blinking into mental battle mode:

_Deeja popped her knuckles and shook her hands, "Alright, let's get it on Deaphlora." The older looking version scoffed and pushed a hair from her eye. _

"Please Deeja, your childish mind is no match for me."

"TRUE LOVE WILL PREVAIL!"

"But this cheetah guy is pretty cute."

Deeja blinked, thrown off course from her prepared speech of what true love can accomplish and other child-like ideals, "Well yeah, but--"

"So you agree?"

"It's kind of hard to disagree with the truth."

Deaphlora picked at the dirt under her nails, "So who are we to say that he isn't Dea's true love and not Jazz?"

The younger version twitched, not capable of comprehending the idea, "Um... Well then she should be with Cheetor, but since she _does__ love Jazz-- _

"Love has nothing to do with it. He just saved her is all." Deaphlora shrugged lightly, "She's only grateful."

"Uuhhhh..."

"Exactly." 

_  
"Wha…?" _

"That's my point."

Deeja scratched her head, "Sure, whatever you say..."

"It's about time."  
  
Dea's eye twitched, "My brain hurts." 

Cheetor tilted his head, "Your brain hurts? Do you need medicine perhaps?"

Dea blinked out of her daze of deep conflict, "Wha...?

"You went all bleary eyed and then you said your brain hurt. Do you need to go see Ratchet?" concern wrinkling his brow, oh it was so much easier to tell emotion with the familiar organic expression.

Against her better judgment she blushed and shook her head, "No! No, just a momentary headache, look it's gone already!" Dea giggled nervously, cursing at herself for what she was doing.

Cheetor shrugged and lay down, beckoning her over with his head. Leaning forward, she fell to the floor with a gentle _thump_, rolling until she felt his soft fur against her arm, "So what do you plan on doing?"

She was going to kill herself later for this.

"Nothing. If he didn't understand that's his problem. I thought I gave him enough clues as to why I think he's a hunk-bot." Dea sighed, "Different species, but men are still men."

"Well that's for sure, us mechs are mechs." he repeated. He crossed his paws and laid his chin on them, occasionally twitching his tail. Dea couldn't help but examine the beast bot more closely. She found to her surprise that he did indeed breathe, not very much but he did, in order to keep the organic parts of his unique frame alive and functional. She noticed that his fur had a metallic sheen to it. Dea reached out and touched it. Still very soft though.

Cheetor opened his eyes, ears perking as he looked to see what she was doing.

"Sorry." Dea mumbled.

He smiled, and lay his head back down, "Stay here as long as you need." he mentioned.

Wondering absently if he was anything like a real cat, and wanting to find out, she reached her hand up to his ear and scratched at the base of it. Instinctively his back arched and his head leaned back towards her hand, a soft purring emanating from deep in his throat.

She giggled and stopped, his head turning to give her a curious look, "That's my cat's spot too." He gave a slight grin and laid his head back down as she situated her head on his back, "Thanks by the way."

"No problem."

O

Before there was even a chance for changing their minds, the door was slammed shut, and an all too familiar snapping sound - at least to Sparkle - was heard at the door was locked.

"I'm assuming by your expression you didn't plan this."

"I'm assuming by your question you didn't either."

The two looked at each other, saying at the same time, "You assumed correct."

Sparkle sprinted to the door and banged against it, "Arcee!! Arcee you unlock this door now!"

There was a giggle on the other side, "Why? You two can have some quality alone time now."

"This isn't funny Arcee! Now open this door now!"

Receding footsteps sounded in answer, "I'll be back in a bit!"

"Arcee!"

Sparkle turned from the door, a cheery grin on her face, "So where are those algorithms?" Ratchet would have done an anime fall if possible, but with no Dea in sight it was an unheard of thing for the distinguished doctor to do.

"Over here," he replied and made his way to a book shelf, taking down a few data pads.

**OOO**

**Christmas chapter be coming soon! Look forward to Christmas goodness! **

**Thanks in advance for the reviews!**


	5. Chapter 5

** In light of the coming holiday… ish time to name a chap for once.**

**Chapter 5 The Evil Mistletoe**

A week past and things settled down to normal. Well as normal as you can get living with a bunch of transforming entities who were still trying to eradicate the Decepticon threat that was constant.

Coming in from the snow laden landscape after a blisteringly annoying and cold patrol, Jazz and Bumblebee (after shaking the ice off of themselves) found that something was a buzz in the base. The humans had been relatively quiet as far as pranking... but this didn't give off the air of pranking... oh no... what was with the new decorations everywhere? All of these plants, ribbons, bells and colored lights hadn't been there before. In fact, almost everyone's sleeping quarters door had a small reef hung on it.

"Holy Primus what did those girls do while we were gone??" Jazz asked Bee as he tapped his feet hard, still trying to get rid of the ice on his wheels.

Bee shrugged his large shoulders, "Search me."

Dea skipped past, bunches of this and that filling her arm as Stalker and Zan trailed behind her with even more stuff - well Stalker had more stuff, Zan was simply trying to find the bell that kept jingling whenever he walked.

"Make him stop!!!" Whined the attachment, who was answered with a few hundred strands of icicles for the tree in his face.

"Stop your moaning! It's cute!" She paused and back tracked, staring at the two bots so far to not have been decorated for the season. Pausing to look over the wears in Stalker's arms before choosing a few, setting her own down, and bounding for the two, "Stand still this won't hurt!"

With precision aim, she chucked something at their heads which started to unravel as it hit the air. Both blinked and realized what she did. They were now draped in festive garlands.

"Gee..." Jazz groaned, "Thanks."

"Well I dunno Jazz," Bee smirked, "I'd say it's an improvement for you." he ducked a fist and skipped a few strides before going to make their report.

"Jee! Dea did you _have_ to order so much mistletoe? Sparks is having a field day hanging it everywhere!" Diana was the distracted by Stalker and his bulky load and couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh put a cork in it!" Stalker huffed and dropped his load so that he could pick off the festivities, "Just wait till you wake up with glittering plastic all over you."

Zan suddenly found the bell and ran circles silly trying to catch it.

"Did you get a present for Optimus?" Diana asked Dea, "I got all my shopping done." she smiled, "All wrapped and scan proof." she eyed the transformers around.

Dea flashed a grin, "Yes I did!" Her eyes flicked over to the advancing silver mech ,"Except for one..." Diana caught on immediately and nodded, "He's a bit hard to buy for, so I don't know..." She switched to a different topic - and a different mech - flawlessly, "But I did get something for the other one!"

Jazz glanced down at the two as he picked up and scanned boxes, "What other one?"

"Hey!" Diana threw the first item she grabbed which was unfortunately Zan, "No poking around the presents!!...!!! Oh no Zan I'm sorry!!" she cried as the drone bounced off of the lieutenant's head and into his hand as he reached to grab it.

"gaaahh..." Zan warbled.

"Hey! Dea this does not go with my earth camouflage." Cheetor came trotting into the room in beast mode with a glittering collar complete with a little bell and holly decoration. Jazz frowned at the sight of the beast bot, who he'd seen Dea hanging out with a lot these past weeks but didn't say anything.

Dea grinned, "Well a cheetah in America isn't exactly perfect camouflage... so why not make it a little more wild!" she gestured dramatically.

Ironhide came grumbling in, shaking off the snow and sending the flakes all over the girls who groaned, "Here's the tree you asked for, where do you want it?" he grumbled.

"Oh oh! Over there! It's nice and warm over there!" Diana pointed to a predestinated area.

Cheetor came to stand next to Dea, who leaned forward and gave him an Eskimo kiss like she did all the time to her cat, "Besides! It makes you look dashing."

The beast bot purred slightly before grinning up at her, "Dashing eh? It's hard to perfect perfection, but I can't say you aren't doing a good job!" She laughed and bumped his shoulder with her hip lightly, her laughs subsiding to small giggles as Diana raised a brow at her.

"Dea, can you get the boxes with the decorations?" the black haired girl asked as she gave Stalker a beckoning finger in his direction, "You too." The attachment went rather willingly to his torture, having done this enough times to realize there was no escape."

"What the frag are you girls doin'?" Jazz asked, making all of them stop in their tracks.

Diana looked back, "You've got to be kidding me Jazz."

"Yes, Lieutenant the humans have been preparing for this tradition for a few months now." Cheetor interjected respectfully as he could.

"Did you get everyone a present?" Dea asked up at the bipedal Pontiac.

Bristled by the strange form of affection shown onto the cat bot, Jazz turned and glare at Cheetor, "I apologize but if you haven't noticed I've been a little busy making sure we're secure!" The other mech blinked in confusion.

"Don't misinterpret anything Lieutenant! I was just pointing out that they have been doing this for a while, even while you were here." Cheetor backed away a little from the slightly taller mach - he was still in beast mode and Jazz in his bipedal, "Nothing to be agree about."

Dea - despite a glare from Diana - jumped to attention, "JAZZ! Tis the freaking season to be jolly! J-O-L-L-Y!" She kicked his leg and led the now transformed Cheetor into the room with the tree, "You need to cool off."

"I just was cool."

She cast a glance over her shoulder, "Obviously not enough."

Jazz looked after them, then tore off the ribbon still hanging off of him and stormed down the other direction.

"Grinch!" Diana yelled after him, "Watch out I eat those grumps for breakfast!"

"Ouch... "Cheetor had to take a moment to figure out how to adjust the collar, "A little too tight for transforming." he explained when Dea gave him a look. She reached for a box of decorations but then squealed and jumped back, grabbing Cheetor's arm as the box twitched.

Again it twitched.

Twitch twitch.

Zan popped his head out and held up a red ball ornament, beeping his concern that a tomato wasn't supposed to be hard and shiny.

He chuckled and patted her shoulder, "It's just Zan." She smacked his chest plate lightly and picked up the drone, placing him on the chortling mech's head.

"Be quiet and get some bulbs!" She took a moment to glance down the hallway where Jazz disappeared, but was quickly distracted by her OCD-senses tingling and ran off to the other side of the room to fix a slight droop in the strand of multi colored lights.

Diana laughed at her friend and fiddled with the lights that were now in place in the tree, "What am I going to do with your little OCD butt huh?" The red head laughed and joined the other girl with the tree.

"Nothing too demeaning I hope. My butt can only be raped so many times before it starts to want to sue...

"Speaking of butt rape..." Stalker leaned back, "Boost ok!"

Diana gasped, "Ack!! Stalker you pervert!!"

Everyone laughed as Diana chased her friend around in circles around the tree brandishing the ribbon roll she'd been about to unfurl.

Zan jumped and clamped onto Dea's hip and pinched her butt with his tail, thinking it was a game and rightfully so.

"Everyone stop being a bad example to Zan!!" Dea yelped after she'd detached the drone.

"He started it!" Diana caught up and whapped Stalker along side the head with her ribbonroll.

"No excuse!"

"Same goes for you too Ms. Queen of Innuendos." Cheetor chuckled, the bell on his collar chiming from the movement.

Dea just grinned, patting Zan a little forcefully on the head, "I wouldn't have to many innuendos if you didn't keep setting them up for me like you do Mr. Cute and Oblivious." She placed the drone onto the ground, and picked up a few ornaments and began placing them on.

The silver mech eavesdropping from a room a little bit away flared in anger, thrashing around the room, "What the slag???" Jazz leaned against the wall with his head in his hand, "All that stuff about me being her love and then she goes and pulls this!!"

"Don't tell me my bad habit is rubbing off on you..."

Jazz yelped a girly one when he noticed that Sparkle had managed to sneak up behind him, "What're ya talkin' about?" he growled.

"Talking to yourself."

"..."

Sparkle leaned over to watch the girls decorate and place the presents under the tree, "So she said she loves you huh?"

Jazz shook his head, "Yeah more or less, but now I'm starting to think that she was just saying that." Sparkle gave him a look.

"What makes you say that?" The red femme leaned out of view as Dea looked toward them, "Seems to me like she's just having fun with friends."

The mech huffed and flicked a hand in Cheetor's direction, "That's just a friend huh..."

Sparkle leaned out again to spy Dea discreetly tying a ribbon on Cheetor's tail while he was distracted by Diana. The beast bot suddenly realized he was being pranked and growled playfully, chasing Dea away a few feet before stopping to unravel the ribbon.

"They don't look any friendlier than friends." Sparkle mused.

A sudden squeak caught their attention and both looked up to see her drone, Sparks tying a strange white berried plant above them.

"Huh... uh hey girls!"

They looked up from running around with the ribbons like they were streamers, seeming to have temporarily forgotten that they were supposed to be decorating instead of playing war.

"What's this decoration for?" she pointed to the mistletoe above her and Jazz. She could just check the internet but she didn't prefer it, liking the actual human's definition better usually.

Dea flushed, her eyes dancing from Sparkle to Jazz, "Uhhh..."

The other girl - oblivious to her friends anxiety towards the plant and it's current position - began to explain, "Oh well that's mistletoe. When you and somebody walk under it you're suppos---HMPH!!" Dea's hand was slapped across Diana's face.

"You're supposed to wish each other Merry Christmas!!!" The red head laughed, "Say Merry Christmas you two!" The two looked at each other than to the overly grinning Dea.

"Merry Christmas." Jazz said to her.

She nodded and grinned, "Merry Christmas Jazz."

Diana flared, "What the fu-!!!" Stalker poked her on the side making her squeak, "Diana no need to swear when christmas is so near."

"Dea just slapped me!!" then realization hit Diana (no pun intended). She smiled, then slapped Dea back before continuing the decorations, "Equal and opposite reaction i say." she muttered, still a little annoyed at Dea's method of halting her slip up.

Cheetor looked at Stalker and whispered, "And you deal with this every day?"

"Add in nights to the schedule... although Diana's mellower when in bed so it's not so bad." he whispered back.

The red head, now content that Diana was not going to expose her lie to the two, who to her dislike were still standing underneath the cursed plant, went back to decorating the tree. Until of course she noticed the death glare she was receiving from Stalker.

"WHAT?!" She shouted, causing the other mechs to glance over in worry - Jazz glaring at Cheetor before looking away again. She pulled him off to the side and spoke low, "What is with the glare of Doom??"

"I think you and the Lieutenant need to have a talk. Now." He stared levelly at her, knowing full well he was in the right with this one. She huffed and picked at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, "Dea..."

"I will! Okay? Just... later."

"Don't you think waiting will just cause more friction that can be totally avoided right now?" Stalker hissed quietly.

"Shh! Waiting won't cause any unneeded drama!"

"I'm pretty sure it will."

"Shut up! I'll deal with him when I'm good and ready!" Dea turned on her heel... then couldn't help it when she saw Jazz was still conversing quietly under the mistletoe with Sparkle... she had to do something before another transformer walked by and actually knew what the plant meant!

"Sparkle!"

She turned, "Yes?"

"Can you go and fine Bee? We need his help for something!" she was glad when she agreed without question.

Suddenly Diana perked up, and looked down one of the halls where a few large mechs were walking down.

"What?" Cheetor asked out of curiosity of her movements.

"My radar is going off."

"Huh?" Stalker inquired.

Diana pointed, "Someone has a cute accent!" she dashed off in the direction... if it was who she thought it was she was going to squeal with happiness.

Jazz, now lacking a reason for being in the room, left...Sort of. In reality he went back to his hiding spot and watched as Cheetor approached Dea who was under the mistletoe now. As luck should have it, Ratchet - who had been priding himself in knowing as much as the humans on the manners concerning Christmas - entered the room.

And promptly started to stare between Dea, Cheetor, and the plant, "Oooh no! No kissing!"

Cheetor frowned, "What?" Looking up, he noticed the mistletoe and frowned again, "But Dea said we just have to tell the other Merry Christmas."

The medic snorted, "Then she lied! When two people are under such a plant it is customary to kiss the other."

The beast bot glanced over at Dea, who was matching her hair color at the moment, "Oh... Um, well..." Ratchet pulled Dea from under the plant, bringing her to his leg.

"I just said, NO KISSING DEA!"

'Whaaaaat?!?!' Jazz flushed, realizing Dea had just saved him a lot of trouble.

Dea clung to Ratchet's leg burying her reddened face against his cool armor.

Cheetor frowned, "Dea, why did you lie to the lieutenant?"

"NO REASON!" she hid her face again.

Cheetor flinched, ears drooping, still not quite understanding, "Oh... ok." he left then, a little hurt at being yelled at.

Ratchet glanced at the room, empty except for an approaching Stalker, and Zan, "Dea, why _did_ you lie to Jazz?" The human looked between the two mechs, her face red from anger at herself now.

"He would have had to kiss Sparkle and he's MINE!" She didn't bother clamping her hand over her mouth and making excuses. She meant business; no moving in on her territory meaning it or not, "He was creeping me out with all the stalking, but he's still Jazz and I still care so much for him..."

The medic fell to the floor, bringing Dea up to his chest plate in a warming hug, "Dea, it'll be alright... You stopped them from kissing and that's all that matters."

"You like Sparkle don't you?" The human asked.

"..."

"That's all I needed to know."

Ratchet cleared his vocal processors, "Well you need to talk with Jazz about this whole stalking business." Ratchet tried to divert the subject. The last time he'd seen Sparkle was when she'd booked it out of his office intent on wringing Arcee's neck for locking them in his office. Nothing kinky had happened like Arcee was hoping. But he and Sparkle had had a pleasant conversation while they poured over his data tables.

"Not you too!" Dea moaned.

"Dea if it's bothering you it is best to talk about it!" Ratchet said, poking her nose gently with a dulled digit.

She moaned and curled up, "Yeah but talking to him involves me losing the filter on my mouth and saying the first thing that comes to mind which gets me into situations like these!!" Pulling her hood on and over her head, the girl frowned, "Ratchet were you in love before Sparkle?"

Ratchet blinked, "I'm not in love with Sparkle!" She mouthed 'denial' from her spot.

"That would be the work of Sparky getting into our decorations and stealing all the mistletoe..."

Ratchet saw this and shook his head, "This isn't about me, this is about you and Jazz's dilema."

"My decorating partner vanished!" Dea made her escape on the subject to go... anywhere but there. Well Cheetor looked a little down... perhaps she better go apologize to him for yelling at him... well no she hadn't yelled at _him_ exactly... ok she'd yelled at him damn it! Curse you blushage!! Dea skidded to a stop when she suddenly remembered why she'd yelled.

"Crap... now how am I going to face him... and Jazz! Frik!!" she kicked the wall next to her.

Sliding down to the floor, Dea banged her head on it as Ratchet approached, "Why must I be so cute?" The medic took the spot next to her and sat down, not saying anything, "Okay, so maybe it's not that I'm cute it's that I'm unconsciously flirtatious?" The banged her head a few more times.

"This stinks."

Ratchet rubbed her head with a digit, "The best you can do for everyone is to talk."

"NO!" She smacked his finger and stood, "The best thing I can do is NOT talk! When I talk... I just make things worse for me." Giving him a 'don't you dare follow' look, she bolted for her room - intent on locking herself in until the damned holiday was over.

As Dea stormed down the halls she heard the jingle of a bell. She froze.

The jingling was coming closer. Was it Cheetor? Well this red head wasn't about to wait around to find out. She ran away in the opposite direction but it seemed that who ever it was keeping pace with her.

"Stop following me Cheetor! Don't be a panther kitty!" she yelled in the direction of the bell.

A little snicker answered back.

"..."

Definately too mechanical to be a transformer. Dea waited and searched, going into her own stalking mode. And then pounced on Zan who squealed in delight at this new game.

"Zan!!" Dea gave a HUGE sigh of relief, "Don't do that Zan!" the little drone beeped and pointed with a his tail at the bell he'd tied on her back belt loop when she wasn't looking. Dude... even the drone was getting into the whole revenge thing.

Poking his forehead she started again for her room, "What did I do to you?" He shrugged and started to follow but she stopped him, "Are you going to tell me to talk to Jazz and or Cheetor?"

Zan shook his head and beeped, "Alright, then you can come. We'll go make some lemonade in my room or something." The drone squealed and hopped onto her head as she walked down the hallway.

Stalker materialized next to Diana, she'd seen this so many times that she almost never jumped anymore. The young lady was talking to Jetfire at the moment he'd made his appeared.

"Have you seen Dea?" he asked.

"No."

"Well then come on!" he grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from Jetfire. Diana turned and waved to the vice, "See ya later you hot stuff!"

Slowing Stalker with a tug, Diana frowned, "So what's up with Dea?"

"She is not taking responsibility for her actions," he stated, he looked at her over his shoulder, "About Jazz..."

"Ah... Well then, she'll be found in her room. That means it's my territory." Giving him a wave, she started for the red head's room, "No following!"

A knock came to Dea's ears as she watched Zan yell at the pile of lemons they'd acquired. He was doing a pretty good job of taking on all of them at once.

"Who is it?" she called.

"Unless I'm Zack who else would it be?"

"Go away bad dream!"

"You're about to have a bad dream if you don't let me in!"

"... it's open."

Diana entered, "Thank you."

Zan clamped onto Dea's knee saying that the lemons needed to be punished.

Picking up Zan and holding him she would a baby, she grabbed the knife with her other hand, "Well we'll just have to make them scared won't we!" The drone chirped happily as Dea grinned and waved the knife if front of the fruits, "Who wants to be first?"

Diana made her way over, leaning casually against the sink, "So Dea, how's it going?" The red head didn't answer, "I heard the funniest thing. Seems that you're avoiding a talk with Jazz."

"What do I need to talk to Jazz about? He's just being temperamental," She flicked the knife towards the door, "S'that all? Then leave."

Dia frowned, so she was going to make this difficult was she huh? Bring it.

"Dea, you have to understand these aren't exactly your run of the mill men you find out on the street. These are aliens, and from my time spent with them they really... and I stress _really_ don't like to be lied to."

"I didn't lie!"

"I'm just saying that for future reference. Jazz is thinkin' you lied to him, Autobots are very strong in their words because of the Decepticons. And they view affection with a lot more seriousness than any human I've ever met."

"So?"

"Sooo I'm saying you need to get out there and straighten things out with Jazz! Even if it's just about Cheetor! He needs to know! He needs it told in his face you two are just friends!"

Dea stabbed a lemon.

Diana watched the gesture while Zan jumped up and down glaring at the fowl mouthed lemon, "Dea..."

"Hello! I have the whole mouth filter issue!" the red head swung the knife around while she spoke and Diana grabbed the other's wrist to make sure no skin was opened.

"That's just an excuse and you know it... don't tell me you _like_ this kind of drama happening to you."

Dea pused, "No... I don't. But--" she stopped herself, green eyes cast downward, "There's more to it than that."

Rolling her own eyes, Diana took the knife and set it on the counter, "Well then explain to me." The deflated red head sagged, "What, there's a filter now?"

"I just don't want you to be disappointed in me."

The dark haired girl frowned at her red head counter part, "Why would I?"

Dea's mouth opened and closed, before she resigned herself to finally say it aloud, "What if I don't think of Cheetor as 'just a friend'?"

Zan fell into the bowl half filled with lemon juice.

Diana just continued to look at Dea.

She blinked a few times, then coughed, "Well that could complicate things quite a bit."

Dea nodded vigorously, "Yeah... I guess... I guess I just love Jazz because he saved me. You know... the whole connection you get when someone saves you... right?" she looked up for assurance of the understanding. She was relieved when Diana left and returned from a memory and nodded, "Yes I know the feeling. But that still doesn't eradicate the fact that you told Jazz you loved him and now he's probably hurting a lot from this behavior of yours... and Cheetor well pshh! Well he's just oblivious." she leaned heavily on the counter, "Well... this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought... " she was a little disappointed that this dilemma just happened to happen near Christmas.

She spun away from Diana, moving to sit at her desk, "I love Jazz, and I think I like Cheetor, and Christmas is basically--OH MY GOD!"

Dia looked at her, "What?!?"

"I don't have a gift for Jazz yet!" Dea whined, falling back into the chair she had leaped up from, "I don't know what to get him."

The other girl would have fallen on her butt if not for the counter keeping her in place, "Are you kidding??? You've got to worry about your feelings not whether or not you get them a gift!!"

"But if I get a more heartfelt gift for Jazz, and something you'd get for a friend for Cheetor, doesn't that say my feelings for me?"

Pausing to think, Diana asked, "What did you get Cheetor?"

Dea giggled, "A ball of yarn."

"..."

"What?"

"Dude I think that would be a blow to his pride actually... Cheetor's been on this Earth since Prehistoric times almost"

"Whoa... no wonder he wouldn't tell me... his good looks surpass-." Dea jumped as Diana slammed the counter with her fist, making the dishes jump.

"Dea! Stay on topic!"

"I am on topic!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am! We're talking about Cheetor's present which is a ball of yarn which ties into my feelings for him and he ties into the whole dilemma about Jazz and my feelings for him." she said all in one breath.

Diana's eye twitched, "But you didn't get a present for Jazz... if what you say is true about these presents then you don't feel anything for Jazz!"

"But I haven't gotten it because I DON'T KNOW!!! He's so confusing and complex and he's got different lay-- I'll make him a cake?"

"He can't eat cake."

Dea blinked, "It's the thought that counts and I like cake?"

"DENIED! Try again."

Groaning, Dea flopped down onto the bed, "This is so hard..."

Diana pressed both her index and thumbs together leaning forward, "Think! Jazz has an obsession for two things."

"... interfacing and running away from us?"

The dark haired girl growled, "No... he likes style and music."

Dea blinked, "Really?"

Zan fell off the table.

"Oh my gosh Dea!! Jazz is the most full of himself when it comes to his looks (next to Sunny but we're not going into that) and he absolutely adores music! You should see him when he thinks no one's looking and he does a dance off in his room!"

"You spy on him??" Dea stared.

"No! I was passing by and the door was partially opened." Diana explained quickly, "Anyways, so you could maybe get him something that helps him look better or sing him a song... I know you can sing by the way... I can hear you from the shower rooms down the hall."

Dea flushed, "I am not singing him a song... And what kind of gift is car polish?!" She whined and ran a hand through her hair. She pulled herself up and pointed a finger at Diana, "Excuse me for a second."

_Delving into her inner mind, Dea flopped onto a fluffy comfortable couch, "DEEJA!" The little version of herself ran forward, pulling to a stop at the arm of the couch._

"Can I help you?"

"Creative time, what do I get Jazz for Christmas?"

"Cake?"

Dea shook her head, "Denied."

Deeja pondered for a second, "Car polish?" Another head shake, "Sing a-- Okay getting a death glare, so that's a no..." Deeja opened her mouth to say something else but recieved an even bigger death glare.

"Hey! Why'd you call me here if you know exactly what I'm going to say??" Deeja pouted.

"Good question..." 

_"Well what about some high grade?" Deeja asked sitting down next to Dea, "We could ask Ratchet how to make it and make it flavored or something!"_

Dea blinked and sat up straight, "Yeah! A blend of my favorite and his!"

Instantly, she slammed back into the room, her eyes focusing onto Diana's face, "I've got it!!" Dea jumped up, bolting out the door to leave Diana with a lemon juice logged Zan and a half complete conversation.

"Damn it I hate it when she does that..." Diana shrugged and dampened a cloth to wipe off Zan, who was throwing a fit that the lemon was getting him even though it was in all in the bowl.

While Dea showered the base, her quarry was currently passing by one of the lounge areas and of course couldn't miss Sparkle's bedazzling frame as she poured over some data pads she'd found interesting in their library. Sparkle reached over without looking, realized that her energon cube was empty and sighed. She scooted out of her seat and with acquired skill read while she walked. She was so engrossed that she didn't notice Ratchet as she walked by him.

Ratchet watched her go, having a tiff with himself on whether he should follow her or not. Deciding he would, he made his way to the mess hall with her, "Sparkle!"

"GAH!" The energon cube she was about to toss flew up into the air in her surprise as she whipped around, "By Primus!" Her hand was on her chassis, "Don't do that to me!"

He chuckled in apology, "Sorry." She gave him a look before turning back around to get herself another cube.

"So what brings you here?"

"You."

Sparkle's optic twitched, "...What?"

He smiled, "I just said 'you'. Why are you getting all flustered?"

"I-I'm not getting flustered!" Sparkle turned away pretending to consider which grade she wanted, moving along the counter, "So... um did you want my help again or something?" she poked at a cube before leaving it be and moving on to another one. She noticed he was tailing her rather closely and that just bothered her more. Discreetly as she could she picked up a high grade.

"Not in particular." Ratchet replied calmly.

"Well then... " she gulped down a shot grade before she turned to face him, "Uh... what _do_ you need?"

He shrugged, "Just someone to talk to."

Sparkle tried to move to the door, "What about the girls?"

"Dea is off sulking about not wanting to talk to Jazz, and Diana ran off with something about a hot accent..."

She sighed, "I see..." Keeping the topic off anything awkward, she asked, "Why does Dea not want to talk to the Lieutenant?"

"It seems that she lied to the two of you, among some other problems, and she's hesitant about fixing the problems," Ratchet explained, situating himself by the door.

Sparkle frowned and started for him, "Lied about what?"

"About that." He said with a finger pointed at a bunch of mistletoe strategically placed near the door frame.

She looked up at the little plant tied to the rafters and back, "Why would she lie about a tradition?" she tried to get to the door by going around him but he nonchalantly stepped in her way.

"She gets flustered easily when she sees someone encroaching on what she considers her territory... be it consciously or not." Ratchet explained carefully.

"Her territory?" Sparkle raised a delicate ridge brow, "I don't see how wishing Jazz a 'Merry Christmas' is encroaching on her 'territory'... and why do you keep blocking me?!" she finally lost it, stomping her foot and placing her hands on her hips and huffing at the medic.

He leaned forward ever so slightly, "Because the real tradition is to kiss."

Looooong aaaawwwkkkaaaaard ppaaaaaaauuuussssseee...

"Say that again?"

"You're supposed to kiss."

"One more time."

"Sparkle--."

"I don't seem to comprehend that, so maybe a little exp--!"

Any further more avoidance of the subject was stopped when Ratchet kissed her. Sparkle moved to smack him away but sort of... melted, if you will, into his embrace. It was sheer complete total full bliss.

That was quickly interrupted by a squeak and the short clipped sentence, "I'll just got find Wheeljack," followed by a fleeing Dea.

Sparkle's face, although already red naturally was now a dark crimson. Ratchet growled, "Damn it... well that's just one more thing to add to my list against her." _Moment ruiner..._ he turned back to Sparkle and before she could suddenly become shy and bolt he'd snagged her up in another kiss.

Dea ran until the adrenaline butterflies of awkwardness in her midsection died down. She let out a long whistle, "I knew it! I _knew_ it! Haha yet another thing to pick on him with!" she grinned, "O-kay... what was I doing? Oh right!" she snapped her fingers, "Wheeljack!" she sprinted away. Wishing she had a scanner to tell her where these giants were... this base wasn't exactly meant for little people. Oh well, at least it was keeping her in shape.

"Ooooh Wheeeliiieee!!" Dea called in a sing songy voice.

The scientist looked up from his work, "Wheelie's a minibot, Dea."

"Yooouuu knoooww what I meaaann!" Dea skipped into the room.

He shrugged and put aside what he was doing, "What brings you to my neck of the woods as you humans say?"

Dea giggled, "Ratchet was... preoccupied... So I figured you'd be the only other person who could help me make an energon cube!"

The mech paused, "And why...are you making an energon cube."

Looking left and right, then back down the entrance, she turned back to him and beckoned him down to her level with a finger, "It's for Jazz!"

"I see... His holiday present?" She nodded and he gave a hearty laugh, "Alright I'll help."

"So what and how are you going to make this energon cube special? Jazz has gone through all the different intensities there are." Wheeljack asked after setting her on his table. He went to grab a few items from his storage cabinets for the project.

"Oops! Flaw in my plan..." He looked over his shoulder at her, "I don't know what his favorite flavor is!" Wheeljack shuddered with laughter, causing the young teen to puff up defensively, "You be quiet Mr. I-make-everything-explode!!"

"Alright! Alright. No need to get mean on me." He picked out a few more things before bringing them over to the work table. She sat down on the edge and started swinging her legs.

Blinking, Dea grinned and pulled out her cell, calling Diana, "Hey!" She chirped after the required amount of rings, "Can you find out what flavor Jazz likes?"

"I thought Wheeljack would've told you that Energon doesn't have taste like we human's know... it only has different intensity levels."

"Que...?"

There was a shrug in the silence, "You could try to give it a 'flavor'... I'm sure Wheeljack will love a new project."

She looked over at the scientist, who was grinning like mad, "You are one straaange mech." Reverting back to her conversation with Diana, she pursued the topic, "Well could you still find out and how did you know I was making Jazz energon??"

"The little birdie in my dreams last night told me."

"You're weird you know that?"

"I get that a lot." Diana snapped her phone shut and went to find Jazz. Her search was easy, first checking his personal quarters and was glad to find he was there.

"Knock knock?" Diana called, hesitating to step in.

Jazz looked up from where he was sulking on his recharge berth and listening to music, "Come in." he turned the volume on his inner speakers down, "What do you want?" Jazz asked, crossing his arms over his chest plate. He didn't mean for it to sound rude, but he was in no mood to talk.

"Information," said Diana, completely unfazed.

The mech blinked, "On what?"

"What human flavor, do you like the best?"

Thinking it over, Jazz gave her a funny stare before supplying his answer, "Strawberry."

"A good choice." Diana said before stepping back out of the room and calling Dea back.

"..." Diana poked her head back in while the other line was still ringing, "How the hell do you know what strawberries tastes like?"

He shrugged, "I don't."

"Oh... well you picked an exceptionally perfect one." she ducked back out. Jazz frowned, not able to figure out what she'd meant by that.

Diana made sure she was away from the door before speaking, "He picked you, Dea."

There was a crash on the other side... perhaps the red head and dropped what she was holding or dropped the phone, "Naniiii?!" she said after a moment of swearing.

"Yeah, strawberries are sweet, likable, sour if picked when it's over/under ripe and goes good with a lot of different other flavors." Diana grinned.

"Your metaphor appalls me... but is rather accurate." she flounced, "Thank you love!"

Wheeljack added a few things, then looked over at her as she held up two flasks, "Strawberry kiwi!"

"Kiwi?"

The human girl nodded and giggled, "It's not something you see around all that often, you have to get used to the flavor, but after a while you just can't keep away no matter..." Her hands drooped a little after he took the objects from her, "No matter how many other flavors you say is the best..."

Wheeljack smiled to himself and added the flavors into what he hoped was a converter, "I'm sure he'll love it."

Grinning back with the most glee she could muster, she replied, "Primus I hope so!"

"Since when do you look up to Primus?"

"Since Diana started rubbing off on me!" Dea laughed.

Wheeljack shrugged and placed the modified energon into a container, "Don't touch it yourself without proper protection, it would burn you." he leaned in, "And be sure Ratchet's near by at least." he whispered.

"Why?" she whispered back.

"Usually he deems whether my project is safe... but since he's not around..."

Dea giggled and was helped off of the table, "Roger wilco eddy." Smiling, she blew him a kiss, "Thanks for the help."

She ran out of the scientist's quarters with a wave, "Make sure to put it under the tree for me!"

- - - - -

Diana sighed and entered her room, instantly greeted by the sight of Stalker sitting on her bed, "We've got to do something about this privacy issue..."

"What privacy issue?" he asked.

"Exactly, I don't have any."

Stalker watched as the young human plodded over and plopped face first onto the bed and heave a huge sigh.

"You've been working too hard... I think you should rest."

"I'll be fine... just getting a few gray hairs from all this Dea/Jazz drama." she twitched and looked up at the mech, "So what's up?" she asked.

"Oh, just wondering what made you run off randomly while decorating the tree..."

Diana blinked, "That? My senses were tingling. Needed to investigate, that's all."

The ebony mech made a noise, "I see..." She gave him a look before tickling him, "What?!"

"You aren't going to give me another reason for gray hairs are you?"

Stalker huffed and pushed her hand away. Diana frowned but didn't feel like probing for the reason of his less than normal reaction. She scooted up beside him so that she could lay her face on her cool pillow.

"I hope this is all fixed by Christmas... " she muttered more to herself than to him.

"I'm sure it will be."

"Yeah..."

--------

Arcee batted away the hand, "No." She continued with her reading until the hand poked her side again, "I said no." The hand persisted, "Bumblebee I am NOT going to go see whatever it is you found!"

"Do you even know what it is?" The scout asked and the femme paused, "Exactly. I think you might like it." Resigning herself to whatever 'present' Bee had found for her, she allowed herself to be lead to where ever it was he was taking her.

"Do I get a hint?"

"Mistletoe."

Arcee stopped, "Wha-??" she did a quick search of the internet but was a little late because by the time Bee turned around Sparkle had dove from her hiding place and shoved Arcee into Bee's arms right under the oh so favorite plant of Christmas.

"...eep!" was all Arcee had time to squeak before Bee pulled her up into a heated kiss.

Sparkle nodded with satisfaction before skipping on down the hall still very much giddy from her earlier experience. Bee had been particular pleased to hear about the tradition and had more than willingly obliged to her plot to embarrass the ornery sharpshooter.

Pulling back, Arcee managed to sputter out a sentence, "What in the world was that?!?" He pecked her on the lips lightly as she finally finished her search on the plant, "... Well then." Delving into another kiss, the two tried to walk to a more secluded area.

Arcee was slammed against a wall, another passionate kiss from Bee tickling her senses. They had managed to get to his room with no problems or interruptions, and now that they were alone... Well nothing really changed from when they were in the hallway.

Bee nuzzled her neck as the two paused for a breather, so to say, "Arcee..." She laced his digits with hers and pulled him towards the bed, "Uhh..."

"Shut up or you'll ruin your own moment," Arcee giggled, falling onto the bed with the giddiness of a sparkling, "Bee, what the hell was that just then?"

"My present?" She lifted her head to look at the mech, standing and looking at her awkwardly. She smiled at his light blush and the way he was scratching the back of his head like the human Sam.

Beckoning with a finger, she gave her voice a seductive undertone, "Allow me to return the favor."

Slowly he approached and Arcee pulled him closer, teasing him with a partially opened spark chamber and then snapping it closed, "I thought... we weren't supposed to open presents early..." Bee said with half heartedly, his attention more concentrated on her wondering digits along his frame.

Arcee grinned wickedly, "It seems if we do we go on the naughty list, but I'm already there..." Her fingers trailed the opening of his own spark chamber, "so I'm waiting on you."

Without further ado, Arcee found herself flat on her back and having the most wonderful kiss in the history of all kisses.

- - - - -

Ratchet chuckled as Sparkle came back into the med bay and was attack with kisses by the medic, "Blame your drone, Sparks."

The red femme flushed, "I wouldn't be too sure about that," she winked and kissed him back. The door closed behind them, and there was a thud as Ratchet was tripped onto the ground, "Finally you are all mine!"

Ratchet flinched when she sent a wave of red energon over him. When he opened his optics he realized she'd concentrated it into bindings around his wrists. Sparkle then sat on him, "Hmm... I think... even though you weren't strapping me down with the intent of doing anything I like the idea of a little pay back." she grinned.

"Didn't know you liked it kinky."

_Smack._

But not a hard one.

Looking disinterested, Sparkle looked at her hand as energon sparked up and down her arm, "You know I'm technically not allowed to use my energon abilities outside of my duties... but there's just soooo much I can do with them." she teased. Ratchet found this... 'darker' side of Sparkle rather thrilling to be honest. 

Ratchet gave a grin equivalent to one from Deaphlora, "Bet you can't make me scream."

The femme raised her brows, "Oh? I'll take that bet." She lowered her head closer to his and gave him a slight kiss before trailing and energon filled finger down his chest plate, getting a shiver from him, "Let the games begin."

Both were so busy teasing each other that they didn't notice the door open.

Optimus skirted to a stop, "Oh..."

Sparkle hiccupped with fright when she saw the commander and all of her energon placements disintegrated.

"Umm... I'm guessing this isn't a good time..." Optimus edged back out.

Ratchet growled, "Damn straight it's not a good time!! Get out!" 

Too late.

Sparkle's shyness came flooding back and she squeaked and bolted out of the room to hide somewhere.

"On second thought... GET BACK HERE PRIME, DOCTOR'S ORDERS!!" Ratchet screamed and chased the blue and red mech.

---------

Dea blinked, the space around her empty, void of any and all noise, "This... Is slightly unnerving." She had put on a mask of determination and had started for Cheetor's room to apologize for the yelling bit earlier when she found herself in an empty hallway near Jazz's quarters.

"I'll say."

Squeaking and lurching away from the voice, the red head whipped around to find Jazz, who was swirling around a cube of energon, "Aaaahhhh... Gotta go!" She bolted down the hallway, her face flushed and feeling rather guilty.

"You're present will explain everything!" Deeja told her, but the teen wasn't all that convinced.

When Dea ran up to Cheetor's door she opened it at the same time he was walking out and totally ran right into him which in turn made both of them lose their balance and fall. Dea had the curse/blessing of having Cheetor as the cushion.

"Ow! Dea! Be careful!" Cheetor warned. Despite his earlier complaints Dea noted that he still hadn't taken off the collar she'd given him.

"I'm glad I caught you... Okay, technically you caught me," she laughed at her corniness, "but uh, I needed to talk to you."

Cheetor helped the girl to her feet, "About what?"

"Well, I'm sorry that I snapped at you when Ratchet came in... But I just.. Didn't want something to happen to Jazz." She frowned, "Something baaaaddd..."

"Kissing?" She 'eep-ed' and looked at himm "Looked it up on the internet." Faltering, Dea shifted her feet, "What's the matter? You love Jazz right? I wouldn't want to see anyone I liked kissing somebody else."

She was sad for only a moment longer, before grinning, "Thanks for understanding. So you aren't mad or anything at me anymore?" He shook his head, and gave her a hug, "You rocketh my socks good sir."

Zan ran past, then back tracked and stared at the two, then above their heads, back to their faces, above their head. Finally catching on, Dea looked up with horror on her face, "Oh no..."

Oh yes.

Mistletoe.

Dea froze. She could feel that initial pain, then the burn as her face flushed the same color as her hair.

"Oh... well wouldya look at that." Cheetor looked at Dea and smiled.

_No no..._

He stepped closer.

_Please don't..._

Zan watched as Cheetor placed his hands on her shoulders.

_Because I won't stop you I think..._

Dea's heart raced as he pulled her closer... and then kissed her on the cheek.

She blinked.

Still smiling as he stepped back, "I also looked up the loop holes of this tradition to avoid any unnecessary embarrassment."

"boo..." Zan beeped.

Her whole body was still tense, still waiting for the actual kiss to happen, and therefore her breathing was slightly labored as her vision blurred and she leaned against the wall, "Right. Loop holes."

Cheetor gave her a worried look, stepping forward to scan her, "Are you okay?" His voice matched his face, and while the hand on her shoulder was comforting, she knew that it wasn't what she needed.

"Yeah, I'll just go get some juice and something to eat. There's still half made lemonade in my room." The last part was directed to Zan, who latched on at the word 'lemon,' "Since we're good, and that embarrassment is out of the way, I'm going to go now..."

Cheetor laughed and shook his head, starting down the opposite direction, his bell jingling happily.

Feeling a bit cooled off from earlier, Jazz was going to apologize to Dea for his snappy behavior as well as Diana. So after she'd ditched him in the hall he'd followed her. What he found when he stumbled upon the scene made his spark boil with jealousy. Cheetor was walking away with a slight skip in his step and Dea looked as flustered as if she'd been (he took note of the decorations present in the area) ...kissed.

"CHEETOR!!!" he bellowed.

The beast bot jumped, whirling around to face the lieutenant, ears pinned back in worry. Dea stopped in her tracks and backed against the wall.

"Y-yes Lieutenant?"

"I want you to patrol sector delta, there's been suspicious activity in that area. Now."

"B-but sir! I'm not supposed to be on patrol this week!"

"Are you defying my orders?! I could have you thrown in the brig for this!"

Cheetor flinched again and reverted to his beast mode and sprinted passed the infuriated transformer not even giving a glance at Dea as he passed to go outside in the storm.

Eyes wide, Dea stared forward. Her frame shook and it felt as if her knees would give in on her at any second. Slowly, she turned to look at Jazz - fear was rolling off her in waves - and her mouth opened and closed.

Before he could even try to explain, she bolted, running as fast as her legs would take her, and he knew that it would turn out bad for him if followed. Her 'little jog' ended her back at Wheeljack's. She entered, noticing that he was out, and that her present for Jazz was sitting in a nice little container waiting for to be put with the other presents. A neat little tag was all it was decorated with.

_To Lieutenant 'Hot Stuff' Jazz  
Love your special squishy little human girl._

Her anger flared suddenly, and against her better judgment, she picked up the large cube and with all her might, chucked it out into the hall ,"Bastard! What kind of bull was that!" She boiled in her anger for a second, then realize her face wasn't the only thing that was burning, "OH SHIT!" She rubbed her arms in pain from the burn.

"Dea! Dea what happened?!" Stalker came running in having heard her scream on his way to the tree room.

"Fuck! Get it off me!!"

"Don't touch it!!" he snagged up her hands and, trying to keep her calm lead her to the nearest sink, "Stay here and don't touch it!"

"It's burning you-!!"

"I'm workin' on it!" Stalker ran over and climbed up onto one of the giant sized counters and disappeared for a moment. Dea bounced on toes biting back her yell of agony as best she could until Stalker came running back with a few items. He pulled her arms over the sink and poured the stuff over, almost instant cooling relief came to Dea's arms but it was still very itchy.

"Ok, that got rid of the extra... but now we need to get at the energon that's in your bloodstream."

"Bloodstream?!?"

"I'm calling Ratchet now!"

Tears welled up in her eyes as Stalker half marched, half ran her to the infirmary, bellowing for Ratchet on a com link the whole time. Her mind was racing, causing her to stumble a few times and agitate the still itching arms.

They reached his office and Stalker proceeded to bang on the door, "Ratchet open up we've got a problem!!" Ratchet opened the door to see the attachment standing with Dea - whose arms were still bright red from the burn.

She sniffled and looked up at him, "Papa I'm scared..." Neither mech took any time to wonder why she was referring to Ratchet as Papa as she was pulled into the room by Stalker who was explaining what he knew of the situation to the medic.

"Dea!! What the hell happened?!" Diana screamed as she ran in, having been chimed through her communicator from Stalker. At that moment Jazz appeared and Dea screamed angrily at him. Diana turned around and screamed as well, both of them demanding to get out. Jazz flinched and obliged quickly.

Ratchet set Dea on the counter and proceeded to prepare treatment, the young red head was starting to feel the effects of energon on the _inside_ of her body and it seemed to be searing through her veins.

"You need to calm down, Dea." Ratchet instructed as he prepared a serum that would counteract the energon in an organic host, "This energon is like a poison too you, you need to slow your heart rate."

"I CAN'T!! I'M FUCKIN' TOO ANGRY!!"

"Here then." Stalker came up to her shoulder and injected part of a sedative dose and almost immediately Dea calmed down.

Diana sighed heavily, "This wasn't how this week was supposed to go..."

"Oooh..." she leaned back on Diana, "Eeeh... that's better..."

Sighing, Diana tried again, "What did you go and do this time?" The red head was being stubborn and turned away from Diana and the question, "Dea..." The warning tone was dully noted.

"I threw it."

The black haired girl paused, "You what?"

"I threw his present."

Another pause accompanied with a few blinks, "Why?"

Dea turned back around, a loopy grin on her face, "I luuurv youuu!!!" The girl and both mechs stopped what they were doing to stare at the small teen in confusion as she tried to snap, failing miserably I might add.

"Oh Primus..." Stalker said, shaking his head, "She's drunk on sedatives."

"I LOVE YOU TOO STALKER!" Dea cried, leaning forward to hug the small mech and give him a kiss on the cheek, "You're the only one who doesn't get me into trouble with the cursed plant!"

Ratchet gave her the serum, rubbing his face once he was done, "This should be amusing..."

"Gah!" Stalker yelped as he was pulled off balance from Dea hugging him so hard and snuggled.

"hmmmm you're ann undersstandinn bot... nnnoo wonder Diana loves you soo much..." Dea giggled sleepily, "Not like... thhhaat jerk face Jaazz..."

Diana's eyebrow twitched as she watched the spectacle unfold before her.

"Diana! Save me!" Stalker pleaded, making sure to keep all of his spines flattened against his body so as not to cut the human.

"No! I need somethinn to cuddle with!!" Dea growled, starting to cry a little and then looked Stalker in... at least two of his four optics, "Yoouu surrre there ain't more of you around?"

"Whaaat??" All three of them exclaimed.

------

Dea cracked her eyes open at the sound of an opening door. She saw blurred yellow, and could tell by the hue that it was Ratchet. He checked a few screens, nodded and made a movement that she couldn't make out. She tried to blink herself away, but that wasn't working it seemed.

"You can see her now," Ratchet said, his voice slightly muted. Her vision was starting to clear, and she noticed the second body standing nervously in the entrance.

It was silver.

Dea pulled herself up, working past the dryness in her mouth to form a sentence, "No! Get him out!" Ratchet gave her a look that despite the slight headache and fuzzy vision told her clearly to shut up.

"I'm afraid that Jazz has been waiting all day to see you. It's nearly eleven in your human time, and if I kept him from you any longer that would be rude." Ratchet explained in a clipped manner - like a father grounding his two kids to a room until they sort out their problem. He left then, pushing Jazz into the room and shutting the door behind him.

Neither dared to look at the other, "Dea, I was so worried..."

"Fuck off." Dea lay back down and rolled over so that her back was to him.

"Dea... " she heard him step closer, "Please, just talk to me girl... I've... I've been left hangin' these past few weeks and I'm so unsure."

A strange feeling washed over her, but she kept her back to him, "What's to be unsure about?" He sighed and rubbed his face plate, not really wanting to have to put words to the feelings when she was like this.

"About you... and me." He paused to make sure she would let him speak, "I mean, you tell me you love me, then start hanging all over another mech, and without any reason! Then you _kiss him_!" Dea's arm reacted instinctively, the pillow making contact with his face and a slight thump.

"Shut up." Her voice was low and slightly graining from sleeping the day away, but the anger was evident, "My feelings haven't changed for you! Cheetor is a nice funny guy, and not to shabby to look at, but is he my savior? Did he keep me from certain death unintentionally taking my heart with him?" She turned to face him with tears threatening to fall,"You moron."

It seemed no matter how much he willed himself to talk, his vocal processor wouldn't oblige. He just stared with a slack jaw and drooping shoulders as she glared at him, one tear after another staining her pale face.

"And I didn't kiss him! He only kissed me on the cheek! The. _Cheek_!" she sobbed, "Can your supposedly advance brain wrap around that?! Cheetor's a gentleman despite acting as young as I do sometimes!!" she smacked his face with the pillow again, "Un. Like. You. Who. Assumes. The. Worst!" she enunciated with each whack.

Jazz finally made his voice work, "Dea!" She paused with the pillow drawn back, "What do you want from me?!" This time it was her voice that wouldn't work, "I need to know."

"I want you to understand."

His own anger flared, "Understand what?!"

Her reacted in a similar manner and she pulled herself onto her knees, fists planted at her sides, "That you are and will forever be the only damn mech I love!"

"Really? Because your actions contradict your words!" Jazz received another face full of pillow.

"Because you are too uptight! Us humans love to express our feelings of love! I love Cheetor as a good friend but it's _you_ who my heart goes to you big silver oaf who can't comprehend us humans no matter how much he claims to know!" she flopped back on her bed having exhausted herself, her arms itching again, "I even made a present for you! And then you had to go on a fritz and send Cheetor out into a blizzard!" she held up her arms, "See?! See?!"

Jazz fidgeted, now starting piece together the clues so plainly laid out before him.

"Dea..."

"What?!"

"I-I'm sorry."

She huffed and shivered, pulling the blanket up to her chin, "You better be." Jazz sat in the chair next to her bed, one of her favorite songs playing lowly from his speakers.

_Don't say goodbye  
'Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight  
'Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I  
And although we knew  
This time would come for me and you  
Don't say anything tonight  
If you're gonna say goodbye_

Her voice joined in, a simple way of telling him she felt the same.

Jazz listened, imprinting her voice into his most precious memory banks. He stroked her forehead gently with his digit before taking his leave. He had to get Cheetor back as an apology to both of them.

He passed Diana who was standing just off to the side with her hands on her hips glaring at the plant feigning innocence where it was tied.

"You!" she hissed at the plant, "You are an _evil_ plant! You cause so much unneeded drama before Christmas of all holidays!"

Stalker peeked around the corner but she didn't notice him.

"All you ever do is drama drama drama llamma drama!" she shook her fist at the plant, "You cause a lot of unnecessary awkwardness for my friends!"

Stalker approached warily, wondering to himself if Diana was off her rocker as well, "Um Diana?"

"GAH!" She flew into a fighting stance, ready to beat the crap out of Stalker before she noticed it was him, "Holy Primus! Don't do that!!" Sighing, she looked back up at the plant...

Then about died.

"Well I gotta--"

"Mistletoe? Sparks really did hang it everywhere..." Diana yelped and bolted to get out of the kiss zone but Stalker was faster. He tackled the girl to the ground.

"Meepers creepers Stalker!" she tried to hide her flushing face by grappling with the attachment but it didn't help that he was almost the same size as her and on top of that had an extra set of hands to use, "Get off me!"

"Now breaking a tradition is just plain old rude you know." he replied calmly, finally managing to pin her arms on either side of her head with his main set of hands while his secondary stroked her face.

"Are you... drunk or something you NEVER do... uhm... this sort of thing!" she squealed and tried to squirm out from under him.

Stalker shrugged, "Must be the holidays..." Inching closer to her face, he pecked her lips and pulled away before she even managed to 'eep'.

"Well that wasn't so horrible now was it?" He asked coyly, her blushing face getting put into a special part in his memory banks.

"squeak!" Zan suddenly jumped onto Stalker's head then bounced onto Diana's chest looking at her curiously.

"Tag team her Zan!"

"Ack!" Diana couldn't help but laugh as both smooched her cheeks.

-------

Ratchet sighed, looking over Dea's scan results in his personal quarters. Everything was fine, and she was recovering wonderfully after a minor rise in the stats - her fight with Jazz - but he was still worried.

A knock on his door brought him out of his thinking, "It's open." he called to the door, and looked up to see the crimson femme enter his room, "Sparkle! What a wonderful surprise."

Sparkle smiled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck with one hand behind her back, "U-um... sorry for ditching you earlier... I was just so embarrassed that Optimus had seen us like that."

"Oh it's understandable." Ratchet waved off her apology, "I took care of him anyway."

"... I heard Dea had a little mishap." Sparkle said and stepped forward.

"More like lovers tantrum." Ratchet sighed, "I'm going to need to keep an eye on her for the next few days.

She came to his side looking over the charts as well, "So close to her holiday too..." Sparkle sighed, "Wheeljack is busy remaking her gift to Jazz... You might want to check that out later."

The medic chuckled, "Yeah, I suppose..." He looked up at her smiling, "Do you wish to talk?" The smile grew a little deviant, "Or pick up where we left off?"

"Ratchet!" She smacked him lightly, but moved closer to him, bending forward to reach his ear, "I thought you'd never ask."

"Hey hey!" Both jumped at the interruption to see Dea peeking out from underneath her blankets, "Find a room that _I'm_ not in if you're gonna be doing that Dad." she grinned.

Both flushed, looking around the room nervously, "Perhaps we shall meet up later..." Sparkle said, bidding the two ado and skidoo-ing out of there.

"Moment ruiner."

"I'm your child, that's my job." Dea said with a shrug, settling back down, "Do you know where Jazz disappeared to?"

"He mentioned something about apologizing and retrieving Cheetor from the field himself." he checked the window, "Which is looking pretty bad as far as weather at the moment."

"Snow makes inside warm and cozy." Dea snuggled in her blankets, "Just so long as they get back before Christmas... (she checked her wrist watch) which is in a couple hours."

Jazz shook his feet before continuing, the dreaded frozen water sticking to places it wasn't welcome. He was coming up to the last part of the delta sector, and he had yet to see head nor tail of the beast bot.

"Cheetor where the hell--"

"Lieutenant!!" A form approached him from behind; Cheetor, "What are you doing out here?" ice had matted his fur against him and mud was frozen to his paws. His internal temperature was fine but the big cat was in obvious discomfort.

Jazz grabbed the transformed bot by the arm and turned him back around towards the base, "We're going back now. I made a mistake and took out some frustrations on you that I shouldn't have."

"Sir?"

"I'm sorry."

Cheetor paused as Jazz transformed, then followed suit, "Apology accepted Jazz."

Transforming, Jazz revved his engine, "Let's hurry and get back to Dea."

As soon as they were back inside the base, Cheetor shivered and shook himself hard, ridding himself of excess ice that had clung to his fur. He wasn't able to get the mud off though. That would have to come off in a bath. Jazz tapped his feet, getting rid of the ice again, both making quite a watery mess.

"Brrrr!" Cheetor complained as his organic skin was still pulled tight against the cold.

"About time you two!"

They both looked up at Diana who was scolding them. More Jazz than Cheetor but scolding nonetheless. She looked up at Jazz, "Did you get Dea a present while you were out? Because she definitely got you one."

Jazz's head fell, "Present?" Diana's scowl grew deeper, "I'm not going to get to go and see Dea yet am I?"

"Present NOW!"

Holding his hands high, Jazz cried, "Okay! Okay! I'm going..." He waved to Cheetor and Dea, then transformed back into a car and went back into the freezing cold weather.

"Speaking of Dea, where is she?"

Diana - not remembering for a moment that Cheetor hadn't been around to witness the 'Dea almost dying and getting drunk off sedative' scene - turned on her heel, "Med bay, where else?"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh she threw a tantrum when Jazz sent you out and threw his present... lo and behold it was a cube of modified energon and it spilled on her." Diana explained, "Whoa! Whoa whoa Cheetor chill! Don't go rushing in there!" Diana halted him by his collar, "She's fine, Stalker found her in time."

He began sputtering sentences, stringing together words that did not in any way or form make sense, "She's going to be fine by tomorrow right?!"

Diana sighed, "No idea, but she'll be out of that bed anyway I'll tell you that much." She laughed and let go of the collar, "I wonder how Jazz is going to get her present anyway..."

It was near midnight on Christmas Eve by the time Jazz returned with his gift. Obtaining it had been the most annoying and tedious task he'd ever done in his career of sneaking. He looked down at the brightly wrapped gift in his hand and smiled. But it was worth it, for Dea. He snuck into the room where the girls had set up the tree and carefully placed it amidst the other presents. Then he tip toed to the med bay where it was dark except for a few small lights meant for Dea, who was currently sleeping sprawled out on the makeshift bed. Beside her in deep stasis was a newly cleaned Cheetor in his beast mode, a very faint purr emanating from his throat as he slept. This time Jazz didn't feel a bitter stab of jealousy, just relief that Dea hadn't been left alone in such a massive space. He sat next to Dea, watching her sleep, monitoring her vitals closely. She was very peaceful.

Jazz blinked at a spike in her energy level and check the time; it was official Christmas now. He looked back down at Dea, to find pale green eyes staring at him with a wide(and slightly creepy) grin plastered on her face, "Dea?"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS JAZZY!"

"HOE MY LANTA!" Cheetor shrieked and bolted forward, managing to skid to a halt before he collided with the opposing wall. Jazz had been so startled that he fell out of the chair he'd been previously sitting in.

What, did she have a freaking Christmas clock or something?!?!?

... Maybe ...

"Weeeeeeee!! Christmas time again!" Diana came flying down the hall dragging Stalker behind her, Zan hanging off the end of her teddy bear robe.

Holy Primus... did _all_ humans have a Christmas clock?! Jazz stared.

Launching herself onto Jazz's shoulder, she pointed in the direction of the group of sleepy Autobots being led by a way too awake Diana, "TO THE PRESENTS!!!"

Jazz sighed and carried the girl into the room. He set her down and watched as she scurried around, looking for someone.

"WHEELJACK!" Dea shouted, making a few bots look at her, "Hiiii..." The required bot came up and took a parcel from his subspace pocket; Jazz's present. She pulled away when it was offered to her, "Nu-uh! You give that to him for me!"

"Right-o Dea." He picked her up and started back to the Lieutenant, who had located his own gift for the girl, "Read the tag." The scientist prodded as he handed it to him.

Jazz raised a eye ridge, but did as he was told

_To Jazz - who is so oblivious that he didn't realize he's mah man and I'm his woman  
From Dea - who is soooo smart because she thought of the perfect gift all by herself(excluding Deeja)._

He paused, then handed Dea her own present.

_Love Jazz_

The red head blinked, "My tag is better than yours."

Before anyone could rip into their presents Bee stumbled in at the same time Arcee did (the femme was clinging to his muscular arm for support). Both were grinning widely.

Ratchet sighed, "Don't want to know."

"Don't want to tell." Bee grinned.

"Moving on!" Diana cried in the split second awkward silence. She found a present for her wrapped elegantly in a velvety black and silver cloth, "Oooh..." she looked at the tag:

_May our love be forever..._

Stalker

She blushed hard.

"Hehe..." the attachment snickered as she quickly turned away to hide her flushed face.

One of the boxes twitched, then scooted along the floor, then Zan hopped on top of it proudly having found his present.

Dea pulled off the wrapping paper, finding a small white box underneath the paper. She blinked and looked at Jazz, who was now staring worriedly at his cube of energon. Looking back down, she pride off the lid, pushed through the tissue paper, then gasp.

Most of the bots around her stopped to see, Diana hitching a ride on an approaching Ratchet, "What he get you??"

The red head pulled out the simple silver strand, taking the pendant hooked onto the necklace into her hand. It was a silver music note. Below that was a CD - a Jazz CD, "You little bugger!" Dea said and smiled at him.

"Your welcome now what did you do to the energon?" Jazz asked in one breath - to the best a Transformer can breathe - and gave her a curious look.

Grinning madly, she pointed at it, "Intake!"

Jazz eyed the cube.

Then sampled it.

All of the transformers (especially Wheeljack) leaned in closely to see if he would die.

Jazz smiled and downed the rest of it, "Who knew human tastes could be so... amazing!" Everyone sighed in relief.

"You got that right!" Dea grinned.

Diana's gift was a simple silver choker necklace inlaid with star sapphires; it was definitely an eye catcher. She grinned and Stalker volunteered to put it on and she obliged.

Zan quickly tore open his box and squealed with delight when he saw it was a juice maker. Mwahahaha! Now those lemons didn't stand a chance!

The rest of the presents were opened; Dea had given Ratchet a few books on etiquette and being tactful, Sparkle got Ratchet ("In case you get lonely at night!" ), Bumblebee got a new stereo for his vehicle mode, Optimus's present was a plushie of Elita, and Elita's was one of Optimus, Cheetor had his ball of yarn(and was loving it), and Ironhide got that one toy rifle in A Christmas Story("What the slag am I supposed to do with this??" )

She found herself at the doorway, leaning her hip against the frame as Diana help Zan try out his gift. Jazz came up beside her and slid down the wall until he was seating, "Hey."

"Hey there love."

Without pausing at the nickname, Jazz pointed upwards, "You're in a dangerous area little lady."

She smiled at him with a glint in her eyes he couldn't discern, "Oh? Are you going to be my knight in shining armor and save me?"

"Didn't I already do that?"

"Yeah but this situation calls for special evasive maneuvers!" Dea announced.

"So you need to be saved again?"

Dea nodded, "Yup."

"Well I dunno girl... that would be a lot of effort to save you from this situation." Jazz leaned away folding his arms, teasing.

She pretended to be annoyed "Fine, but don't be complainin' when I'm off kissing some other mech." He looked over at her with his eye ridge raised, and she couldn't contain herself. She crawled into his lap.

"Fine the damsel will save her freaking self..."

"Actually, sometimes the knight needs saving."

Before Dea could plant a kiss on his lip plates something wedged in between them and when she opened her eyes, she was kissing Zan instead of Jazz, who looked utterly amused and annoyed all at once.

"beep!" Zan's optics filled with hearts.

"Zan!" The girl rolled her eyes at the bot, "I love you too, but not _that_ much!!" Jazz roared with laughter at the sight, the drone beeping a sad tone as a perturbed Dea tried to remain calm and not strangle him.

Jazz plucked up the drone before he was pulverized, smiling he looked at the human, "Merry Christmas, Dea." he said and finished the kiss, awkward though it was with the difference in bodily structures, but it was the thought that counted right?

Diana had turned on the corny Christmas music, and was trying to get Ratchet and Sparkle to dance to 'White Christmas'. Ironhide was curled up on a couch with Chromia, drinking some Medium grade while conversing quietly. Optimus and Elita were admiring their plushies, and Stalker was now asking Diana to dance to Frosty the Snowman.

Snuggled into Jazz's lap, she couldn't stop herself from smiling as she replied back, "Merry Christmas Jazz..." A thought came to her and she looked up, "Don't think that because you now have the title of boyfriend will stop me from picking on you."

"Wouldn't expect it to."

**OOO**

**And a very Merry Christmas to you all! From your friendly cyber neighbors Maieve and Light of Heaven!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you peoples who've added us to their watchings and favs!**

**Ah crap sorry for the delay folks! Light of Heaven had comp troubles!**

THIS CHAPTER IS **RATED M **FOR BLOODY TORTURE SCENE!!

YOU HAVE BEEN **WARNED**

WE HAVE **NO IDEA **WHAT CAME OVER US

**So yeah…**

**Don't worry, there's still humor… somehow.**

**Chapter 6**

Dea frowned, shoving the person who had just shoved her back, "Hey stupid! Don't make me sock you." Next to her, Diana was fighting her own battle against a brigade of old ladies that all wanted the marked down wreaths.

"Why are we doing this again??" The black haired girl asked.

The shorter one balked, "Do you SEE these prices?!"

"Yes... And?" Dea frowned and shoved past the guy again."Look buddy you're getting on my last nerve!!"

"Dea!" Diana complained as she leaned in close, "The guys back home provide us with plenty of money... budgeting is good but... honestly I don't like shopping when there's mobs of angry peeps running around..." Diana grabbed onto the red heads' wrist so she wouldn't be brushed away by a large crowd of teenagers heading the opposite direction.

"But Dia! The prices!"

"You weren't even listening..." Diana sighed, hanging her head, allowing herself to be pulled along down yet another isle.

"Look, this is a tradition dating back to the first after Christmas sale!" She gave Diana a look, "I've been doing this since I was old enough to hold my own against feet." Pulling them down a less crowded isle so they could talk."Being a bargain shopper is in my blood," she paused, "And besides, I feel bad when I ask them for money."

"I don't just ask for it, I make sure I give back with service as best I can. Don't think when I disappear for hours on end it's always to be with Stalker." Diana snorted but otherwise remained quiet, "So what exactly are we looking for? Or are we just grabbing what may look useful in the future?"

Dea shrugged and started towards the cleaning supplies - the scented candles would be on sale for sure- "I still don't like it. I'll be getting a job soon so I don't have to worry about this anywa-- Okay well I'll still be pinching pennies, it's in my blood... But NEVER THE LESS!"She paused to let an old lady threw towards the mass of people, "NEVER THE LESS! This is a necessity and it must be done or I mentally combust."

They passed through electronics first before reaching the scented candles and other relaxation items. Dea felt her friend jump with fright.She turned to see what the disturbance was only to find Diana looking as if nothing happened, "What?" Dea asked.

"Nothing. I just saw the type of boombox Frenzy turns into."

"Frenzy?"

"Vicious little chatter box of a hacker, he and my music player are at odds with each other." Diana pointed with her thumb at the GTX stereos on the racks, the last one was being taken away by another consumer.

"Huh... oh yeah I remember you mentioning him once." Dea shrugged and pounced on the scented candles."Don't get high." Diana joked. She never cared too much for scented things; more often than not they were too strong for her nose.

Sniffing a cherry blossom one, Dea smiled to herself as she added it to the small shopping basket they had, "Oh! Discount holiday candy!!" She cried and sped off in the direction they had just come from."...Awwww MAAAAAaaannn!"

"Wha-!!" Dea had stopped so fast Diana hadn't had time to slam on her own breaks and crashed into the red head.

Falling forward, she caught her balance via the kid a little to her right, apologized to said kid, and turned to Diana, "Little bastard got all the marshmallow Santa's!!!" She whined and sat herself down on the floor in front of the candy section, blocking people's access.

"Dea, get up! You're in the waaayyy!!!!" Diana whined back, tugging at the girl's arm.

"But the marshmallow Santas are gooooonnnee!!" Dea loudly sobbed while Diana dragged her across the dirty floor so that annoyed shoppers could get through to the candy.

"Big deal, we'll get some different marshmallows." Diana sighed.

"I WANTED MARSHMALLOW SANTAAAA!!" Dea was shut up when the other girl slapped her hand over her mouth, "Shut up! Drop the baby act and let's finish this shopping trip. I'm getting a head ache!"

Dea harrumphed and shook off the arm, standing and brushing dirt that collected itself on her butt, "Well then! Let us be off," a pause.

"Dea..."

"TO SHOPKO!"

Diana's grunt of exasperation was ignored as she was dragged to the register and then out into the cold December air. New Years was just around the corner and Dea seemed intent on taking advantage of every store in Mission City.

"I'm hungry... can we at least stop by a Panda Express or something?" Diana asked as she quickly zipped up her coat against the chill, which was a very difficult task since she was balancing four bags of produce and other items Dea had just bought.

Dea got a look on her face, "Is there a Carl's Junior in the general walking vicinity?""Yess..."The red head squealed and clapped her hands despite her own three bags of this and that, "Okay!"

They dropped off their bags into the waiting Bumblebee first (who was already packed and whining that if anything spilt and stained his interior---"Oh stop your whining!" Dea yelled) before heading to the Carl's Jr.

As they entered, Dea turned to her companion, "Want to see something funny?"

Diana sighed and shrugged - what choice did she have with this girl - and let the red head parade her to the first open cashier, "Hi, can I get an order of chicken nuggets."

The teenage girl behind the counter paused, "You mean chicken stars?"

"No chicken nuggets."

Another pause, and the girl turned to look around her for cameras, "Um... We don't sell chicken nuggets here. We have chicken stars though."

"Alright, so what are chicken stars?"

"..." She rubbed the back of her neck, "Chicken in the shape of stars..."

"And that's different how?" Dea asked, rolling her wrist in a 'do go on' type of manner, "From chicken nuggets?"

"They...aren't shaped like nuggets...?"

"Fine I want an order of 9 piece chicken star and a golden one for the cashier with the blond hair."

She nodded and inputted the order, then stopped, looked up, and glared at Dea, "Anything else with that _ma'am_?"

"Fries and a drink, medium on both." She pulled out the needed money and paid the girl.

Diana shook her head, "That's horrible."

"But hilarious."

They sat at a window booth and ate their meal in silence. Only when Diana realized Dea was bouncing her leg impatiently did she notice the red head was already done with her food.

"Something wrong?" she asked as she bit into her only half eaten chicken sandwich.

"Hurry up! Can you imagine all those marshmallow Santas that are being bought... just not by me!"Diana arched one eyebrow and started chewing slower.

Dea glared.

"Don't rush me when I'm eating." Diana sipped her soda.

Dea groaned and sunk into the seat, pulling out her cell phone to send a quick reply to a message she received, "You're horrible.""I try," Diana smiled and munched on a few fries.

After a few more retorts were exchanged, Diana dubbed herself full and dumped her remaining food in the trash. They walked to Shopko across the street, too busy bickering lightly at each other to notice anything odd in the area.

Pulling past an annoying over grown bush, a police cruiser idled slowly forward, the engine rumbling deeply. Seated in the driver's seat was the afore mentioned Decepticon; Frenzy, "Just do it already! How much longer are you going to wait to get the damned humans 'Cade?"'Cade - his full name was Barricade - growled at the attachment, "Mind your own damn business. You weren't even supposed to come with me."

The silver mech rolled his optics at his partner."You'd be useless without me and you know it.""Frenzy!" the police cruiser growled, the engine roaring with the words, effectively shutting the other up.

Hearing the rev most other people would've just blown it off as a speeder. But Diana picked up on the peculiar sounds behind it and glanced over her shoulder, she gasped."Holy shit! Dea! Run!""Wha-?!" the red head's arm was grabbed as she was hurried forward, "What happened did you suddenly want something?!" she yelled."No! Since you're such a great multitasker call Bee! Barricade's in the area!""Barracuda?!""No!"

Frenzy growled and stomped onto the gas pedal, rocketing his partner forward and into chase mode.Dea - freaking out and rightly so - looked over her shoulder as she held her phone to her mouth and followed Diana's fleeing back by instinct, "POLICE! They found the body!!"

"Now, is NOT the time for jokes!!" Diana shouted.

The red head sped past, a wild ludicrous look on her face."It's ALWAYS time for jokes!!!"

Barricade swerved, drifting across the pavement while Frenzy leaped out of his open window and took an alternate route.Dea glanced at her phone when she realized there was a lack of response, "Hey... since when is there no service in the middle of the city?!""They must be blocking the signal!""Well that's not helpfull at all!"Both ducked behind the Shopko so to avoid any other humans."Cons usually aren't that helpful... where'd they go?" Diana and Dea stood back to back searching for their pursuers."How is it they're so good at this hiding thing??" Dea said in amusement."You got me... maybe it's cartoon physics?" Diana shrugged.

"Then shall we hide behind a street light?" Dea giggled as she climbed some nearby railings to get a better look.Diana laughed and pulled closer to Dea, "See them yet?" The black haired girl blinked at the sound of Dea shrieking, but it all made sense when Barricade flew around the corner, his passenger door popping open as he pulled to a stop and the red head fell forward - having been attacked from behind by Frenzy.

"THE one time I don't bring Stalker with me!" Diana growled as all three of them went flying to the ground, "No gang raping allowed, Frenzy!" Diana reached around Dea, whacking the bot on the head with her bag."Evil little gremlin!" Dea cried, both scooting back a few feet before stumbling back to their feet.

"Frenzy hurry up!" Barricade roared, causing Dea to flinch and turn around. Grinning, the silver mech charged forward, pushing the red head and himself into the cab of the police car."DIANA!" she screamed, reaching out for her friend's hand, but the other girl was dazed at the sudden movement, reacting slower than she would have and giving the mechs enough time to slam the door shut and peel out."Oh shit."

Before the mech could burn rubber Diana whipped something out of her pocket and activated a short plasma dagger Wheeljack had made for her. She plunged it into Barrcade's skid plate causing him to yelp in agony.

He snorted and spun backwards, somehow managing to scoop the other girl into the back seat as he spun. The doors slammed shut and locked. Dea's face appeared on the other side of the bars."Baka. Now who's going to get Daddy?"

Diana shrugged as Frenzy forcefully pulled the dagger from her hand (the other having been strapped in by Barricade, "Reflex. My bad."_"These humans are strange..."_ Frenzy said to his partner in their language, _"They aren't acting very afraid."_

_"Thay'll be plenty afraid soon enough."_

Dea sighed and turned back around, glaring at the mech in the driver's seat next to her, "What's your deal? I thought blue eyes were for good boys and girls." He growled something she couldn't understand, causing her to smack him with the only blunt object she had - her temporarily useless phone."You tell him Dea!" Diana cheer from the back seat, whooping until Barricade turned a sharp corner, sending her to get acquainted with the side of the cab.

"Put them to sleep." Frenzy snarled."Sleep? You couldn't sing a lullaby to save your- oh..." Dea gulped when there was a puff of sleeping drugs launched into the air."I hate drugs." Diana tried to cover her face with her shirt sleeve.

Dea's eyelids started to droop, closer to the smoke that Diana, "You knoow..." her voice was already slurred from the drugs."Oh great..." Diana said and hung her head, the drugs starting to get to her, "She's getting drunk even on this!"The red head giggled at her friend's comment, then turned back to the dashboard, "If you weren't evil you'd be cuute!"

THUNK!

Her head connected with the glove box in front of her and she was asleep.

When both girls came to they were secured in a very boring grey and empty room. Diana yawned hard... making her jaw pop which ensued a groan of pain, "Fraggers... I hate it when the bad guys cheat and use drugs..." Diana stretched then poked Dea who was next to her (albiet with a little difficulty since her hands were tied behind her back), "Wake up." she moaned.

Mumbling something along the lines of 'sexy evil Mustang of doom' Dea blinked herself away and yawned in turn, "Wassat?"

Diana arched one of her brows high, "Did you just say 'sexy evil mustang of doom'?"

"...no."

"Yes you did."

"Did not. It was the drugs.""..."

Stretching the best she could, the red head gave her surroundings a look see, "I'm not too sure what happens now."Diana sighed and went slack in her bonds, "I don't either, but it's never good in situations like these.""With bondage? It is if you're into that kind of thing like Ratchet is."The black haired girl froze for a second to comprehend that, then decided she didn't want to, "Okay. Not sure I want to know how _you_ know that..."

Dea's still sleepy grin was interrupted when the door slid open to reveal a grumpy looking Barricade and jittery Frenzy. The mustang mech had a slight limp, which gave Diana a satisfied feeling."You guys don't have much in the way of style." the dark haired girl gestured with her head to the bare room.

"Your face makes me want to upchuck on it." Dea said rather blatantly to Barricade, trying to scratch at her arm. Next to her, Diana was trying to simultaneously swallow some spit and laugh, but wasn't doing too well...

The partners looked at each other. Exchanged a few words in Cybertronian, then Frenzy stepped forward grabbing Diana by the ankle and started dragging her out."Eh! No no no!" Diana meeped, "Off me you little tweeker!" she pulled her free foot back and kicked the con on the midsection as hard as she could.

"Dia!!" the red head screamed, and began kicking against the giant, who had picked her up, "Let me go you overgrown weed!" Barricade flicked her forehead, shutting her up long enough to get her out of the room and into another, equally bare one.

Diana glared at Frenzy who glared back.

"Oh frag no! You give me back my bestie dammit!"

"Not until you give us a little information." Barricade growled in her face.

"Now honestly... why would I want to tell _you_ anything at all?" she took on a cheesy British accent.

"Do not test me fleshling."

Dea rolled her eyes, keeping the accent, "And what makes you think I know anything at all?"

The mech dropped her on the floor, "Don't try that one."

"What one?!" She took an offended look at him, "I really don't know all that much. I sleep on the car rides to and from the base, nobody tells me anything..." Dea blinked and switched personalities, "And besides," her smile was wicked, "What makes you think you can get me to talk?"

Barricade slammed his palm against the ground next to her causing her to jump from the impact. He took his other hand and one by one the digits extended into sharp claws, "I have plenty of ways to make you talk. But if you know nothing, which I doubt, you're good for bait or bargaining chips. I heard from Blackout who's stolen that pathetic heart of yours. How about I take it out and send it to him?"

Deaphlora sniffed, "Please... You do that and you'll have more than one angry Autobot for your scrawny little dull digits to deal with." She leveled her gaze, "Scare tactics. How primitive."

Barricade grinned and pierced her flesh with one of his digits, "Unlike what the Autobots think, I actually stay true to _my_ word." he started to slowly draw a Cybertronian symbol at the base of her neck in her flesh.

Clenching her jaw, she didn't give him the satisfaction of a scream, "Oh? Should I keep going?" He began another one, trailing a sentence down, spiraling down her neck and leading to her back. Each stroke made Dea want to scream for god to take her, but she refused.He finished, the back of her jacket and shirt torn slightly so he could continue, "Done? What's it say, Barricade was here?" She sniffed, and he turned to look at her.Giving his own grin, he brought a finger to her face, catching something on the tip of his finger, "What's this? It appears I've made you cry..."

Dea scrunched her eyes closed trying to keep her breathing calm but failing. She could feel her shirt growing warm and sticky, to make it worse Barricade started going over the wounds again, "This is to make sure it stays." he grinned, "When it closes over in a few hours, I'll go over it again, and again, and again, until it scars." Dea gritted her teeth against another scream. She wanted to yell curses but she knew that would only satisfy the mech more, the unwanted tears were enough.

Dea snapped, "Do your worst!" He dug the tip in further, and she bit the inside of her cheek in time to stop the yelp that was growing in her throat.She could take this. For everyone's sake, she had to take this. _Diana... Be strong!_

Barricade howled with laughter, "You're strong for a civilian, I'll give you that." he wiped her blood off his digit against her face. He went over to a table she'd missed and picked something up, "Well we can't have you getting infected. Here, this'll do the trick." he poured an immense amount of salt on her head and fresh wounds, then packing it into the cuts.

The stinging sensation caused a few fresh tears, but nothing she couldn't put out of her mind. Deaphlora and Deeja clasped hands, "Your turn kid, keep her busy."

"Easy peasy lemon squeezy," the young counterpart said as she took control.Images of Jazz flashed over her closed eyes, and she relaxed. She could smell the Bod she sprayed into his cab, and hear him laughing at her joke. She could feel his fingers trailing along her back to calm her...The sharp pain from her lower back caused the pictures to flee, and her eyes snapped open - she gasped lightly, but regained control. Craning her neck back to see what he'd done, she saw that he was writing again. Her back arched, and she tasted the metallic hint of blood from her lower lip in her mouth.

"Hmm... seems salt doesn't quite cut it... oh I know. This stuff I found is just as good, stains the skin a little bit off color, but it's more affective." he went and delicately picked up what looked like a bottle labeled 'Iodine'. When he poured it on her new wounds it made the pain from the salt a pleasurable caress.

A quick yelp escaped her throat, smothered by a painful moan. She felt his fingers halt their trail up his damage - the shirts were unsalvageable by now - and his face came close to hers, her heated breath steaming up his face slightly, "What?" she snipped."That sound," his frame shook with delight, "I want to hear it again." He pressed a sharpened digit into the marks, and she took a shuddered breath, her resolve to not scream was starting to crumble.

_"No no! Deaphlora! do something!" Deeja cried, bouncing up and down squealing with fright._

_"I can't! He broke me already!"_

"Hmm, oh look it's already scabbing over right here." Barricade reached to reopen the wounds, Dea couldn't help but flinch away from his touch. He smiled, "Have anything useful to us you might want to start coughing it up before I start doing this purely to hear you squeal."

"Go fuck yourself."

He dug deeper still, "Fighting to the bitter end are we?" She looked away from him, sweat dripping down the side of her face from the blood loss. He pulled back, snarling when he realized he'd have to let her rest if he wanted to continue with his fun.

Carefully, he wrapped up her wounds with gauze, holding it in place till the bleeding stopped and set her aside carefully, drugging her so that she wouldn't go anywhere. He washed up the blood on the floor and off his digits, never caring to have organic stains on him. He wondered if Frenzy was fairing any better, but if these two girls had a strong a bond as he suspected, his partner was probably getting the same result... maybe.

Diana blinked as Frenzy reentered the room, having left for quite some time with a half assed 'Don't move' (as if she could with the way he bound her), and stared at the contraption he dragged behind him, "What you got there slime ball?"

"Something I'm sure you'll find very interesting." She huffed and turned away from him as he approached, poking and prodding her with a finger, "Hmmm. It should work well enough." Disappearing again, he came back with a small bipedal form.She frowned, knowing that she should recognize what it was, but not being able to.

"What's that? Your last girlfriend?" Diana asked with half curiosity.

"No." Frenzy pulled out what looked like a spear at the end of a cord, he held it up to her head but Diana twitched away, "Keep your demonic contraptions from hell away from my flesh you trash heap!" she glared.

Using one hand, he held her face in place long enough to put in place three 'floating' rods - all with the spear-like tip at the end - one on either side of her temple and one at the base of her neck. With each pierce of the flesh she bit back a yell of absolute agony. They thrummed with power, immediately making her feel fuzzy. He connected the other ends to the thing he brought in, and Diana realized with horror that it was a drone."What are you planning Frenzy?!"

He scowled, "If you must know, I'm going to turn you into a harmless little drone. Opens up a world of torture possibilities for Barricade."

"Drone?! Oh no no no no no!" Diana struggled as hard as she could against her restraints, causing her skin to open where it was rubbed raw. She jerked unintentionally as the invasion of electrons entered her brain. She cut off her scream of surprise as her body started to fritz on its own, "IIII HATE YOU!!" she growled through gritted teeth, everything was going dark and fuzzy.

Frenzy cackled, "This way it also makes it easier to pick your memories for useful information."There was a loud pop of machinery and Diana went limp. The drone on the floor was now twitching, still offline but under obvious discomfort.

Smiling, he picked it - now a her - up bridal style and carried her to a nearby table, strapping down the arms and legs in case of flailing. He dusted off his hands after his work was complete and sighed, "Troublesome humans. Why can't they just make things easy and give up.." He paused, "However... Now gives me a wonderful opportunity to--"

"FRENZY!"The silver mech jumped at his name, turning to see the approaching Barricade - looking positively livid, "What?!"

"We need to get some human food."

"Having difficulties?" Frenzy asked with a snide tone. He was rewarded with a smack to the back of his head.

"It doesn't look like you've made too much progress either." Barricade sneered, poking the twitching form strapped to the table.

Frenzy slapped his partner's digit away, "Careful she's still fragile."

"Whatever." Barricade transformed, "Continue whatever you were doing when we get back."

"What sort of human produce do you need?" Frenzy pulled up a list from the internet considered very exotic that made most Americans puke, as he jumped in.

"Just something that is easy for them to digest and will sustain her long enough for me to finish," Barricade explained and Frenzy frowned."That's helpful."

Barricade growled, "Shut up and think of something."

Frenzy sighed, thinking what a boring chore, "Fine, what's she missing?"

"Blood."

"Ok, we should get these..." Frenzy started listing off items that would be good for recouping the body's blood supply, "Sheesh, 'Cade if you knew you were going to drain her you shoulda prepared ahead of time."

The car rumbled as the police cruiser replayed the pained moan of Dea's, "You should see her though. It's brilliant.""You act as if she's your lover." Frenzy cackled, and Barricade growled lowly, "What? You're the one eliciting moans out of her."

"Shut up already before I kill you instead."

"Awww... is Cade starting to care about his hume?" Frenzy's face said 'hi' with the dash board.

"Look who just downloaded a squishies personality to a husk." Barricade grumbled.

They retrieved the needed provisions and returned quickly, Barricade even using his sirens at one point so he could get back faster. With Frenzy making snide comments all the way, he was in no mood to play when he came back and found Dea awake and with a strengthened resolve.

"Where's my bestie?" was all Dea asked. She jumped when he leaned down... and the dropped the bag of produce in front of her."You need to eat."

"Oh so you can bleed me more?" she turned her shredded back to him, "No thanks. Now where's my bestie." she demanded.

"Don't make me force feed you human."

She gave him a look, "How am I supposed to eat with no free hands?" He glared back and snuffed her question, "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you ya big oaf!"

"Shut up and eat already."

"And tell me what you wrote!"

He turned on her quickly, pinning her down with one hand and leaning towards her with the other forearm on the ground, "Just a little message for your beloved." He bound her more securely to the wall before undoing the bonds on her wrists and shoving the bag at her with his foot, "Now eat."

"Your fowl attitude has made me lose my appetite!" she huffed, folding her arms after massaging her wrists. She regretted the action because it made her flesh tattoo smart with pain.

OO

_All the pretty little lights... gives me a head ache! Ooowwwiieee... what the hell happened..._ Diana tried to move but found she couldn't. Her entire body felt numb and heavy... body? Why was she looking at herself? There she was on the other table... what?

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! DEEEAAAA!!!" Diana screamed.

"Shut up so I can concentrate."

She tried to turn towards the voice, but knew that it was Frenzy, "Put my back in my body right now!"

"Not until I've found what I need." He stated.Twitching, Diana managed to lift her head to glare at the small mechanical body, "You're going to pay for this."

Frenzy shrugged, "They all say that till I'm done with them."Diana didn't like the feeling of intrusion she had buzzing through her head. Well since there wasn't really anything else she could do... the least she could was be as annoying as possible even though at the moment she couldn't focus on anything too sly at the moment with all the distracting lights giving her a headache.

"You know Frenzy... did I ever tell you that you're the son of a banshee?"

In her peripheral she saw him twitch.

"Aha! You've been watching Potter Puppet Pals!"

"We had to absorb all the information on the internet when we came down here. Now shut up."

"That episode wasn't posted till today! So you've been keeping tabs!" _Creepy... makes you realize how much porn even Optimus knows... well THAT'S an awkward thought. Moving on._

"Shut up!"

"No, you've turned me into this... this femme! Put me back in my body you cretin!" Diana growled. Frenzy left his mini console and grabbed her face pulling her close, "You're in no position to make demands... once I'm through I just might consider rendering your body useless."

"Honestly... I'm starting to think my privacy is more important... no wait wait! Leave my body alone!"

"It's dying anyway, it can't survive without a personality inside of the brain." Frenzy snickered.

"Screw this!" Diana said, struggling against her bonds again. Frenzy simply watched her, knowing that she wouldn't be able to free herself, "I don't want to die!!"

"You're not dying. Just your body."

Diana glared with all the hatred she could bring up, "That IS me!!!"

"That's your human husk to be more exact." Frenzy leaned too close and Diana bit down on his shoulders, he hadn't realized the drone he'd picked had had that sharp of dentures.

He smacked her off hard, making her head bounce when she fell back, "Hmph... insolence." he went back over to his mini console to continue hacking his way through her brain. It was proving to be a little more difficult than he'd expected, her unconscious defenses were very intricate.

Diana blinked as a brain child was born. Couldn't she - if she tried hard enough - open up a communication link to someone?? Focusing her mind power on that, she began feeling out her abilities._"Bee? Ratchet? Optimus? Jazz? Ironhide? Can anyone hear me??"_ Diana said into the link she had managed to open up, and prayed that it worked.

OO

"That's it." Barricade stormed over to her, grabbed the bag and pulled something out. It was an apple, and he bent down and shoved it in her about-to-object mouth, "Eat it or I'll make you choke."

Deciding it'd do more harm than good if she didn't, she bit into the fruit and chewed slowly, eying the mech as he watched her.

You know that feeling you absolutely hate when your body is against you? Well that's what Dea was feeling at the moment because as soon as she was finished with her apple her stomach growled for more, wanting, absolutely needing the food so that it could replenish its blood stores and continue living. Dea tried to whip out the Deaphlora discipline and control her movements, she didn't want to seem too eager... but then again he could just scan her and probably was. Still it made her feel better.

He threw her the bag, some of the items rolling forward to bump her knees and taunt her with their closeness, "Gee.. Thanks."

"You're welcome."Dea yawned, reaching to inspect what he had purchased (or rather stole): lots of fruit, some bagels and cream cheese, yogurt and vegetables. She grabbed a tangerine and peeled it, throwing the peels at him as he sat down on the floor to watch her, "What?"

"Nothing," he said, his head in his hand, "You're just taking too long."

"Well it just so happens... that if you rush me I can't digest well enough!" _Yes Diana I'm stealing your line_, "So don't rush the feeding human!" to put more emphasis, Dea bit down really really slowly, taking her dear sweet time to mop up the juices that spilt out the corners of her mouth.Barricade didn't twitch or anything, but she could feel his impatience growing like a bubble gum bubble about to pop.

She popped another sliver into her mouth and bit down, her face scrunching up at the taste, "AHH!!! SOUR!" She spit out the horrible excuse for a tangerine onto the floor, along with a few mouthfuls of still sour spit, "That is the most disgusting thing in the world!!"

"You humans are very picky creatures."

"For good reason you idiot!"

Barricade shifted his position a little, "So about this whole, 'I'm a sexy Mustang of doom' thing... I think I rather like to hear more about that." he grinned when she spit out her next portion of more acceptable tangerine. Pitiful little human was getting rather easy to get a reaction from.

She pointed an angry finger at him, "I SAID NOTHING OF THE SORT!" He grinned at her, "That I am conscious of..." She made a show of biting into the last piece of her tangerine and turned away from him, "And if I did I would have stressed the 'Mustang of doom' not the 'sexy.'"

Barricade grinned mischievously, grabbed her wrists with one hand and started carving into the scabs again, "You seem to speak your heart all the time, so is that an unconscious sputter perhaps?" he asked while she squirmed under his painful caress as he reopened the wounds."What the hell did you do with Dia?!" Dea screamed instead."Oh the dark pigmented human? Frenzy's taking care of her." he dumped another pack of salt onto her tattoo.Suddenly the walls rattled, Barricade glanced over his shoulder in surprise as he scanned the area, "Hmm."

Dea's eyes flicked to the doorway, "Daddy?" The black mech frowned, picking her up with one hand and moving into a different room further back, "NO! Let me go you overgrown rust encrusted piece of scra--AAP!" He threw her into a corner, the scabs breaking on and covering her back in a fresh wave of blood.

Dea wasn't left alone, before the door was slammed shut something else was thrown in there, it sparked as it hit the ground and slid a few feet."Oowww..." the bot moaned.

She blinked a few times, eying the small bot in case it turned on her, "Yeah, hi there..."

"DEA!" The bot yelped and pushed itself - well herself by the voice - up on her hands, "Oh my god you're safe!"

Awkward pause.

"Yes... Yes I am a drone."

The said drone glared at her.

Dea's jaw went slightly slack, "We're going to need a better lock on your room."

Diana bristled, purple optics flaring brightly, "Forget the innuendos! Frenzy made off with my body and currently it's decomposing because I'm not in it!"

"I agree." Dea poked the new Diana, "But seriously... I don't recommend sleeping with Stalker in the same room anymore."

The drone smacked her hand away, "Dea!"

"Sorry sorry!"A loud explosion made them bounce where they sat, the sounds of a clash between titans sounding just outside the walls.

"PAPA!" Dea cried, running for the door and banging a few times on it, "GRAAA! He needs to hurry up and save my ass."

"What about Jazz?" Diana asked, testing out her mechanical limbs. Dea rolled her eyes and waved off the question."When I want Jazz, I want Jazz. When I want my daddy... Something is terribly wrong," glancing over at her friend, Dea sighed, "And things are waaay beyond just wrong."

"Well that's not obvious Dea... let's see you've got a new tattoo in the form of alien words... and I'm in an alien body... gee today just turned out AAHH!!" the wall caved in somewhat, knocking Dea on her butt and startling her into scooting back where Diana was still sitting.There was an exchange of curses and something ran away pursued by a few other bots.

"Where was that distress signal from?" that was Jazz.

"Should be here somewhere..." Bumblebee said."Hey! We're in here bone heads! Where's Papa!!" Dea backed on the partially indented doorway.

Diana slumped back into the shadows, "I suddenly don't want Stalker to see me..." _he's gonna freak! ..._

Clearing her throat, Dea looked at Diana, "Might want to figure out how to turn your audio processors off real quick."

"Dea no screaming! NO!"

But it was too late, she took a deep breath and let out an ear splitting scream. The thrumming silence that followed was ended by the door busting down and Dea being scooped up by jazz, then promptly stolen by a worried sounded Ratchet.

"Dea? Where do you hurt? What is this? Who did this to you?" The questions were rapid fired completed with rapid answer, "Yes; everywhere; a flesh tattoo; Barricade. And I think she needs to be looked at first." The red head pointed to her now mechanoid friend.

Really awkward overly long pause.

"Who's that?" Bee asked.

Trembling under all of their perplexed gazes, Diana scooted further back into the shadows. Especially when Stalker made his appearance from Bee's shoulder.

"That's the work of yours truly Frenzy." Dea explained.

Bee looked at Dea, "Are you saying that's Diana??"

"What?!" Stalker leaped off of Bee and ran up to the drone who promptly scuttled farther back.

"Diana they're not gonna bite... well maybe Stalker will..."

"Shut up!" Diana yelled.

"I'm sorry! But the humor..." Dea shuddered with giggles despite the sharp pain it caused her back, "It's too easy!" Ratchet scanned her neck and back, reading was what written, "Hey! You wanna tell me what this says don't you!"

With a jerk of his head, Ratchet summoned Jazz to his side, who read the markings as well, "That bastard." Dea turned to face him, an angry scowl on her face."If somebody doesn't tell me what that says there will be hell to pay for every single one of you."

Bee spoke up, "It says..."_**Dear Autobot scum,**__****__****__**Your littlest hume is so much fun. She is strong willed, but I'm sure I can change that...**__****__****__**Her cries are intoxicating... I want to hear them forever**_

Jazz gripped his digits together, literally hissing something in their language, Ratchet hissed back and warbled.

"Hey! Remember I no speaka yo lingo!" Dea huffed, then slumped, "It's not permanent is it daddy?" she twisted around to see it. Perhaps if she didn't know what it said it would've been cool... no no no! No this is bad! Horrible!

"No!" Stumbling over her new double jointed legs Diana crawled away from Stalker and clamped onto Bee's foot.

"Diana honestly... I'm not going to hurt you." Stalker tried to touch her but she crawled further away and behind Bee's foot. The mech growled and looked up at Dea, "You've made her paranoid!"

Dea stared back at Stalker, "And for good reason you horny little mech you." The ebony mech growled, as Bee lifted up the small drone Diana to sit in Ratchet's hand next to Dea."We should get out of here while we still can." Jazz warned the group, who nodded and started back the way they came.

Just for Diana's comfort's sake, Stalker rode in Bumblebee on the way back to the base.

"It's not gonna scar... is it Daddy?" Dea asked as her now turned bot friend helped her hold bandages in place over the tattoo.The engine made an airy noise, which she took for a sigh."I'll let you know when we get back."

"It better not scar because I don't want my hunk bot reading that every time he sees me."

"It would definitely be awkward." Diana agreed.

"Not as awkward as you."

"Shut up!"

"Whoa... what happened?!" Cheetor exclaimed when Ratchet stomped in and set Dea and Diana down on the table. He jumped up to their level, prodding Dea with his paw.

Flatly Dea replied, "I've been marked by the devil of all Mustangs... Oh! and Diana's one of you now."

"One of us?"

The red head nodded in the direction of the drone, "Yes. One of us. One of us. One of u--"

"SHUT IT! You know I hate that..." Dea added one more 'one of us' before she was shut up by a roll of bandages thrown at her head.

Cheetor watched them with a sort of worried fascination in his blue optics.

"I bet you wouldn't mind being turned into a transformer just for the sake of being closer to Jazz! A... _lot_ closer." Diana huffed but her bite was broken when she tripped and fell, still not used to her double jointed legs.

She got a dreamy look on her face, which Jazz - who just entered with Bee and Stalker - shuffled his feet about, "Why yes. Yes I think I would." Seriousness returning to her face she added, "But he'd have to get my grandparent's approval and we'd have to be married before anything else."Nodding her head with conviction, the mechs in the room stared.

Bee sighed and shrugged, "Right..."

"But right now the only one that has to worry about intimacy is _you_ Dia."

"E-nough! With the jokes!" Diana growled.

"There's never enough jokes in the world-WAHK!!!" she looked back to see that Ratchet had dripped some nanobots onto her flesh tattoo. She understood now why Diana had thrown a fit when it came to these things. It felt like a million bugs were crawling all over your back. She would've went and brushed them off had Ratchet not held her arms in place.

"You guys didn't happen to find my body while you were searching for us did you?" Diana asked the three mechs who'd just entered.

Pause.

"Body?"

In perfect unison the two girls shouted at the mechs, "YOU FORGOT THE BODY?!?!?"

"I'm dyyyiiiiiinnnnngggg!!!!" Diana whined, making a show of falling onto the table surface and scratching at the air.

"No! Diana don't go to the liiiight!!!!!!!"

"Out! And don't come back till you've found it!" Ratchet threw a wrench, hitting Bee on the head, "If it's not under the proper life support equipment soon we won't be able to transfer her mind back!"

"The light is looking awful comfortable though!" Diana whined.

"Dude... what's it like in a transformers body?" Dea suddenly asked.

"Cold, lots of distracting lights and... other stuffs I can't really say." Diana shrugged from where she lay.

Ratchet sighed, shaking his head and rubbing temples, "Taking care of you two wipes me out sometimes..."

"We should be fine by ourselves Ratchet," Dea said with a smile, "Why don't you go find Mama?" Ratchet flushed but nodded, giving them instructions to not leave.

"Mama!?"

"Sparkle!!"

"Diana..." Stalker hopped onto the table.

"Eeep!" Diana clung to Cheetor who looked a little unsure of what to do.

"Would it kill ya to just answer my question of: are you ok?" Stalker huffed.

"Hello! My brain was just poked and prodded by _Frenzy_!! My privacy was just violated to the EXTREME!! Do I LOOK ok?!?!" Diana growled.

"Not to mention you now have the chance of getting--"

"DEA!!!"

The red head sighed and pointed and Cheetor then down. The beast bot laid down and she leaned onto his stomach, her hands laced together behind her head, "Just no respect for a good joke."

"That doesn't constitute as a good joke." Stalker humphed.

"Ok, dropping intimacy issues!" Diana gestured dramatically then plopped down next to Dea, "... what do we do now? Because I hate waiting."

"Have Zan play cards for us?"

"Pshh!" Diana hissed, "Gee... we're sure in a pickle... you've got a mad scientist/torturer out to get you and I'm stuck in a chassis and just had my brain picked and who knows what Frenzy knows about me now." Diana felt her faceplates suddenly heat up in a blush. She touched her face, she hadn't realized transformers could do that.

"About that..." Dea looked over at her drone friend, "You should watch the llama song."Diana paused, blinking her optics a few times, "What does that have to do with anything??"

"Well you can do the whole internet thing now!! LLAMA SONG!!!"

"... Dea, answer me honestly, and seriously, how would you feel if someone you have a negative history with managed to get in your brain and access any memory he wanted?"

Dea frowned, "Look, I'm not too big on sympathy when I can't begin to understand the problem... It's just something I do. So I'm not going to say that I feel so sorry for you or that everything is going to be okay," the red head took a breath, "because we don't know that."Diana stared, not used to seeing this side of her friend, "I'm sorry if that seems a little rude, but I can't imagine what that would be like so I can't say anything and therefore I won't."

Cheetor and Stalker looked at one another, uncertain of the outcome.At first Diana just looked at Dea for a long unwavering moment. Then she lay back against Cheetor's stomach, "Can I sleep with you in your room tonight then?" she asked.Dea grinned, "Of course! No getting robo raped for you!" She playfully glared at the ebony mech, who sincerely glared back."You two are horrible."

"We have to stay crazy to stay sane with you bots." Diana replied calmly.

Cheetor's ear twitched, "That doesn't make sense."

"Exactly." Dea answered.

**OOO**

**Odd chappie I know! But then again… everything's off about this fic. So why am I worried? Well anyways… next chapter will be coming up…. Whenever. We're dealing with school right now, so please have patience!**

**Plus Light of Heaven is having comp troubles so we've been having to resort to pen and paper for the next chapter. Such an inconveniance I know, we don't like it either our brains move faster than our hands.**

**Thank you in advance for the reviews! They are teh love!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

Off where the glorious fluff bunnies were frolicking about in a field of happy funshine, Sparkle and Ratchet were conversing about nothing that had to do with the current situation. One could say there weren't even conversing at all. Just...sighing...and staring... followed by more sighing. Oh yes, love is a wonderfully complex thing...

"What was the reason you came?"

"I don't remember."

"Me either."They both snuggled.

"Well isn't this cuuuute!"

They both jumped when they heard Arcee's voice and found her snickering face peeking around the corner.

Sparkle glared, "Can't a femme get some PRIVACY around here?!"

"Dea said the privacy was poor on this base anyway."

"Arcee!" both yelled.

Arcee rolled her eyes, rushing in to grabbed two cubes of high grade, "Hey when Bee gets back tell him I'll be waiting in my quarters."

The medic raised an eye ridge, but said nothing. Everyone's sweet little Bee had finally become a mech and...well surprisingly it wasn't a hot topic to discuss around the base...

"Is it just me... or is everyone catching on to Diana's bad habit of ruining moments?" Sparkle sighed.

Ratchet sighed, "Yes, but I'm learning from our adopted human daughter on how to save them." He smiled and reached up a hand to caress the side of her face. The femme's face flushed and she grinned widely, "I'm guessing you're a fast learner.."

"That I am." Ratchet pulled her close and kissed her.

"Ehh... Ratchet? Perhaps you might want to find a more private area other than the mess hall to do that."

Ratchet whipped around pulling out his buzzsaw and chased Sunstreaker and his twin right out. Sparkle chuckled and hopped off her seat, she'd just remembered what she was about to do anyway, and the doctor was so passionate about punishing the twins that he probably was going to be at it for a while.

Dea frowned, staring at her back through the small mirror that she held in her hands. The mirror behind her was her full length one in her room. Jazz was stretched out in the hallway.

"Must you do this?" he asked, bored out of his CPU.

"Must you be in my room-er hallway while my shirt is off?" the statement was true; Dea stood in a tight black faded jeans and a matching black bra.

Jazz tapped the floor with his digit, "For the last time why is it such a big deal? I'm not of your species I don't get 'turned on'."

"Oh I don't know about that." Dea retorted. She jumped when she heard a wold whistle and glared at Jazz who lifted his free hand in innocence. Suddenly she noticed with her small mirror that Zan was sitting atop her big mirror bouncing his head from side to side as if listening to music.

"beep?"

"Zan!" she grabbed a pillow from her bed and chucked it at him in full on glare mode, "Who taught you that?!" Zan peeked from behind the pillow, one of his little digits pointing at Jazz.

"You are grounded!!!" Dea yelled, throwing a few more pillows at the Pontiac, "Machoistic bastard from robot hell!"

The pillows of course bounced harmlessly off, but Jazz got the message. He picked himself up and half way he looked at her again, "Did I also mention that Bee didn't read the entire message?" he moved in time for Diana to get a face full of pillow.

"Brat!" Dea yelled.

Diana blinked as she looked down at the pillow, which had just fallen to the floor, "Do I want to know? No. Will you tell me anyway?"

Zan wolf whistled again and Dea pointed a vicious finger at the door then at the drone, "That taught that how to wolf whistle."

"And?" Diana caught the pillow this time, "How many freaking pillows do you have??"

"Not enough!" Dea stomped back to her mirror to examine the now healed scabs. The message went from the base of her neck all the way down around her spine. She shuddered when Barricade's leering face came to mind.

Cautiously, Diana picked up the discarded pillows and put them back on the bed, "Well this stay sure got interesting."

"Yeah."

Awkward silence.

Wolf whistle.

"ZAN!!" Dea grabbed the drone by his long tail before he could escape, "We're going to break you of this bad habit!" she glared at him, holding him upside-down. He gave the biggest puppy optics, even added a little lip tremble.

Her eye twitched, but she held strong, "Uh-uh! No way no how you are getting away with this!"

Ironhide was greeted by the totally perplexing sight of Dea running out of her room (pulling on a shirt in the process) and chasing a very frantic Zan down the hall. Diana running after them, trying hard not to laugh.

"Get back here you little wolf whistling snitch!" Dea growled, "This bad habit needs to be broken! I don't care how!"

"beepodwwoop! eep!" Zan squealed as he leaped onto some piping and cables, climbing up to the ceiling where Dea couldn't reach. He looked down with big eyes and a quivering lip again. What had he done wrong?

Dea glowered at Diana, "Go get him!"

"Why me?!"

"You have the claws now!"

"I'm not going up there! That's too high!"

"Fine then!" Dea pointed at Ironhide, "Get that drone back here!"

Dea stalked up to Ironhide's foot, glaring up at him, "Hello? Why aren't you seizing the drone?!"

"Um, Dea…?"

She turned to look over at Diana who's facial expression was unreadable as she pointed at the girl's shirt, "What?"

Ironhide spoke from above her, "Barricade is a Decepticon… in the form of a Ford model."

Dea popped her hip, "And?"

Diana took over the conversation, "Your shirt…" The red head looked down at her shirt with a confused expression, "Oh…" she said after a bit, upside down 'I heart Fords' staring back at her, "Anyone got a sharpie?"

Later when Jazz saw his human girl again the heart on the front had been modified into a broken one, while on the back had been inscribed: 'I actually heart Pontiacs'.

Dea was hold a very wrangled looking Zan with a satisfied look on her face.

"Glad I've never been wolf whistled at." Diana was saying as they walked by, "I'd find it very annoying too."

"boo…" Zan moped.

"Did you have fun torturing a poor innocent drone?" asked the medic as they entered. He was busy fixing up the twins he had basically demolished in his fit of moment ruin.

Dea nodded happily, "Why yes! I did."

Zan nibbled gently on Dea's fingers. Looking up forlornly at his captor.

"Don't give me that face… I'm mad at you! Sort of… stop it…. Stop the puppy eyes!" she tried to growl.

"Has Bee found my body?" Diana asked Ratchet.

Bee frowned, looking left, right and left again. Damn brainwashing child safety videos… He crossed the hallway into the small chamber where Dea and Diana and Diana's body had been kept.

Lady Luck was smiling on him as the humans would say. The organic form of his friend was still there on the floor. The human husk was still connected to Frenzy's diabolical machine. His scans told him however that the body was on the verge of uselessness for how long it had been cold.

Bumblebee knelt next to the machine, assessing how he should go about unhooking Diana's body. He was considering taking the entire thing with him when suddenly he was cracked on the back of the head.

In the middle of a verbal and insanity sparring match the girls suddenlt stopped and looked at each other.

Jazz (with Stalker on his shoulder) gave them an odd look.

"What's wrong?" Stalker asked, "You were winning!"

"Call it girl's intuition… but we're getting the vibe that something happened." Dea scratched her arm, "Diana my friend! Any crazy dreams?"

The small bot shook her head, "It hasn't even been a day, I haven't gone into stasis-I mean had any sleep yet."

"Damn… well anyway." She turned her attention back to her main mech.

A few hours later there was a rather rude surprise left on their front step per say.

Optimus was the first to stumble on Diana's body. He was a little confused at seeing it showing signs of being alive however. Gently he picked her up and noticed there was a message sticking out of her coat pocket.

It read:

Thought we'd keep it warm for her while she suffered.

Blinking, Optimus glanced around.

Where was Bee?

ONE HOUR LATER.

Ratchet sighed, "Well this is a strange predicament…" Optimus frowned as well, as well as Stalker/ The ;ast hpwever was staring at the creepily silent Dea.

"Strange indeed." Optimus agreed, "Stranger still is this silence…" the final two mechs looked down at the human who began itching her arm.

'I have a feeling… that I'm being stared at…. By big talking robotic aliens!' she looked down at her lap.

"This is frightening!" Ratchet cried, leaning away from the small girl.

"I'm scared for my life!" Stalker whined, hiding behind the already retreating Optimus.

'And now they're talking about me!' Dea looked up at the three mechs, "Oh."

"You're not supposed to be in here." Ratchet scowled.

Dea shrugged, "Hasn't stopped me before."

"Oh slag! Dea!" Stalker leaped down next to her, "You aren't allowed to tell Diana!"

"Tell her what?"

"That Bee is inside of her body!"

Dea suddenly grinned.

Stalker realized his mistake and slapped his forehead.

"I can't believe you fell for it!" Dea punched the air in triumph, "Sucker!!"

While Dea was busy cabbage patching, Stalker walked over to the wall to bang his head a few times before rejoining the group, "I never thought I'd find someone so stupid..."

Ratchet sighed and shooed her with his hands, "Yes, but really. You can't tell her."

The red head paused and stared in thinking at the medic's feet, then looked up at his face, "Tell her what again?"

"That Bumblebee is inside Diana's body."

Another grin.

"TWO FOR TWO!!!" Dea swayed her hips to an invisible beat as she victory danced, "I'm on a rooolll!!!"

Ratchet threw up his arms in exasperation and turned to Optimus, "Fine then it's your turn!"

Optimus did a take back, "Whaaaat?"

There was a small stare off between the giant mech and the small girl, then Dea grinned and Optimus shrunk back, "I think I liked it better when she was quiet..."

"So it's quite certain that you do not know that there is not a person that isn't Diana inside of Diana."

"...No?"

"So there is a person that isn't Diana inside of Diana?"

"Wait I mean yes!"

"Okay that's all I needed to know." she flashed a peace sign and proceeded to skip out of the med bay.

"Ah crap! Optimus! I just picked up Diana's signal and she's headed this way!" Stalker exclaimed.

Dea skidded to a stop and looked at him, "Pashaw! All you have to do is stick your head out the door and she'll skidaddle the opposite direction."

"Shut up!"

The door hissed open.

"Hey why's the congregatiooooaah!" Diana meeped as Stalker leaped toward her in an attempt to block her view. To her however he was trying to glomp her. Diana jumped back out of the room.

"See? Tooold ya so!" Dea giggled.

"SILENCE INFADEL!" Stalker growled and went to chase after his part-.

"Have you ever noticed how perverted partner can be? She asked now that the one who told her to shut up was gone.

"What?"

"ROBO RAPE!"

Optimus and Ratchet did the oh so impossible anime fall which of course caused the ground to shake. Dea just giggled.

Later that evening (don't ask how Diana escaped)

Both girls were sitting in the lounge area lazing about. Dea sat on the floor reading a book, leaning against a napping Cheetor while her now bot friend sprawled out on the couch in a complete slump.

The blue femme vented her systems, which sounded like a sigh, "I'm doomed… they haven't found my body yet. I'll be prone to robo rape ness!" she mumbled to herself.

"Speaking of rapeness," Dea waited until Diana was paying attention, "You've been mind, body AND soul raped."

"WHAT?!" Diana glared at the red head, "What makes you say that?" she asked.

A slight pause but enough to give Diana suspicion, "No reason!" leaping away from the prodding stare, Dea called to the beast bot, "Cheetor! Come."

The door opened to reveal an about to knock Stalker as Cheetor joined her side.

Dea patted the beast bot, "I trained you well!" she looked at Stalker. Then grinned evilly. Before the attachment could do anything he was snagged and tossed into the room.

"What the-!"

"Well I'll see you all later have fun 'kay bye!" Dea shut the door and pressed her ear eagerly to it. Cheetor blinked in confusion, "I thought we were leaving?"

"Shhh!" was her answer.

Lllooooonnng awkward pause.

"Um… hi." Diana squeaked.

Stalker sighed.

All the while inside of Diana's head were the workings of a plan of complete revenge against Dea.

"If you really feel the need to avoid me, there'salways the air ducts." The mech said despite the loud curses coming from outside the door.

"DEA!!" the now femme boy growled.

"There's no one here by that name!"

"I'm gonna get you Deaphlora!" came Diana's response.

"How do you know these things?!" Dea yelped, fine then… Diana wanted to play dirty.

Diana turned from the door to her partner, "Ah… no it's not that I want to avoid you…. Ok I do kinda it's…. well it's complicated/  
she rubbed the back of her neck.

"SHE WANTS TO KEEP HER VIRGINITY!!" the door cried with mirth.

"Deaphlora you are SO not funny! I'm going to make sure Frenzy turns you into a femme and you're stuck in a room with Barricade!" Diana yelled.

There was a horrified gasp, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh I would!"

"I can see Frenzy and Stalker sharing you!" Dea countered. The mechs did a take back.

"That would be like you, Cade and Jazz!" Diana snarled.

"HA! The day either of them lays a finger on me with dirty intentions is the day they die!" Dea growled back with conviction.

A moment of silence.

"AND Cheetor!"

Dea felt the beast bots' gaze of surprise on her. She also could feel the traitorous blush inching across her cheeks.

'Holy slag! Are these femmes in heat or something?!' Cheetor fidgeted as he spoke to Stalker through a private line.

'I… don't…. want to know actually.'

Diana turned to Stalker, "I feel better now. Care to show me this whole energon thing? I think I'm running on empty." She said sweetly.

Dea resumed the position… well, the position of her ear against the door.

"I think… we'll take the air ducts…" Diana laughed.

Dea smiled and stepped back dusting her hands off, "Well, my job here is done."

"What, you planned this?!" Cheetor just short of bellowed. Dea smiled down at him and placed a hand on her hip.

"Of course! Did you expect anything else?" the red head strutted proudly down thehallway.

"Some normalcy would be nice!"

Long silence.

"I hope Diana doesn't pull through with that foursome idea. That'd be awkward."

Deeja turned and smacked Cheetor on the head, "Bad kitty! Very bad kitty!" she growled and ran off. Cheetor blinked and shook his head, "What did I say?!"

Oh but the plan wasn't over just yet! Heavens no! Dea searched out the ONE bot who could unknowingly help her exact her final revenge.

Dea ran along the corridors peeking into all of the rooms she'd seen the mech mingle in. In the end she found him in his lab leaning over something on his desk.

"Wheeljack!

BOOM!

The mech was now on his back with a blackened face, blinking in shock.

"…….is now a bad time?"

"Ummmm… not anymore." He grunted, pushing himself to a sitting position.

"Well I just wanted to let you know about IT (well she…)" Dea said and picked the dirt from her nails.

" 'It' ?" Wheeljack asked, curiosity already piqued.

"Oh yeah! It's a bot here in the base… used to be," dramatic pause, "Human."

". . ."

"No way!"

"Way!" Dea teased, "She's currently running around with Stalker. So she should be easy to find, but don't scaaaa….." Dea looked around the empty lab, "How the heck did he get passed me?"

She could've swore the anime action lines were mocking her by outlining Wheeljack's silhouette.

"Damn… Diana was right. They've figured out how to apply cartoon physics to reality!" she shook her fist at no one in particular.

She smiled at a sudden brain child. Whipping out her black sharpie, the red head colored in a large black circle on the wall, wrote Jazz above it, "Here we go!" she squeaked and ran into… wait…. THRUOGH?! The wall?!?!?!?!?!

"JAAAAZZZYYYYYY!!!"

The lieutenant nearly jumped out of his husk at the horribly familiar nickname. He could of swore that he'd locked his door!

"Dea?!" Jazz asked the seemingly empty room. He found her sitting cross legged on his rest berth, "Ahhhh…. What are you-? How did you-? Ahhhh…."

The girl giggled and pulled all her bangs out of her eyes, "Confused?" he nodded, "Perfect."

"Holy crap crazy scientist!" Leave me alone Wheeljack I'm not a specimen!" Diana yelled as she booked it down the hall as fast as she could.

"Are you kidding!" said mech rebottled excitedly as he gave chase, "We could use this to let Dea and Jazz have a real date sometime!!" he hoped Diana wasn't also a frequent to Dea's online diary.

Diana jumped into a humanized hallway to escape his grasp. Then she skidded to a halt just out of his reach.

"Hmmm…. Privacy violated again or get back at Dea…. Damn that's a hard choice!"

"I could always make it for you."

Diana squeaked in surprise, having forgotten the whole arm extension thing as she was snagged.

"Wheeljack let me go! This is going to cause mental trauma!!" Diana pleaded.

"But this is for science!" he defended.

"I'M NOT FOR SCIENCE!!!"

"I'll put you in stasis you won't feel a thing." He reached up to deactivate her.

"RAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!"

O

Dea was on her usual seat –Jazz's hood, grinning with pure unadulterated glee, "You got raped for SCIENCE!"

"And you are insufferable." Diana hissed back with.

"If I was I believe I'd be dead."

The blue femme bot looked up with determination in her optics, arms folded casually, "So how come no one told me that they had my body back?"

"Oh…" she drummed her fingers, "Ummm…"

Diana narrowed her gaze, "Never mind, soon we'll have swapped places."

"Actually that would be very difficult consider –wait what do you mean 'swap places'?"

Diana just smiled and looked away.

"You whore!" Dea gasped, catching on to the sinister implications. She faught back with a giggle and a sneak of her own secret information, "You'll be like this until we find Bee."

"Why?" Diana asked with concern.

Dea smirked and looked away.

O

Blurred vision… optical sensory must be damaged… including audios… ok utter and complete confusion. Why did everything feel wrong??

"Uh… Ratchet?"

Was that… Sides?

"Ratchet she's…. er he's awake!!" Sides said, nudging the sleeping medic with a foot, "Raaaatchet!"

SLAM!

Sideswipe fell over from being smacked on his head. Ratchet grumbled as he scooted passed the groaning twin to examine Bee, "How're you feeling?"

"Very… odd?" he squeaked and grabbed his face. When had his voice gotten so high?? Had the twins glitched h is voice processor to that of a femme?!

"Understandable."

"Dude!"

"Nooo! Nonononono! You!!" Ratchet glared at someone out of his vision, "Out!"

"Oh come on Ratchet!" Dea whined, "hey girly what's up?"

"D-Dea?" oh the twins were soooo going to get it when he was better, "When did you get so big?! Ratchet didn't transfer me to a smaller husk did he?! My body's not irrepairable is it?!" why was his voice so scratchy?

"Calm down chica!" Dea said as she shooed Ratchet and the slightly groggy Sides out, "Girl talk time, no boys."

"Okay the girl jokes aren't funny anymore…" the look on Dea's face made him guess otherwise.

"If Diana ever finds out I made you do this I'll kill you." Just as he was about to object, the girl took his hands –HANDS?!?! –and slammed them on his boobs –BOOBS?!?!

The scream of horror that echoed across the base even woke up Ironhide.

Bee's voice cracked painfully as she scrambled away from Dea over to the nearest reflecive metallic surface. He grabbed the face that wasn't his, "Holy slag! Where's _my_ beautiful face?! What the Pit is Ratchet thinking?! What the hell is Diana thinking?! What happened?!" his rambling continued until Dea silenced him by covering his mouth.

She used one word to successfully sum everything up, "Frenzy."

"THAT BASTAR -!" he blinked at the smack he received from the red head.

"Ladies shouldn't curse."

"You two curse all the time!"

"Because we know when to. And I don't care for one thing… she sort of does though."

"Fu -!"

Smack.

Bee glared at Dea, rubbing the spot she'd struck.

O

Diana was just short of a cackle as she hopped herself onto the table next to Wheeljack, "Is it ready?"

"You are one sadistic bitch of a friend…"

"Well… I've been violated enough I might as well start taking advantage of the situation… wait that sounded wrong." She smacked her forehead, stupid Dea Innuendos.

She cracked her knuckle joints and hopped off the table, "Ok, phase one almost complete." She ran off to find Stalker.

Stalker looked up from his cube at the approach of small metallic feet, he kept his optics on the floor, "Stalker I need your help."

"Are we back to blackmail mode already?"

Diana shook her head, "No, this time I'm asking nicely."

This was dangerous… she was asking nicely!

Stalker took his time going from her feet to her face. Taking in all of her delicate femme curves. She fidgeted to his delight.

"Alright. What needs to be done?"

Dea paused in her scrubbing of the counter's to flip a persistent strand of hair out of her face. Cursing as she realized her arm was itching, she glanced about the mess hall's kitchen before sighing, "I don't like the looks of an empty room..."

She had come in here to get rid of her frustration the only way she knew how; by cleaning the HECK out of anything remotely dirty.

So far, she'd cleaned her room, Diana's room, found window's that needed a good scrubbing, vacuumed Ratchet's office, and was now on her way to cleaning the kitchen. The LAST thing she needed was her arm itching.

Why was she so angry? Well Jazz, who had gotten pretty sick of the clinging girl after the first half hour of only being called Jazzy, had yelled at her to stay away until he was done with his duties. Not one to take a liking to being yelled, Dea resorted to her instincts and...well...cleaned.

Dea tossed the sponge into the sink, wiping her hands on her pants and turned around. She yelped, jumping back dramatically on one foot when she saw Stalker sitting at the table where he hadn't been a second before, head propped up on his elbows, all four golden eyes trained on her.

ITCH.

"What's with the creepier than usual sneaking?" Dea asked.

"Oh nothing, I just thought you'd like to know something."

Snatching the towel she's slung over her shoulder, the red head dried her hands as she peered at the attachment curiously, "Oh? And that would be what?" Her eyes narrowed as her urge to scratch increased.

Stalker examined the claws on one of his secondary arms, "Well it has something to do with your most personal and inner most thoughts."

Very itchy at this point.

Dea gritted her teeth, "Get on with it! Or I'm going to... make Diana buff you with a steel scrubber!"

Stalker shrugged, "It only has to do with Wheeljack reading your diary."

Dea squinted, "My...Diary?" Her lips pursed and she leaned back against the counter, "My...diiiiaaarryyy... my diary?"

The mech began to twitch at the red head's stupidity, "YES! Your diary!! Your online diary that you're always typing up!!"

"Wait, you mean my blog?" Dea butted in, a dangerous gleam in her eyes, "I put my best security features on that."

Nodding, Stalker lead her along, "Yeah, well he hacked in and read it."

"Sonoffabitch!"

Stalker marveled at the speed a human could do when they felt completely infuriated. 

_Heading your way. Taking alternate route._

_Don't be late!_ Diana replied through their inner commlink. She was getting better at this whole communication via the transformer style.

"WHEEEELJAAAAACK!!!!!"

The said mech looked up slightly fearful of the human's wrath, _Are you sure she's not going to kill me??_ He asked Diana via com link.

He didn't get a chance to hear an answer as she skidded to a halt in front of the door to his lab, the murderous intent running off her in waves.

"I'll kill you for not learning to respect boundar--- Ooooo! That's such a cute car!!"

Wheeljack sweatdropped, "Yes, I thought you might like it."

Suddenly Dea glared back at him, "You KNOW I like it because you've been READING MY BLOGS!!!"

"Oh dear..." Wheeljack backed away a few steps, not quite sure why he was so afraid of a little squishy.

_In position._ Came Stalker's voice.

_Fire at will!_ Diana practically sang. She wasn't able to use any of her transformer weaponry yet.

Dea felt a prick in her neck and whipped around to see Stalker putting something away, "You basssttaaar...ss..." As she tried to blink away the drowsy feeling she was getting, the red head fell backwards onto her butt. She was already beginning to giggle like an idiot.

Diana stepped out of the shadows as Dea's breathing finally showed she was asleep -after a few giggles of 'keep that sexy mustang away from me' which gave the now femme another horrible idea - and she grinned wickedly, "Shall we?"

Diana climbed onto Wheeljack's shoulder after he'd placed Dea in a life sustaining pod. She whispered something into his audio processor.

He did a little take back, "You want me to wha-?!"

"Just do it, this is me getting back at her for all the mean jokes!" Diana folded her arms.

"Is that nessicarily safe though?"

Diana kept on giving Wheeljack the look.

"Right..."

Early morning, and Dea had the biggest... ok it wasn't a head ache but it definitely was some sort of discomfort. She groaned a little, seeing a blurry ceiling come into focus slowly... accompanied with lots of pretty little lights.

Itch.

Sitting up to allow herself to finally itch, she glanced about her surroundings, "Oh, I'm in Jazz's room again..." She blinked at her voice, "And I'm getting sick. Great." Dea turned slightly to kick Jazz awake, but stopped dead.

Instead of Jazz, there was... BARRICADE?!?!?

"PPPPPEEEEEEEEERRRVVVVVVVEERRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111oneone eleven eleventy-one11!!!!! " Dea screamed and brought her hands down upon the Decepticon's head. Wait... Since when was she able to do that??

Barricade sat up abruptly and screamed as well, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!?"

"DEA! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN JAZZ'S ROOM?!?!?" She punched him in the face and bolted, then skidded to a halt.

The door wasn't as big as it should have been...

"HOLY FUCK IN THE ROYAL JOHN I'M A TRANSFORMER!!!!"

"You can't be Dea!" Barricade approached the beautifully polished red transformer. She squeaked and dove through the doorway.

"What the hell happened?! Did Decepticons overtake the base while I was asleep?! Diana!" she skidded to a halt, "Diana?" she itched her arm but squeaked again when Barricade came running out to catch her, "PERVERT! KEEP AWAY!"

"Since when have I been labeled a pervert?!"

"My neck and back you numb skull moron idiot loser face!!!" Dea defended herself from the oncoming mech with a kick to the abdomen, "Now BACK OFF or I'll find out how to laser your ugly mug off!"

"DEA!!!" Barricade growled as he held his stomach, but it was too late. She was already gone and out of reach. He poked his head out the door as she ran, "Well I'll be damned... she's runs fast!"

Jazz sighed and rubbed his stomach, "I'm a pervert?"

Diana and Stalker snickered as they watched Dea's reaction to the situation.

"Mwahahahaha!" Diana cackled in satisfaction.

Dea found herself at the med bay without so much as a heavy pant or sore leg, "Heh, there's a few good things to this..." Opening the door, the latest girl turned femme shouted into the room, "PAPA WOW! I'M A BIG FEMME NOW!"

Ratchet came running from his office and stopped to stare at the body that went with the voice, "What's sad is that you sang it like that commercial you like..."

"Uh-huh!"

Then Dea stomped her foot, "But what's wrong with you mechs?! There's a Decepticon running after me! I woke up right next to him!!!" she glared, "Who knows how I was violated!"

"U..uummm..."

"Well?!" she tapped her foot.

"Is that really Dea?"

The red femme yelped and hid behind her adoptive papa, "See?! See! There he is!!" she pointed at Barricade. All Ratchet saw was a flustered Jazz though.

"Dea... that's only Jazz. I think I need to check your core proccessors to make sure you're ok."

"What?! You're all in this aren't you!"

Ratchet herded Dea to a table and made her sit, all while shooing Jazz with a glare. The silver mech blinked a few times, looked at the disgusted Dea, then shrugged and left, "Oookaaayy..."

"Papa! What's going on?! Ouch!" she jerked away when Ratchet pulled something open on the side of her head.

"Hold still!" Ratchet went to look inside of the slot. Which was a very odd concept for Dea.

"There's something messing with your optical sensors." he said after a few moments.

"FIX IT!'

"I'm doing so!!"

"HUURRYY!!!"

Sparkle paused in the doorway, "New arrival?" 

"Mommy!" Dea held out her hands for a hug just to freak Sparkle out. In fact... it worked a little too well since the other red femme jumped back and ran out.

Dea blinked and look back at Ratchet, "She's not ready for kids yet."

Ratchet sighed and rubbed his temple, "Obviously..." Dea grinned at him, which brought the medic back to the situation at hand, "Why in the world are you Cybertronian?"

"I dunno... but you know what? GET BARRICADE OUTTA HERE!" Des shouted the last part, pointing an angry finger at 'Barricade' who was everything but pressed up against a viewing window.

"JAZZ!! OUT!"

As Jazz did as he was ordered, he heard a peculiar sound. He shuffled around trying to find the source... and found it was Diana rolling around on the floor of an empty room laughing her circuitries loose.

Stalker was holding his head trying to contain his laughter as well; both had apparently been spying one Dea.

"I was wondering who would do something like this..." Jazz noted as he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed in an angry fashion. Diana stopped and looked up at the large mech.

"Hahahaaa...hhh... Jazz!" Diana's chuckling slow to a stop as she pulled herself together, "What are you mumbling about now BarricaaaaAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! OMG!"

"Diana..." Jazz growled.

"I'm sorry!" Diana laughed, "No I'm not sorry! But seriously... hehe, don't worry. It's only a temp modification... give or take if… hehehe, Ratchet takes it out." she fell over again, giggling.

Jazz growled, "Like that matters! The fact remains that my girl… friend… is one… of us…" the mech paused long enough to switch his look from one of anger to that of lecherous satisfaction.

Diana looked from the bipedal Pontiac, to the stereo box, then back, "Do you all act like this when we girls are turned into femmes?"

"Uuuhh…. Yeah!" they said matter of factly.

"Optics up!" she glared back at Stalker, "I felt them on my aft!!

Dea frowned at her surroundings as she walked, "This is sooo weird…" she flexed her fingers and brought them to her arm, already scratching before she realized what the movement was doing to her paint job, "Ah!" she looked up at footsteps to see Barricade- who was actually Wheeljack-, "AHHH!!"

Wheeljack only had enough time to open his mouth before Dea was gone the opposite direction.

"I wasn't going to ask for any help!" he whined. Aparently what Ratchet had though he'd fixed, he'd only made worse.

"That couldn't be my sparkling!" Sparkle was ranting to Ratchet.

"Sparkle…"

"I mean, we haven't even interfaced! What the pit happened? Is this some sort of time flux cosmic joke or something??!" she curled up on one of the med bay's berths in the fetal position.

"Sparkle it's ok-."

"What did you do to meeeee!!" Sparkle pointed an accusing digit at Ratchet. A lot of femmes would be jealous of Sparkle, her boyfriend being a doctor. And of course doctor mechs knew all of the sweet spots.

Of course they could do a lot of other things as well.

"Sparkle would you relax for one damn second?!" Ratchet cried at the femme, succeeding in doing so, "That is-."

"MOMMY!!" Dea screamed as she bolted into the room, causing the red femme to twitch, "Barricade is out to get me!!"

Ratchet frowned and gave Dea a once over, "Are you sure you're still seeing Barricade?" she nodded and made the doctor frown more, "I see…"

"So what were you two saying about not interfacing? (gasp!) Daddy! Is Mommy making you sleep on the couch? Ohhhh! Bad Daddy!"

Sparkle was about to go into emergency stasis lock. Where the slag had the time gone?! It didn't appear to be any different.

"Dea! Stop this nonsense!" Ratchet yelled.

Sparkle blinked, "That's… Dea?"

"Ye-aaowch!!" Ratchet gritted his teeth when Dea stomped on his foot behind the table.

"Ratchet are you ok?" Sparkle asked while Dea glared at him. Another stomp on his foot ensured he nodded his head, "Ok…. I think I'm going to take a nap…"

Dea waved happily, "Bye Momma!" a pause, "Wait, since all this is Diana's fault, that makes her my mom!"

Ratchet rolled his optics and prepared to take another look at the glitch.

"Oh GOD!! That also makes Wheeljack my dad!!"

"What?!" Ratchet folded his arms, neither noticing the scientist who'd just walked in, "That's ridiculous Dea! They can't be your parental units." He growled.

"I beg to differ on the 'Dad' thing." Wheeljack added in as he entered, then paused before Dea who turned to look.

"Hi." She waved then turned back around.

"Hi…"

Dea turned back to the doctor, "So, what kind of car am I?"

"What?"

"You know, what model am I?" she prodded.

He huffed and glared, "Why don't you go ask your 'Dad'!"

She blinked at the familiar tone, "Are you giving me attitude?!"

"No!" he barked.

"Yes you are!" Dea said in a mixture of disbelief and laughter.

"Awww, you're jealous!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

Ratchet threw his wrench which smacked Wheeljack on the head, "Am not!" he stormed out of the bay. He saw a glint of red around the corner and pursued.

Once he caught up he grabbed her arm, "Give me a child!" he demanded.

Sparkle's optics grew wide with shock, "W-what?!!!" she yelled.

"You know, a baby, sparkling, little thing, a mini us!!"

Sparkle shook her head vigorously, "I DON'T WANT A MINI US!"

"YES YOU DO!" Ratchet yelled back, "You know you do!"

She shook her head again, "No! I don't!"

Ratchet growled, "Oh if I didn't have morals I'd have you now!"

Sparkle squeaked and ran away. The doctor blinked a few times, then slammed his head against the nearest wall, causing it to crack.

Well that was stupid.

Dea blinked at the empty med bay, "Is nobody going to save me from- AAHHH!!!" Dea bolted past a Barricade-fied Sunny and into the hallway, "He's everywhere!"

"Who's everywhere?"

Dea turned around and stared at a five foot tall Barricade (who was actually Stalker) "Squishy!"

Stalker yelled and dived away just in time to avoid being squished under her massive foot.

Someone grabbed her arm and tugged her around, "Dea! Stop trying to deactivate my mechs!" Optimus growled. He wasn't prepared for the reaction he received however.

"GIANT BARRICADE!!!" Using her female instincts, she kicked him 'where the sun don't shine' and ran for her life in a random direction.

Arcee entered the med bay with a kink in her shoulder joint. She was glad no one but the med techs were present, she wasn't in the mood to deal with doctors… or anyone for that matter since she'd been stood up. Arcee shuffled through the various supplies in search for a bottle of joint lubrication.

"Arcee! Arcee!"

She looked down when something latched onto her ankle joint.

"Um, Diana? Did Dea load you up on sugar or something?" the femme asked in a confused tone.

Diana- her body anyway- looked up with teary eyes, "I'm so sorry! I'm not Diana I'm Bee and I didn't mean to stand you up but I've got a very good reason!"

Arcee paused to stare, "You're in Diana's body?"

Bee nodded.

The confirmation earned him a hard pink femme in emergency stasis lock on the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay, Light of Heaven is having interweb issues.**

**Here is your dose of crack for the day... or days… :D**

**Chapter 8**

Dea poked her fallen female comrade, sniffling to hide that fact that she was about to burst into laughter, "Ah, Arcee... I knew yee well..." Beside the newly Transformer-ized girl, Ratchet rolled his optics and vented his systems.

"She's not dead, nor is she even dying. Dea will you leave the poor thing alone? You've given enough femmes a shock as it is." Dea huffed and straightened, ready to do verbal battle with her father figure - a gesture that didn't seem to far fetched anymore.

"Excuse me!" The young femme placed her hands on her hips, "If I'm not mistaken it wasn't _me_ who went up to Sparkle and demanded a child."

The medic paused in what he was doing, and Dea could have sworn the cartoon physics were making a comeback because his outline seemed to change as he shivered from the horrid memory, "How did you find out about that?"

The once human Dea giggled and resumed poking Arcee, "Momma talks a lot when she's hysterical."

If there was one thing Ratchet didn't like all the time it was exactly that.

Then, all of a sudden without any warning whatsoever the hard pink femme leaped to a sitting position, causing Dea to squeak and fall on her bum.

The look in Arcee's optics was telling them she had only one equation in her mind: The world plus restored bodily order minus the likes of Frenzy times the satisfying crunch of Frenzy's frame under her foot equals very happy Arcee.

Dea crossed her legs and held her feet together as she looked up at the slightly deranged femme, "Kill Frenzy Plan Time?"

Arcee nodded and grabbed the younger femme by the armpit, "Kill Frenzy Plan Time." Then she stopped and looked down, "DEA?!"

She saluted with her free hand, "Dea, successful evil experiment of Wheeljack's at your service." Arcee took a few moments to process this before she began dragging the girl again. The maroon femme sighed as she caught on the Arcee's thinking, "You're going to teach me how to fight aren't you."

"Quit reading my mind."

There was a little 'clink' sound and a yelp of surprise and a few more sounds of scrambling before Diana appeared on Dea's shoulder guard, "Sheesh... Stalker makes it look sooo easy!" she huffed.

"Guys!"

All three looked back to see Bee trying to match their pace, but he wasn't ready for strenuous activity such as running and quickly fell behind.

"Bee, you should stay in the medical bay, you're going to make my self sick." Diana said.

The human holding alien panted, leaning heavily on her knees before standing up, "But Wheeljack's been hangin' around! I don't want to be raped for science like Diana did."

The blue femme instantly glared at Dea for this. A habit quickly acquired despite they were now on even ground at the moment.

"Wouldn't you if your man was suddenly a girl? Wait... I'm not sure I want to hear the answer to that." Diana added quickly.

"Ratchet did say that as long as we don't acquire a spark, we should be able to get back to our bodies fine." Dea mused aloud, ignoring Diana's comment.

"It's not like there's an Allspark anymore anyway," Diana sighed and looked up at Arcee, "So, what's class 101 for operation mutilate evil Frenzy and obtain your mech's smexy figure back?"

Arcee looked between the two, "Do either of you know how to get your--" Before the sentence was finished, both girls hand their respective weapon out and ready to fire, "Well this should make things easy."

Bee, feeling rather ignored, threw herself down on the floor so she was lying on her stomach with her legs bent at her knees, "This is boring..." The three femmes looked over at their human companion with strange looks, "What I--" there was a pause on Bee's part before he looked at Diana pleadingly, "I think I have to pee..."

Diana gasped, "Nnnnoooo!!" she practically fell down the side of Dea's armor and ran over to Bee, "Are you sure? Do you even know what peeing feels like? In fact... transformers don't really pee... do they? Wait, don't answer that. Where is the ache?"

She flipped over and patted said ache.

Diana slumped, then straightened up, "Come here." she grabbed Bee's wrist and dragged her away.

"Where are we going?!"

"I'm going to have Ratchet sedate you."

"What?!"

"Gimme a break!" Diana huffed, "I don't care if you're of another species! You ain't gettin' freebie peeks at my body!... and I don't feel like teaching you the basics of humanity." Diana was going to ask Ratchet to do like what doctors in a human hospital did so their patients didn't have to get up to go to the bathroom.

Ouch.

As Dea, still seating in her position on the floor, watched the two of them walk back to the med bay, she couldn't help but let a random thought cross her mind and exit out threw her mouth, "Since I'm a car, would I pee transmission fluid?"

Arcee slapped her hand on her forehead, "I'll let Ratchet explain that one."

Diana skipped out of the med bay, "Ok! Bee's Wheeljacked proof and has unloaded the nether regions with no peaking. Let's get back to operation beat teh shit outta Frenzy."

Arcee blinked, "Frenzy doesn't-!"

"Ok, CD shurikens, gimme a break femme, us humans love metaphors!"

"And similes, and corny gestures, and cliché plot lines and--"

"We get it Dea, can we move on?" Arcee inquired, tapping her foot on the ground impatiently. Dea nodded and the femme began to drag the maroon femme once more. Diana took a running leap and landed herself on Dea's shin. Crossing her own legs, the two newbies allowed Arcee to do all the work as they just 'went along for the ride'.

Ah yes. The wonderful English language.

Sparkle exited the rec room and nearly ran head long into Ratchet. She tensed up, before he could say anything she brushed past him with that strut in her walk that said: back off mech.

Ratchet did what any male would do; he rolled his eyes and shook his head. Then stared as she kept walking away and gave chase, "Sparkle can you at least hear me out?! I had a perfectly good explanation!"

"And I'm sure you worked hard and long on it," Sparkle said as she continued to snuff him.

Dea grinned as she walked past the two, "I've got something long and hard for ya!" On her shoulder, Diana smacked her head and shook it sadly. Beside the small red femme, Arcee gave Dea a look.

"We took this detour to follow your 'intuition' for THAT?!"

She blinked, "Um... Yeah?"

There was a crash since Diana had fallen off of Dea's shoulder for the exaggerated response of exaggeration from Dea's strange instincts.

Almost immediately (via the amazing cartoon physics) the blue femme was back on the other's shoulder, "We wasted all that time just so you could throw a woody joke?! I don't think they even get it!"

"I dunno about that... I mean, Ratchet has to treat us... well when we were humans right? Including Zack."

"That's not the point!"

Sparkle just tuned her audios away, not wanting to hear the odd argument.

Ratchet, slightly brain dead from his 'daughter's' random outburst of perversion and insanity all in one swift blow, shook his head and once again gave chase, "Sparkle!! Will you please listen to me?!"

Sparkle kept on walking away with her nose in the air, "And why would_ I_ want to listen to _you_ hmm?" she snorted at his desperate attempts. Although his groveling was kinda cute...

"Because I'm a pig headed mech who wouldn't know the meaning of tact if it bit me on the aft." Ratchet blurted hopelessly, ignoring the looks he was getting from passersby. THE Ratchet was BEGGING!!

I can't blame them, it's a sight to see.

"Hmm, well then, you'll just have to be taught tact." Sparkle's tone sent chills through Ratchet's energon lines.

"H-how?"

Sparkle laced her hands behind her back and leaned forward a bit, "Go and ask Optimus Prime for a few pointers on your situations." she winked and walked off, "Once you feel like you've gotten somewhere, come and get back to me, maybe I'll listen a little more."

A few of the passersby hid their snickers behind their hands, some made quiet remarks to their friend and skirted passed the mortified Ratchet.

Quite a few hours after Sparkle had left, Ratchet finally found the ability to move... in the form of Jazz poking him with a laughing Dea at his side, "Daddy's stone cold stupid!"

"That he is!" Jazz agreed, smirking at the stupefied doctor, "He needs to learn how to talk to women as women and not patients."

Dea shook her head, "No, Papa just needs to learn how to talk to women in general."

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!" Ratchet shouted, startling them both, "That I was very suave in my younger days." The red femme coughed, a hidden 'bullshit' in between. Jazz snickered behind a hand, and with a growl and a huff, the medic made his way for Optimus's quarters, "I'll show those damn annoying brats who's who!"

Dea grinned, then frowned, then started to grin, then stopped, "I have a feeling Arcee wants to beat me up for skimping on the plan."

Jazz looked down at her with a raised eye ridge, "What plan?"

"THE plan."

"And that plan is?"

"A plan for something."

"And that something would be?"

"Important."

"And that IMPORTANT something would be?"

Dea cocked her hip and gave the silver mech a look, "How many times am I going to avoid the question before you realize that it is confidential information!" she said, punctuating the syllables of 'confidential information' as she shook a finger in his face.

Jazz opened his mouth to retort when all of a sudden the young femme was jerked away from him.

"You!" Arcee growled.

Dea's optics widened, "You!" she echoed.

"Yes, her." Diana said from her perch on Arcee's shoulder guard.

"You?" Dea asked, looking at her little friend.

"Not her!" Arcee exclaimed.

Jazz just blinked in confusion at the lingo of femmes.

"Come with!" Arcee dragged Dea by the audio back to their uber secret hide out where they were planning (having mastered shooting rather quickly).

"Where's Ratchet?" Diana asked.

"About to get his pride hit." Dea shrugged.

Dea yanked her ear from Arcee and rubbed it gingerly, "I'm sorry!! But the SENSES!!"

"IGNORE THE TINGLES!" Arcee shouted loudly in the corridor.

The maroon femme gasped, "What if they're DEADLY?! THEY NEED TO BE CHECKED OUT!!"

Arcee rolled her optics, "Oh please, you're FINE!"

Diana smashed her fist against the side of her head a few times, "You guys sound like you're talking about an STD!"

The hard pink sharpshooter stopped in the hallway, "What have you been doing with Ja--"

"NOTHING DAMMIT LET IT GO WOMAN!" Dea shouted with heating face plates as she dragged the bigger femme - and therefore Diana - down the hallway away from listening ears.

"Sooo..." Diana said after a long awkward silence of them standing in a random empty room.

"I'm not explai-!"

"Shush!" Dea smacked Arcee alongside the head.

"Well... this is awkward." Diana said.

"No shit Sherlock."

"Since when was shi-." Arcee was silenced with another whack.

"Just... don't mind the human sayings." Dea warned.

Diana suddenly perked up at a brain child for a change of subject, "So, you mentioned Ratchet's about to get his pride handed to him... how about we do a little scouting of the situation before we proceed with... the plan!" she added dramatically just because she could.

Dea lifted a finger as she excused herself to Dea-Land to think over the possible consequences in her head while making funny facial gestures. After a few moments - a smile, then a frown, then a scared face, followed by a disgusted face, another frown, then a smile - Dea nodded, "Let's do it!!"

Arcee stared at the young femme, "I want to... and yet I don't."

"What?" Diana asked, confused.

The hard pink femme looked at Diana with a blank face, "Want to know..."

Diana hopped onto her partner in crime's shoulder and both were about to leave when they realized Arcee wasn't following.

"What's wrong?" Dea asked.

"I can't get dirt like that on my doctor! You realize how horribly Ratchet would punish me!" Arcee clutched her face in horror at the potentials running around in her processor.

"Oh come on! It'll be fun! Ratchet won't find out you were with us."

"If he does I'm so in for it!" Arcee crossed her arms and remained stubbornly where she was.

Dea opted for a similar pose, "Well I'm not helping you with the plan unless we make fun of Ratchet. So unless you have other peeps to holla at, you can kiss your help good bye." She gave a smile and a glare before settling herself against the wall, "What say yee young grasshopper."

Diana shook her head, "That was a combination of one to many ethnicities..."

Arcee slumped, "Fine..."

The two young femmes jumped up at the same time, "Yay!" the grabbed Arcee and dragged her down the hall. Soon they found a good hiding spot and, using Diana as the spybot, and settled down to watch the awkwardness of Ratchet ensue.

Optimus coughed slightly on his energon cube, "You want me to do what?!"

A dejected Ratchet glared at the commander, all fire from the conversation with Dea and Jazz gone, "You're going to make me say it again?"

The taller mech raised a hand, "Okay, fair enough." He paused and tapped his chin to think, "Where to start..." The medic's head sank even further.

This was going to be so horribly embarrassing...

"How to be suave... or rather, how to get your femme back when you've totally said the wrong thing." Optimus mused, underneath his absolutely calm face his spark was about to burst with laughter. Never, in all his millenias of living had Ratchet ever came to him for advice... least not this kind of advice.

Ratchet couldn't look directly at Optimus, so he had to force himself with all his will power.

In the background somewhere well hidden, the girls were giggling away, holding their mouths shut and their sore midsections.

"Well actually, Ratchet, tell me exactly what happened."

"Wha?!"

"Just, humor me."

Reluctantly, Ratchet explained.

Optimus paused and rubbed his forehead, "So in a way this all goes back to Dea." under his breath the commander added, "Of course."

Arcee covered the femme's mouth before she had a chance at yelling a comeback, "Shush!"

The commander sighed, "Well it's obvious what you should do." Ratchet gave the mech a 'get on with it look' "Think before you speak ring any bells?"

"She already told me that!" Ratchet threw up his arms in exasperation.

"So then set her up a nice dinner."

"That's a human tactic..."

Optimus shrugged, "Never hurts to try something new."

As Ratchet turned to leave, the three girls scrambled out of the way, managing to get around a corner and walk past the medic without him noticing something odd about their flushed faces and random spurts of giggles.

"Dude!" Diana suddenly straightened up like a needle (which made her fall over onto Dea's palm).

"Dude?"

Diana giggled, "Dinner!"

"Dinner?" Arcee asked.

"We should help!" the blue femme jumped up and down, "Of course, covertly." she grinned mischievously.

Acree whined and banged her head on the wall, "We're NEVER going to kill Frenzy are we?" Dea waved a hand and started skipping towards Wheeljack's lab.

"All in good time my dear! We must have PATIENCE!" She sang as she twirled in the midst of her skipping - still as nimble as she was in her human form.

Diana looked back, "In other words, once Dea and I stop having random brain children, we will."

"Since when do you two EVER stop having brain children?" Arcee moaned.

"We have our moments." Diana nodded, "Of nothingness... probably after we're done helping Dea's 'mom' and 'dad' get back together we'll be good to go."

"go?" Zan asked, swinging down from a cable and splatting against Dea's chest plate.

"Oh noes! Mah buddeh!" Dea peeled off the drone, "Hey, Zan, wanna help us?"

With the swirly optics Zan stumbled around a bit before nodding. Whether or not he knew what she was saying wasn't clear but they didn't care.

Dea squealed - which was actually a lot higher now that she had the wonderful ability to change her voice without busting a vocal chord - and pranced down the corridor, towards the lab, "WHEELJACK!"

The scientist emerged from behind a cabinet of files with a slightly sooty face, "Whatever you do, do NOT touch that blue glowing thing." Diana, about to poke it out of a random surge of curiosity, pulled back, "What can I help you ladies with?"

"Spaghetti flavored energon!" Dea squeaked and did a little jig. The two other femmes and the mech stared at her, "What?! Have you ever seen a romance movie that didn't have the people eating Italian food?"

When nobody said anything she nodded, "Exactly."

"Are we gonna do the lock them in a romantic room routine?" Diana asked, with Zan sitting on top of her head, swishing his grabber tail back and forth, "Or is that overused?"

Dea shrugged, "Eh, Daddy sometimes needs to be forced to face a situation like that."

"I call not doing anything that involves confronting Ratchet." Arcee dibbed.

"Nose goes!" Diana and Dea touched where their noses should've been.

Arcee blinked, "Whaa?"

"Oh... never mind... we can't pull that off." Diana rubbed her faceplate.

Wheeljack sighed, "Give me a few minutes, and I'll have your energon ready for you..." he grabbed a rag and wiped his face with it, tossing it lazily over his shoulder.

The two previously human girls jumped for joy and ran to find a room they could turn into the epitome of romance, leaving Arcee with a sagging head, "I'm never getting my revenge."

"You'll have to wait till they're done having their fun as Transformers to get their attention." Wheeljack chuckled.

Arcee moaned and banged her head against the nearby wall.

The girls found a room with a nice view of the sunset (how in the world is that always managed?) and began to dec out the room with all the romantic things they could think of.

Zan kept undoing things by swinging from the rafters where they were trying to hang flowers.

Dea hummed to herself as she fiddled with the Transformer sized bouquet they had made for the table, but stopped to glare at the drone, "Zan I'm to show you the door to the Pit if you don't stop that on the count of three."

Diana rolled her optics and started fixing the ruined flowers, "You're going to be a great mother Dea."

Dea ignored her friend, "One."

Zan continued to swing.

"Twoooo..."

Zan beeped, looking at her innocently.

"Two and a half..."

"bow boo boop boo..." the monkey bot sang his little tune.

"Two and three quarters..."

Zan jumped down onto Diana's head. The blue femme snickered at Dea, "You just can't resist the cuteness huh?"

She huffed and looked over at Diana, "Let's see you do it Ms. Big Mouth!" Dea pulled out a flower and put it back in on the other side, nodding slightly to herself as she finished with the arrangement.

Diana rubbed her nonexistent chin... sorta, "Well... how're we gonna get the two here? Secret note or something? I betchya Ratchet's still wallowing away in his office."

"Hmmm." Dea went back to her land to see if she could cook up something.

"You're his adoptive daughter... pull your cutesy...ness on him!" Diana suggested.

Dea raised a finger, then walked over to the wall. Taking a few breaths, she kicked the wall gently, then started yelling, "MOOOOMYYY!! DAAAAADDYYYY!! IT HUUUURTS!"

Before the two could even begin to say 'Dea what the hell" the two had come bursting through the room at the exact same time, huffing and puffing only to see Dea smiling at the two, "Dea what the hell?!"

The girls smiled, then gave Ratchet a wink as they pushed Sparkle towards a chair. Diana hopped up on Ratchet's shoulder, "Just go with the flow!!"

"Wha?"

Diana bopped the doctor on the head, "Come on ya bucket of lug nuts! Show some balls! Wait...(snicker) just... get out there!"

"Dea! What are you plotting?" Sparkle asked, slightly resisting the shorter femme's pushing.

"I'm not plotting anything!" Dea said so innocently that Sparkle disbelieved her even more. She planted her feet where she was, not about to sit in a chair all decorated in organic wreaths, "What's going on??" she demanded.

"Uu...uhh... I'd arranged for it!" Ratchet stuttered after the third bop from Diana.

Sparkle arced a ridge brow, "Really?"

"Really." Ratchet puffed up a little.

"..." Sparkle was getting the vibes... this situation was rather familiar...

Dea gave Sparkle another push, "Now be a good girl and sit!! Don't make all his careful planning and romantic poem thinking go to waste!!"

The medic frowned and turned to Dea with wide eyes, "Poem thinking?"

"Romantic poem thinking. There's a difference." she corrected, raising a finger up like a teacher would, "Now we'll just leave the two of you alone to get all fluffy and junk while Arcee, Diana and I go beat the craa--"

Diana had jumped onto Dea's shoulder and smacked the femme's head, "We're going to talk about girl things and how cute mechs are."

Sparkle furrowed her brow, already sensing another hidden intent, but disregarded in for the fact that the idea _was_ rather good...

Dea grabbed her adoptive father and forced him into his chair, "Sit! Stay. Good medic. Oki doki have fun you two! Make out! I mean... make up!" she giggled and ran out, slamming the door behind her.

"That was a little blunt... they have to make up first before the make out." Diana snickered.

"They can be rolled into one..." Dea grinned immaturely.

Back in the room, Sparkle laced her digits together and gave Ratchet a knowing look, "Sooo, about this romantic poem thinking... can you indulge me about it?"

"Ummm..." _Quick think damn it!_ Ratchet was known for quick thinking... just not in this field.

Ratchet straightened, leaning onto the table on his elbows as he let his suave take over, "Roses are red," Sparkle rolled her eyes, "Violets are blue," and shook her head, "The stars sure do sparkle, but not near as much as you." Her eyes came down to meet his and he offered her a smile, which she returned tenfold.

"Alright, you're off to a good start." she said and leaned forward as well.

"Awww..." Dea whispered from the other side of the door, "Sooooo cheesy... but such a loveable poem!" she squeaked. Diana just rolled her optics.

Suddenly the girls were yoinked from their spying position by Arcee and she dragged them (and by them I mean Dea since she was the bigger of the two, and Diana just held on for dear life).

"We're going out and getting Bumblebee's body back... and whoopin' some Decepticon's aft right. Now! Got that?!" Arcee glared.

"Yes ma'am." they both piped. They could practically feel the anger and frustration radiating off of the hard pink femme.

Dea managed to get the scruff of her neck out of Arcee's grip and spun on her heels so she was walking next to the older femme, "Okay, so we go in, shoot 'em up, and bring 'im home?"

Arcee slowed in her walk and stared, "Crazy femme say what?"

"What?" Dea questioned, scratching her head.

She nodded and picked up their speed again, "I rest my case." Dea blinked as it dawned on her.

"HEY! Whoa! So not cool man!!"

"WAY too much Hannah Montana, Dea!" Diana sighed.

"Nuh uh!"

"Whatever..."

When they got outside, Arcee proceeded to transformed, "Hurry up!"

"Umm... one problem."

"Grr... what?!"

"I don't know how to transform..." Dea said, "It's not in my hard core programming of my... head." she nodded. Damn all those fancy scientific words.

"This could be a problem... there's populated areas between us and their hide out." Diana pouted.

Arcee angry sighed, "You're telling me that I'm going to have to coach you through one of the most basic functions of being a Transformer -- TRANSFORMING!?" Dea shifted her gaze away then nodded.

"I believe so..." the maroon femme chuckled nervously, inching away from the other femme each second.

2 hours later.

Arcee sighed and looked at the pathetic sight before her.

Diana was just snickering and giggling, trying to hold back her laughter without much success.

"I think my aft is stuck!" Dea complained. She squeaked when Arcee kicked her in said stuck place and her rear bumper slid neatly into its slot, automated gears turning and clicking and the car femme was finally comfortably in place.

"Whoa... that felt weird." Dea said. In her car mode everything was completely different, instead of seeing physically, everything was mapped out by her sensor arrays were mapping out the terrain in numbers and symbols... some of which she didn't quite understand the function of.

"Do I have to get into Dea?"

"Shut up! And yes you do unless you want to get stuck folding into yourself." Dea grumbled as she tested out her movement ability as a car. Everything felt weird... she just... wasn't meant to be a car! Dea looked into her reflection on Arcee's well buffed armor. Well at least she looked like a hot car.

Dea revved her engine and squealed with delight at the sensation that went through her. Focusing her energy, she slowly pulled herself forward a bit, then backwards, and continued until she was driving around in a circle.

"This is so WEIRD!" the red car squeaked, trying playfully to run over Diana.

"Will you stop that!" Diana cried, jumping up onto her friend's hood, "I will scratch your paint!"

"Nyyuuu!!" putting in more power than she'd intended, Dea backed up so fast that Diana was left with nothing under her and she crashed to the ground.

"Ouch..."

Arcee sighed and shook her head, smiling.

Dea pulled forward a little, inspecting her friend's condition, "Um... Are we leaving soon? Because I'd like to give her some time to cool off before letting her inside me and oh my god that sounds so bad..."

Diana looked up, putting all her weight on her forearms, "You just had to go and ruin it didn't you?"

"Uh... duh?" Dea bounced on her shocks, giggling. Soon the girls were driving to the last place that Diana and Dea had been found. It seemed rather empty.

Arcee transformed and scanned the area, "There's residual energon in the area..."

"And that means...?" Dea prodded.

"Someone's here... they've either moved on or are hiding."

Dea transformed into her bipedal form - miraculously - with a perfect score, so to speak. She looked about the space, then picked up Diana and placed her friend on her shoulder. Looking to Arcee, she grinned, "Only one way to find out."

After snuffling around for a bit and finding nothing, Dea suddenly noticed an odd hole in one of the corners. She blinked a few times and stared at it. Then she went, picked up Diana and dropped her down the hole.

"AAAAAAAHHHH(CRASH!)"

Silence.

"Is there anything down there Dia?" Dea called.

"A bad omen with your name on it!" came the answer. Diana shook herself, sending dust and bits of pebbles everywhere. Her paintjob was definitely going to need a redo. She glanced around, her night vision automatically turned on in the darkness. There was indeed more than just a hole down here.

Diana looked around, spinning herself in a circle until her vision was blocked by silver and blue, "What the?"

"What the?!" the mech echoed, and Diana pulled her head back far enough so she could see Frenzy standing awkwardly in front of her.

"... AAAH!!" the femme screamed, throwing up her arms and accidentally firing her weapons into Frenzy's face.

"Get me out!" she called, "Pull me up!"

"I don't have any rope dufus!"

Diana turned to see a spluttering black faced Frenzy. He glared at her menacingly, "Back for more mind sifting?" he growled.

"Hell nyu!" Diana opened her arm canon again and fired.

Dea's faced was pressed against the whole, "AAAH!! I can't see anything!!" she whined, her aft wagging side to side with anticipation, "Why are you so small!!"

"I LIKE SMALL!!" Diana yelled back,. ignoring Frenzy.

Dea's voice was coy, "Oh really?"

The small femme slapped her forehead, "NO WAIT!"

"So you like it big then?" Dea giggled.

"NOOO!!" Diana shouted, then remembering Frenzy as she paused in shaking her fist at the entrance of the whole, bolted down a random tunnel while screaming, "LEAVE MAH BRAIN ALOOOOONE!!"

Frenzy sighed, "Well... like the humans say... rats in a maze." he ran after her. Diana ran until she smacked right into something large. She shook her head and blinked, looking up. At first she thought she'd run into a sleeping Barricade but when her sight adjusted to the darkness she saw that it was a deactivated Bumblebee husk.

Above, Dea was still bent over the hole, "Diana? Dianaaaa!" she called.

"Hmm..."

Dea stiffened at the familiarity of the voice.

"Not bad."

Slowly she looked around to see Barricade standing with a struggling Arcee in one hand, she was unable to utilize her weaponry.

Dea shrieked and bolted up right, "NO TOUCHY!!" she yelled, firing her blaster, which Barricade barely dodged.

He glanced at the smoking black spot where his head had been and then to Dea, "Well I have to admit, I do love it when they fight... But it's so much better when they're willing."

The red femme felt her eye twitch, and she charged forward ready to bash that black metallic head into scrap.

And whether it was the lighting... Or maybe just Dea's love for cars getting the better of her... But the hotness that was Barricade at the moment before impact caused Dea's fist to stop inches away from his unflinching face.

"DEA!! Do it!" Arcee yelled, but Dea's optics wavered, and with a slight nudge, the femme fell to the ground with a loud crash.

Barricade knelt next to the twitching Dea.

"Frag you!" Arcee growled.

The mustang shrugged, "Meh... I can't help it if I have good taste in models." he grinned. He poked Dea, ignoring the cussing and struggling Arcee in his other hand.

Diana stood in front of the deactivated Bumblebee thinking as hard as she could, for the fact that in her panic she'd forgotten how to send a message. She heard a scuffle of rocks and she jumped behind Bee's leg, hiding.

"Diana..." Frenzy called mockingly, "Don't think you can hide from me..."

The small attachment quivered in her spot, praying to all the gods she could think of - including Buddha, who isn't even a god - that the mech wouldn't find her.

"Boo!" Frenzy jumped onto Bee's knee standing over her.

"Eep!" Diana jumped under the other one and scrambled away into the darkness while simultaneously trying to activate her distress beacon. Of all the times to forget that function…

Dea smacked his hand away from her, using her feet to scoot away from him. However, it seemed she didn't have the strength to stand anymore, causing the femme to tear up, which seemed strange to Dea given her current condition.

But she didn't even have the strength to ignore the situation at hand and elaborate on the idea of Cybertronians crying and what it would be made up of.

In a burst of super hero dramatic light, the twins suddenly appeared.

Dea squeaked and clamped onto the nearest (Sideswipe's) leg, "Saaavvee meeee!! He's hurt me!"

Barricade shrugged, "I didn't even touch her!"

"He's hurting me mentally!" Dea yelled, holding on tighter.

"I didn't even say anything!" Barricade said exclaimed in his defense.

"MENTNAAALLLL!!" Dea screamed.

"Oh Dea…" Arcee shook her head.

_In another flash of brilliant super hero dramatic light, Optimus, Ratchet, and the twins all stood in a line holding the superman pose, "STOP FIEND!!"_

"You've terrorized your last human gone Cybertronian!" Ratchet agreed, nodding with dramatic hand flourishes that made absolutely no sense.

The twins stood back to back with their arms crossed, glaring at Barricade, "How dare you think you could get away with this!!"

Then, Dea's attention was drawn down as Bee - via Diana's body of course - leapt out from behind Sunny's leg, superhero pose and everything. She blinked in confusion a few times and shook her head.

"Wait, WHAT?!" she maroon femme squeaked.

Stalker moved from behind Sunny's leg as well to stand next to Bee, "What? What were you expecting, superheroes?"

She scratched her chin and tipped her head as she began to start day dreaming again, "Weeellll..." Ratchet karate chopped her head with a strong parental glare.

"No!"

"Awwweee..."

All the while day dreams and parental scolding was happening, Barricade was slowly inching away toward an open doorway.

"Pause!!"

Barricade indeed froze in place when the twins growled at him.

Stalker ran past everyone and dropped down into the hole he'd seen Dea yelling down when they'd jumped in (not in the superhero style Dea was dreaming they would).

Ratchet pulled out his buzz saw and leaped at the Ford, "I'm going to make sure you're remodeled into a toaster!"

"Nyyyuuu!!"

They all stopped and stared at Dea, who hiccupped, "I mean... just don't scratch the paint too much... you can take out his spark and put him in a toaster all you want but don't ruin the paint job!"

"..."

Barricade started to tip toe out while the awkward staring at Dea moment ensued.

Dea pointed an accusing finger at the retreating Barricade, "PAUSE!" He froze in place again, "Rewind!" Barricade started backwards until he was standing in front of Dea again, "Paaause."

With deliberate slowness, she stood and rounded so she was facing Barricade. Pulling back her arm, she grinned wickedly at him, "Play." He winced backwards as Dea's fist connected with his face.

The mechs, minus Bee, rushed forward to free Arcee and detain Barricade. Dea pulled herself away from the mush of cybertronians with a smug look on her face, "Now you can do whatever... but blame the mech, not the CAAAAR!!" she squealed when a large gash was made on the mustangs forearm, "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"

As she was about to rush forward and asses the damage, her foot slammed onto the ground and a large crack formed on the floor. She looked down with wide optics, "Uh oh..."

When the dust settled, Dea found herself with a sore skid plate, and the odd sight of an inert Bumblebee, a Diana running around in circles trying to evade a Frenzy who was trying to catch her. Eventually the two ran circles around Dea's legs.

A little awkward... but...

Dea suddenly had an idea.

She waited... wait for it... wait...

Dea brought her fist down, "WHACK A FRENZY!!"

Diana stopped in her running when her upper arm was grabbed and she screamed loudly, "HE'S MULTIPLYING!!"

Dea snorted a laugh, "No that's just his femme coming to get you for trying to take her mech away." Stalker glared at the maroon femme as Diana returned to her senses.

"Oh...Well then." She cleared her vocals and took a look at Stalker, then over to Frenzy who was lying limp, aside from random twitching body parts, "Is he dead?"

Dea shrugged, "No... But I say we take our leave!!"

There was a scuffle above and when Dea popped her head above the normal ground level... the last thing she saw was Barricade who poked her really hard on the forehead.

"Alright... I'm done." Barricade went back over to where the twins had been detaining him.

Dea blinked.

Stared.

Blinked some more.

"Dea?" Diana squeaked as Stalker grabbed her and yanked her out of the way as the red femme collapsed.

"What the frag?!" Ratchet yelped.

"Oh... must've been her off button..." Diana said as the dust settled, "Better place than in Chobits."

Ratchet stared at the lifeless form of his adopted daughter figure with a sad shake of his head. Grabbing her arm and hoisting her up onto his back, he groaned, "I'm getting too old for this."

Barricade leaned toward him, "I can take her--"

"No!!" yelled Sideswipe, Ratchet and Optimus - who was dragging Bee's body out of the whole in the floor made by Dea.

Wheeljack made his way into the room, and Ratchet pointed a finger of his free hand at the mech, "Put her back." He jerked his head in Dea's direction.

The scientist pouted and lowered his head, "Aweee..."

In the midst of being transferred to appropriate bodies... or in Barricade's and Frenzy's case... being transferred to a less than appealing frame... something strange was happening in Dea's head.

_Dea blinks and moves to rub her tingling forehead. She frowns when her hands don't respond, and looks down at her body to see the paper cup that you would use when baking cupcakes._

"What the??"

She looks to her left at a conveniently placed mirror and screams in sheer terror when she realizes something.

"I'M A FRIGGIN CUPCAKE?!"

_**Yes. You are. and not just any cupcake...**___

Dea frowns yet again, "Staalker?? Diaaaana?? Why are you narrarating my every moooove?"

She tries to move away from the strange image of her current form, and curses when she remembers she doesn't have legs. she tries hopping, and with success, gets herself away from the mirror.

"Why am I a cupcake??"

_**Why not?**___

"SO NOT COOL!" Dea whines to the ceiling as if yelling at god.

_Stopping to rest from all of her... cupcake hopping, Dea sighs and.. squishes down a bit. Then she hops. It wasn't her that caused the hopping, it was the result of something very heavy thumping nearby._

_**The cupcake entity squeaks as she realizes that the fluffy cloud of a table she'd been on was growing further away.**_

_Dea begins to contemplate what the loud thumping could be, and doesn't notice that she's being picked up until the back of her head suddenly feels wet, "Huuuuh?" she turns her head to look behind her and sees that Barricade is behind her, and that he's the one holding her._

_**Awwwkward...**___

"YOU'RE TELLING ME!!" she screams, "Now stop narrarating and SAVE ME!!"

Barricade grins in a deranged manner, and is about to go in for another lick at her...frosting?? when she's thrown out of his hand and caught by another.

She hears Jazz growling, and looks up to see the silver mech, "She's miiiiine!!"

"No, MINE!" Barricade yells back. Dea whines and lowers her head.

_**Yes. Return of the Nemo seagulls.**_

_"Eeep!" Cupcake Dea tries to hop out of the wrestling mech's hands but is caught by Barricade on her way down, "Nyyuuuu! My frostings!!"_

_**Dea enjoys being licked by hot men... I mean mechs...**_

_"Shut up!" Dea wiggles frantically, "Let me go you... big... hot... oaf! I mean ugly oaf! Big loaf of jerk...iness!! Put me down!!" Dea screams. _

_**Being a cupcake sure sucks.**_

_Dea blinks as she has a brain child - and is stolen by Jazz yet again, 'HEY!!"_

The two pause in their fighting, "How about you put me on the ground and have a wrestling match WITHOUT the chance of damaging the prize, aka ME!!"

Barricade blinks and looks to Jazz, "Maybe..."

He returns the look, then glances down at Cupcake Dea in his hands, "I think not. FLEE!!"

"NYUUU!!" the black mech whines and chases after the fleeing Jazz and Cupcake Dea, who is banging her forehead down onto Jazz's digit.

"I hate you!!" she growls.

_**Awweee... But I love you!!**_

_Cupcake Dea would've shook her fist if she had one, "I blame you Wheeljack!"_

_**On cue Wheeljack leaps dramatically out of the pink fluffy cloud walls... wearing a tutu?!**_

_Dea's eye twitches._

"I didn't do it this time!" Wheeljack winks, twirls and leaps dramatically off into the distance.

_**As Dea is busy contemplating how much weirder this place is going to get in the next few seconds, and Jazz is preoccupied with laughing hysterically at Wheeljack in that tutu, neither of them notice Barricade sneaking up to steal our little Cupcake Dea.**___

Dea blinks when she feels herself being lifted up, "What in the-- GAH! BARRICADE!!" She hops away from his out stretched hand and he begins to cry.

"WHY WON'T YOU LET ME EAT YOU?!"

She skids to a halt and shudders as her perverted side takes over, "Sick and wrong sick and WRONG!!"

_**Dea thought she was about to absolutely lose her mind! She thought she'd gone off the deep end before... this WAS absolute insanity!**_

_"No shit!!" Dea screams at the narrator...ors... whatever. She tries to hop away again, puffy pink clouds scattering from her movements. Dea squeaks in fright when she hears a movement behind her... then she finds herself flying up above Barricade, Jazz, and the tutu wearing Wheeljack._

"Whaa...?" she looks back to see a humanoid red and gold armor.

_Dea's eye twitches and she screams, "I'M BEING ABDUCTED BY AN ALIEN!!" As she tries to wiggle herself free from her new captive, she hears a sexy seductive voice come from the helm._

"Stop moving or I'll drop you!!" the face moves away to reveal a very handsome man, and Dea squeals loudly before melting.

_**OI! She's seriously melting here people!!**_

Dea!__

Dea...

"Dea?"

Dea's eyes snap open, and quickly shut at the amount of brightness that just attacked her head, causing it to swim, "Oooooiiiii!! Turn the head lights off loser face!"

She heard a few sighs of relief, and Diana's voice, "Well, guess it worked!"

"I knew it would..." Wheeljack huffed.

Dea pushed herself up on her forearms, "What are you freakazoids talking about??"

Diana poked Dea, then was swatted away.

"Stop that Bee!"

"I'm not Bee!" Diana folded her arms, then pointed at the body she had been in for the past few days, "That's Bee!" she pointed up at the now active yellow mech.

Dea blinked and looked up at the yellow mech, who looked like he was about to burst into tears of happiness for some reason, "Um, Bee are you going to be okay?"

He nodded, "Oh, I'm just so happy to be a mech again!!" He vented his system in a large dreamy sigh and Dea couldn't help but burst into laughter at the sight. She froze and looked around the room.

"Wait a minute..." she brought her hand up in front of her face and squeaked when she realized that it was HUMAN! "I'M BAAAAACK!" Dea leapt up and was about to do a dance of joy when she fell to the ground.

Diana snorted a laugh, "Um, yeah you might want to try going slower than that..."

"Right!" Dea pointed up, before slowly getting up this time, "Whoa... I just had the stranges--AAAGGH!! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE!!" Dea pointed at Barricade who was strapped down to a table nearby... oddly still.

"That's not Barricade." said Ratchet, "THAT'S Barricade." he pointed to a small cage on another table. Diana took Dea by the elbow to show a rather cranky looking cat sized transformer in the cage.

If there was a more hysterical sight than Dea at the moment it clicked in her brain that Barricade was now in the Cybertronian form of her favorite animal, locked up in a cage inside the Autobot base, and way to close to her for comfort and the hyperventilating that occurred after she did so, then the world is square.

Diana covered her mouth, trying desperately to preserve what dignity her friend had left, as the red head hadn't realized that she was wearing one of those annoying hospital gowns with no back. Or so, Diana thought she didn't realize, but as Dea turned to glare up at Wheeljack with malice, she other girl began to think she better not underestimate the girl's perceptiveness.

"Whatever you did to me Wheeljack, I intend to make you regret whole heartedly," Dea glowered, causing the scientist to shrink back behind Ratchet and Optimus, "Don't hide behind them, they'll be the ones who hurt you."

"You know you could've just asked him to turn you back at any time."

"What?" Dea looked back at her friend.

"Yeah, you could've just asked him."

"No... you... Kinda left out that MINOR!! detail." she growled.

"Retribution." Diana stuck her tongue out at Dea.

She turned to face her friend and heard a wolf whistle coming from the cage, causing her to blush furiously as she tried to hide her butt from Barricade's view, "Shut up Barricade-Kitty!" Dea's view was blocked by clothes being thrown onto her head by Diana, and the girl immediately dashed behind Ratchet's leg to get dressed.

When she was dressed in her pants and tank top, she peeked from behind the medic at Barricade, who was lying down with a grumpy expression, "Why's he still so damn cute?!"

"Oh oh oh! Check this out!" Diana pressed a button that shocked Barricade. He squeaked and transformed into his alt mode... which happened to be a toaster.

Dea snickered, then slammed her head onto Ratchet's leg (Ratchet: OI! Don't hurt yourself!!) while trying to stop herself from laughing, "NO GOOD! Still cuuuuuute!"

Barricade growled, "I AM A DESTROYER!! Not some cute little thing for your amusement!!" As Diana shocked him again, Dea interjected.

"I believe otherwise..."

"Now you know how I feel being so small." Frenzy snickered from where his cage was next to Barricade.

"Shut up you!"

Dea couldn't help but laugh at how high pitched his voice had become.

Optimus sighed, lifting Dea from the ground and unto his shoulder, "I'm just happy everyone is back to their own bodies... I'm getting too old for this."

Ratchet barked a laugh, "YOU'RE getting too old? How do you think I feel?" Dea giggled into her hand, then blinked into attention when she saw somebody she didn't recognize.

"Ah?"

Everyone turned to look at the red head, mimicking her exclamation, "Ah?"

"Ah yes, Dea, while you were dreaming and muttering something about cupcakes and Barricade, this oh so nice gentleman dropped by for a visit." said Arcee as she gestured, "Meet, Mr. Tony Stark from Stark Industries."

Whether it was insanity or...madness... something caused Dea to think it was a good idea to front flip off on Optimus's shoulder. The Commander caught her and set her down on the ground, from which she casually waltzed up to Tony Stark with a seductive smile, "Welcome to our humble abode! I'm Dea, the cute mascot. Care to help me--"

Whatever pick up line she was about to use was stopped by the sound of Ratchet and Optimus clearing their throats at the same time.

"--AND to what do we owe this honor?" said Dea with a quick subject change, Tony smirking at her with a raised brow. She winked and smiled back at him.

"I was... just in the neighborhood of mechanics and thought I could learn a thing or two from extraterrestrial robots." Tony smiled.

"You should see him when he works! He and Wheeljack go to town! And looks good doing it too." Diana added the last part with a whisper to Dea.

Dea's eyes widened for a sheer second before narrowing into an demonic looking smile in the direction of Barricade, who shivered as the dangerous waves reached him, "Oh really? You'll have to show me sometime," the red head drawled, her eyes not leaving the cage - in which Barricade would happily stay at this point.

Tony's eyebrow rose in curiosity at the girl's statement and how her sweet words differed greatly from the evil look she had, that seemed to fit scarily enough, "Sure, any time. I always love an audience."

Barricade transformed, growled and made a rather rude gesture while Dea's back was turned.

Tony leaned over, "Do I see an experimental subject over there?"

The kitty like little transformer dived behind a box that was in his cage.

Dea turned and looked at Barricade, then to Tony over her shoulder, "Oh, now don't be mean to the poor thing. He's just a wittle kitty cat!" her baby-ish tone got a growl out of Barricade, and with a smile at him, she started out of the room with the excuse of, "I need to pee!"

Tony flinched and watched the red head go with slight confusion, "Is she always that...blunt?"

There was a sigh from everyone in the room, "Yeah..."

"Oook." said Tony.

"So anyways..." Diana scooted up to Tony, "That armor is pretty awesome, can you... I dunno... make more of them?"

Diana froze at the sound of little tapping feet and turned to look behind her at a perturbed Stalker, "We'll talk later..." she said as she slinked out of the room and after Dea, who really went to go find if Tony Stark had a room set up with personal items.

Dea squeaked when she was tapped on the shoulder trying to pick the lock in the room Cheetor had told her was Tony's temporary quarters.

"Ha! Caught you!" Diana giggled.

Dea furrowed her brows, "Oh like you didn't already have this in mind!" The other moved her gaze to the wall, but had a huge grin on her face, "Uh huh. Now help me pick this lock!"

"You're half Mexican! You can do it!!" Diana said jokingly and Dea huffed, messing with the lock some more in agitation.

"Ooooh yeah, 'cause I'm MEXICAN I can do it. Suuuuure... and I'm sure you're just killer at math you freaking Asian." Diana's cheeks puffed up at the comment, and the two glared at each other before bursting out into laughter, silenced by a click from the lock.

"YES!" the two shouted and clasped hands while jumping up and down in glee, "We're in!"

Suddenly the door slammed shut as they tried to dive in, making them go splat per say against the solid metal slab that deterred them from their... stalker-ish impulses.

"You are not authorized to access Mr. Stark's personal quarters." came a stiff British no nonsense voice from nowhere it seemed.

"NARRATOR!!" Dea screamed and hid her head while Diana stared at the other in shock.

"Say what?!"

"There was a narrator in my dream..."

"...what?"

"Never mind." Dea peaked out, refusing to get any close to the door now. Diana poked the door, "Hey... who's talking? Is it the door or someone through the speaker phone."

"My name is Jarvis, I am Mr. Stark's assistant."

"Sweet!" Diana clapped, completely forgetting what they'd originally came there to do.

Dea looked around in a confused fashion, "Who's Jarvis?"

A voice from behind caught her attention, "He's a computer program in simpleton terms." Tony Stark gave them questioning looks, to which Dea replied with nervous laughter and looking away from him.

"Ugh, he is like a narrator... Damn disembodied voices everywhere..." she shuddered, "Cupcakes..."

"What'd you say Dea?"

"Ah nothing!" Dea squeaked.

"You said cupcake... gee now I want to eat a cupcake." Diana licked her lips and Tony chuckled.

Dea wasn't happy about the whole eat the cupcake idea though.

She cleared her throat and shouted, "MOVING ON!" then bolted down the hallway and for Jazz's quarters before skidding to a halt, "He wanted to eat me too..."

And then it dawned on her.

"I'M NOT SAAAAAFE!!" the red head cried and started for her room to bolt herself in from anyone that wanted to lick her frosting.

"What are you talking about?"

Dea skidded to a halt and looked up, "MAMMA!"

Sparkle would've jumped away except Dea clung to her ankle joint.

"They want to eat me!! THEY ALL WANT MY FROSTING!!" Dea screamed in sheer terror, causing a few passersby to stare in mirth.

Sparkle glared at the starting Autobots and then down at Dea, "You need serious medical help Dea..." The small girl just nodded and shuddered, muttering under her breath about Wheeljack and a tutu.

"What's going on in there?" Diana asked, having Stalker on her shoulders so that he could listen through the closed door that Dea had been behind with Ratchet for the past two hours.

"I can't quite hear... and if Ratchet catches me spying on his face to face patient time you so owe me!" Stalker growled. Above them was Jazz and then above them was Bumblebee, all trying to listen in on what was going on.

Bee wiggled his way into Jazz's view, and the shorter mech made an attempt at pouting, crossing his arms and huffing as he turned away from the door, "I don't see why she wouldn't come talk to me about these things. She's my woman after all."

Diana glared up at him, "Tsk tsk, you know how she feels about you calling her 'your woman' remember? It leads her to NOT be your woman." Stalker rolled his optics and tried to pinpoint Dea's voice despite the racket his fellow snoopers were making.

He sighed. At least there was Bee, who was pretty good at being quiet after not getting to talk for however long.

Without warning the door slammed open, causing Diana and Stalker to fall down, "If you snoopers don't get back from my door I'm going to give you all the same fate as Barricade!" Ratchet growled.

Dea, who was situated on Ratchet's examination table with a blanket wrapped around her, spotted Jazz and began to cry out hysterically, "Frag... This is just like the Barricade-- Diana, you didn't have anything to do with this did you?!"

Diana waved her hands in front of her as a defense, "No way! Not this time, I have no idea why she's freaking out about frosting and cupcakes--"

From behind them they heard Dea scream louder, and Ratchet growled, "Those words are OFF LIMITS until further notice!!" With that the door was slammed shut and Ratchet began trying to comfort Dea, leaving the snoops left with blank looks on their faces.

It was later that night that Dea reemerged with the blanket wrapped around her, her hair a little frazzled and her face a little tear streaked but other wise she seemed better. She almost instantaneously straightened up when she saw Diana leaning over some blue prints with Tony, seeming to catch on what he was speaking about.

Dea sniffled and wiped her face, then walked over with as much normalcy as she could manage, "Hey geniuses, having a party I see?"

The black haired girl smiled at her friend, "Good to see you're back from the loony bin!"

"Yes, just no cupcakes for a while please..." Dea said instantly, her face blank as if she was off in some other world. She shook her head and smiled at the two, "What are we looking at?"

"Tony was showing me how he made that cool suit of his." Diana giggled.

Dea's eye twitched, "What color was it, per chance?" her head was cocked to the side and she smiled coyly at him, as if trying to trick him out of a million dollars.

"Well it's red and gold," Tony explained, showing her a picture of the suit that was lying near the blue prints. She nodded slowly, then brought herself forward until she was hugging the male.

"MY CUPCAKE SAVIOR!!"

Diana sighed and directed the girl back in the direction of Ratchet's office, "Go calm yourself down and we'll talk later..."

Tony gave her a questioning look, "And that was?"

"Dea losing her sanity and making it really hard to keep a straight face."

_**Light of Heaven here!!**_

_**Hope you enjoyed the chapter, sorry it took so long. First it got lost, then Senior year ate my brain, and then I was just way too lazy for my own good. HOWEVER!! You should look forward to seeing the new chapter eventually, because Maieve Avvi and I are gunna get started on that right now. :D**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Do you see that young woman hiding in the corner over there? Yes… that one… the one who hosts this fic… well… two complete chapters of crack fun have been done for months now and she was too shy to make a rated M fic. Hence the delay in crack fun.**

**Oh well… **

**Anyhoo, for safety purposes the fic will now be ****Rated M**** our fellow readers. Because we go in waves from intense to mellow humor.**

**So please be warned.**

**Chapter 10… we think… we lost track.**

Diana stared at Dea who in turn mirrored her action. Neither were willing to back down.

Finally the silence was broken by Diana.

"People like firm buns better."

Dea rolled her eyes, then locked them with her friend's as she made a strange groping motion in the air in front of her, "Soft buns!! Everybody likes soft squishy buns to get their hands on!"

Her dark haired counterpart mimicked the eye roll, followed by a curt, "Only you like them soft. All the people I've talked to said firm buns were the way to go."

"Oh? And just who are these people you've been talking to?" the spunky red head questioned with an intense glare, "Stalker? He's one to talk, of course he'd like firm buns."

"Psh!" Diana snorted, "Stalker is the LAST mech I'd go to for opinions of something as fine as deliciously round FIRM buns." she cocked her hip, then wiggled her tush with every word.

"Bah, who wants to hold buns that are hard as rock? You want something with some 'squish' to it," Dea counter, popping her hip as well and flicking a strand of her hair, bending so her butt was sticking out slightly, "Soft, delectable buns are the best."

"I never said they had to be rock hard! You must find the happy medium into which these buns-."

"Oh for the sake of our sanities!" Dea grabbed Diana's hand and dragged her through the base until they found the only other human on the base.... ok well he was the first one they ran into. Which happened to be Tony Stark on his way to Wheeljack's lab.

Mustering up her professional voice, Dea approached the male as if he were a consultant on a business plan, her seriousness almost comical, "Mr. Stark, which do you prefer, firm buns, or soft buns? SURELY you must like soft buns better, as you're a man of good taste."

Diana barked a laugh, "Good taste?? Soft buns wouldn't fall under that category I'm afraid."

Tony stood there and looked from one girl to the other, "...." Did he really want to answer that question? Perhaps if these girls were about four or five years older... and not with giant aliens to back them up.

The red head stuck her hip out, her foot tapping to show her impatience at his lack of ability to answer the question, "Look, when you're eating a bun, is it better for the bun to be soft, or is it better if the bun is firmer?!"

His brain took just a nanosecond to process the question, but it took Tony a few more minutes of questioning the reasonable-ness behind it before he finally murmured, "Soft... I think."

Dea smirked, turning on her friend with a triumphant, "HA! I told you!! SOFT BUNS WIN!!!"

"HE THINKS!!!" Diana yelled back, "He said he thiiiinks. Meaning it's not set in stone just yet!!"

"Shit!" Dea growled, stomping her foot, "Where's Zack?!"

"He ran away for awhile... saying something about too much estrogen."

".... Well.... the beast bots don't really eat organic foods..."

"No you just eat them up with your eyes." Diana got karate chopped on the head.

"Anyways!" Dea sighed, "Now we're back where we started with the buns for the picnic!"

Realization that the conversation they'd been having was in no way perverted, Tony felt it a safe decision to let himself be curious, "What are you going on a picnic for?"

Dea turned to him and smiled, "Just to have one."

"And maybe a car wash!"

In the background Sunny came to a sudden halt at the mention of a car wash... and was promptly ran into by Sides who wasn't expecting his brother to stop. The loud crash and string of cursing went unheard.

"How do you... maintenance a boom box though?" Dea suddenly asked.

Diana stared off trying to think, "Ummm.... good question..."

Before Dea could contemplate if cleaner wipes would damage the small mech, she heard a squeal she knew all too well. Together, Diana and Dea pushed Tony out of the way as Sunstreaker - in car mode - came barreling down the hallway.

"I WANT TO BE WASHED!!!" he squeaked in a not very manly way. Dea leveled him with a glare, before helping Tony Stark to his feet.

"Sorry about that, he's a little self absorbed," came Diana's explanation. The red head nodded her agreement, "The mention of car washes tends to send him into a bit of a frenzy."

Dea giggled, "Frenzy....." She sighed happily, imagining what their two Decepticon captives were up to.

While the girls were planning their lovely picnic in the meadows, our two captives were in their respective cages.

Barricade turned toaster kitty bot was laying in one corner of his cage enduring the never ending chatter of his partner. Normally he would've just tuned him out or better yet mute him since normally he'd be in his compartment... but this.... this must be the worse detainment he'd ever went through.

"So 'Cade, I'm thinking of a number between negative three billion and positive three billion and that includes partial numbers in there... care to guess?"

"Is this what you did in Soundwave's compartment with your brothers all day long?" the other bot asked while propping his chin on his elbows.

"Pretty much... we couldn't always get Soundwave's chest plate to open enough to hack a signal of porn while we were waiting for orders on Cybertron so we had to make up games."

Barricade growled in his new slightly higher pitched voice, "TMI!"

Frenzy just chuckled, he liked seeing his buddy squirm... even if he had to lie. Hey you had to do what you had to do in order to maintain your sanity in a cage... even if you drew another mad. Then again he was used to it... Barricade on the other hand....

The now pint sized mech sighed angrily, choosing to try and block out Frenzy's blathering with thoughts of what he would do to that adorable-- ur... despicable... yeah, there's the right word. What he would do to that DESPICABLE human girl.

Of course, what with his insanity waning, the bad things starting turning into... well...slightly _immoral_ things by the standard of any self respecting parent who wanted their child to wait until they... Uh... That is....

"ARGH!!! BAD THOGUHTS!!! BAAAD THOUGHTS!!!" Barricade howled smashing his cranium upon the floor on which he was sitting, "Evil human girl infected my brain!!!!"

Frenzy quirked a stiff eye ridge, "How? She's no computer genius..." He paused for a moment's thought, "No wait, I wouldn't put that past them... They could and would find a way..."

Barricade clung to the bars of his new home and shook them, "We have to find a cure before I'm completely bazonkers!"

Frenzy stared at him.

The toaster bot slammed his head against his palm, "See?! I told you! Now even their vocabulary is infecting me!"

"Indeed I noticed." Frenzy rocked back and forth on his heels a moment, "Would you be able to stand it if I called my brothers?"

"Anything to get out of this stupid cutesy toaster box and back into my regal one!" Barricade growled.

"Ok... but first... we need to get out." Frenzy poked the lock...s on his cage door. His weaponry had been disabled by a special null ray and his CD shurikens had been... removed.

They heard humming, and the sounds of rubber squeaking on linoleum, followed by a head of fiery red hair that adorned Dea's head. The equally fiery personality that she was proudly equipped with showed when she stopped in her skipping to smirk at the two captives, "Well hello boys."

"We're mechs," Frenzy corrected, to which the human ignored with an eye roll. Advancing towards the cage, she let her fingers run across the bars in a taunting motion.

"Like I care," came her retort, short and clipped. Addressing the reason for her visit, she smiled in an overly fake sweet manner, "So, I've decided on how I'm going to go about taking my revenge..."

If the two mechs were in human bodies, their faces would have visibly paled, but since the transformer's didn't really have an equivalent reaction, Dea had to assume that her words had made some kind of impact. She nodded innocently, cocking her head to the side, "Oh yes... It worked really well the last time."

Barricade was slightly afraid to know what she was planning, but also knew that his imagination would be the downfall of his remaining sanity, prompting his question of, "And what's that?"

Smirking at him again, she allowed a touch of rage to grace her words, "What fun would my revenge be if I didn't make you suffer, wondering what your fate would be?" Dea pulled her face close to his and growled, "I don't like not being in control of my body. Do what you did to me again, and you'll really regret it."

Barricade reached between the bars and poked her hard on the forehead, "Bring it glitch!"

Dea would have attempted to rip the mech's head off if it were not for the sound of Diana calling for her friend, "DEA?!?!? It's car wash time! Sunny is getting impatient." She turned her face toward the voice, but then looked back to Barricade.

"Another time..."

Turning and fleeing from the room, Barricade let out a 'hmph' followed by a string of curses about the human female, "Who does she think she is?!?"

"Obviously someone who thinks she's got you wrapped around her finger, as the natives say," Frenzy replied, drumming his fingers on the cell floor, "However, we're still left with the problem of--"

The two froze, both pairs of eyes trained on the little monkey bot that currently entered the room - chewing on what they were certain to be the key card to their cells. Zan paused and blinked in the general direction, seemingly content to sit and stare at the two.

"Hey!" Frenzy clicked in their language, "Little bot! Gimme that keycard!" he extended his hand through the bars.

Zan just tilted his head, chewing a few more times on the card before continuing his observation of then, twitching the end of his long tail a bit.

"Give us the card maintenance bot!" Barricade growled again.

Zan, having enough brain power to at least know he was supposed to be offended - bless the adorable monkey bot's soul - huffed and started to walk away, only to be stopped by Barricade shouting, "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry, please come baaack!!!"

Feeling that he could get some amusement out of this since the orange didn't want to play poker and Dea was in hysterics cackling evilly over blue prints to something, he spun himself around, still chewing on the card, "Boop?"

Frenzy caught on to the tone, "We'll give you anything you want, just... come over here and let us out..."

Zan swished his tail back and forth. He crawled over and plopped down onto his skidplate just out of their reach. Then held out his own hand.

"You did say we'll give it anything..." Barricade said, looking at his partner, "Now what?"

"Beep?" Zan inquired, wiggling his three digits in a 'gimme my present now!' motion.

Frenzy halted, "Uh... Well we can't give you anything just yet, we need to get out of here to get your present... They've taken it from us you see, and we need out to get it back..."

His tail swished again, then he stood and started away, leaving the two mechs with dropped jaws, "WAAAIT COOME BAAAACK!!!!" they whined, and Zan stopped with an expectant expression on your face. Frenzy faltered again, "We'll....uh.... teach you how to kill the lemon? The best present IS knowledge after all...."

The little monkey bot halted and glanced back at them, his optics slightly wide.

"Yes... you're wondering how I know of your rivalry... well... I did go through Diana's mind you know." Frenzy explained.

Tail twitch.

"Don't you want that lemon to have it?" Barricade pitched in. He had no idea what was going on but hey... you had to play along.

Zan came back and sat just out of their reach, keycard tantalizingly hanging from his mouth.

"This is getting us nowhere..." Barricade growled in a low voice.

**MEANWHILE!**

Dea pouted, looking at the yellow mech with mild distaste, "Didn't I JUST wash you?"

Sunny revved his engine with displeasure and retorted indignantly, "You missed a spot!"

The red head rolled her eyes and threw a dirty towel at him, "Now I've created a spot. Go bug Diana. I'm washing my beau thank you." Sunny ambled away, mumbling angrily about Jazz getting all the special attention as the girl turned back to the silver Pontiac, "Now, where was I?"

"Being mean to me."

Dea pretended to be offended, "I beg your pardon?! It's not torture if you agreed to it."

"But I didn't agree to this! This is why we have the cleaning racks!" Jazz whined, he'd had a tire lock put on him again.

"Oh pshaw!" Dea tried to open his hood to poke around and see if there were any rocks that had bounced inside. The hood remained firmly shut. Dea stomped her foot, "Open up Jazz!"

"No!"

Dea, being a cunning little girl, switched the conversation over to something else entirely, while still sounding as if on topic, "Oh I see. You're hiding something from me." She sniffled and turned her body away from him, brushing away tears that weren't really there, "So this is what our relationship is going to be like? You keeping secrets from me?!"

Bewildered, Jazz stumbled through his vocabulary for a sentence that would calm the red head, "Now wait just a minute! I'm not hiding anything Dea, you should know that!"

"Then why won't you let me see under your hood? There some oils stains you don't want me to know about?" Dea huffed and started away, Jazz growling and yelling something along the lines of 'slaggin' hormonal humanoid females!!" followed by the click of his hood popping open.

With a gasp and a smile, Dea turned back and rushed forward to inspect the engine, wiping at some oil here and there, "Now see? Was that really so hard?"

Of course Dea didn't notice Jazz trembling slightly... and it wasn't from pain either. All transformers engines were sensitive to... light brushings like she was doing.

"Ahhhh!!"

In the background Sunny was happily chasing Diana around in circles, "Diiiaaanaaa! Dea was mean and made a spot! Now there's two spots!"

"You just have to ask me not chase me you dopey Autobot!" the human squeaked as she jumped onto Sides' hood, "Save me!"

Dea stepped back to survey his engine and the surrounding parts with a keen eye, "No 'cleaning racks' are as good as me. I have small hands, so I can get it hard to reach places." To demonstrate, she dipped low again, and using her fingers, swiped at a buildup of sludge with her dirty rag, "See?"

The trembling from Jazz increased, and she cocked her head to the side, "You are so confusing..." Dea said with a smile.

"And you're lucky you're not in a Cybertronian body anymore or I'd break this _thing_ off and assault you." Jazz retaliated, the idea to make her want to fear for her sexual/physical/whatever life.

However, the redhead just smiled further, "You can't rape the willing." She winked and closed his hood, "All done. You're free to go. I need to go save Diana from the self absorbed monster I sicked on her."

"Puh-leaaase Diana!" Sunny was still advancing on her while Sides was backing up because their bumpers were starting to bump.

"Why am I suddenly so important?!" Diana glared, "You never looked at me before!"

"Back yellow fiend of good looks!" Stalker appeared and brandished his razor claws, "Or I file down your paint job!"

The lambo squealed and quickly backed away.

"You have a buffing cloth in your hand, that's why you're suddenly so important. Sunny loves being pampered." Sides chuckled. Diana tapped his hood with her hand, "You're not that different."

"Awww." the red twin laughed.

Dea brandished the two polishing rags in either of her hands, "Calm yourselves my boys. Dea's here to save the day." She grinned coyly at the two and they turned to look at Dea, "Whoever reaches Jazz gets the first round." She raised her hands up, and the twins transformed, ready for the challenge. Dea counted down from 3, then dropped the rag, like the races from Grease, "GO!"

Jazz focused his attention when he heard the squeal of two sets of tires to find the twins charging towards him, Dea behind them with a triumphant grin on her face. He diverted his attention to the mud puddle that the twins would eventually reach, and he figured would splatter all over him resulting in Dea getting to wash him again, "Oh crap."

Diana suddenly leaped into Jazz (via magically opened window) and slammed on his gas. Shooting him forward and away as the twins tripped over each other and falling into the muddy water.

"Bitch!!" Dea screamed.

"Haha!" Diana took hold of the wheel and drove Jazz away. She needed a drink anyway and why walk when you had a sweet ride?

Dea gritted her teeth and glared over at Stalker, who in turn glared back, "I am NOT helping you with revenge this time."

"WHAT?!?!" the girl exclaimed, "Argh, fine. I'll go let out some steam then."

Stalker raised an eye ridge, "Do I want to know how?"

She shrugged in response, "Probably not," she said as she headed in the direction of where a certain two Decepticons were being held.

What she found was Barricade trying to grab the key card out of Zan's mouth as the little monkey bot sat there just out of reach.

After a moment's pause as she deliberated over the situation then, "Zan. Key."

Zan sat on his hunches like a bunny might, swishing his tail back and forth.

Dea took the keycard, "Good boy!" she patted his head and handed him an energon goodie, which made the drone squealed happily and run off to eat it.

With a leap, skip and a hop Dea made her way a little too happily toward the sulking prisoners... well... at least Barricade was sulking. Frenzy was just lounging back with his hands behind his spindly neck and his legs crossed. He looked like he was napping.

Dea sighed, giving a fake sad shake of her head, "Now now, I leave you two only for five minutes and already you're getting yourselves into trouble!! What am I going to do with you?"

"You tell us." Barricade huffed, turning away from the human.

She gave a grin, "Like I said before, where would the fun be?"

Little Barricade growled, "I swear femme... once I get back to my original and regal frame I will make you regret this!"

"Psh... Blame Diana it was her idea." Dea stuck her tongue out at him, "I'm just taking full advantage of her decision." she checked her nails for the cracks that weren't there.

Barricade grumbled something, but Dea ignored it and spun on her heels, calling Zan - who had hid in a corner of the room to enjoy his treat - and leaving. After the door was closed she grinned and bent down low to Zan, who climbed up onto her shoulders. As they walked down the halls, Dea decided to divulge something to the drone, "You know what the best part of my brilliant plan is?"

Zan cocked his head to show that he was listening, "I really don't have anything planned to do to them." Her mirth bubbled out in fits of giggle and Zan made a sound as if he was laughing in response, "Ah, I'm such a genius. They'll sit in their racking their processors over a sinister plan that doesn't exist!"

The little drone gasped dramatically like he'd seen her do before. The action caused him to fall off her shoulder but that's what a tail with a gripper claw at the end was for. So he hung upside down in his gasp position with his tail around her arm. Then he curled up as he giggled some more.

Diana appeared with a croissant in her hand but no Jazz in sight.

"Before you ask... he's hiding. Saying something about being WAY too far behind in his work." Diana snorted.

Dea made a point to exaggerate her pouting, "Well now what am I going to do?" she pulled Zan to her chest and huggled the little drone, who beeped happily. She sighed, and gave her friend's food a longing glance, "We got anymore of those?"

With a small laugh, Diana jerked her head back the way she had come, "Yeah, but you better hurry before Stalker says something about the sudden bag of croissants on his bed." Dea thought it better not to ask why the item in question would be on the mech's bed, and instead rushed down the hall for the food.

**Elsewhere on the base...**

Wheeljack didn't notice the sneaking of the two evil doers (ok let's be honest it's Sideswipe that drag's Sunstreaker into these things but that's not the point). He was hunched over the theories he was writing down, oblivious to the two shadows hanging over him.

Suddenly he stopped, noticing that his light was slightly blocked. Slowly, he turned around, "Sides? Sunny? Umm.... may I help you?"

Sunny, his brother having convinced him that the red mech's plan would benefit both of them, grinned in earnest as he leaned in close to the scientist's face, "That all depends on if you've still got the necessary equipment to make two human girls into femmes again."

Frowning, Wheeljack nodded, "I do, but why would you want me to change them after I JUST finished putting them back?"

"That's on a need to know basis," Sides explained, "And you don't need to know."

"Actually... I do... because if the girls are my size that means it's easier for them to kick my aft." Wheeljack said. After dealing with the humans he decided it was much easier to deal with the twins.

Sideswipe heaved a sigh, "Well if you have to know..."

The yellow twin flanked the other side of Wheeljack, so that the mech was surrounded by a twin on either side. In a low voice that made him crane to hear, Sides painted a mental picture for Wheeljack, "Just think of how glorious it will be to have two gorgeous femmes lighting up the base? No more will we be bored out of our minds from having so many mechs around... Just think of the possibilities..."

"But Dea is Jazz's human. That would be... What's the word...? Infidelity." Wheeljack defended, "And that is morally wrong."

Sunny rolled his optics, "Wheeljack, half the things you make should be deemed morally wrong. What's a little lookie see? How is that going to cause any harm?"

Wheeljack suddenly found himself imagining pretty little femmes strutting around with all their goods and....

"No!"

The twins jumped as Wheeljack slapped his palm against his forehead, "None of that! If they don't ask for it... I'm not doing it!" the scientist/inventor stated with finality.

Sides and Sunny shared a look and nodded, then Sunny leaned in close once more and spoke in a conversational tone, "You know, I'm pretty sure Diana has a thing for the nerds..."

Wheeljack perked as another mental image hit him and with a groan of submission, he let his head fall to his desk with a painful bang, "Fine. I'll do it... Just shut up."

Sides patted the defeated mech on the shoulder, "I knew you'd come around to our way of thinking."

**Elsewhere....**

Dea walked into their personal living room with a picture window of the main area so they could watch the Transformers do their thing and they watch them.

"TETRAS CHEATS!!"

The red head jumped, dropping a few of her edibles in the process. At last she saw Diana on the couch with a laptop and a game of tetras on the screen.

Bending down to pick up the snacks she had dropped, Dea addressed her friend with a skeptical tone, "Diana? Have you been hitting the cough syrup or something?"

"What?"

"Nothing..."

The red head sat herself next to Diana on the couch and opened a bag of chips, popping a few in her mouth before setting it to the side, "Anyway, I'm having one of those moments where I know something inconvenient is about to happen to us and we're going to have an adventure involving danger and snogging mechs."

Diana turned her head slowly away from the screen to look at her friend, "Are you sure YOU aren't the one 'hitting the cough syrup' as you say?"

"Pretty sure." Dea itched her arm.

"Oook." Diana went back to trying to get past level four of her game. Muttering something like cusswords under her breath. Underneath the chair Zan was vacuuming up the crumbs Dea was leaving.

Vibration from Dea's pocket attracted her attention, and she pulled the little black cell phone from her pocket and flipped it open, "Yodeling kills your throat."

A minor pause followed her comment, then a mech's voice came from the other end, "Dea?"

"What can I do you for sex-bot?"

Sides chuckled, "Nothing, Wheeljack needs you and Diana for something. Can you guys come to his office?"

Dea frowned, and looked to Diana, "Wheely-jack needs us to come to his office." Diana mimicked her friend's frown and glare at the screen, then the phone, then the screen again. Dea laughed and addressed Sideswipe, "We'll be there soon as Tetras stops cheating."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Dea... isn't it a BAD idea that Wheeljack wants to see us?"

"Don't be silly maybe he just wants us taste some jelly donuts."

"....what?"

"It can be possible for a transformer to try out cooking!" Dea announced dramatically.

Dea coughed into her fist and stood up, "I might have had a little cough syrup..."

"Right... okay, well let's get this over with then. I WILL DEFEAT YOU!!" the last part was directed at the screen upon which Diana's game of Tetras sat idly.

"Sounds like a grand master plan."

- - - - -

When the girls watched the door open they took note of how dark the room was.

They stood there for a second.

"Ladies first." said Dea.

"Riiiiight.... like I'm going to be able to flick the transformer-sized light switch any more than you." Diana sneered.

They took a few tentative steps forward, and the door closed behind them slowly. Diana glanced at the door, then to Dea with a mild glare, "What were you saying earlier about something bad happening?"

"I may have in some way or another jinxed the current situation..." Dea replied with a frown.

Diana was suddenly yanked up and into the darkness, her scream muffled. The last thing Diana saw was three pairs of blue optics staring down at her.

Dea spun herself around in the darkness, looking for her companion, "Diana? Where'd you gooo?" No answer came forth and Dea found herself itching at her upper arm, "Oh this is just daaandy... DANDY!!! DO YOU HEAR ME--AAAAH!"

Lifted into the air by a metallic cold hand, Dea found herself being carried through the darkness towards a distant looking light. The last thing she heard was a familiar voice saying that she'd be just fine before something hit her on the head just hard enough that she could feel her grip on consciousness fading, "I am not a....cupcake....for your amuse......ment..."

- - - - -

The first thing Diana noticed when she became conscious was the blue tint and geometracal lines appearing around the edges of her sight.

"Whoa.... damn it! Not again!" when she saw up however she noticed that she was not a tiny little femme like she'd thought. She was a tall, sleek purple blue femme transformer.

"WHEELJACK!!!" she screamed.

"Lower the vocal processors lady! Some people want to try and sleep through this nightmare."

Diana looked to her left to see Dea in a Cybertronian form herself, but not the same one from before. Now she was sleeker, with more curves, and a much shinier hot rod red paint job. Her now-a-femme-again friend leveled her with an angry look which was directed to something behind her.

Craning her neck around, she saw the object of her despite - Wheeljack cowering behind a transformer sized desk - and growled, "Wheeljack, what is the meaning of this??"

"Somebody put me up to it! I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!!" the inventor cried, trembling behind the desk as if it would save him. Dea sat herself up, and Diana joined her in an upright position.

Dea sighed and flexed her new mechanical muscles, "Oh well, best get used to the new body. As least now I can get Jazz to get distracted from his so called work easier."

Rolling her eyes, Diana mumbled to herself, "Of course you'd think of something like that..."

Diana looked down at herself, "Stalker'll be disappointed."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Diana continued to examine both herself and Dea, "Is it just me... or are we very feminine compared to our last transfers?"

Dea let her hands travel down her waist, which did feel considerably smaller than she last remembered it, "You know I think you're right..."

"That would be my handiwork," a voice called, and the two femmes looked to see the twins standing in the doorway looking rather smug with themselves.

Repeating Wheeljack's earlier words, Diana glared at the two, "Somebody put me up to it... Wheeljack, did the twins trick you?!" From behind his desk Wheeljack nodded with a slight pout.

"I'm a mech!! I CAN'T HELP IT!"

Dea shook her head with a sigh, "We're not mad (much), Wheeljack. You can stop hiding now."

"Where'd you put our bodies??" Diana demanded when Wheeljack stood up a little straighter.

"They're in stasis like last time..."

"Well go g-!"

"Who are the.... new arrivals?" Prowl asked when he stopped at the doorway, having seen the femme's shiny husks.

Dea - who can't be blamed for her actions because it's just in her nature to do so - turned to look at the mech with the transformer version of 'bedroom eyes,' something she'd discovered while in her Cybertronian husk last time, "Well hello. What's a big strong mech like you doing in a place like this?"

"The twins make me paranoid and-- .......DEA?!?!?"

She wiggled her digits in a wave at the stunned mech, "Hi there! Imma femme again!"

"Then... then who's that??" Prowl pointed to the delicately beautiful femme next to Dea. Holy Primus did he just think that?!

"That one's Diana!"

"What?!" Prowl glared at the twins and Wheeljack.

"Prowl my mech! Wait a second!" Normally they would've ran and hid but this time Sideswipe pulled Prowl in and took Diana's hand and placed it in his, "Do you not feel that femininity? That sweet smoothness that we all need?"

Playing off of Sides' happiness at their new found femme bodies, Dea jumped up and wrapped her arms around the red mech's neck and purred, "Yeah, feel that femininity." She could feel Sideswipes faceplate heat up considerably, and she giggled to herself as she released him and moved to Diana's side, "Oh yeah. We're hot."

Prowl was busy staring at his and Diana's hand. Diana found it a very awkward thing. Prowl must be really starved for attention if just THIS was turning him on.

Slowly Diana pulled her hand away.

The action seemed to snap Prowl out of his daze, "S-Sideswipe and Sunstreaker! You put them into these forms against their wills! You will be punished for this!"

Not wanting to get the twins into trouble, Dea wrapped her arms around one of Prowl's so that she was snuggled close to his side, "Now don't go making any assumptions Prowl." For added effect she titled her head up and smiled sweetly at him, "The twins didn't mean any harm, and it's not like we're in any apparent danger. in fact, I'd say we're safer this way."

Prowl looked down at the red femme that was Dea but was making his spark make the transformer version of 'thump thump' with great confusion, "Aaah.... well.... er... um.........okaaay.........." At a loss for words, Prowl unhinged his arm from Dea and backed away from the scene ever so slowly, "Well then, as you were... And stuff."

Diana rubbed her new face, "Back to our current problem."

"No!" the twins said.

"W-what's wrong with you?! Change us-!" Diana suddenly noticed that they were indeed attracting a crowd outside the door, "Umm.... hi." she waved sheepishly.

"Ooooooo! More mechs to have fun with!" Dea squealed, jogging towards the door to introduce herself to the congregating group.

Sideswipe watched the exchange with mild interest. That is until a revelation his hit. He grabbed his brother's arm and pulled him to the side, "SUNNY! We've created a monster!!"

"What?! No we haven't." sunny complained, by a loud bout of laughter from the group of mechs Dea was currently flirting with brought his attention away from his brother. He stared for a moment and let the sight sink in before turning back to Sides, "We created a monster!!"

"HEY!"

The twins turned once more towards Dea to find her grinning up at Jazz, who had somehow managed to recognize her instantly. He glared at the other mechs before looking at Dea, "She's mine."

"And we're dead..." Sunny whined.

"WE'RE DEAD?" Sideswipe yelled, "YOU are the one who came up with her new design, Jazz can kill you!!"

"Hey!"

They looked at Wheeljack.

"Where'd Diana go?!" No one had seen the shiny indigo femme slip out through a backdoor that happened to be there.

Outside, Diana shut the door behind herself. She was overcompensating for a lot of things since she wasn't used to this size of a body but that didn't bother her right now. In there she felt like a go-go dancer or something... however those dancers felt on their first show.

Inside however, Jazz was busy carrying a complaining Dea over his shoulder from the room with a glare to anyone who thought a quick glance at the femme's aft would go unnoticed. Turning sharply in front of the twins, Jazz looked at both, then settled on Sunny, "I'll be back for you."

The yellow twin proceeded to fall into the fetal position and mumble about how he was going to die. Sides decided that he wouldn't go down with the ship and fled, screaming about evil seductress femmes as he went.

Wheeljack looked down at Sunny as the mech stood up as if nothing had happened (but still looked a bit nervous).

"I told you it was a bad idea!" Wheeljack exclaimed.

"Oh shut your face mask you thought it was a dandy idea or else you wouldn't have agreed with us." Sunny smirked.

"But I also said it was a bad idea!"

"No... you just said-." Sunny found himself being chased with a wicked looking device that he'd rather not find out the function. Fortunately for the yellow mech, Wheeljack only chased him to the door.

Sunny huffed, looking to the left and the right. Now that his interesting day had been taken away from him, that meant he had to figure out something to do to entertain himself. "Hmmm..." The yellow mech rubbed his chin in thought then grinned wickedly, "I wonder if Stalker has seen Diana yet..."

Meanwhile, amidst piles of paperwork - which he didn't even know why he was helping with it since it wasn't his concern - Stalker tensed and looked around the room, a sudden overwhelming sensation that his normal day - as normal as it gets with Dea around - was about to be turned into a spectacle of mockery and 'oh my god' moments...

Diana paced outside the base, wringing her hands together tightly. She'd finally gotten used to her larger form but that wasn't the point. The point was the base was full of needy mechs that were otherwise gentlebots (most of them), Dea was enjoying the situation WAY too much... and Stalker would be disappointed and she was freaked out and...

"Waaaahhh! Whyyyy did they have to add this dramaaa!" she sat down hugging her knees.

Diana played with the ground near her feet as she spoke to herself - completely ignoring how much like Sparkle she was being and ignoring her surroundings - "Evils twins with their evil plans and this evil body which attracts to much attention which creates evil drama..." She grumbled a few more choice words, and lowered her chin to her pulled up knees, "Laaame."

"Really, I find it all amusing."

The ebony and purple femme froze, her head lifting up in small jerky motions until she was face to face with someone she had most definitely NOT been expecting, "YOU!" She screamed and pointed an angry finger at him as she used cartoon physics to nimbly leap up and away from the mech.

Blackout straightened up, "Yes, me."

"How the hell did you get past the scanners?!"

He arched his brow ridge.

"Riiiiiiight... 'black out'.... anyhoo...." Diana now realized she'd leaped AWAY from the stupid door back into the base. She started sidestepping toward it, "I gotta go..."

However, Blackout had other plans in mind and scooped the femme up, "Oh I don't think so. Barricade got to have his fun - however brief - with the little red femme. I get to have my fun with you." Throwing her over his shoulder, her only thoughts were of the kind that are way too graphic to be thought aloud and were aimed at the twins that put her in this condition, and therefore this predicament.

Diana grabbed his wingblades and pulled on them as hard as she could but he just flicked them, almost cutting her hands. He was such a heavily armored individual that all her kicking and screaming did not good. She tried accessing her communications line like she had as an attachment but it seemed that Blackout was blocking her line as well.

"Let me go or I swear I'm going to lock Stalker in your spark chamber so he can rip you apart like those aliens on AVP!!!" she growled.

His ego kicked in, and the mech scoffed and rolled his optics, "That scrawny little thing couldn't make a scratch on a real mech like me."

Diana rolled her optics back, "Yeah, because you're a manly man!"

"What?"

"Er...mechy mech... ah that doesn't work. Frag!"

Blackout made a sound that sounded like a snort, "You're cute when you're flustered."

"NO I'M NOT CUTE!!" Diana managed to reach around and pop him in the face as hard as she could.

The mech scrunched his nose, scowling at her from over his shoulder, "Now now, no need to get testy. It's just a compliment."

"YEAH! Well Dea says I don't take compliments well so LEMME GO!"

Instead of letting her go he smacked her on her aft, "Nah... I don't think so... you make such good company.

Diana screamed at her indignity and continued to struggle until a warning sign came up that her energy reserves were low and that she needed to recharge them.

All worn out, Diana was running out of energy to physically fight against him, and so resigned herself to verbally assaulting the mech, "You're an idiot. I freaking hate your guts. I hope you crawl in a hole and rust." At her remarks he just laughed.

Diana had no idea where they were but when he dumped her on the floor she saw that they were in some sort of chamber... much like that empty warehouse barricade used except this one was rigged with all sorts of gadgets and what not.

"Ow..." she rubbed her skidplate and stood up, looking for a way to escape.

She checked the room quite a few times before deciding that escape was not an option at the moment, and banged her head against the wall a few times when she realized who her rescue would rely on.

Aside from Stalker, Dea would be the first person to notice that she was missing, and knowing her arm scratching thing and the fact that the girl is quite paranoid when she wants to be, Dea would be the one to run off to some unknown location, dragging along more reliable Transformers with her, to try and save the black and purple femme.

Realizing this, Diana whined to herself, "Oooh god I'm screwed..."

Back at the base, Stalker ran in and nearly smashed into Dea's leg.... and what a... huge leg it was.

"Oh... my Primus what happened to YOU Dea?!"

Dea, a little disappointed at being interrupted with her flirting turned to the little mech, "I was turned into a femme by a horny Wheeljack what else?"

"Then where's Diana??"

"Uuuooohh..... riiiight.... Diana...." she itched her arm (trying to not ruin the paint job).

- - - - -

Diana sat in the corner of the room hugging her knees like a disturbed person praying to all forms of higher beings that they'd get there before the torture started.... then again with her luck so far for the day....

"ALRIGHT!" shouted Dea, calling the attention of all nearby mechs to her shiny new form, "I need some volunteers to distract Jazz. Is there a mech here who is up for the challenge?" A few of the mechs started walking away with their heads down and their 'tails' so to speak in between their legs, "I'll give you a special Cybertronian-version of a Swedish massage if you do it."

The amount of hands that shot up at her statement made the maroon femme smile evilly, and she snagged the arm of a light blue mech with navy accent colors, "You'll do just nicely. Now, what you're going to do is talk about how sexy Dea is around him, and run as fast as you can if he comes near you." The little mech nodded, and she shoved him in Jazz's direction, "Buddha be with you."

"What?"

But Dea had already nabbed up the little ebony mech and was bolting down the hallway before anyone could say 'banana' or any other word for that matter...

"Why didn't you want to bring Jazz?" Stalker shouted as Dea ran, "We could have used his help!!"

"I can't deal with that overbearing overly protective mech right now! We can save Diana on our own."

Stalker crossed his arms and frowned, "How the slag do you expect to do that?"

An evil grin encompassed Dea's face as she glanced down at Stalker, "I've got a plan."

"Well on the bright side at least he can't draw on my flesh... on the dark side though he can still do it but it just won't hurt and I'll be branded his tramp!" Diana muttered to herself, trying to keep her morale up and failing miserably.

Curling herself into a tighter ball, Diana only heard the sound of a door opening. When she brought her head up, there was no one there, which caused her to frown, "Hello? Who's there?? Blackout if you think you're going to scare me, that's just plain stupid and pathetic..."

A giggle followed, and Diana felt that if she was still in her human body she would have paled of fright. Because that giggle was one she recognized well, and was the giggle of the one and only person who could make her want to kick a puppy, and was also apparently her only hope at escaping unharmed.

"Oh god... Dea?"

Dea leaned over with that grinning face, "HIIII."

There was a gasp and the lower Diana looked, she found Stalker on the floor.

"Wheeljack turned you into THIS?!" Stalker pouted.

Diana rolled her optics, "Gee thanks Stalker... how did you two get in here without Blackout knowing?!" she whispered.

The way Dea stated her sentence was as if the fact was obvious, and Diana restrained herself so that she wouldn't slam her head onto the wall, "I'm a ninja." She tilted her head in confusion when Diana shook her head slowly, "Anyway, Stalker get over your whiny EMO problem about Diana and get ready to sneak back out."

"What are you going to do?" Diana asked, standing up and automatically dusting herself off, though it wasn't really necessary.

Dea made some mental calculations in her head, "Jazz is probably tracking my signal right now, so he should arrive within ten minutes... That means if we get lucky and can stay under Blackout's radar for five more minutes, then I can distract him while you and Stalker get out of here. Then Jazz will come, get pissed off, kick the tar out of Blackout and I'm good to go."

She paused, the rephrased her sentence, "Well I'll probably be grounded to my room, but other than that I'll be good to go..."

"How are you going to distract him?" Diana said with morbid curiosity. She didn't want to complement the Decepticon or anything, but he was kind of hard to distract.

The maroon femme smiled, "If I can make Ratchet do a double take, I think I can use this body of mine to distract Blackout."

Diana nodded, then froze, "Wait, you made Ratchet do a double take?!??"

"Yeah, Sparkle kicked his ass for it too, you should have been theeerrr..... Oh... Sorry."

"Yeah, thanks..."

Diana and Dea with a moping stalker started tip toeing back the way they'd came, hoping they wouldn't resort to plan B...

"Nice tattoo Diana... I didn't notice it before."

The blue and purple femme gasped and looked around... not at Blackout but behind her and noticed that indeed... if she'd been in a car mode it would've been one of those designs people stick on the back of their cars... in this case...

Diana covered her aft and turned around, "So not cool Blackout!"

Everyone turned to look at the Decepticon except Dea, who was still busy creeping towards the exit, "Hey, the little red femme's got one too."

At that, Dea spun herself around - looking much akin to a dog chasing its tail - and yelled, "WHAT?!?"

"Dea! FOCUS!" Diana shouted at her friend, who regained her composure, as best she could, and looked at Blackout, who was watching this all with a raised eye ridge and an amused expression.

There was silence at first, and Stalker made a coughing sound, trying to get Dea to start Plan B. However, Dea was still pretty absorbed with her 'tattoo' that the only thing her brain could come up with was pointing and shouting, "LOOK! THE ALLSPARK!"

And by some grace of fate, Blackout got a confused look on his face and turned around to look towards were Dea was pointing. Diana took a moment to say, "I can't believe that worked." before shouting at Stalker and Dea to, as she so eloquently put it, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"

They could hear a rather peeved Blackout cursing and running after them.

"IMO this sux!"

"No time for quoting that flash Dea!"

They screeched around the corner heading for what looked like an exit. It was at this point that Dea realized her buddy wasn't running next to her.

She slid to a stop and glanced behind her to see Diana had been caught by the large mech.

"Not so fast sweetspark."

"Oh I think it's going to be fast..."

Dea opened her mouth to comment but was smacked on the cheek by Stalker.

"Plan B!" the ebony mech glared at her. For some reason when it was with four eyes instead of two Dea felt a little more intimidated... somehow... don't ask. Dea was about to pull of Plan B when she saw Diana give Blackout a rather... strange look. It was the kind of look that was dark and teasing.

"You know Blackout.... " Diana said in an alluring voice, "You need to stop being so harsh with me... I could break..." she stroked his jaw line. He shuddered pleasantly... and accidentally dropped her.

That part wasn't in Diana's plan but she took advantage of it to kick the mech between the legs and roll away, "RUN AGAIN FOR YOURS LIVES!!!" she screamed.

Dea would have glomped her friend if they had the time to do so, but what with the running, and being chased, the maroon femme decided that a rain check was in order.

"DEEEAAAA!!!!" an angry voice yelled from in front of them, and Dea grinned ear to ear and ran faster.

"THE CALVARY HAS ARRIVED!" Immediately upon reaching the area where Jazz was, Dea began limping like she was hurt and wounded. This caused Jazz's boyfriend instincts to kick in, and he ran forward to catch her as she started to fall.

"Dea what happened??"

Blackout, who had regained his composure and again started after them, reached the clearing as well, and Dea pointed an angry finger at him, "He hurt me!!" Jazz glowered up at the Decepticon, who froze in his tracks.

"What?!? I didn't touch her!! Diana, yeah, but not that one!"

"LI-AH!" Dea shouted, clutching at her chest defensively. "He leered at me Jazz!" Dea exclaimed.

That certainly sped Jazz's boyfriend instincts into high gear. The silver mech tackled the clearly larger one.

"Run!" Dea exclaimed to her friend. Stalker just held on to a shoulder guard for dear life as the skedaddled out of the place.

Diana shook her head as she ran, looking over at her fellow femme, "No one is going to believe that worked!!"

Despite that being true, Dea simply laughed it off, "I still saved your aft what good!"

They kept their speed until they finally breached the grounds, skidding to a halt when the sunlight began to warm the metal they were now made of, "Well... That was eventful..." Stalker pointed out as he situated himself on Diana's shoulder.

A few minutes of walking later, Jazz joined them, looking slightly scuffled but certainly proud of whatever he'd done to the larger black Decepticon, his smile being one of smugness. Dea slipped her arms around on of Jazz's and grinned, a wicked one that went unnoticed by everyone by Diana, who shook her head yet again, "Shall we go home?"

"Honestly!" Stalker exclaimed.

"Oh here we go..." Dea sighed.

"Don't you dare start complaining Stalker!" Diana glared intensely at the small mech on her shoulder.

"Look, all I'm asking is what the heck Wheeljack was thinking?!?" Stalker whined uncharacteristically, and Dea rolled her eyes.

"Um, IDK maybe his libido and not yours?" Dea stated flatly, propping a hand up on her waist. Stalker was nabbed up in Diana's hand before the small mech could even start to lunge at the maroon femme, who was staring innocently at the duo, "What'd I say?"

"Oh you know what you said!" Diana rushed out.

Diana stuck her head back in, "By the way Jazz, I think that's why mech's optics strayed to her aft a lot... check out the tattoo Wheeljack gave us!" she grinned and ran out.

"Eeek!" Dea ran away holding her hands over the small of her back as Jazz tried to look.

- - - - -

Back on the base, Ratchet was having one of those days... You know when the twins were planning something and you just KNEW, but you could never catch them plotting? It was like that. He just KNEW that something bad was going to happen today... He just couldn't figure out what.

"Ratchet, is it okay if Diana and I wreak havoc in Wheeljack's office and lock the twins up until they cry?"

The medic turned his head slowly to look at Dea, decked out in her Cybertronian body again. His eyes shifted to Diana, who was looking rather uncomfortable again, then back to Dea, "Do I want to know the back story to this?"

Dea gave that some thought before replying flatly, "Probably not."

"Torture to your heart's content, just make sure you clean up afterwards."

"Roger roger!"

"Dude... how are we supposed to get Wheeljack out of his lab? Usually the only thing that gets him out of there is an order from Optimus or the need for energon.... which... is kinda rare actually... I think he has his own energon making machine in that pack rat of a lab in there." Diana said.

This question brought a smile to Dea's face, and Diana could already tell where this conversation was going to go, "Oh, well since he's taken such a fancy to your new image, I thought I'd leave that up to you and your feminine charm."

"Do I even have feminine charm?" Diana asked in a flustered tone. Dea shrugged, and smiled her 'I'm going to love watching your pain' smile before shoving Diana towards the door of the scientist's office, which of course they'd magically made their way to, "Hey! What the-- Damn anime physics..."

Wheeljack looked up from where he'd been moping at his desk... the lights on the sides of his face flickered a bit when he saw who had entered.

"Eeehhh.... .eehhm... h-hello Wheeljack." Diana squeaked out.

"Diana..." he stood up.

'Crap crap crap crap think think think think!' the femme's brain was working as fast as it could and it was coming up with zip! Nada! Zero! El she felt screw-o-ed.

'Oh god... What does Dea do when she wants something from Jazz?? Ummmm....' Diana filed through her memories of Dea making a pouting face with big puppy dogs eyes at Jazz and the mech melting and giving in, "Worth a try..." she mumbled to herself, before lifting her head, clasping her hands together, and making the famous 'puppy dog' face at Wheeljack, "Wheeljack, can you help me with something? Plleeeeeeease?"

The scientist cleared his vocal processor before speaking, "What do you need help with?"

"I..uh.." Diana froze, and filed through her memories of Dea yet again trying to find inspiration.

She jerked forward, grabbing his hand before she had any idea of what she was going to do, "Come with me and I'll show you!" 'WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Diana shouted at her brain as she and Wheeljack bolted out of his office and down through the hallway.

Behind them, Dea crossed her arms with a smile and jerked her head towards the door, following which Stalker, Jazz and Zan entered, "Time to have fun."

Zan hopped in with a can of silly string clutched in his tail claw. He looked around and clapped his hands excitedly before doing Dea's bidding.

Meanwhile Diana finally had to stop running to cool her systems down. It seemed that they were a very basic shell... pretty to look at but as far as effectiveness went... they were delicate damsels.

And in Diana's case a damsel in distress.

"What was it you wanted help with?" Wheeljack asked, not even slightly heated.

"Gaaaaeeeee I ..... I.... uh..." Diana straightened up, "I nneed you tooooo..." she looked around and realized they were in the rec room, "SHOW ME HOW TO PLAY F.E.A.R.!" she nodded.

There was an awkward pause that followed, as Wheeljack was busy trying to process and link together Diana's frantic running with just wanting to learn how to play a video game, "Teach you to play F.E.A.R.?"

Diana nodded, "Yup, that is EXACTLY why we are here. In the rec room. To play F.E.A.R." She nodded a few more times for good measure, and tried to make a smile stay on her face despite the other type of 'F.E.A.R.' that was present in the room.

"Weren't you and Dea playing that game the other day?"

".....that was F.E.A.R. 1 this is F.E.A.R. 2.... and besides... i'm terrible at first person shooters..."

Not to mention this game is a horror game...' she thought. She couldn't stand these sorts of games.

"Isn't it the same concept as the first one?"

Diana started, "Aaah... no! COMPLETE change! I have NO idea what to do..."

"Really..." Wheeljack said, his voice betraying that he didn't believe her a bit.

'Crap! Dig yourself into a DEEPER hole why don't ya.... well.. this calls for the one thing I would normally never EVER do....' she thought to herself.

She closed her eyes and tackled Wheeljack into a tight hug, "Wheeljackie! This game is really scary and Dea won't play it with me! Can you please play it for me?" she whimpered cutely.

Wheeljack's face plates heated up at their contact and he fumbled to find words that fit into a coherent sentence, "Aaah, uuuggh... umm... weelll.. suuur..e.e.....sure, yeah uuuuhmm.... why... not?!?" the last word came out as a squeak, and Diana looked up when she felt herself falling forward.

"AAH!" Diana screamed as Wheeljack fell backwards, banging painfully on the floor. The femme quickly pulled herself off him, but came back to start poking the mech's shoulder, "Ooooh... I think I just broke him..."

"What happened to Wheeljack?!"

Diana nearly jumped out of her husk at Jetfire's voice at the door.

"Eeeuuhhmmm.... nothing!" she stood up and dusted herself off, "Absolutely nothing!" she tried to NOT squeak.

Jetfire crossed his arms, "So he's just taking a nap in the middle of the rec room then?"

"Yeah, pretty much..."

He stared at her for a little bit before shrugging, "Whatever. You know what's happening in Wheeljack's lab? I walked past and heard some evil laughter, but since he's in here I don't know who's in there messing around with what."

Diana frowned, "You didn't check?"

"Not my job."

She shrugged as well, "Okay then... Well, I've got to uh... go... check on Wheeljack's lab.. so... I guess I'll see you around..." Diana started to inch towards the exit, "And stuff."

Jetfire plucked Diana up from some sort of easy hook on her back.... Diana would call it a scruff bar.

"Are you... sure you don't know what happened to Wheeljack? He looks... a little singed around the audios."

"Positive."

"Liar."

Diana wished she could sweat like a human or something to relieve the stress short of kicking Dea's aft. What was she supposed to do when she was being called?!

"Look, I have business to attend to, so if you wouldn't mind releasing me..." Diana said in a business-y tone, crossing her arms while trying not to look like a pitiful kitten getting scolded. Jetfire arched an eye ridge, but put her down nonetheless, and the femme dusted herself off, "Thank you."

"Sure thing... But whatever happened to Wheeljack... It might just come around to bite you in the aft later," replied Jetfire, before stepping aside to let Diana pass, "So I hope you know what you're doing."

Diana smiled sheepishly and ran for her poor femme life!

She burst into Wheeljack's office... which looked like a clown had ran in and puked while destroying the entire place.

"Emm.... Dea?" she pushed aside the streamers hanging from the ceiling.

Dea's head peeked out from a large pile of toilet paper that was being stuffed into all of the drawers in Wheeljack's desk, "Yes?"

"We might have a problem..."

The red femme came around the side of the desk so that she stood next to Diana, "What do you mean?"

"I hugged Wheeljack and now he's broke and Jetfire is suspicious because he found broken Wheeljack on the floor and he might try to find out what happened..." Diana rushed out in a burst of air, slurring her words together.

Dea popped her hip out and crossed her arms, tilting her head as she followed a train of thought, "Well that is certainly going to make torturing the twins harder, but it's still doable."

From the corner of the room, where a mural of Wheeljack getting his butt kicked by Jazz was being painted, came a giggle from the silver Pontiac, "Doable..."

"Not the time Jazz honey," Dea said, shaking her head and sighing.

"Sorry..."

"Well what'll happen to me if Jetfire decides to pull official punishment on me for making their head scientist wig out?!" Diana asked the lieutenant.

"I doubt he can do much... you're not a soldier after all." Jazz assured her while he tried to get the toilet paper from between some of his joints.

"wweeeeeooooo!" Zan went swinging by on a streamer.

Dea nodded and turned to help Jazz with his TP problem, "Besides, we had permission from Ratchet to torture as we please."

"So long as we cleaned up our mess," Jazz added, and gave Dea a small kiss on her forehead as thanks for her help.

The maroon femme nodded, "Right. Which means, and this is me assuming you just left him there, we need to go get Wheeljack from the rec room. Oh! That way he can wake up to his beautifully redecorated office!!" Dea squealed in glee and jumped up and down a few times while clapping her hands, "Jazz, go hurry and drag him in here!"

"Fell asleep in a dream and wakes up in a nightmare... sheesh..." Jazz chuckled as he ran out to the rec room and started dragging Wheeljack back. Diana dragged on behind, suddenly feeling tired of all these games.

"Aha!"

Diana would've leaped and clung to the ceiling if she could have.

Jetfire stepped out of the shadows, "So I WAS right..."

"I'm a victim in this just as much as Wheeljack!..... Although... Wheeljack deserved it too...." Diana squeaked.

Jazz dropped Wheeljack's feet, looking to Jetfire with a solemn expression, "Just let her get it out of her system or your next."

"Who?!"

The Pontiac and Diana shared a look before replying in the same scared tone, "Dea..."

As if God decided to hate them that moment, said femme skipped down the hall towards the group, saw their lack of movement, saw Jetfire, and frowned, "What's a goin' on?"

Jazz glared at Jetfire in warning to play along if he liked his sanity, "Jetfire here offered to help me carry Wheeljack to his office."

Smiling, Dea steered Diana into Jetfire's arms - who squeaked at the contact with the mech - and said in a overly cheery tone, "That won't be necessary. Why don't you take Diana to get some energon? She's looking a little green around the gills, probably worried about poor Wheeljack here. But don't you fret, we're on our way to his office where he can take a little nap and sleep off the shock of whatever happened to the poor guy."

Her eyes shone with danger, and Jetfire caught onto it immediately. He wrapped an arm around Diana's waist subconsciously, steering her away from the lieutenant and his girlfriend. Once they were far enough away, the mech bent down low to Diana, "Is she always radiating that evil aura?"

"Only when you interfere," was Diana flat reply.

"Hey now I'm just looking out for my fellows."

"You can't win with Dea around... she finds SOME way to make you question your sanity." Diana sighed. Then she realized he was still holding her.

"Eh... you can let go now." she said, "We're out of the danger zone I think..."

Jetfire released his hold on her, "Oh, sorry..."

"Yeah... Anyway, it's really for the best if you just pretend that you saw nothing." Diana explained with a sigh, "You don't want to open that can of worms."

"You humans ingest worms?"

"Only in Hatchet and the movie."

"Ratchet???"

"Never mind..." Diana rubbed her face.

Jetfire shook his head, "I'm so confused..."

"It happens." Diana said, "Anyway, I guess we could really go get some energon. After all the running I've been doing I'm pretty dead tired right now..."

"Yeah, I could too," the mech replied, grateful for the conversation change.

A bit later Diana peeked into the storage area to make sure no one was there before jumping in and looking at the stacks of energon.

"So... which one is NOT high grade?" Diana asked, not wanting to get all tipsy. Dea would love to find out what being drunk like a Transformer would be like though.

"Those ones," informed Jetfire, jerking his hand toward a small pile a dull glowing energon cubes, "You should do fine on one of those," he said as he plucked up a high grade for himself.

"Mkay," came Diana's reply as she grabbed one of the cubes he'd pointed to.

Diana suddenly made a face after she'd ingested the energon. She looked at Jetfire with a wierd look in her optics, "Now look who's the -hic!- liar...." she leaned against the wall.

"Oh god, don't tell me..."

"OMIGOD JETFIRE I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!" Dea screeched as she pulled herself to a halt in the room. She saw Diana giggling at something the other two didn't see, "Oooh s**t."

Jetfire sighed and placed his head in his hand, "She's a lightweight, isn't she?"

"......yyeeeeaaah........"

"Wait how did you get here so fast?!" Jetfire gave her an accusing look, "You were spying on us weren't you!"

"...well... it doesn't take long to drag an unconscious Wheeljack to his office...."

The purple and black femme leaned against Jetfire with yet another Energon cube, "Thas not the 'alf of it... you should hear her -hic!- when shez talkin' 'bout makin' out with Jazz... mentioned somethin' about having a fou....foursome."

The mech arched an eye ridge at the maroon femme, who grinned in response, "It's true. You intersted? With her so far gone it'd be pretty easy."

"Heeeeey -hic- nuuuunna dat!" Diana glowered - or at least tried to - at the two of them before giggling again at something.

"Is it just me, or is she getting more drunk by the second?"

Diana looked at her cube and handed it to Dea, "Dun wan no mores..." she hung on Jetfire so that she wouldn't fall on the floor.

"So... what do you say Jetfire? We both have to lose it eventually!" Dea grinned that mischievous grin.

"Ehhhh...." It wasn't that it WASN'T tempting... but... Jetfire was a gentlemech for the most part...

"Hello Dea."

Dea nearly leaped out of her husk when she heard Optimus' voice. The femme was standing out in the hallway with the cube of high grade in her hands.

Thinking on her feet, Dea made a sobbing noise, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!" The shoved the cube of high grade at Jetfire, who was still trying to hold up Diana, "I told her the left side, and she went and grabbed a high grade! A HIGH GRADE!"

The femme slammed her hands against her thighs in anger, "This is freaking ridiculous, I don't even want to deal with her right now. OMG!" Dea stormed off, leaving Jetfire to stand with the intoxicated Diana and deal with Optimus.

"What's her problem?" the commander asked.

Jetfire managed a shrug, "Oooh, you know how femmes can be..."

"Yeah... sneaky..." Optimus eyed Jetfire, "YOU didn't happen to have anything to do with this, did you? I know Dea can... lure everyone to her cause."

He sighed in response, "I'm an innocent bystander lost in the sea of confusion that apparently is Dea..."

"Hmm..." Optimus hummed, "Well, just be careful. She's a tricky one..."

Jetfire waved a goodbye to his commander, "Will do."

"Jetfire!"

He looked down at Diana who seemed to have at least regained a tiny bit of composer, "Di I ever mentionz how hot you look as femme to mechs?" she huggled him close, straying a finger along his chest plate.

Due to lack of femme contact for Primus knows long, Jetfire couldn't stop the shudder that went down his system. Dea's head appeared from the door frame again with a grin, "Fooour soooome~!"

"Dea!" Jetfire hissed, "You're not helping me maintain composer!" his knees almost buckled when Diana kissed his cheek plate.

She giggled, "Yer funny when yer flustered!"

Dea produced a Cybertronian style camera, along with a boombox that, once Dea pressed the play button, blared out Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, and began taking pictures of Diana as she started dancing on Jetfire. The mech flung himself against the wall so that he wouldn't fall to the ground, but that only served to let Diana pin him against it, "Ooooh Primus save me..."

"Primus is a little busy at the moment, may I take a message?" asked Dea in a sweet operator tone, and clicked the camera a few more times when Diana decided to 'get down low.'

Jetfire pulled Diana up by her arms (which was difficult considering she was tipsy and floppy), "Dea! Stop that this instant!"

"Foooouuurrrrsssoooome~!" Dea sung as she snapped another picture of Diana giving Jetfire a nice intense kiss on the lips.

"Dea...?"

Said femme froze, turning her head slowly to the left and down until she saw a little black and green bot that would be Stalker. With a squeak, she slammed the door shut, blocking his view of Diana smothering Jetfire with hot passionate drunken Cybertronian love, and also trapping said mech with said femme and said love.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Dandy... Just fine!" she blurted out, smiling and trying to hid her camera from the little mech's sight, "How're you?"

Stalker raised an optic ridge, "What are you doing outside the energon storage area?" he ducked down, trying to see what she was so readily trying to keep him from seeing.

"Eehhh... I... thought it had a pretty glow is all." Dea laughed... then nudged him aside with her foot.

"Hey! I want some energon!"

"NO!"

He stared at her.

"Ehhh... because.... there's a spill in there! Yeah, and I still need to clean it up!"

"....is that techno music I hear in there?"

Dea suddenly remembered what this bot's function was... to spy. So of course his instruments would be super sensitive. At the moment she couldn't hear anything.

"Yeah, see I was having a dance party of one, so you know my boom box is still in there, but since I have to clean the spill anyway I just left it there so I could still have my dance party of one whilst I cleaned." Dea said in a rushed breath.

There was a moan - even audible to Dea - from the other side of the door, and the femme tried to suppress her laughter as she imagined what Diana could be doing to Jetfire to get such a sound to come from him, "Aaah, yeah I've got the weirdest songs... Haha, but it's a good beat so..."

"Dea..." Stalker warned, but the girl held her place in front of the closed door with her smile.

Something shifted on Stalker's head and after a second he made a 'WTF?!' look and shifted his head back to normal mode, "Dea... that.... doesn't sound like a dance party in there..." he tried to get past her again but of course couldn't. He glared up at her, "Dea! Get out of my way or SO help me I'll bite your foot!"

"I will stomp on you, QUITE QUESTIONING ME!!!" Dea yelled, angry that she was losing precious pictures to add to her blackmail file, "or so help ME I will make your life a living hell yet again!!!"

Stalker and Dea stared glowered at each for what seemed like WAY too long for Dea's blackmailing comfort.

At last Stalker walked away and around the corner.

Content with herself, Dea opened the door to see how the Jetfire/Diana situation was going, only to find Diana pinning Jetfire to the ground, straddling his hips with his hands pinned in one of hers above his head, "Ooooh yeah. This is SO perfect..."

The two were so absorbed into their...er... rough housing as it were, that they were oblivious to Dea's picture taking. And so absorbed into her picture taking was Dea, that she didn't even noticed Stalker creeping back - invisible of course.

"DEA BARR WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DIANA!!!!"

The red femme fell over since the bot had apparently climbed up to her shoulder and yelled in her audio.

Diana looked up at the noise, her smile suddenly gone. She flopped onto Jetfire as she tried to focus her over energized sensors on the unpleasant noise in the hallway.

"It's not my fault!!! SHE DRANK THE HIGH GRADE OF HER OWN FREE WILL!!!" Dea defended, picking herself up to sit Indian style, "I'm just using her embarrassment for my own gain!!"

Stalker glowered at her, "So you just let her throw herself at Jetfire instead of stopping her?!?!?"

"It was a chance for blackmail!!!"

"SO!?!?!"

There was a solemn silence as Dea deadpanned, "Um... Stalker... You've met me. Right?"

"Shut up....."

Diana watched them from where she lay on Jetfire, then an idea came into her head, "Heeeyyyy Stalker.... whyyyy don't you get an upgrade?"

"Upgrade?!" Stalker turned his angry optics on her.

She smiled at him with those droopy and suggestive eyes, "Yeah... ask Wheeljacks... so that you can... join us? -hic!-"

Not being able to slap a filter on her mouth, Dea grinned and shouted, "ROBOT ORGY!!!" before getting her head impaled with a cube of energon via Stalker.

Jetfire crawled out from under Diana since she was distracted, his frame weak from their 'play time'. He had to get out of there before-.

"Dea?"

Optimus had come back, and he was eying Jetfire suspiciously... but mostly eying Dea, "What's going on here?"

"I'm being abused for things that are out of my jurisdiction," was her curt reply before trudging down the hallway with a cartoon black cloud following her and drenching her with water.

"What the--"

"Upgrade upgrade!!!" sang Diana, managing to pick up Stalker and throw him up in the air and catching him, "Like the TAMPON COMMERCIAL!!!"

Stalker leaped from her hands and clung to a shaking Jetfire, "PURGE HER TANKS! This Diana is too weird!"

Optimus stopped Dea with a touch of her shoulder, "Easy Dea... I wasn't blaming you for starting things... just... not stopping them." he chuckled. Then he turned to Jetfire, "ESPECIALLY you... as second in command I'd expect more self discipline... especially with a young femme."

Jetfire held up his hands, "It wasn't me I swear!"

Jazz took the opportunity to enter the scene, still shaking off ropes from his person, "DAMMIT DEA! If you ever tie me up again I swear to Primus I'll--" the silver mech froze when he saw the scene before him; and angry Stalker, a depressed Dea, a flustered Jetfire, a tipsy Diana, and a confused Optimus, "What the hell happened?"

His gaze settled on Dea, which caused the femme to cry out again, "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!"

Diana held up her hand as she leaned against Jetfire again, "Nope... I picked up the wrrroooong energon cube cause I can't read -hic!- Cybertronian.... or know the differenceszzz between the gradez anyhoo... ssssooooo.... -hic!- ....hmmm.... Dea? Does this stuff make you playz out those dark fanatasiesss that nobudy is to know but yerself?" It seemed that Diana was starting to lose her buzz a little bit.

Dea paused, thought about it then shrugged, "I wouldn't know. I'm pretty intolerable to the stuff." Jazz nodded in agreement, then stopped himself when Optimus glared, "I mean, I'm sure it could... But I wouldn't know..."

She turned to look at Jazz, "You're a lightweight. Does getting drunk make you wanna pounce on me?" Jazz cleared his throat, and bent down low to whisper something in her ear, to which she just giggled, "That's not helping any!"

"I'm just saying!"

"Saying what?!?" inquired Optimus, but Dea waved away his question.

"Never mind that, me thinks it's time I get Diana to bed. Lord knows she's going to be hating herself in the morning..."

Optimus just shook his head, "Ok... you do that while I go talk to Wheeljack about turning you into femmes all the time... and YOU..." he pointed at Jetfire, "Go take a cold shower and we'll have a talk about proper behavior." He sighed again and noticed a mopey Stalker on the floor.

"Don't worry, Stalker, this will all settle once they're human again."

Stalker grumbled, "You say that, but you know it's going to only get worse from here... What if she likes being that sized?!? Primus knows Dea seems to..."

At her name, Dea lit up with a grin, but shifted her attention to making sure Diana and she didn't fall over.

Stalker chased after the femme, "Give me that camera you femme you!"

Diana - fully passed out by now - didn't even wake when Dea dropped her to the floor so that she could flee the smaller mech, holding onto her camera for dear life.

"It's been a long day..." said Optimus with a sigh, "A looong day..."


	10. Chapter 10

So… after much anticipation…we've finally got the next chapter of crack up for you. Lol sorry and thank you for your patience, life sort of caught up with us and we forgot about the role play for a while. Thanks to Death1991 review for reminding us how happy our crack makes you guys happy.

So hence! Enjoy this unedited crack! I was too lazy to edit but it's crack so who cares 8D

CHAPTER TEN~!

Booting up to a transformer's version of a hangover was perhaps worse than a human hang over... not that Diana would know that. Dea might. But not Diana.

Either way her headache pounded her into submission to the darkness of her berth where she hid underneath the covers to block the light from the windows.

"What the hell happened...." Diana whimpered, only now facing the disappointment of realizing she was still Wheeljack's visualization of a femme. She curled up into a self pity ball and tried to go back to sleep.

The sound of her door opening caused Diana to glare from under her covers, her optics glinting with mild anger, "What?"

Dea rolled her eyes and shoved something towards her, "Drink up. Ratchet made it special for you."

"Why?"

"Because if I RAISE MY VOICE LIKE THIS!!!" Diana winced and retreated under her covers, her hands covering her ears to try and stop the ringing. The maroon femme paused to let her point get across before continuing in the whisper she'd had before, "You get a massive headache." Dea wiggled the cube of stuff around, "Hangover cure. Transformers style."

Carefully Diana sipped the concoction and half way through her aches and pains started to recede, "What the hell happened... the last thing I remember I was trying to distract Wheeljack... then I was trying to distract Jetfire.... then I blacked out." she fidgeted, the femme didn't like not remembering such big chunks of time.

Likewise, Dea fidgeted. That caused Diana some alarm, "Not much. You kinda went on a dancing spree, did the monkey, cabbage patched, some really stupid looking seventies dancing..." Diana made a flat 'hm' sound, not believing her friend one bit, "Then you might have said somethings, but I'm not quite sure. I wasn't there for the most of it."

"...."

"What?"

"Why am I having a REALLY hard time believing you." Diana sipped her drink.

Dea grinned, "My reputation means nothing in this case!"

"Hardly..." Diana massaged her head from her friend's high squeaky voice.

"Alright, I will leave you to your napping." Dea said as she slinked back out into the hallway. Once the door was closed, she giggled to herself and skipped down the corridor to were Jazz was waiting for her - the two were going to be on a date.

Behind the door, Diana closed her eyes and pressed at her temple before throwing the covers back over her head, "I'll deal with it once I feel better."

"How did Wheeljack take it?"

"You didn't hear the scream he made when he woke up?" Jazz asked.

"I was wondering why the ground shook and my ears felt like they were going to crack... gee... his scream is worse than mine." she laughed.

She wrapped her arms around one of Jazz's and the two started for the entrance of the base, "Why are we going on a date again?"

"Because!" Dea said, then looked up at Jazz, who was giving her the 'you better give me a better answer than that' look, "Because I don't want to be around when Wheeljack tries to come and find me." She giggled nervously, thinking that Jazz would stop them and make her face her punishment.

Jazz heaved his shoulders in a shrug, "As long as you have a reason."

"YAY!"

~Few Hours Later.

Diana's door opened and the groggy looking femme stumbled out. She leaned heavily the wall wondering what sort of party was thrown. She slouched along, intent on finding Ratchet for more of that concoction.

Diana pulled to a stop and frowned, finding the path directly in front of her blocked by the body of a mech. Her head lifted up, and she registered mild fear when she saw it to be Wheeljack. However, her fear subsided when she noticed that the scientist was to angry to be turned on by her appearance at the moment, "Did you help Dea destroy my lab?!"

"Her words are she redecorated, and I was off being drunk somewhere," Diana responded. Wheeljack huffed, then paused to register was she'd just said, but Diana had already taken the energy needed to walk around the mech and continue towards where ever the hell Ratchet was.

"Drunk??"

"Don't ask... I don't know." Diana mumbled as she fumbled along. Wheeljack blinked a few times and decided that Diana was just somehow another victim.

The door to Ratchet's lab opened, and Diana stumbled through, holding her head with one hand, and the door jam with the other. Ratchet raised an eye ridge, "Need more hangover cure?"

"I do, and I'm not even going to wonder how you know it works," Diana said, the image of Ratchet with a hangover making her want to laugh, which she knew would worsen her headache.

Ratchet shrugged and handed her a cube, "Experience."

"That's what I just told you not to tell me! Jeez, don't you listen?" the femme whined as she sat down and sipped at the concoction.

"What did I miss while I was out cold?" Diana asked.

"Wheeljack woke up in a nightmare. I must say... Dea 'redecorates' worse than the twins!" Ratchet's laugh just made the purple and black femme cringe at the loud sound.

"Yeah... I've seen it..."

"Yes, and I heard about your...uh... dancing." The last part was said with a smothered snicker, and Diana once again felt like she wasn't getting the whole story.

She nodded anyway, and played along, "Mmm. Dea told me about it. I was doing the monkey and what not apparently." Ratchet's laughter, besides making her cringe, told her that Dea had lied to her.

Diana gave Ratchet 'THE look'.

"What?"

"You are what's what."

"Pardon?" Ratchet asked.

"No you're not pardoned! Where's Dea's blackmail folder?!" Diana growled.

Ratchet blinked, "Her blackmail... Do you think if I knew the answer to that, that she'd still be able to blackmail ME?!"

Diana mulled that over, "Good point. Fine, then I'll settle for blackmailing you into telling me what I REALLY did last night!"

The medic snicker yet again, "Like I said, you did some dancing. I just never mentioned that you weren't alone."

Diana perked up at this, "What?"

"I can't say..."

"I didn't bump and grind with Wheeljack did I??" Diana moaned.

Rachet coughed, "Had an accent," Cough. Cough.

Diana froze, as a list of all the mechs with accents went through her head. Slowly she remembered the last mech she'd been with before she'd blacked out, "JETFIRE?!?!?!?!?"

The entire base heard Diana's scream of embarrassment.

When several came running to see what had happened, they found Ratchet kneeling in front of Diana trying to coax her out since she was hiding under a table in the very corner.

"Waaah! Stalker must be so mad at me!" Diana sobbed, "And Dea has the power now! It's not fairrrr!" she rambled.

"Hey hey it's not all bad." Ratchet attempted to comfort her.

Diana smacked his hand away and glared, "Really. Oh, then PLEASE enlighten me on HOW THE FRAG it can be better? HMMM?!?!?" The medic backed up a few paces and looked around the room, "Uh-huh, that's right, IT REALLY IS THAT BAD!!!"

"Uuhh.... I think I should go get Sparkle now..." Ratchet said, still backing slowly out of the room from the now deranged Diana.

Ratchet made sure everyone left with him so that Diana didn't have anyone to spit more anger at. It was a couple hours later before Diana was approachable and only by the femmebots. Diana knew Dea wouldn't reveal the location of the party evidence unless she gave her a VERY good reason to. That was going to be hard to find considering her nature...

Zan ran by and hopped onto her knee, holding up they keycard to the captives cages, "beep boop! bweeeep!" he hopped up and down excitedly, pointing at the door with the keycard.

"What is it?" Diana followed the monkeybot to the place where Frenzy and Barricade... where at least supposed to be. The femme only saw an annoyed looking Frenzy.

"Zan you let the Cade kitty out?!"

"no." he shook his head.

"The Cade Kitty escape?!?!" Diana yelped, picking her feet up as if there was a mouse in the room or something, "Cripes!" She bent down low to Zan and gave the drone a serious look, "Zan, I need you to help me look for Cade-Kitty. If anybody finds out that he's missing we're going to be in big trouble, okay?"

The little drone beeped in confirmation and saluted. The femme giggled, and patted Zan on the head before standing up and walking from the room to start her own search. Once the door was closed, Zan turned to look at Frenzy.

"Nu-uh. I'm not telling you were he went. I don't want to be involved with that idiot's idea of revenge." The attachment said with a sneer, "Friggin' moron."

Zan folded his arms and glared, twitching his tail a bit. Then he left through one of the vent shafts. A short time later he came back with a strange looking device barely big enough to fit in the palm of Frenzy's hand... although the drone had to use two to carry it.

"Whatchya gonna do?? Poke me till I confess?" Frenzy snickered.

Zan took the device in his tail claw and stuck it through the cage bars and poked Frenzy. The electrical jolt surprised Frenzy because it didn't hurt... it rather... tickled?

When Zan saw that his device was doing its job, he jabbed Frenzy with it again, and the small silver mech squeaked in a giggle. Frenzy clamped a hand over his mouth and glared, "What did you just do?" He yelled, but it came out muffled due to his hand, so Zan poked him again, getting another squeak from Frenzy.

Zan stroked his chin, then blinked, "BOOP!" Dea's energon that she'd blackmailed Wheeljack into creating for her! Of course!! That would be the perfect way to take revenge.

Of course, the poor little drone wasn't allowed to have any of the stuff. Something about drones on a sugar high being a bad thing, but he did understand how addicted the red femme was.

With a leap, hop and a skip the drone scampered through his secret pathways through the walls and eventually ended up in Dea's room underneath her bed where she kept her stash. He ignored the box labeled 'good stuff' and went straight behind it.

He hit his head when he jumped in surprise to see that all but one was missing.

This wasn't a very good sign...

Zan scuttled back out from under her bed and looked around. The little kitty bot couldn't have gotten too far if he was trying to carry all of those cubes with him, so Zan would just have to think. If he was feeling petty and wanted to hide some energon cubes, where would he go?

Scratching his noggin, the drone beeped in frustration. If it was him, he'd hide it with the oranges in the fruit box. But that was him, and he was pretty certain that the Decepticon kitty was going to be thinking along different lines.

Zan ran back into the vent system, the conversations of the Autobots from all over echoing through this maze.

Where would a Decepticon go...

He stopped and slapped his forhead.

All this thinking was giving him a headache! Whatever happened to just being cute and being the handy drone??

Splat.

Zan perked up.

A mess had been made somewhere.

Zan followed his gut, making a few lefts and rights until he came into the lunch room. Hm, so maybe the Cade Kitty was thinking the same way he was--Oop. No... No, he was knocking green glowing cubes of Mountain Dew energon from the Transformer sized counter tops to the floor, creating a nice little pool of green that the Decepticon was currently sliding in for maximum mess coverage, "Bewoop!"

"GAH!" Barricade yelped, skidding in the green liquid before coming to a stop, "Oh...Primus, it's just the little drone." Ignoring Zan, the kitty bot once again started sliding in the energon, making sure to smack the counter tops with sticky paws and write 'Revenge is sticky' in Mountain Dew energon on the floor.

Zan just stared at the petty revenge the Decepticon toaster bot was making all over the kitchen.

Barricade leaped onto the counter to push the last few cubes onto the floor and that's when he noticed something odd.

The monkeybot was standing majestically like... oh what was that human hero's name.... oh yes... superman. The drone was standing with his chest puffed up, a red handkerchief tied around his neck and blue undies with what looked like a pink heart on the front of them.

Barricade would've felt his jaw unhinge and drop to the floor if it weren't for the fact that the stupid drone wasn't alone.

All of his maintenance buddies in the area were at his side. All of them glaring up at the culprit that had messed up the kitchen.

"What the--"

"BEWOOOOOOP!!!!!"

At Zan's battle cry - at least Barricade was going to go ahead and assume it was a battle cry - the drone and his fellow maintenance bots launched themselves at the Decepticon like little cute cannons of adorable doom, leaving Barricade to have that 'jaw unhinge and fall to the floor' feeling again before he leaped out of the way.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!" Barricade shouted in response as he bolted from the cafeteria, the little drones already in hot pursuit.

Did he feel like an idiot?

Yes. Dear Primus, yes. He felt more like an idiot than he could have ever possibly imagined he could - even rivaling the time he had lost a bet with Blackout and had to wear femme armor for a week. He felt like a petty moronic imbecile doomed to be ridiculed for the rest of his unnaturally long - in human standards - life.

Did he even give a slag?

Not in the slightest.

Which is probably why he was still screaming as he ran down the hallway away from the horde of maintenance drones that followed in his wake.

Optimus was about to step out in the hallway to take a break from pushing papers when he stopped in midstep to avoid a chrome black bot running for his life from.... a horde of cleanup drones???

The batch of drones led by Zan beeped a battle song (Optimus thought) as they ran the toaster bot down.

Barricade slid around the next corner Grand Theft Auto style (somehow) and scrambled to stay ahead of the angry mob.

However he made the mistake of looking back to gauge his distance and this made him run into the next leg that was in the way.

Perceptor yelled in surprise when he suddenly had dozens of drones gathered all around his ankle trying to get at something.

Zan leaped on top of the pile waving a little flag of victory.

Silence reigned over the hallway as heads turned to look at the dog pile of drones as they un-dog piled themselves and started dragging away a very unhappy looking kitty bot by its tail. Once the brigade was gone, everyone resumed what they were doing, having learned soon enough - all thanks to Dea and Diana - that went something strange happened it was best to just ignore the problem and hope that it'll go away.

Zan sat with his legs crossed on a pillow nibbling on a low grade goodie meant for drones. All of the drones were keeping a very close optic on Barricade as he mopped up the mess from the mountain dew energons.

Grumbling, Barricade looked over at said drone, who did the "I'm watching you." thing with his hand, "Friggin' drones with their friggin' OCD and their friggin' annoying-ness and their friggin' rules cuz of those friggin' Autobots and that friggin' human girl." He resumed his mopping - which was really just a couple of rags that the drones had tied to his paws, "Friggin' friggin'."

"beepooooo!" another drone smacked Barricade on the head and pointed at a spot he'd missed.

"Stupid glitch!" Barricade tried to hit the drone but missed and all of the energon splattered everywhere one drop ended up in Zan's mouth since he'd been about to eat another goodie. The drone stiffened up with a face like he'd just eaten a lemon (pardon the human metaphor) and then he took off, his systems overloaded with energy.

"Awe slag..." Barricade whined, "I'm going to get blamed for that..."

Dea skipped on in with her happy looking boyfriend (no not the satisfied happy just the regular happy....).

"This calls for a drink!" Dea ran to get her special energon... then found that only one cube of it was left. The stuff was particularly hard to replicate and Wheeljack had said he'd only make one batch because it took so much energy. And now that Wheeljack was pissed at her....

Jazz cocked his head happily (the 'Ooooo lookit that aft' kind of happy) but frowned when he heard a growl come from his girlfriend, "Um, Dea?"

"Someone touched my Dew. And now I can't get anymore because Wheeljack is mad at me." She righted herself and turned to look up at Jazz from the floor, "Whoever did this is a dead man."

The Pontiac tried to hold his tongue and failed, "You mean mech."

"HUMAN EXPRESSION!" She said with a yell and smacked the lieutenant's head, "Get with the program! Jeez."

"Right... human in heart till the end." Jazz smiled at his fuming femme. Her being angry was actually kind of hot....

There was a high pitched '' as a blur zipped into the room and ran circles around the two.

Dea watched the speeding blur until a brain child hit her in the face, "I know this level of hyper-ness...... HE'S HAD MOUNTAIN DEW!"

"He had what?!?" Jazz yelled, trying to catch the little drone, "Wait, how do you even--......Know what, never mind."

It was about three hundred more laps before the drone had finally expelled the energy. He crashed to a stop and plopped there, content with just slumping there with his blue undies and hanky. His expression was that of a sugar junkie after the crash.

Dea sighed and scooped up the little drone into her arms, "Poor little guy... Wasn't ready for the crash..." She shook her head in heartfelt sadness - that fact alone making Jazz raise an eye ridge - and placed the drone on her bed, "Never saw it coming..."

"Zan? Do you know who took my Dew? Cause you know no one's allowed to touch my Dew." Dea asked.

"wooo..." he went into sleep mode.

Suddenly the two heard a strange noise outside.... a lot of loud beeps and squeaks as a mass of maintenance drones marched by with a kitty Decepticon tied up with duct tape being dragged behind them.

"Why that sneaky little--"

"DEA You're not allowed to destroy anymore of the base!!"

"FOR THE DEEEEWWWW!!!"

Ratchet worried about whiplash as he yanked his head around toward the loud yells coming from around the corner behind him. Thinking it wise for his health if he pretended he heard nothing, the medic crept along, hugging the walls, all the while hoping nobody would ask him about the noise, or what he was doing for that matter.

Frenzy watched as a dented, scratched up and absolutely humiliated Barricade was dropped back into his cage by a satisfied looking Dea. She dusted off her hands and strutted on out.

"Backfired huh?" Frenzy smirked.

Barricade just glared, which was received with a chuckle from Frenzy, "Oooo so touchy. What, did I rub your fur the wrong way?"

"I'm contemplating the pros and cons of your death as we speak."

~Elsewhere.

"MY OFFICE!!" Wheeljack screamed.

"Revenge a la Dea." the femme said smoothly from where she sat on the rec room couch snuggling with Jazz.

"....MY.... office...."

"Yyyeeesss?"

"WHY?!"

"Because you turned us into this hot stuff without our permission." Dea nodded.

"And that's reasonable?" Wheeljack questioned irritably.

Dea heaved her shoulders in a shrug before snuggling herself further into Jazz's arms, "Like divine retribution." Wheeljack opened his mouth to object, but couldn't come up with anything and promptly closed it, "See? There's no resisting my logic, my dear boy--

"I'm a mech--"

"--so it's best if you just let it wash over you like the mind killing plague that it is." Dea finished as if she hadn't been interrupted.

The scientist, along with the femme's boyfriend, looked at Dea with a look that comprised of confusion, a little bit of fear, and bewilderment. She looked from one face to the other, "What?"

"Did you just refer to your logic as a mind killing plague?"

"What, you really thought that I could come up with the plans I do with a fully functioning brain?!" Dea huffed and crossed her arms, "I don't know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment."

All of them looked up when the door opened and Diana walked in. She glanced at them... then looked away and sat on the far side of the room by herself to watch television.

Dea wiggled herself from Jazz's grip, "Awwwe... Someone is being EMO~~!"

"Someone is holding blackmail on me~!" Diana retorted in a sarcastic happy tone as she flipped through the channels, "Again."

The red femme rolled her eyes in response, turned and whispered something to Jazz, who promptly started to laugh hysterically while he nodded. Dea grinned back and turned to look at Diana, who was looking suspiciously at her.

The couple stood, and waltzed happily over to her - Jazz on her right and Dea on her left. Her neck craned backwards to look at the two, she saw the two of them grin at each other before bending down low, "BOTHA BOTHA BOTHA BOTHA!!!"

"GAAAAH!!!!" screamed Diana, leaping up from the couch and bounding for the door, "NO PUPPET PAL REFERENCES DAMMIT!"

"Aw come on it's fun to botha!" Dea chased her sulking friend out of the rec room.

"Leave me alone damn it!" Diana yelled, "I want a day to sulk!"

"YOU CAN NEVER SULK!" Dea said as she continued to give chased via skipping slowly along as Diana stormed through the hallways.

"ARGH!" Diana cried, throwing her hands up in the air with frustration, "You are so hard to deal with when I want to sulk."

Dea skip a beat, before starting her skipping back up, "You expected differently?"

A pause.

"No..."

"Then... NO COMPLAINING!"

"QUIT WITH YOUR NONSENSE RULES!"

There was a snicker in the backround and Diana turned to glare at the snicker-er and realized that it was Jetfire. A few sparks lit up her helm and she took off in the opposite direction.

Dea watched as her amusement bolted down the hall, turned to look at Jetfire, then walked back towards the rec room, suddenly disinterested with the current situation.

In the rec room only for adult (or should we say mature) Autobots, Elita sat at the bar twirling her energon with a finger, her chin resting on the other. It had been so long since she'd seen her handsome one and only. He'd been so busy dealing with human politics and yadda yadda works that they'd hardly spent any time together this past week. The femme heaved a huge sigh and drank her high grade.

"What's cookin' good lookin'?" a voice said from behind the femme, and Elita swiveled her body to see Sparkle standing behind her with an amused expression, "You look a little down in the dumps, as the humans say."

She seated herself on the stool next to Elita, who sighed, "It's nothing. Mech problems, nothing to concern yourself with." There was a pregnant pause on Elita's part while Sparkle was busy setting herself up with a high grade, "Awe, who am I kidding, I miss Optimus!" The last part came out as a childish whine, causing the femme to blush from embarrassment.

"I can understand your pain now." Sparkle downed her high grade, "Ratchet gets really busy and cranky from work and then he doesn't want to do anything because he's too tired." she huffed.

Elita drained her high grade, slamming the cube down onto the bar, huffing, "What should I do?!"

"You're asking ME that?? The newly wed??" Sparkle folded her arms and thought a moment, "Hmmm.... go have sex with him while he's at work? I read in a human magazine that that always spices up the relationship... you know... the.... 'danger' of getting caught?" she shrugged, "I dunno though... it's from a human relationship column."

Elita's flushed face increased tenfold, "You want ME, a distinguished commander of the femmebot corps, to go have SEX in my mech's OFFICE?!?"

"HEY! It's just a suggestion! No need to get all huffy about it," Sparkle yelped in defense, leaning away from the other femme.

However, Elita was following that train of thought - although a little bit unwillingly - and was liking where it was going, "Actually..."

"Oh you can't be serious..."

Elita's smirk told Sparkle that she wasn't.

"Elita! That was just a suggestion! From a human publishing at that!" she started to sip her next bit of high grade. She was so glad the bartender at the moment was just a drone.

"Do you and Ratchet want to join us?"

Sparkle's systems seized in the middle of swallowing.

As if by anime magic - oh yes, it strikes again - Dea's head appeared between the two, "Did I just hear about a foursome?!" The head was yanked back, and the two turned slowly to watch a perturbed Jazz - who was busy mumbling about perverted girlfriends - dragging Dea out of the bar by her upper arm, while the young femme was kicking her legs and screaming, "BUT I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE FOURSOME~!! JAAAAZZ!!!!!"

Elita turned slowly back to face her drink, "Is there anything stronger than high grade?"

Sparkle stopped hacking her own and grabbed Elita's cube and gave it a squeeze. It's light intensified along with it's contents, "There... *cough* that's the grade my kind drink... if you really want to test it. Miss i'll never break rules." she coughed some more. She'd only just started getting used to Ratchet... Elita's invitation was way beyond anything she'd ever thought of.

Elita downed it without hesitation, suddenly feeling very warm and fuzzy, "You know, I think you're on to something though. If I want him, I should have him. He's my mech, right?" She didn't wait for the still coughing Sparkle to reply, "Right! I should just go up and LAY ONE ON HIM!"

"You know, you're starting to sound like Dea..." Sparkle said through a cough.

Elita grabbed Sparkle around the shoulder, "You've got to ignore the rules once in a while right? So does Sparkle and Ratchet want to join me?" she drew a little circle on the red femme's chest plate. Sparkle blushed hard and pulled the femme off of her, "I don't think I can."

"Psh." Elita scoffed, pushing herself off the stool, "You're no fun. Fine, I'll go have fun by myself!" She paused and giggled, "Well not by MYSELF myself, but myself not with you myself!"

More giggles followed that statement on Elita's part and Sparkle felt her eyes roll, "More and more like Dea every second..." Then the stumbling made gears click in her mind, and she bolted forward towards the other femme, "HOLD IT! You're freaking drunk!"

"Hmm... Maaabye I aaam..... Maaaybe I'm not! Whoooo knows? IIIIIII KNOOOOOW!"

"Oh Primus why did I have to enhance your high grade!" Sparkle took Elita by the wrist, "At least while your not drunk femme!" she pulled the tipsy but still rather strong Elita and started dragging her toward the bar again where she knew some coolant was.

"NU-UH I DUN'T WANNA!" Elita yelled, managing to yank her arm free. With what sobriety the femme had left, she fled from the room at top speed, heading for where ever would keep her from losing the awesome high that she was currently on.

Sparkle fanned out her wingblades which started glowing and she pushed off the ground. Levitating was much faster than running anyway.

"Get back here femme!"

"NEVAR!!"

Somehow the halls were void of mechs as the two sped through the base.

Ratchet sighed, looking at his clipboard. Annual physical checkups where the worst few days of his life as he called a name and glanced up, looking at what seemed like a never ending line of mechs.

All he wanted to do was snuggle with Sparkle.

...

Okay, MAYBE get a little frisky. What? He was a mech in perfect physical condition and at the prime of his life, so why wouldn't he want to get a little action every now and then? WHY DID HE HAVE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO YOU!!! Oh wait, he didn't... My bad.

Ratchet blinked, before shaking his head and entering his office again, "I need to take a vacation after this...to Antarctica."

Ratchet decided he wanted to take five and slid out his side door to have a short walk to clear his mind. It was then that he heard a giggle that he hadn't heard since he'd first met Optimus.

Elita went running by, pink as a rose as Sparkle flew by trying to catch up to the overenergized femme.

"Elita! You're taking a cold shower whether you like it or not!" Sparkle gave one last burst of speed and tackled the femme to the ground.

As a natural urge to protect herself, Elita bucked up, trying to get Sparkle off of her, "NO!" She screamed, bucking again, and managing to spin herself around so that she could grab at Sparkle's hands and keep the femme from pinning her, "I DON'T WANT TO! I WANT TO GO HAVE HOT SEX WITH OPTIMUS!"

The entire line of mechs that stood staring slackjawed at the classic catfight... er... femmefight that would normally never happen with such a graceful duo.

You might say they all (if they were human anime people) got a nosebleed. A few of the older ones just nudged each other with their elbows and chuckled at the commander's urges.

A sudden whistling sound filled the air and the entire line of mechs toppled over like dominos after Ratchet threw his wrench, "Anyone DARE keep watching and they'll be reprogrammed thinking they're a femme but still with mech parts!" the doctor snarled.

Everyone lined back up and did their best to stay at attention.

Ironhide chuckled from his place on the check up berth, "Looks like Elita finally lost it." he put his armor back on while Ratchet prepared for the next bot.

Sparkle was still wrestling with the equally strong femme on the floor and finally restorted to having her snakelike drone wrap around and hold Elita down. She then took Elita by the ankles and dragged her whining aft all the way out.

Elita crossed her arms, "You're just pissy because Ratchet don't have time for you no more. So you're not getting any."

"If you start sounding anymore like Dea I swear to Primus you are going to regret it." Sparkle warned the other femme in a dangerous tone, but Elita just rolled her eyes and giggled, "That's it. SHOWER TIME!"

In the shower stall Elita was sobbing hysterically as her high was lost in the icey cold water. She was still drunk, but she was no longer warm and fuzzy.

"Stop your sobbing you're a grown femme! Sheesh.... that's the last time I give ANYONE the high grade I drink...." Sparkle sighed in exasperation since she had to stay in the stall too to hold Elita down.

Dea popped magically into the room again (Sparkle: HOW THE HELL?!?) and clicked her tongue, "Such a lightweight."

"Oh? And you have something to compare her sorry state to?" Sparkle rebutted, just daring the young femme to come out and say that she'd gotten drunk. Not that they had any age laws like the humans did, but a young one such as herself getting drunk was still not a thought she enjoyed.

Dea, however, rolled her eyes, "Please. This is nothing compared to getting high on Mountain Dew, pixie stix and chocolate frosting with girl scout thin mints." Sparkle blinked at the human analogy, "Shit, even YOU'D have a hard time not acting like a freaking kid on speed after consuming all that in one sitting."

"You're right my systems would crash about fifteen minutes later.... if you compare it properly." Sparkle sighed, "Dea... my high grade is way too strong compared to the Transformer's." she shrugged and looked at Elita who seemed to be sobering up a little. Still tipsy but not as ready to go on a rampage of sex urge.

"So?"

"Nevermind." Sparkle helped Elita stand up.

"Hmm... offer still stands. We can trick our mechs." she giggled... then yelped when Sparkle thrust her head back into the spray. Steam was still coming off her armor from the energon flowing through her systems.

Dea, losing interest in something before her yet again, wandered away just as Sparkle turned around to ask for the the young femme's help carrying Elita to her room, "What the--? That little bitch..."

Unbeknown to Saprkle, Dea had just gotten distracted by the shine of Ratchet's armor as he walked past looking for said older femme, "Daddy!" Dea said, latching onto his arm, "Momma and Gramma are getting hot and heavy in the shower talking about foursomes." She released him, and skipped down the hallway, pleased with her meddling for the day.

Ratchet stood in the hallway, stark still, processing Dea's words, "Hot...and heavy.... Shower?" His voice cracked slightly on the last word, "FOURSOME!?!" His optics flickered, and the mech fell with a heavy bang to the floor, causing surprised for the twins who were coming out of the men's shower.

"Ah! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!"

"Where?!" Sparkle came running out and saw her mech on the floor. She eyed him, then turned and walked back in the showers, "He's fine."

"How can she be so sure??" Sideswipe asked.

"Her scanners ARE more powerful..."

The twins stared at the unconscious doctor. Then both got an evil grin on their face.

Upon returning to their abandoned shower stalls Sunny asked, "What do you think Rachet was meaning by foursome?" His brother put his stash of transformer sized sharpies away in his pocket.

"Usually that means something sexual but meh." they continued washing the suds off.

- - - - -

Elita glared daggers into Sparkle's back as water slid from her polished body and dripped onto the floor, "Was the shower really necessary?"

"I could have hit you. I hear that works really well."

The femme huffed, crossing her arms which caused more water droplets to fling from her frame, "Fine... Reasonable exchange."

"Wait," Sparkle pulled to a stop, "Are you saying you prefer the shower or getting punched?"

"Shower."

"From now on your high grade is considered contraband."

"Yes ma'am." Sparkle smirked, thinking Ratchet was going to be such a grumpy bot when he found that out.

"Did I do anything stupid while I was sluggish?"

"Sluggish... yeah." Sparkle blushed.

"Great... now I'm going to have to reestablish a lot of things among the soldiers." Elita sighed heavily rubbing her neck.

"I think Ratchet took care of that problem."

There was curiosity from Elita that followed Sparkle's statement, but she felt it best for her sanity if she didn't ask the question poised on her tongue. Instead, she directed their attention to something, or rather someONE, else, "So what about you and Ratchet? Are you going, oh what did you say earlier... Have sex in the office?"

Sparkle would have choked on her spit if Transformers had an actual saliva substance, but her breath still caught in her throat, sending her into another fit of coughs, "ELITA!"

"What?!" Elita asked with a sly grin, "I don't see why not?

Sparkle was tempted to grab the commander and shove her back into the shower stall but decided against it since she was partially sober now. The was after all, a flyer and not a hand to hand combat specialist like the groundlings.

"Ok I admit the idea is tempting but.... I'm too embarrassed to try it." the red femme sighed.

Elita chuckled, "Embarrassment is something you're going to have to get over eventually, or you'll never get around to doing anything fun." She clapped the red femme on the shoulder and grinned.

Sparkle grinned back, "You were a trouble maker when you were younger weren't you?"

"As the human song goes, my milkshake brought all the mechs to the yard."

Sparkle was trying to decide if her respect meter just went lower or was just frozen in place by what Elita had just done.

"Right... well... anyway... have fun."

The pink femme giggled and bade her companion farewell. Sparkle continued on aimlessly until she realized she had stopped in front of Ratchet's office, "Ho shit!"

Elita wobbled a bit but steadied herself by placing a hand on the wall. That high grade had definitely gone down smooth though... good stuff. She saw Optimus leave his office up ahead talking to Perceptor and looking at some paperwork. The mechs disapeared down the hall.

'I really shouldn't...' she thought.

Maybe she was still a little bit too buzzed, but the next thought that flew through her mind spurred her forward and sneaked her into Optimus's office, where she perched herself on his desk, leaning backward onto the palm of her hands.

_What would Dea do?_

Dea would have her man, whether he was expecting it or not, because SHE wanted him. And that was just the line of thinking that Elita was in at the moment. Dammit, she wanted time with Optimus, and she'd take it by force if she had to.

About thirty minutes later Optimus returned with a few more datapads than he'd left with. The door opened and the site that greeted him was more than enough to cause him to drop his load in shock, "E-Elita?? What are you doing here??"

"Hmm... I wonder whyyy..." she said in a suggestive tone, as if her sitting there wasn't enough.

The leader cleared his throat and picked up his datapads, "Elita I have one last-." he glanced around when she used the control at his desk to shut the door.

"Nuh uh... you... me... now."

~Later

Prowl was seen walking in to the Prime's office and barely a second later he walked right back out. He coughed a bit and then just stood there at attention to make sure they weren't bothered. Although he was bothered. He did NOT need to see that.

OOO

Light: …. You know what?

Mai: what?

Light: I just realized something.

Mai: what'd you just realize?

Light: we intended to torture optimus in this chapter and we tortured elita instead.

Mai: crap… you're right! Damn it!

Light: what the hell he has like… an aura of anti torture or something this is the third time we've tried to torture him!

Mai: we need help…

Light: indeed we do… Optimus has evaded torture long enough! So readers… if you have an idea 8D please don't hesitate to pitch!


End file.
